Help, I need guy advice

KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
And maybe to be told I'm reading too much into this, lol. 

We had a newbie start at work, his second day today. I'm a frequent peer trainer, so when the trainer left today, he became my responsibility, not unusual. What's got me confused and not sure how to handle is I think he might have a crush on me, or a developing one.....

I'm not interested, and right now the only thing I know he and I have in common is we are both recently divorced with kids. Oh, and his ex isn't making this process easy, denying him visitation with his daughter.

Nothing he's done is overt. He's seems to be the kind of guy who taps your right shoulder when he's on your left, covers the sensor on your mouse, stupid practical jokes like that. The only thing that could be blatant is leaning close to me, just outside personal space kinda thing, but only when I'm having to show him how to do something, and that happens when everyone, to see the computer screen or the part we are looking at.

Ack, I know I could be seeing something that isn't there, he could simply be trying to relate to new coworkers, connect to someone going through something similar, or it could just be his personality. 

Blarg, I plan to politely decline if he ever actually asks me out on a date, lol. And try to be careful things that could be construed as flirting (not excessively, but I have a sailors mind, so I tend to make things NSFW with little effort, so I'll be careful about that aspect of my personality).

I'll be acting lead tomorrow, so he'll be my responsibility again. And I guess I'll have more info to go on
Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


Comments

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Registered Users Posts: 9,777 Curl Virtuoso
    I always tell people, especially women, to trust their feelings.  You wouldn't be questioning this, if you weren't sensing something.  Even if that is just his open personality you can proceed with caution until you get to know him better.  It is better to have foresight than hindsight.

    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • BrittanyMBrittanyM Registered Users Posts: 1,218 Curl Virtuoso
    So this may or may not have happened to me recently at work with another employee, and even one of my coworkers mentioned that this guy liked me. Nothing really ever came of it (which I really like because it never put me in an awkward position to decline a date). I think many men realize that in this day and age, it's dangerous to ask women out in a professional setting. I wouldn't reciprocate anything, and don't go out of your way to talk to him and try not to small talk. These things are typically enough to make a (sane) guy realize you just aren't into him.
    PS. If you ever talk about being interested in someone else or seeing someone else, this is the #1 way to get rid of someone, but of course does cause hurt feelings and has a bit of backlash. So I wouldn't go that route, but you already knew that.
  • JosephineJosephine Registered Users Posts: 14,408 Curl Connoisseur
    Yea this has happened to me a few times. I hate it when guys get close and I don't like them. I step back when they do that. I also try to keep extra distance overall. Cut convos short and don't be too responsive. They will get the hint eventually. 
  • KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
    Well, woke up to a FB friend request that I haven't responded too. I am FB friends with other coworkers, but I don't know if he is yet.

    Distance thing is with everyone, as is the smart aleck comments and practical jokes thing.

    Our desks face each other, so avoiding small talk and such is damn near impossible, it's a small department and we all have to work closely together, and with me being a peer trainer... it's impossible to avoid.

    So, either I'm seeing something that isn't there (which has happened in the past, why I don't completely trust my gut regarding these things) or I'm not imagining things and I have to find a way to discourage him without resorting to mentioning being interested in someone else, even if it is true, and reciprocated, nothing big or official, but a willingness to see if it'll go somewhere.

    The other place I can't go is that its against policy, as it's not, provided there is not a leadership ladder between the people wanting a relationship (my interest and I work in the same department, report to different people, and work different shifts, nights and days, we are in the clear).

    Not a situation I've ever been in before, and so I'm probably making more of this than I need to, honestly. 
    Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
    Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
    Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
    Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

    Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Moderators Posts: 10,840 Curl Virtuoso
    Trust your gut. 
    And if he asks, say no and that's that. Hopefully. :) 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • JosephineJosephine Registered Users Posts: 14,408 Curl Connoisseur
    Gretchen said:
    Trust your gut. 
    And if he asks, say no and that's that. Hopefully. :) 
    Agreed. Also if you wear headphones while you work, that can help cut back the small talk w/out having to seem rude. 
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Registered Users Posts: 17,898 Curl Virtuoso
    It strikes me as odd that he has disclosed so much personal info to you in two days, esp as he is a new hire (and also possibly in a junior level position? IDK if he is). Getting physically close when speaking and now sending a FB friends request on day 3? Sounds like a PITA or has some legit social deficits. I don't like or trust oversharers, esp male oversharers (bc anything you share w/ him, he'll be squirrelling away to use against you or gossiping about w/ others).

    I think you should set some firm boundaries w/ this guy. 

