S/O: What aspect of YOUR parenting do you have to defend the most?

shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
Mine:
~Not co-sleeping
~Stopping breastfeeding at 6 weeks or so.
~My rules about sugary foods & drinks (Why do people always wanna feed my kid junkfood?)
~His lovies- I am not gonna take it away from him. They make him feel secure and that helps him sleep so well. It's win-win and isn't hurting him a bit.
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
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Comments

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Curl Connoisseur Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Probably homeschooling. It was really controversial (especially to my mother) that I homeschooled.

    "Coddling" my extremely shy daughter was another controversy. She was debilitatingly, parallyzingly shy as a toddler/young child and couldn't even function in a crowd, and I got all sorts of advice on how I should just chuck her into difficult situations to toughen her up rather than allowing her to be who she was and protecting her. Basically, I was told she should "cry it out". I stuck to instincts and did it my way, and she came out of most of her shyness on her own. She's still shy to some extent, but no more than other normal people.

    My mother didn't like my homebirth plans either. She did everything she could to prevent it. I did it anyway.
  • sariroosariroo Curl Neophyte Posts: 1,958Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Pacifiers...I get comments from a lot of people like, "You let your baby have a pacifier???" but it is said in this tone like I'm the worst mother on earth. I guess I didn't realize they were considered a bad thing. My baby likes to comfort herself with the paci and sometimes the breast just won't do. I'm okay with it. I had one as a child (for quite some time from the stories I've heard) and I'm not maladjusted or insecure and it didn't mess up my dentition.
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  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I must come off as pretty confident, or have a "Don't f with me" attitude, or something. Between that and this being my second kid, I don't really have to defend anything.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    Probably our decision to not (or to minimally) leave Solomon with family/babysitters. My parents have watched him a small handful of times in his 16 months, but for the vast majority of the time one of us is always with him. And we've never left him with anyone at bedtime.

    IRL I get some flack about extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, and not letting him CIO, but people online are more accepting/supportive about that stuff.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    Probably homeschooling. It was really controversial (especially to my mother)that I homeschooled.

    "Coddling" my extremely shy daughter was another controversy. She was debilitatingly, parallyzingly shy as a toddler/young child and couldn't even function in a crowd, and I got all sorts of advice on how I should just chuck her into difficult situations to toughen her up rather than allowing her to be who she was and protecting her. Basically, I was told she should "cry it out". I stuck to instincts and did it my way, and she came out of most of her shyness on her own. She's still shy to some extent, but no more than other normal people.

    My mother didn't like my homebirth plans either. She did everything she could to prevent it. I did it anyway.

    My mother is the only one who gives me a hard time about, well, everything.

    As of right now, I have no plans to homeschool, but I am keeping an open mind and am prepared to do it. I know my mother will fight me every step of the way.

    RedCatWaves, you have talked about your shy daughter in other posts as well. My middle daughter is very shy, and I have read your posts about your daughter with great interest and admiration for the way you handled it. I often feel like it is necessary for me to apologize for my daughter being so shy. It is all I can do when the grandmothers just want to grab her, take her, hug her, etc, I just can't make them understand that they just need to leave her alone. She will never warm up to them if they continue to "paw" at her. We don't live in the same state, so they really are virtual strangers to her. Sorry for the grandparent rant. She is shy in most social situations, too. I think "chucking" her into situations would hurt in the long run. She is really sensitive.

    When my mom found out I had a homebirth, she did not speak to me for two months.

    Shellibean, again it is mostly my mother who wants to give my kids junk food. Also, she doesn't seem to understand why it is not okay to give certain things to babies. Like milk, chocolate, honey, ice cream, etc. She thinks I am way over protective.

    Oh well, my kids. I get to raise them the way I want. icon7.gif
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    IRL, I got a lot of flack from my parents, DH, and my in-laws for not cutting DD's hair. :roll: They all thought she should have bangs. I was trying to let it grow out to tuck behind her ear. Unfortunately, she started refusing to have it pulled back, so she had her first haircut last week when I couldn't take it hanging in her eyes any longer. :happy5:

    As for here, I felt like I had to defend my c-section.
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    geeky wrote: »
    I must come off as pretty confident, or have a "Don't f with me" attitude, or something. Between that and this being my second kid, I don't really have to defend anything.

    That's in real life. On-line this board has been pretty supportive. But I mentioned baby-led solids on my Babycenter birth club, and you'd think I said I was gonna give her bourbon in a baby bottle. I also got a lot of "I had the epidural. I don't need a medal" attitude for going unmedicated there.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • sariroosariroo Curl Neophyte Posts: 1,958Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    LoloDSM wrote: »
    As for here, I felt like I had to defend my c-section.

