How many mommies have spirited babies/toddlers?
Zinnia
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And when did you discover you had one? I am curious because of a thread a while back (can't recall the subject) and it seemed that a lot of the mommies posted they have a spirited child.
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
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He's mellowed out a lot since age 2. Still every enthusiastic and dramatic but not quite as .... crazy... as before. Those first couple of years were really hard on me.
Compared to him my daughter is just a lump. She is living in the shadow of Mr. Personality.
My son is DEFINITELY a spirited child. I knew it even before we left the hospital. He was about the most alert newborn I'd ever seen and there was an intensity to his cry that was not your typical newborn mewing little cry. I'd have complete strangers ask me if he was ok whenever we were out and he'd cry.
When I read "Raising Your Spirited Child", he fit every single one of the spirited characteristics the author describes in the book.
As a first time mom, I had a very difficult time with it because it seemed like whatever worked for every other baby never worked for him and like Madscientist, I found the first 2 years to be so hard. He's 3 1/2 now and still spirited but I've really learned to take an entirely different parenting approach when it comes to my son. It's still a challenge most days but I've definitely come to accept that this is his personality and how to work with it instead of against it.
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"If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain"
Edited to add: I'm with you on the whole "what worked for every other baby didn't work for us" thing too. Harry has written his own rule book and continues to change it daily, it seems.
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Mine too! I could have written that entire post about my son.
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As a baby, I would have called him more "grumpy" than "spirited." Things that are "supposed" to calm and soothe babies, didn't really work on him. If he was crying and my mom was around, she insisted that someone needed to hold him and rock in a rocking chair. Didn't help one bit. I always read with interest and envy how one of the benefits of breastfeeding is that it's comforting and soothing to babies. Other people's babies, maybe. He wasn't soothed by nursing. If he wanted to be upset, he was just going to cry and be upset, and there was nothing you could do about it.
Now that he's gotten older (2), I think he's become more spirited. He's very active and curious. We have friends who have a daughter the same age, and they're so different. When they play together, my son will get into more things in five minutes than she does the whole time. He wants what he wants, and distraction sometimes works, sometimes not. If he's determined to have something and you don't let him, he'll throw one huge fit. I think he's getting better now that he can talk more, but it can be challenging. He is a great sleeper, and has been for most of his life, which is a relief.
Interesting how everyone who posted about spirited children is writing about their boy. Coincidence, or are boys more likely to have that personality?
I wish I could remember where I read the testosterone thing. There's also an australian scientist that studied the physiology of boys including brain mapping and the differences he observed. I can't remember his name right now.
Exhausting, isn't it?:banghead:
Amneris, my son needs a lot of sleep, he just won't give in to it, even if he's miserable! This child fights sleep like it's poison. I swear, he fell asleep in the stroller ONCE when he was a baby. He'd stay awake 24 hours straight if I let him.
Modified CG, CJ Rehab, JCWDT, KCKT, VO5 Chamomile Tea Therapy, CJDF, HEBE Gel/Mousse, Bioinfusion Rosemary Mint shampoo, occasional protein
Experimenting with BRHG
"If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain"
she showed signs the very first day she was born. i remember in the hospital she was always wide awake, checking out everything. when she did fall asleep and i put her in her bucket she would immediately wake back up again. i thought it was a cool trick...at the time.
shes 19 months old now and usually people say things like "wow, shes active!" or "you certainly have your hands full." someone even used the word "dynamic" to describe her. and i never realize how over the top she is until shes around other kids her age. its hard hard hard work, but i love it. and i often think if we have another child, how i want them to be spirited as well.
My hat is off to you for sure. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child I was TERRIFIED that I would have another one like my first. I hadn't planned on having another one after him because I didn't think I could handle another one, I was sure I would lose my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love my son very much. He is brilliant and has a wicked sense of humor. He is 7 now and much easier, but at that time I was exhausted. Every day was a constant struggle / battle with him. Even the simplest every day things were difficult. And he was always ON, every single waking moment, constantly demanding, I couldn't get a single thought through my head, most less have a conversation with anybody else, without being interrupted. Going out in public was a nightmare - I always got those "what kind of mother are you to have a child that behaves like that" looks from strangers. I read every book, tried every approach, and did everything I could think of and nothing had any affect on him. The only thing that finally got him to chill out was zpoint and theta healing. Whew, it wears me out just thinking about it, lol.
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That's why I've waited so long for #2:toothy10:. We've just started to try now, 3 1/2 years later.
Subbrock, I agree, they are definitely "spunkier" and seem to be so full of life. But, I still don't know if I'd actually wish for another spirited child. I'm getting too old for that;)
Modified CG, CJ Rehab, JCWDT, KCKT, VO5 Chamomile Tea Therapy, CJDF, HEBE Gel/Mousse, Bioinfusion Rosemary Mint shampoo, occasional protein
Experimenting with BRHG
"If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain"
What is zpoint and theat healing? Does it work for adults?
They definitely work for adults. I have used them for so many things I couldn't even begin to list them all, and they have literally changed my life in so many positive ways. Theta healing can be used to heal anything you can possibly think of from physical illnesses and injuries, to emotional problems, to relationship issues, etc. You can read all about theta healing on my website here , it is what I do, and too much info to try to put into a post. Zpoint is an incredibly effective technique used to eliminate stress, negative emotions, and the subconscious beliefs and programs that create them. There is a link to zpoint on the "link" page of my site. It is easy and free to learn too, I think now they have people sign up for their free newsletter to get all the info to use it. It is well worth your time. It's great to use when you get stressed out or upset about something, it just nullifies that negative feeling and calms you down within seconds. Theta healing is much more powerful and can do a lot more than zpoint, but zpoint is easy to do - anybody can do it, even my kids use it to calm down when they get upset or frustrated.