  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Registered Users Posts: 9,777 Curl Virtuoso
    ITA, SL.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
    I am allowed to wear a single headphone, however I have to have one ear open for safety (forklifts, fire alarms, electric pallet jack, etc.) I don't own an MP3 player, and phones are the production floor are a write up.

    I can assure that if a polite no does not "work" and he tries to make an issue of it, I'll go to our supervisors and it will be handled. We have had someone lose their job due to retaliation from a similar situation.

    I'm doing my best to be very careful about what I share around him. I honestly can understand a "dang, s/he is hot, I'd like to get to know them better" crush in 3 days, but other things have me, I don't want to say concerned, but its awkward.

    His position is that of a Material Handler 1, I am a recently promoted MH2, lol. It's not really a big deal, we both have similar responsibilities, I obviously have a larger knowledge and skill base about our company and department than he does (as well I should, been here almost 3 years), but even MH2 could almost be considered an entry level position, maybe not, but it's not any kind of leadership or anything. 
    Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
    Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
    Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
    Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

    Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Registered Users Posts: 17,898 Curl Virtuoso
    Keeyamah said:

    I'm doing my best to be very careful about what I share around him. I honestly can understand a "dang, s/he is hot, I'd like to get to know them better" crush in 3 days, but other things have me, I don't want to say concerned, but its awkward.
    Tell us!! What were the other things?? Does he get a boner when talking to you? Did you catch him touching himself? Did he hang a picture of you in his cubicle? have you discovered a domestic violence conviction in his recent past? 

    My imagination is running away with me.

  • BrittanyMBrittanyM Registered Users Posts: 1,218 Curl Virtuoso
    Haha, Spiderlashes. If that's the case, I think keeyamah could go to a supervisor now.
    But seriously, don't chat. Answer swiftly if you must and don't ask him any questions and dont say anything personal about yourself. Just be curt and shrug if its a question you don't want to answer. This technique has worked well for me, but then I don't mind coming off as a complete and utter [your choice word here].
  • JosephineJosephine Registered Users Posts: 14,408 Curl Connoisseur
    Keeyamah said:

    I'm doing my best to be very careful about what I share around him. I honestly can understand a "dang, s/he is hot, I'd like to get to know them better" crush in 3 days, but other things have me, I don't want to say concerned, but its awkward.
    Tell us!! What were the other things?? Does he get a boner when talking to you? Did you catch him touching himself? Did he hang a picture of you in his cubicle? have you discovered a domestic violence conviction in his recent past? 

    My imagination is running away with me.
    Omg that's crazy. I'm imagining is extra staring, waiting around to make sure you 'accidentally' bump into each other, having extra long conversations unnecessarily. Comments about appearance or too many questions about other things going in her life. 

    Ha funny, this one coworker who was like this with me also used to mess my mouse up or mess up my screen if I left my pc unlocked. 
  • KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
    No, SL, though I do love the imagination 😂. Mostly just the vibe I get off of him, it's similar to my ex, and that's most assuredly going to rub me wrong. Trying too hard to be charming and charismatic, and I just don't trust that anymore.

    We don't have cubicles, lol. Just shared open workstations that we aren't really allowed to hang pictures at (static issue, we build electronic devices).

    I am a bit of a (choice word here) and don't have an issue with it, but usually I try to give people the people the benefit of the doubt to start with. He has lost his rapidly.

    I try to balance curt, short answers with being open, given that I am peer trainer 😁
    Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
    Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
    Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
    Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

    Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


  • KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine said:
    Keeyamah said:

    I'm doing my best to be very careful about what I share around him. I honestly can understand a "dang, s/he is hot, I'd like to get to know them better" crush in 3 days, but other things have me, I don't want to say concerned, but its awkward.
    Tell us!! What were the other things?? Does he get a boner when talking to you? Did you catch him touching himself? Did he hang a picture of you in his cubicle? have you discovered a domestic violence conviction in his recent past? 

    My imagination is running away with me.
    Omg that's crazy. I'm imagining is extra staring, waiting around to make sure you 'accidentally' bump into each other, having extra long conversations unnecessarily. Comments about appearance or too many questions about other things going in her life. 

