Exbf is suing me

spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
edited May 2018 in Non-hair discussion
We broke up in March after being together for 4+ yrs and living together for 2.5.
It actually feels so good to be rid of him and his son! The boy was sneaky & disrespectful, stole from me and neighbors multiple times, lied every time he spoke & coerced a younger girl into having sex in our home.

When they first moved in, one of the few things bf brought with him was a hand-me-down leather sofa/loveseat, given to him by one of his relatives, which we used in our upstairs loft. The sofa/loveseat fit well in that area and I had mentioned that if/when he ever moves out, I might be interested in in buying it from him. We agreed on a price but later, he withdrew that offer and increased his asking price to an amount that I felt was too high. So I never gave him any money for it.
During the time bf was living w/ me, we (I) rescued a dog. And about 6 months ago we noticed there were three large holes in his sofa and loveseat. The assumption was the dog did the damage (but no one ever saw him; he has never damaged anything else).
When we first noticed the damage, bf just said the set is old & he'll see if he can get it fixed. Then when he was moving out in March, he offered to sell it to me at a lower price, but I declined. So the next day he had spoken to a charity about donating it & just needed to know when it would be a good time for them to pick it up. He said he was also leaving a large framed piece of art that I could have at no charge (I don't want it). But he did not mention any of the other few things he was leaving behind. 
Now it's almost two months that he's been gone. Nothing has happened with any of the furniture. I texted him this past wknd, politely asking him what his plans are for removing the damaged sofa/loveseat and the rest of his stuff. Well, he blew up & became so nasty & abusive i had to block him.
His current situation is he's living with his aunt, rent free, for as long as he wants, so he can pay off debts and save to buy a house of his own. And the history is that while he was living with me, he broke a recliner of mine, broke my glass table & gave away one of my TVs without my permission. So...ish happens. We have kids & a dog. He was ok with me getting the dog. And in the 2+ yrs we've had the dog, he's never damaged anything. (But actually the dog we had before this one, put a hole in another leather sofa that belonged to *me*....so i replaced it.)
I honestly think I have ptsd from my 4.5 yr long divorce, feuds with certain past tenants & other legal issues I'm dealing with. Just the mention if court triggers my anxiety something awful.
Bf is blocked from my phone now. I told him to have his aunt (with whom he lives) contact me with possible dates for him to pick up the rest of his belongings or they will be gone in one week. He told me to watch the mail for my court summons. He has a pre-paid legal service plan through his job and he is trying to intimidate me by mentioning that.
Ugh i feel sick to my stomach. :(  I paid this fool's car insurance for a year and threw him a 40th bday party (at his request) that wound up costing me almost $1000. IDK even know if the dog damaged the furniture. For all I know it could be his son who has caused soooooo many prblms for us. Or it could have even been the bf himself, knowing I wanted to buy the set. 



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Comments

  • WavyKfromNJWavyKfromNJ Posts: 853Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    On what grounds is he suing you?  You can counter sue and it may scare him enough to back off.
    2b, 2c,
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    On what grounds is he suing you?  You can counter sue and it may scare him enough to back off.
    He says it's my dog and I should be held responsible for my dog's behavior. My dog (supposedly) damaged his furniture while we lived together and I should fix or replace it. Well, you can't fix big holes in leather. And I don't want to pay to replace it when he has damaged things belonging to me and is not willing to pay. I got stuck paying his March car insurance (he was on my plan and it's automatically deducted from my checking out every month) when he snatched back his March rent check (which covers his car insurance payment) and I didn't have enough lead time to remove him. He refused to compensate me for that $100 cost and so many others. So I'm saying let's just call it a wash and move on.

    Yes, if/when I get the summons, I guess I can write a response and countersue at that time? So I'm on pins and needles waiting to see what comes in the mail. :s

  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    Oh gosh. I'm so sorry. What a nightmare. Why are people so danged ugly???? 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,727Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    So he's suing you for a couch he hasn't even bothered to pick up for 2 months? That makes it seem like he isn't all that interested in the couch so it doesn't seem like much of a suit.
    Good luck and I hope he just goes away and leaves you alone.
    --I'm located in Western PA.   --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.   --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.   --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.   
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  • hmkennyhmkenny Posts: 1,467Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I wonder if possession really is nine tenths of the law?   It could be construed as your damaged couch, not his.  Sounds like a frivolous law suit and it doesn't sound like he has much to stand on.  The couch was damaged while you were living together and has made no effort to collect it.   Is he really suing or just threatening, I wonder.   
    3a/medium texture/normal porosity
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    These are great comments! You're making me feel less bad.

