Young men watch too much porn? *Adult*

sleepymekosleepymeko Posts: 1,002Registered Users
I'm not trying to point the finger at anyone, but I've been noticing a trend... A lot of men my age (generation Y to be specific) watch WAY too much porn and have an unrealistic approach to sex. They think women WANT them to *** in their face and they think it's perfectly OK and arousing for them to gag women with their penises (forcing a woman's head down on his penis).

It is very annoying and weird when I deal with men who are trying to talk "dirty" to me and say these strange things that are quite off-putting. And I have been with an older men and I usually notice this around younger men. It usually turns me off to having sex with them.

Also, I noticed they expect women to be 'ready' for sex with absolutely no foreplay and effort. As a woman I need to be AROUSED. You need to explore my body and be gentle with me.

I actually saw a presentation by an older women who enjoys having sex with men in their twenties. She had a similar complaint that a lot of men in this age bracket expect sex to be like the porn they watch. I often tell these men they watch 'too much porn' if they think this type of degrading behavior is normal. Don't go putting stuff in my mouth or face without asking me first. It's disrespectful and I know they don't mean to be.

Has anyone else noticed this?
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  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    I haven't noticed it (it's been a really, really long time since I've been with someone under 30) but could see it being an issue.

    I don't know if it's so much a porn issue (can you really take it that seriously?? I guess if they have little other experience) though, or just that the younger generation expect everything to just come easily. No pun intended :lol:

    I do a lot of work with people in their 20's and so many expect things to just be handed to them. Whether it be a great paying job, nice home, higher end furniture, top of the line electronics. I could easily see that be the case with sex as well.

    I was talking to a guy a few weeks ago who was complaining he couldn't find a job. I suggested McDonald's, Tim Horton's and WalMart. He told me they would only pay minimum wage ($10.25) and he was worth more then that. No you're not! You're 20 years old and have no experience are not worth more then that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I also wonder if some young women are doing that stuff, so they expect it from all? A few friends daughters have talked to me about sex and it blows me away with what they are doing. I had sex pretty early (15), but didn't really try much other stuff (can't think of a better term :lol:) until I was well into my 20's. What these girls are doing (or at least claiming to be, or know people that are) makes me speechless. Another friends son (16) has told me that he stopped hanging out with certain girls because they were constantly trying to get him to do things with them.

    Sorry...they went off track of where I was headed :lol:
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  • redcelticcurlsredcelticcurls Posts: 17,502Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm a Gen X. BF is at the upper end of Gen Y. He's never acted like that.

    My last BF, who is 5 years older than I am, did have problems with porn vs reality.

    It's not generational, it's individual.

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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Yeah, there have always been bad's nothing new. I'm 50, and I knew young men back in the day who were like that...and there wasn't easy access to porn then.

    Maybe young women are tolerating bad lovers more now? Dunno. I know I didn't then, and wouldn't now.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think lack of experience has to do with a lot of it. Young people have all these unrealistic expectations, and not just about sex. A lot of people grow up thinking things are supposed to be just like in the movies. IME that tends to disappear once people get a little older and have more relationships

    And I don't think porn is the only source of sex misconceptions. Hollywood sex is pretty unrealistic too.
  • midgimidgi Posts: 2,409Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    IME, athe OP is 100% true. My very first sex partner liked to "jackhammer," and when I told him I preferred it if the sex was a little less rough he said, "How do you know what you like if you've never had sex before?" ...What an a$$.

    Second partner, identical situation. I think I'm pretty fun and slightly adventurous when it comes to sex, but he was just too out there for me. He was also a bully and tried to pressure me into things a lot. One time he actually tried to force me to do something I really did not want to do. But the very LAST time, he answered his phone in the middle of everything. I was so mad and embarrassed, I went and cried in the bathroom and left shortly after that. I called him every name under the sun, when I really wanted to put my foot in his stuff.

    There's no hope for our generation.

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  • midgimidgi Posts: 2,409Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Sorry if my post was a bit too graphic for anyone. I can edit, if anyone is bothered.

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  • SariaSaria Posts: 15,963Registered Users
    I'm Gen Y and all the men I've been with were more than happy to partake in lots of foreplay. In fact, pretty much all expressed that they prefer to give than to receive. On the flipside, I actually don't care much about foreplay in the oral sex sense, though I like a good amount of kissing and touching, so for me it gets a little old hearing how women absolutely require oral for it to be good.

    Also, none had any weird, unrealistic expectations about how it should go. If anything, except for one, I think I basically have more kink in me than the men I've been with.
  • legendslegends Posts: 3,073Registered Users
    I have had some less than awesome sex, but I've never been with a man like that. That sounds more like the problem is not having enough experience. Sure, those men might get their ideas from porn, but if they had actual sex with real women on a regular basis, it wouldn't matter how much porn they watched.

    Of course, it could also be that so many women just put up with bad sex that there's no way those men could know any better. Speaking to some women irl and reading online about many women's attitudes and experiences about sex, I suspect that that's more likely the case.