    Ha funny, this one coworker who was like this with me also used to mess my mouse up or mess up my screen if I left my pc unlocked. 
    Yeah, kinda. Hanging around my desk when he doesn't need to be is the biggest one honestly. It would help if we weren't so damn slow right now, its be easier to keep him working on the simple stuff we always start newbies on. 
    Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
    Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
    Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
    Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

    Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


  • KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine said:
    Keeyamah said:

    I'm doing my best to be very careful about what I share around him. I honestly can understand a "dang, s/he is hot, I'd like to get to know them better" crush in 3 days, but other things have me, I don't want to say concerned, but its awkward.
    Tell us!! What were the other things?? Does he get a boner when talking to you? Did you catch him touching himself? Did he hang a picture of you in his cubicle? have you discovered a domestic violence conviction in his recent past? 

    My imagination is running away with me.
    Omg that's crazy. I'm imagining is extra staring, waiting around to make sure you 'accidentally' bump into each other, having extra long conversations unnecessarily. Comments about appearance or too many questions about other things going in her life. 

    Ha funny, this one coworker who was like this with me also used to mess my mouse up or mess up my screen if I left my pc unlocked. 
    Yeah, kinda. Hanging around my desk when he doesn't need to be is the biggest one honestly. It would help if we weren't so damn slow right now, its be easier to keep him working on the simple stuff we always start newbies on. 
    Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
    Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
    Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
    Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

    Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Moderators Posts: 10,840 Curl Virtuoso
    Congrats on your promotion, btw!

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • GuardianBGuardianB Registered Users Posts: 1,905 Curl Connoisseur
    Are you an introvert?  I only ask because this happens both ways.  I had a extroverted female that I was a direct supervisor (and I'm an introvert) over and early on it certainly seemed like she was over-sharing and over-hovering and over-everything.  It appeared she'd linger after changing into workout gear back at her desk before going to work out, etc... I thought she was trying to get my attention even though I was married and her supervisor.  She was/is attractive and a great conversationalist.  It turned out she was just very extroverted and early on as I was one of her primary contacts at work, I was the one she most identified with and "hung around".  It wasn't anything either one of us said to discover this, it just developed as her time with us increased and our working relationship developed.  We are also friends now but she's moved halfway across the country (still has family near) and is getting married herself.  Great guy.

    I thought I saw things.  I didn't.  I misread them probably only because I identified traits that I saw as attractive.  And I could relate to her story.
    ~Two friends, one soul inspired~ anonymous
  • KeeyamahKeeyamah Registered Users Posts: 209 Curl Connoisseur
    Am I an introvert? Considering that on some tests where a score below an 8 was introverted and I got a negative number...... yeah, just a bit, lol. 

    I'm not the only one who has a slightly off impression of him, and I've discovered he sent several people FB friend requests as quickly as he did me. (Still haven't accepted it yet). Some of it may be socially awkward issues, his divorce is not good, so makes a person wonder if he's trying to make new friends that aren't connected to his old relationship. 

    That said, he is finding others to go to break with and hang out with, so he isn't hanging around me quite so much. So I'm feeling less awkward,  and realizing that maybe it's not just him who has some social awkwardness they might wanna work on..... I hadn't thought about how the differences between introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts would color my impressions of the situation. 
    Fine, low porosity at the roots, high porosity at the ends, medium to med-high density 2b/c
    Lo-Poo: Jessicurl Gentle Lather
    Leave-in: Diluted Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Rinse out: Tresemme Botanique with Coconut milk and Aloe Vera
    Curl Creams: Cantu Shea Butter for Natural Hair and Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gels: Herbal Essences Totally Twisted and LA Looks Sport Gel
    Treatments: Hask Keratin Protein Smoothing Deep Conditioner 

    Follow my oldest's Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia journey https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/quinntiegs


  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Moderators Posts: 10,840 Curl Virtuoso
    Such insight we're gaining from this situation!  It's so interesting. 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • JosephineJosephine Registered Users Posts: 14,408 Curl Connoisseur
    GuardianB said:
    Are you an introvert?  I only ask because this happens both ways.  I had a extroverted female that I was a direct supervisor (and I'm an introvert) over and early on it certainly seemed like she was over-sharing and over-hovering and over-everything.  It appeared she'd linger after changing into workout gear back at her desk before going to work out, etc... I thought she was trying to get my attention even though I was married and her supervisor.  She was/is attractive and a great conversationalist.  It turned out she was just very extroverted and early on as I was one of her primary contacts at work, I was the one she most identified with and "hung around".  It wasn't anything either one of us said to discover this, it just developed as her time with us increased and our working relationship developed.  We are also friends now but she's moved halfway across the country (still has family near) and is getting married herself.  Great guy.

    I thought I saw things.  I didn't.  I misread them probably only because I identified traits that I saw as attractive.  And I could relate to her story.
    I get this, but a lot of women like talking to men as just friends and it's generally not true the other way around.

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