    I decided not to post my birth story after I read some previous threads where some posters were kind of harassed about having a c-section. I think most people here are respectful of others stories but I just didn't want to risk it. I felt my c-section was medically necessary and didn't want to have to defend it to anyone.
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  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    shellibean wrote: »
    ~Not co-sleeping

    You have to defend NOT co-sleeping?? That's what I get the most flack about. "He's still sleeping with you guys?" and "You'll never get him out of your bed now." and "So you're going to have TWO babies in your bed???" accompanied by the look you give someone when you find out they have like 30 cats. And when I tell them I'm fine with it, and that this is a decision we made consciously, not an act of desperation that's gone on too long, they look at me like "poor Kaia, she's gone and lost her mind." :roll:

    Also not vaxing, but this one rarely if ever comes up anymore, as I've become very private about this IRL.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Curl Novice Posts: 7,135Registered Users Curl Novice
    I don't feel the need to defend any of my parenting decions. If people don't like it, they can suck it! :P Fortunately, no one really gives me grief about anything, so I must have lucked out.
    "Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas


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  • mayimmayim Posts: 2,301Registered Users
    my mom still thinks lydia needs a crib and a walker but we don't have discussions about it.

    my ap group, as progressive as they are, were pretty skeptical about out baby led solids approach at first, but now most of them are trying it.

    same goes for aletha solter's aware parenting and the crying in arms approach - after she came to our group to speak, it made sense to a lot of them and they read the book and are using the approach, at least from time to time.

    m
    coarse, thick 3a
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  • wild~hairwild~hair Curl Neophyte Posts: 9,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    "Coddling" my extremely shy daughter was another controversy. She was debilitatingly, parallyzingly shy as a toddler/young child and couldn't even function in a crowd, and I got all sorts of advice on how I should just chuck her into difficult situations to toughen her up rather than allowing her to be who she was and protecting her. Basically, I was told she should "cry it out". I stuck to instincts and did it my way, and she came out of most of her shyness on her own. She's still shy to some extent, but no more than other normal people.


    Good call. I was painfully shy as well, it was really horrible. The few times that I was made to "cry it out" were torture for me, and I still remember them, decades later.

    For the most part, however, I was allowed to be shy and I more than grew out of it. I'm now borderline outspoken at times.
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    Oh yeah- I forgot about the c-section thing. I feel like I am judged because I didn't try to have him turned by the doctor (he was Breech).
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    I am with Geeky...I have decided to quit caring what other people think is best for my kid. I do it my way, which is best for us.
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    Come swag with me!
  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Curl Connoisseur Posts: 4,476Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Ongoing would be home schooling. There are teachers in the extended family. My uncle married a vice principal and she's made comments to me and my kids that to others mean nothing but are really coded disdain for home schoolers. My sister's SIL is a 4th grade teacher in the Chicago Public School system. She has a similar attitude, even going so far as to grill me for 45 minutes about home schooling and acting stupid, saying she's never heard of it before.
    The other ongoing issue would be my youngest child is sensitive. I've mentioned here that he was suicidal at 7. My dad thinks I coddle him and that the child is taking advantage of me. Whatever.
    When the kids were toddlers, it was the pacifier. My oldest son needed it for comfort and I didn't mind letting him have one as he adjusted to having a new sister, then a new brother.
    I used to get a hard time from medical professionals about not vaxing. Of course, they gave me a hard time when we were in the ER for a bump on the baby's head. What vaccinations have to do with a bump is beyond me. Now that the kids are much older it never comes up.
    Every incident helped me hone that Mama Bear face that keeps anyone from questioning me now. Or, I'm old enough to not care if anyone has a problem that I'm a 3 time c-section, non-vaxing, home schooling mom.
    There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
  • Jenny CJenny C Posts: 1,195Registered Users
    The main one I get is "You're STILL breastfeeding Sophia??!!" jeez she's only 15 months old not 5. Plus she's so tiny that it really is like breastfeeding an infant.

    Both of my kids use pacifiers to sleep and I don't care what people have to say about it.

    They both go down with no problem and can lounge in their cribs just sucking away. It's just me here by myself ALL DAY LONG - I need for them to be able to nap and just relax for a while everyday or I'd go bananas.

    My MIL is really judgemental about the binky, but she can suck it (pun intended).
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Curl Neophyte Posts: 5,297Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Now that I'm on the second, it doesn't seem like there's anything I have to defend. When Bailey was a baby I had some comments about how I should let them go with people more often, or having overnights or some bs like that.