    I really think one of the most important qualities that makes a good lover is the ability to give and take direction well. So if something isn't working for you, speak up. If he doesn't listen, then play time is over. Do that enough times and he'll figure out that he can't just get off without taking your pleasure into account. Never let a man think he's great at sex when he's not--when you're done with him he'll take his "skills" to another unsuspecting woman.
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  • Fifi.GFifi.G Posts: 15,490Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Card carrying member of Gen X here, and also a lady who does not mind watching a little porn herself. I've dated/slept with men (all mbrs of Gen X except 1) who have had problems distinguishing porn from reality and others who have not. I dated a guy with a porn addiction, but not a porn affliction. He had to watch it to become aroused, but was actually a very considerate lover. I was offended at first but later found out this was typical for him, in every fling or relationship. I dated another guy who despised porn, refused to watch it, and he was the most inconsiderate, disrespectful and forceful lover of all. Another had no problems in the bedroom but expected women to look as if they just stepped out of a porn. He wanted me to lay in a tanning bed and straighten my hair everyday. He often referred to porn stars as "top quality models". Um, no. The (upper end of) Gen. Y guy... HELLO!! He could have taught everyone else a thing or 12. IME, it depends on the guy.

    After discovering the porn star James Deen (also known as the feminists porn star), I think every woman needs to hand out his stuff to potential lovers. Not his fetish stuff mind you, unless... but the "how to please women" films he participates in. Watch and learn fella's! Watch and learn!
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  • B-Nessa11B-Nessa11 Posts: 1,050Registered Users
    I wish minimum wage where I live was 10.25!!!! That's a good paying job in Birmingham al lol.

    Ok continue with the thread

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  • darkbeautyttdarkbeautytt Posts: 448Registered Users

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  • LAwomanLAwoman Posts: 2,949Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    My ex is Gen Y and he was nothing like what you describe.
  • ttlollattlolla Posts: 948Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    To answer the question , yes! I think they watch too much porn. It is more accessible than ever before and a lot have turned it into their regular past time . However I don't think there is really causation between watching too much porn and being a bad lover .
  • NejNej Posts: 2,444Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think there is waay too much easy accessibility to porn for young people. I remember being 12 and curious and looking at hardcore porn on my friends family computer. I also used to go into internet chat rooms and cyber with people because I was curious.

    Looking back it was not good and my parents were so oblivious. A 12 year old should NOT be able to cyber with grown men after school. We did all sorts of weird stuff to experiment without and clear boundaries. I think that's why I was such a late bloomer, I was terrified of penises!

    As an adult I think porn can be awesome and healthy, as a young person there is way too much access to weird stuff out there. Nothing wrong with a few nudie pics but full on porn? I don't see how it can be healthy.
  • B-Nessa11B-Nessa11 Posts: 1,050Registered Users
    I think its unhealthy when a person uses porn to set their standards. And when u aren't mature enough it gives lots if false ideas of intimacy. I think porn should be used by mature adults. And couples who are trying to find new stuff to try lol

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  • ttlollattlolla Posts: 948Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    B-Nessa11 wrote: »
    I think its unhealthy when a person uses porn to set their standards. And when u aren't mature enough it gives lots if false ideas of intimacy. I think porn should be used by mature adults. And couples who are trying to find new stuff to try lol

    from Sugarfoot's chew toy

    I agree.
  • ChikyuuChikyuu Posts: 268Registered Users
    Immature people who aren't educated on sex can use porn as an indicator about how sex really is. Immature people who aren't educated on relationship can use Twilight as an indicator about how dating really is, too =p It's a two-sided coin. It's not porn's fault, it's just stupid people.

    I know people in relationships watch porn, but we can't forget that people in this current generation aren't getting into relationships until they get older and older. A couple generations ago, by the time you turn 18, you moved out, got a job, and very soon after got married. Currently you turn 18, go to college, probably move back in with your parents (How's YOUR economy doin'?), MAYBE get a job if you're lucky, and MAYBE move out. It's practically normal now for people in their early 20s to still be living with their parents because of this "everybody is supposed to go to college" thing.

    What does that have to do with porn? People getting into relationships later and later, getting married later and later, so young men would obviously be watching a lot of porn, and not getting any relationship experience until later in life than those in earlier generations. I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend, so, y'know. -Shrug-
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  • BlackAngelPlayahBlackAngelPlayah Posts: 1,419Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Old men watch too much porn too! I hate DH discovered HampsterX! SMH

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  • diasporadiaspora Posts: 596Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm gen X, and have dated guys in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. I absolutely think porn influences men's (and women's) sexuality to some degree. IMO it's obvious. The degree likely depends on lots of factors, perhpas sexual experience, confidence, amount of porn watched, age started watching it, and personality, to name a few. If you watch the same type of thing over and over (the porn I've watched does not reflect much creativity), it can have an effect on your behavior, though I think most people are able to reject influences if they are introspective and choose to.

    I would say that my exes who were younger (also less experienced than most men in their 30s or 40s) have tended to be more into porn-style sex, but it's just a generalization, not the rule. As someone else said, porn has been much more available to them while they were coming of age than it was for Gen X and older guys. Although one of my Gen X exes admitted he became "addicted" to porn and that he had no desire to do certain things until he repeatedly watched it online. He said it's confusing-- he was no longer sure what he really wanted to do, and what watching porn made him think he wanted to. I relate to that (I was into reading "erotica" at one time).
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  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't think it's generational, more individual.

    I've been with people who watched NO porn at all, to ones who watched it frequently and really there wasn't much difference in the experience. The good lovers paid attention to what I like, etc. The bad ones didn't care either way. It didn't seem to matter which ones watched none at all, to owning it.

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