    Below is a screen shot of texts from the week he was moving out. He's the red dot.

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018


  • jeepcurlygurljeepcurlygurl Posts: 20,727Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Virtuoso
    Well that just sort of proves he doesn't want the furniture. So what is the basis of the lawsuit (she said with a shrug)?
    --I'm located in Western PA.   --I found NC in late 2004, CG since February 2005, joined the forums in May 2005, started going grey in late 2005.   --My hair is 3B with some 3A, currently at mid back length when dry,  texture-medium/fine, porosity-top is low, middle is medium, ends are porous, elasticity-normal.   --My long time favorite products are Suave & VO5 conditioners, LA Looks Sport Gel, coconut oil, honey, vinegar.   
    --My CG and grey hair progress -  
    http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/going-gray/179328-jeepys-grey-hair-progress.html   
    --My article at NaturallyCurly about going grey - 
    https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/color/how-i-went-completely-gray-and-loved-it
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    "Just leave me out of this. I didn't do ish!"


  • cailincailin Posts: 928Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I'd say the text messages would win any case he brought against you. He didn't say he would sell them on Craigslist or a consignment shop. He says he'll give them away for nothing so how can he claim damages now? Also, I wonder if there's different rules when people move in together and merge their possessions. He wasn't renting a room and your dogs or your kids went in to his private space and damaged his things. He was living with you and paying a portion of household expenses, as you do. 
  • maria_imaria_i Posts: 1,765Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I have no advice. Just hope you get rid of him as soon as possible.
    3a/b.
    Mexico City.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I can't imagine any lawyer/legal firm/court taking him seriously tbh.
    3b in South Australia.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    Starmie said:
    I can't imagine any lawyer/legal firm/court taking him seriously tbh.
    Right. I don't think he'd be awarded much, if at all, as he placed the value of the furniture between $0 - $150 in his text. And he skipped out leaving me paying his $100 car insurance bill for the month of March.

    I just cannot handle the stress of preparing for and participating in a trial right now. I have so much on my plate. Going to court is a major anxiety trigger for me; my divorce dragged on for 4.5 yrs and damn near caused me a nervous break down. 

    So over the wknd, he sends the following email (I'd already blocked him on my phone.)


    Only the first sentence is important, I guess. Jonathan is one of his friends who has been a tenant of mine since Jan 2018. When exbf was living with me, and even after he moved out, he would hand deliver Jonathan's rent payments to me. I don't understand why exbf is threatening to sue me one day and offering to run errands for me the next.  :/

    Well, I didn't respond to his email; I just contacted Jonathan directly and made arrangements to pick up the rent myself. But it's this equivocating, hot & cold, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde two-mindedness BS that I can't stand about him. (And fyi the LAST text i received from him before he threatened to sue me was a kissy face emoji he sent me after he tried to have sex w/ me.)  I cannot stand him!!!!

    But anyway, all that is to ask, do you think when he apologized in this email he was implying he would not being going fwd with the lawsuit? Or apologizing and still going fwd with the lawsuit? I never know how to take his wishy washy ass.

    I purchased a new sofa/love seat for my loft area this wknd and it has already been delivered. His damaged set is in the garage (I paid to have it and some of my no-longer-wanted items moved there.) And I have a couple of bags of his clothes, a few small furniture items, a (hand-me-down) set of luggage his uncle gifted him, etc., in my basement. I still have not heard anything from him and I would like to put it all out on the curb for bulk trash pick up. How long would you wait?

  • cailincailin Posts: 928Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't think he's trying to be nice I think he's trying to keep himself in your life in someway. He wants to be able to drop over to "deliver Jonathans rent" whenever he chooses and see whats happening at your house.