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That sounds a lot like my Max. He's the most spirited of my 3 and at 7 1/2, he still is challenging most days.
But, he sleeps easily and well, is very independent, understands stuff that I think is incredible for his age, and can be very patient.
"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock
"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
is spirited a new term to describe certain behavior? fits, tantrums when they don't get their way, high-strung behavior, always moving on high-octane, never seeming calm, easily riled or excited to the point of having to be diffused?
i think by reading most of the replies here, i'd say that by and large, mine didn't have those characteristics. they demonstrated one or two of them during their "twos," but that was it.
http://www.parentchildhelp.com/SpiritedChild/BookExcerpt/tabid/61/Default.aspx
http://sites.google.com/site/greatfun4kidspics/personality-plus/characteristics-of-a-spirited-child
Not all kids will exhibit all qualities.
That's interesting. It certainly seems that a lot in this thread have named their firstborn. Dylan is so mellow though. He can be kind of a drama queen, but not too bad. In fact, I often use the phrase "kind of." He's kind of cranky, kind of a pain, kind of wearing down my patience right now. I have a feeling that "kind of" has no place in the description of a spirited child.
I am also a firstborn, and I am opinionated and bossy (my husband says b****y
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
According to my mama, I definitely was one and fit all of those exactly - and seems like I'm still "spirited." Some of those fit J to a tee.... except that he loves going out to new places.
the description of spirited seems so broad, that you can say that all children are spirited, because the majority of children exhibit at least a few of these characteristics on a regular basis.
Like I can say for sure that even in the throes of threeness Ryan is not spirited. He's definitely all about his independence, focused and very determined but he's not spirited. We spent most of Ian's third year at home. His spiritedness (LOL) along with a newly mobile brother meant we did playdates at home with just one friend at a time and hit the parks when they weren't packed with kids.
He's a wonderful kid, he's intelligent, and very hyperfocused when he's interested in something. He's my riddler. All day it's 20 questions x 100. He can turn anything into a toy but is reluctant from being turned away from it. He's very loving and very intense emotionally. A great day can be snagged by a not so great moment and all daddy hears when he comes through the door is, "today was a baaaaaad day" LOL.
Amneris not surprisingly I'm a pretty spirited person too. My poor, poor, introverted, laid back baby-of-the-sibling-group hubby has had to learn to cope with two very extroverted spirited people in the household.
I think you know you have a spirited child if you get a lot of "s/he should be" or "s/he shouldn't be" or "all the other kids are..." I get "He should be sleeping through the night (or whatever else) by now" or, from day care, "All the other kids are napping/listening to the story but J won't" or from my mama "No other kid I took care of except for you and him wears me out like this...."
If that's the case, then you don't have a spirited child. The following quote from the link to "characteristics" fits my son precisely.
Being the parent of a spirited child can be lonely. Because they are more, much of the advice that works for raising other children is ineffective with spirited kids. To ignore your child's tantrums is ridiculous - he can rage for an hour (or more). Send him to his room and he is likely to tear it apart. There is no distracting him from something that he wants... as a result you can feel crazy, wondering what you are doing wrong, chastising yourself for not "getting control" and thinking that you are the only parent in the world whose child acts this way."
I seriously thought something was wrong with my son before I read this book. I had two young step-children that were as laid back as kids can get - well behaved, cooperative, mild mannered, happy - so I knew that my son's behavior was not "normal" compared to them. After I had my daughter, I was relieved that she was not as "spirited" as my son. She is definitely more spirited than my step-kids were, but doesn't hold a candle to my son in that respect. The difference is not in her zest for life, but in her level of cooperation. She is very active too, but can be reasoned with, and the advice that seems to work for most other kids works with her as well. I can take her out anywhere without incident, she does the daily things that have to be done without arguing, when she can't have her way the tantrum is over within minutes, time outs are effective, etc. The difference between the two, and the level of energy expended to get through the same tasks, are like night and day.
My point is, if you have to question whether or not your child fits into that category - they probably don't.
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It is broad. Most toddlers I've seen would fit the spirited category, because it's just an intense time of their life. IMO, it's become fashionable for some mothers to brag that they have a spirited child when what they really have is a normal toddler who fights sleep or food or who really likes to play. I don't think you can really tell if they are "spirited" til they are older though, well into school, and it's more of a retrospecitive "diagnosis" than in-the-moment.
ITA!
I wouldn't say DS is spirited - nor has anyone else described as such. DS definitely has tonnes of energy and keeps me on my toes.
:idea:
Ahh, this makes sense. Based on these descriptions, maybe my son is just a regular two-year-old. He doesn't have tantrums for an hour or destroy his room.
I agree that most toddlers fit that category in some way or another, it's just the age. However, when they grow out of the toddler phase and get even more difficult then there is something else going on. I absolutely do not think that it is a retrospective "diagnosis". My "spirited" kid (who is 7 now and still spirited without question) was absolutely off the charts from about 3 years old on - and I have raised 3 other kids that were not spirited, so I definitely know the difference. Like I said, if you have to question it - then you don't have a spirited kid, you have a toddler acting like a toddler.
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