Third big chop and I still hate my curl pattern

This year, I wanted to try new things that could make my life feel worthwhile. One of those things was trying out new styles for my natural hair. I've been natural for about 8 years. Even though I do not regret going natural, I still hate my hair and how I look. Throughout most of my natural hair journey, I've had my hair pressed in order to look presentable and be "accepted" by supervisors, co-workers, classmates, and others in society. It wasn't until this year that I decided to stop using direct heat on my hair, try to embrace my natural texture (I don't know if I'm a 4b/4c mix or something else, based on multiple tests), and do my third big chop.
I do not regret doing it again...but I thought my curl pattern(s) would become more "natural". It seems like one side has a more defined curl pattern, while the other is loose, but frizzy. I may be still transitioning, but my hair still had curl patterns that clashed.
After wearing my TWA for a month, I still felt that my hair didn't look good. So, today, I asked my stylist to do a tapered cut. She does excellent work, but I still don't like how my coils/curls look. I have a fat face and I'm overweight.
I know my hair can grow back eventually, but even then, I feel I would feel the same about my curl pattern and myself. I also know I could wear protective styles (braids, etc.), weaves, or wigs...but I've tried them in the past and did not like how they felt (physically and emotionally). I've used styling creams and gels to try to blend the textures in Only way of coping may be to just continue to improve how I take care of my hair and wear a scarf more often when I'm not at home.
I just wanted to ask if anyone has advice for how to accept my hair in its current state, how to grow it out, and how to enjoy my hair journey. I have no idea what hairstyle fits me...
I do not regret doing it again...but I thought my curl pattern(s) would become more "natural". It seems like one side has a more defined curl pattern, while the other is loose, but frizzy. I may be still transitioning, but my hair still had curl patterns that clashed.
After wearing my TWA for a month, I still felt that my hair didn't look good. So, today, I asked my stylist to do a tapered cut. She does excellent work, but I still don't like how my coils/curls look. I have a fat face and I'm overweight.

I know my hair can grow back eventually, but even then, I feel I would feel the same about my curl pattern and myself. I also know I could wear protective styles (braids, etc.), weaves, or wigs...but I've tried them in the past and did not like how they felt (physically and emotionally). I've used styling creams and gels to try to blend the textures in Only way of coping may be to just continue to improve how I take care of my hair and wear a scarf more often when I'm not at home.
I just wanted to ask if anyone has advice for how to accept my hair in its current state, how to grow it out, and how to enjoy my hair journey. I have no idea what hairstyle fits me...
0
Comments
Right now, I've been deep conditioning once a week and using organ oil with other products for the L.C.O. method, which I do daily. Maybe I need to switch to peppermint. I will look into it. I have fine hair and low porosity, so I've been using the SheaMoisture Low Porosity line. My hair's been growing, but it's been hard to tell how healthy my hair is now that I'm moisturizing daily.
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
Good luck and remember, you are beautiful and unique.
Gretchen
NaturallyCurly.com co-founder
3A
You are beautiful!
@Gretchen Thank you for checking in! I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, I'm still uncomfortable with my hair length (longest hair of my tapered cut being 5 inches) and I'm still confused about my hair texture and type (maybe 4b/4c). I was considering using perm rods on my hair, but the back of my hair is still too short to comfortably fit on a perm rod. I've seen that it could be twisted somehow, based on videos online. But, when I've tried it, certain areas held curls while others either turned into waves or frizz. I've been moisturizing my hair almost everyday with the LCO method and deep conditioning it once a week (if not once every two weeks, when my weeks are hectic). But I haven't had it trimmed since getting my hair tapered around October 2017. My family said I shouldn't have it trimmed until it grows a little longer so I can retain some length.
Now, I'm considering either getting it trimmed/shaped (my hair looks so uneven) or having a bob braids/any protective style done to help my hair grow and...cover and continue to take care of my natural hair underneath for a month. I'd really like to try braids, but I don't know if it's healthy for my hair. I was told from my recent stylist that it's fine-width. I will definitely reflect on the article you sent me. Thank you for your help!