    I would send him an email telling him an exact day he needs to come over and get all his stuff from the garage. Change the locks on the house if you haven't already so he can't waltz in. Give him a date, and tell him what's left in the garage after that day is going to the dump. Done. End of story. You don't even need to be there. 

    His hot/cold behavior is drifting very close to emotional abuse in my opinion. I'd just cut ties. 
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited May 2018
    cailin said:

    His hot/cold behavior is drifting very close to emotional abuse in my opinion. I'd just cut ties. 
    Yes, I am starting to believe this! I have been reading thru old text conversations btwn us and I see this so clearly. He's not violent so I never would have classified him as abusive. But just during the argument that caused him to move out two months ago, he cursed me out, then apologized, then cursed me out and apologized several times in the span of 24 hrs via text messaging and verbally. And in front of one or both of my kids. Accusing me of lying, being stupid, blaspheming God, using him, cheating on him and damaging his furniture intentionally, myself.  :open_mouth:

  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    cailin said:

    His hot/cold behavior is drifting very close to emotional abuse in my opinion. I'd just cut ties. 
    Yes, I am starting to believe this! I have been reading thru old text conversations btwn us and I see this so clearly. He's not violent so I never would have classified him as abusive. But just during the argument that caused him to move out two months ago, he cursed me out, then apologized, then cursed me out and apologized several times in the span of 24 hrs via text messaging and verbally. And in front of one or both of my kids. Accusing me of lying, being stupid, blaspheming God, using him, cheating on him and damaging his furniture intentionally, myself.  :open_mouth:
    All I can say is good riddance. 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • WavyKfromNJWavyKfromNJ Posts: 853Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Just document everything, keep old text messages and emails.  Just in case anything happens.

    It sounds like he may have some deeper issues going on.
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  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Just document everything, keep old text messages and emails.  Just in case anything happens.

    It sounds like he may have some deeper issues going on.
    Yessssss, deeper issues! What could they be? In the interest of (behavioral) science, I'm posting this text exchange from the days immediately before he moved out. WTH???
    I'm asking for a dispensation for the adult language bc I think it shows the level of anger. 
    When he refers to "the shrink" he means the clinician we saw earlier this year for couples counseling. It didn't work. We stopped having sex, he moved into the basement. He's exaggerating that it had been a year but I guess to him, it seemed like a 

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    So he emailed me again to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. I ignored that email as weel.

    Also on M'sD, another of his aunts (the one who raised him from age 11 until adulthood as he was an orphan) texted me to wish me a HM'sD. I was really surprised and touched  that she cared enough to text me.

    And when I checked the US Mail, I noticed she had mailed him something to my house. Well, why did she mail it to my house if he's been living elsewhere (at her sister's) for 2.5 months? Was she not aware that he had moved out? I didn't want to write: RETURN TO SENDER on it and send it back to her as we had just texted a few times earlier that day; seemed a cold way to communicate.

    So I called her and asked her if she didn't know that we were no longer living together. Well, she had no idea. And said he had not told anyone in the family (except the aunt he lives with). She and other relatives had seen him several times since he moved out due to birthdays and M'sD and other reasons and they had all asked about me and he said I was fine and said nothing about the break up! She'd asked him specifically why he hadn'tb brought me and my kids over for M'sD and all he said was, "oh she's mad at me." They asked why i was mad at him and he played it off by shrugging and chuckling and saying he didn't know. 

    So his aunt started crying on the phone and said she loved me and knew he had loved me too and everyone in the family was so happy for us, thinking we'd be getting married soon. And she was furious w/ her sister for housing him for 2.5 months and not telling her, esp when she, herself, was like a mother to him. She said she would have wanted to know what was going on at the time so she could have talked to us and tried to fix things. She asked if there was any possible way they could be fixed now. I said I didn't think so. I told her some of the F'd up stuff he'd done over the last last year and she cried even more, saying she raised him better than that.

    So she said she was going to call him as soon as she got off the phone with me and give him a piece of her mind.

    OMG. I'm checking my email every 5 mins bracing myself for.....IDK. 



