4 years transitioning, Not working out

KayCaeKayCae Curl NeophytePosts: 3Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Neophyte
edited June 2018 in Transitioning
So I'm 17 and stopped getting perms around the age of 12 or 13. I was excited about not getting perms anymore. I wanted to see the curls I had never seen before. I honestly didn't even know I had curls. So my perms stop, but then flat ironing took over. My hair was growing, and it was somewhat thick, but heat was being applied constantly, every two weeks to be exact. My mom told me since I wasn't getting a perm that my hair would have to constantly be kept up. Since I didn't have much control over my hair, I just rolled with it. At 16, I asked about a big chop and my mom said no. I was confused as to why. She said I wouldn't like it and that it's best to transition. Now 17, I haven't brought up the topic again, but I plan to. I'm so tired of my hair in this state. I'm miserable with it like this. And I'm frustrated with getting the same response of, "All you have to do is moisturize it for awhile. You'll get to see your curls," but never knowing when that'll happen. I don't have a car or job at the moment. So that means no money to pay for a cut, and no way to get there. Still being in high school, I also have to abide by the "My house, my rules" rule. What can I do to officially start my natural hair journey? I feel like these past 4 years could've been so much more for my hair, but it's been a complete bust.

My profile picture shows the current state of my hair. Yes, I think it's very pretty and I love it when it's done, but it's a short-lived satisfaction. As soon as my hair loses it's first-day sheen and glamour, I'm back to reality, knowing just how unhealthy and damaging this is to my hair.


  • BrittanyMBrittanyM Curl Virtuoso Posts: 1,218Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I'm sorry that you are going through this. We've all used heat and ruined our curls at one point. Could you talk with your mom about why she won't let you cut your hair? At 17, you are old enough to choose your own hair style (I could see your mom's hesitation if you wanted something punk like a green mohawk...). Perhaps you could find pictures of girls with your face shape and the cut you want. You probably wouldn't even need to shave your whole head as some do when they big chop.
    In the meantime with transitioning, twistouts, braidouts, flexirod, permrods, etc will help match the two textures. Protein treatments will help if you are not protein sensitive.
  • KayCaeKayCae Curl Neophyte Posts: 3Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Neophyte
    Thanks for the response Brittany. Whenever I ask why, my mom just tells me she doesn't want to talk about it and she won't be discussing the topic any further. It's frustrating, but can't do much about it. A lot of people say my hair is healthy and I shouldn't cut it. It makes me question my decision, but then I think, "4 years and this is all I have? Like hell it's healthy!" My mom refuses to big chop because she thinks I would be cutting all my good hair off. I also think she's biased to length. My grandmother used to own a salon and mainly straightened and permed. When my older sister did the big chop, she didn't have anything nice to say about it. I feel that maybe my mother is making these decisions and not realizing they're heavily influenced by her upbringing. With that said, she actually asked my older sister to try and help me with my hair. My mom is still saying no to the chop, but it seems like she's allowing me to try and restore the curls. Now if I have heat damage... That'll be another headache.

    Thank you again for the response!
    Wrote this all out with Bantu knots in my head :) hopefully it works out.
  • beantreesbeantrees Curl Connoisseur Posts: 116Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Wow that sounds incredibly frustrating.  I'm not your mom (or a mom at all) but IMO at 17 (and earlier) you should be allowed to make your own decisions about your hair.  Even if your hair is healthy, if you wanted to cut it short that your hair, your decision.  I know some people are really attached to long hair but at the end of the day, it's yours, not hers.  Could you cut it yourself at home?  

    Good luck <3
    2C/3A, med/coarse, thick density, high porosity - CG since 5/17/2018
    Earlobe length on one side and pixie short in back and other side.  Growing out to chin/jaw length.
    Cleanse: Inecto Coconut Conditioner, SM JBCO shampoo
    RO Condition: SM Curl & Shine
    DT: SM JBCO masque
    LI: SM JBCO leave in, Giovanni Direct Leave-in
    Stylers: AG Recoil or SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie or SM Curl & Style Milk, Carina Organics gel

  • BrittanyMBrittanyM Curl Virtuoso Posts: 1,218Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I wouldn't recommend cutting your hair yourself for the skill reason for a big change and also it would make your mom mad. Soon you will be 18 and even if you still live with your mom, hopefully she will not argue if you cut your hair. Give your hair some TLC and then see how much damage you have. Your mom may let you cut a few inches off if necessary. 
  • RiahannRiahann Curl Neophyte Posts: 7Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Neophyte
    I feel you girl. Not having control over something so personal like that is so hard to deal with! You have a few options here. You can make her angry as H-E- double candlesticks and do a *little bit longer than you actually want it* self cut, where she'll be forced to let you get it fixed up the way you want it, and after a while she'll calm down about it. (but if you DO end up hating it, do NOT complain to her or to anyone that will tell her. You'll never hear the end of it about how she was right and you were wrong) Or you can start doing everything you can to take care of your hair as is and do your own trims where every few weeks you cut off just a little bit (like half an inch or less) and get some pretty silk head scarves to wear when you're not feeling it. And dont forget the flexirods, braidouts, twistouts, etc for the damaged parts. (doing small trims will EVENTUALLY get all your damage off, and if you do it in really small bits she's not likely to notice) Or you can keep trying to convince her to let you get it cut. Or you can just accept your Mom's way and keep straightening. (Please don't keep straightening!) 
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    I wonder if she's, deep down, seeing that you're growing up and becoming an independent young woman, and that scares her, because she's losing her baby. Maybe you could talk to her and let her know you'll always be her baby but that she has to allow you to spread your wings to become the self-sufficient woman's she's been nurturing all these years. The fact that you have a mind of your own means she's done her job well; show her that by being responsible in other ways and maybe she'll see it's time for her to let you become your own person and make your own decisions.

    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder

    You are beautiful!

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file