    I like my kids WITH me when they're babies. I think Bailey was probably over 3 before she really went out with her grandmother and stuff.
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
  • SisaSisa Posts: 759Registered Users
    What I have to defend the most?

    The weight thing.

    Every bloody day, so it seems. :banghead:

    He's small, and it's mentioned everywhere we go. (Today, at his 4 month visit, he weighed 10lbs. 6oz. and was 24" long.)
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    Not very much. I guess I'm sort of mainstream--we co-slept in the early days, then moved to a crib. I breastfed Connor for about 6 months, which I mentally gave myself lots of grief about, but it's pretty acceptable to people. The unmedicated childbirth thing hasn't come up much in conversation, but I get a positive response.

    OH, I did get comments about their weight, that they were skinny or small. Both of my boys have been high on the height percentiles, and low on the weight percentiles as babies (for Connor, who filled out after he turned 1, and I expect Oliver will be the same way). Now if anyone makes a comment I pretty much ignore it, and I don't say jack about other babies' sizes because I realize it's ignorant.
    ehLB.jpg
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    MIL throws a hissy fit anytime anyone calls the children by a shortened name. I sometimes call the new one Theo and she tries to tell me not to call him that since that's not his name.
    hello.world.
  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't care what people think, but those are the things I get comments and looks about. I'm sure if D un-weans when I have milk, I'll get flack for that too. I know I'm making the right decisions for my child and I no longer engage in these discussions beyond saying that we're doing it this way on purpose and that's how we like it. I think if these people spent any length of time around my kid, they would see how freaking awesome and happy he is and shut right up.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    By and large, nothing really. My friends and family are a very laissez-faire bunch and it helps that both my kids have always been very outgoing and affectionate. I find that if people like your kids, then they think you must be a good parent, even though their personality probably has nothing to do with you.

    The only thing I felt judged upon was my decision to EBF my baby and delay the introduction of solids, even though she was sickly and failing-to-thrive. I think it was my own uncertainly with my decision (and just general stress about the situation) that made me really sensitive and defensive whenever the topic came up.
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    Oh wait, I thought of an ongoing issue:

    I bake my kids birthday cakes. Every year I have to defend my decision. "Why don't you just buy a cake?" "What if the cake doesn't turn out? You'll ruin his party!"

    No one seems to care about the selectiving-vaxing, extended BFing, no-spanking stuff, but serving a homemade cake? Now that's just crazy!!
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Curl Neophyte Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Not much of anything but maybe I just ignore people fairly successfully. The only thing that sticks out is my mom thinks I am too rigid about nap and bedtime schedule. I am not but I am not going to put him down for his nap 4 hours late just because I want to go shoe shopping.
    image.php?type=2&o=5&c=1&date=2009-10-07&babyname=Sebastian

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    geeky wrote: »
    I must come off as pretty confident, or have a "Don't f with me" attitude, or something. Between that and this being my second kid, I don't really have to defend anything.

    i won't say that i come off as confident. we just don't find a need to advertise what we do in respect to our kids. so, we don't find ourselves defending anything either.

    most of our family and friends didn't even know i breastfed our children. it wasn't that it was a secret. it was just something that i didn't think anyone other than a select few needed to know about. and it wasn't something that i made it a point to do in front of others to have the topic come up.

    same with feeding solids, or cloth diapering, or co-sleeping.

    if it ever came up in conversation, it was so casual and not something that became a "topic" to discuss or debate with others.

    basically, we just do what we feel is right and only share certain things we do in conversations we feel comfortable engaging in. other than that, who really needs to know about the nuances of our parenting?
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    We're also planning to homeschool, and expect to hear a lot about it from both sets of parents. Mine because they would think it's a waste of time and I should work, and DH's because they both work in education and think public school is all that and a bag of chips. But this won't come up for quite a few years, so hopefully they'll all get used to me being the crazy hippie mom by then and leave me alone.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • velvet pawsvelvet paws Posts: 1,250Registered Users
    Nobody ever effs with me about my parenting choices - or if they do, I don't notice it. I do what works for us and I really don't care what anyone else thinks about it.
    3A / 2B / 2C wavicelli

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  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    Co-sleeping
    Not feeding food until atleast six months
    Not leaving with a sitter and if so very rarely
    Trying to use and give him as much natural and organic things as possible.
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    oh and of course my decision to do a homebirth vbac, but honestly no one really says much to my face they wait till i'm gone and tell my mom.
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    webjockey wrote: »
    MIL throws a hissy fit anytime anyone calls the children by a shortened name. I sometimes call the new one Theo and she tries to tell me not to call him that since that's not his name.


    Your MIL would hate me , I call all the boys by shortened forms of their names.

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