  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Why are you asking for dispensation?  Just change your locks.  Don't contact him or respond when he contacts you.  Don't discuss him with his family.  Just let go & move on.  Sounds like he has abused you mentally & verbally.  Not a relationship you should want or need in your life.
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    edited October 2018
    Summary: We broke up in March, he moved out but never came back to get his stuff. When I contacted him two months later to ask him to get it, he lost it and threatened to sue me and financially destroy me.

    So weird update...
    I hadn't heard from him again until my birthday which is at the end of August, when he wished me a HB via email (he has been blocked on my phone since May). Seemed harmless enough so I waited a few days and emailed back "thanks."

    Then a week later he emailed me a sappy message explaining that he could not just let my bday pass w/out acknowledgment and that he could no longer hide his feelings. I completely ignored that email. 

    Then a week after that, my daughter got off the schoolbus w/ her friends and saw all this crap in our driveway. (Pic of some of it below.) There were all sorts of messages written on the lingerie and boots, referring to him by name as my husband. My daughter was mortified and all her friends were laughing. She took this pic and sent it to me at work and didn't know what to do. When I got home, i saw it and it triggered the hell out of my anxiety and I damn near had a heart attack. We were all scared to touch it. days later, i contacted him by email and asked him what he knew about this stuff. In a most ridiculous and unbelievable lie, he kind of took responsibility (blaming it on a jealous woman who resurfaced from his past who desperately wants him but whom he refuses to get involved with due to his feelings for me) and promised it would never happen again (apologized for embarrassing my kids). 

    So then last week, I got an email from him that is a purchase confirmation from Amazon. Apparently, he bought me a neck massaging device and arranged for it to be shipped to me.

    Then yesterday he fwds (to a DIFFERENT email account bc I blocked him on the one he'd been using) a notice of special being run by the jewelry store where he'd bought me jewelry while we were together. OMG

    Anyway, the messed up part is that I am seeing someone now who is.....how can I say....a lot of work. Very circumspect and afraid of rejection. And I was trying to show him something else of my phone and he saw a pic of the junk that my ex left outside . Now the new guy is side eyeing the hell out of me and is sure there is, recently was or will soon be something going on btwn me and the ex. I feel like that set us back weeks and I hate feeling I have to defend myself from things i never did or had even had the slightest intention of doing. 



  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    Wow. A lot to unpack here. The photo is just riotous. 
    I'm rooting for you and the new guy, but I'd also hate for you to live your life with a guy you have to walk on eggshells around. 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I agree with Gretchen about having to walk on eggshells with someone.  That will get old. I do understand his being cautious with it seeming your ex is still involved.  Your ex needs to go away.  Make it clear to him that it is over & will always be over.  Way too much drama that you & your children do not need. 
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • rouquinnerouquinne Posts: 13,737Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    SL, i'm so sorry that this is still going on all these months later.... i hope it gets resolved sooner instead of later so you can move on. *hugs*
    My blog:

    http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

    Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
  • cailincailin Posts: 928Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Wow. This is terrible. 2 things: 1) I would go to the police station and file a report. Take the pictures and texts/emails and any other documentation. I'm sure they'll tell you there's nothing they can *do* because he hasn't physically threatened you yet, but getting it on record is the first step. If you can, I'd get a security system with cameras outside. If he's dropping stuff on your driveway, which I think it was him...either to make you jealous of some imaginary lady he's dating, or to make you scared and "run back to his safe arms" /s then his behavior is escalating and could get real serious real fast. 

    2) Tell that guy you're dating the deal and tell him it's the last time you're saying it. You already have one banana pants ex to deal with you don't have time to reassure his ego every five minutes. You need a partner to help you fight the problem, not fight you. If he can't be that partner then Ciao. Bye. Beat it. 
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    cailin said:
     banana pants ex 
    I'm dying! 

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    On Cue Apparel Banana Joggers - iEDM
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • GretchenGretchen Administrator Posts: 10,840Moderators Curl Virtuoso
    On Cue Apparel Banana Joggers - iEDM
    OMG!!! STOP! lol

    Gretchen
    NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
    3A

    You are beautiful!
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,408Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    LOLL
  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Do you like these better?
    LOBBO Ben Banana Mens G-String Underwear SmallMedium
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."

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