your child's gender and Shettles

AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
For those who charted before getting pregnant, I'm curious about a few things:

1) did you try for one or the other gender? were you ever successful or not? did you use Shettles, or one of the alternative methods? did you feel anything did or didn't work for you?

2) Shettles = intercourse as close to ovulation as possible will give you a boy. Intercourse as far from ovulation as possible will give you a girl. Whether or not you were trying for a specific gender, if you know the timing of your last intercourse relative to when you ovulated, did the child that was born correspond to Shettles?

3) did you have gender disappointment? when did it go away? how did/do you deal with it? do you think not finding out the gender till birth helped (or could have helped?)

4) My stats = intercourse ended either the day before or the day of O (it's ambiguous if I ovulated one day or the next.) But I had just finished nursing, had very little cervical fluid, and penetration was very shallow b/c I was dry. I felt that there would not have been enough fluid to last 3 or 4 days before O. Did I ruin my chances of a girl?
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Comments

  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    1) no, we didn't try for a particular gender. i was just trying to get pregnant. i think if it were a goat, i still would have been ecstatic.

    2) according to the ultrasound, i'm having another girl and that does not correspong with shettles at all.

    3) with this one, i had a little bit of gender disappointment which i attribute to the loss of my SO. i think everybody including myself wanted a boy as a way to replace him, if that makes any sense. before the loss of my SO i didn't have a preference at all. it went away relatively quickly (a few weeks?) i think if i would have waited to find out the gender, i would have been more bummed out and my disappointment would have lasted significantly longer. i feel like i might have even resented the baby for not being a boy.

    4) based off of your stats and mine (to my knowledge i had intercourse the day of ovulation) i don't think you ruined your chances. but by no means am i an authority on the subject, at all.
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I didn't use the Shettles Method or try for a gender. With DS, I conceived in the first month we were trying. With DD, it was about 4 cycles along. In both cycles that I conceived, we had only had intercourse the day before (or it might have been the day of) ovulation.

    I didn't find out the gender beforehand with either of my kids. I was disappointed that DS was a boy. I really wanted a girl. Its not true that your disappointment just vanishes when you see your newborn baby. I looked at my own baby boy, loved him to death, but still wished he was a girl. But the feelings of disappointment definitely lessen pretty quickly as you set upon the task of parenting your new baby.

    I would think in retrospect that you would probably have a better chance of making peace with whichever gender it is if you find out in advance. But I personally didn't think it was important enough to do so. I preferred the surprise.

    I hope you get your girl this time but you are already a wonderful boy-Mama and if you have a second boy he will benefit from your expertise (and from having a big brother to look up to)!


  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    1) did you try for one or the other gender? were you ever successful or not? did you use Shettles, or one of the alternative methods? did you feel anything did or didn't work for you?

    Yes, we used Shettles both times and have one boy and one girl. I wanted my boy born first, and he was. So, successful both times.

    2) Shettles = intercourse as close to ovulation as possible will give you a boy. Intercourse as far from ovulation as possible will give you a girl. Whether or not you were trying for a specific gender, if you know the timing of your last intercourse relative to when you ovulated, did the child that was born correspond to Shettles?

    Yes. With our boy, we had intercourse on the day of ovulation. With our girl, we had intercourse no more than 3 days prior to ovulation.

    3) did you have gender disappointment? when did it go away? how did/do you deal with it? do you think not finding out the gender till birth helped (or could have helped?)

    No gender disappointment after finding out what it was, but my pregnancies were very similar, so I was convinced that #2 was a boy and I was feeling down about that. There are so few girls in either family, so having one was something I really wanted. That, and we really wanted one of each. Most of our friends families have ALL girls, too.
    I am not one to wait to see what I am having, I think I like being prepared. So, finding out that I was having a second boy might have made it easier for me in terms of getting ready for the birth and feeling closer to the baby while still pregnant.

    4) My stats = intercourse ended either the day before or the day of O (it's ambiguous if I ovulated one day or the next.) But I had just finished nursing, had very little cervical fluid, and penetration was very shallow b/c I was dry. I felt that there would not have been enough fluid to last 3 or 4 days before O. Did I ruin my chances of a girl?

    Honestly, I think it has more to do with the timing of the intercourse than it does with anything. So, just my opinion, but I would think that just considering that I woudl think that chances for a boy would be higher than a girl. Again, my opinion. I am not an expert on Shettles, and sometimes, I think ours working both times was mere luck. Especially with our girl. It's harder to conceive a girl than a boy if you are using the Shettles method.

    ETA: Also, we conceived the boy the first cycle trying (3 weeks after stopping the pill I was pregnant). The girl we conceived on the second cycle. Hubbs and I had the stomach flu the first cycle and no way was it on our minds!!! :)

    Also, Amneris, you should really try putting this on a TTC board. They probably have much more traffic about this topic and other moms/TTC'ers who are more versed in this. I know that we have several moms here, but in general, it's a hair board. A TTC or similar site would work better, IMO. Not sure if the Ovosoft still has a forum, but that's where I went for these kinds of posts.
    :rambo:
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    IMO, Shettles is a bunch of bunk. I've been pg 5 times (2 boys, 3 girls). All were conceived the day before/on the day of ovulation. I know because I used ovulation kits. So, based on Shettles, I should have all boys. But I only have 1. The rest are girls. I wish I had another boy. I really wanted one. I love my girls to pieces, obviously. But I wanted one more chance to mother a little boy.

    You've got a 50/50 chance, AM. I hope you get your girl.
  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    medussa wrote: »
    IMO, Shettles is a bunch of bunk. I've been pg 5 times (2 boys, 3 girls). All were conceived the day before/on the day of ovulation. I know because I used ovulation kits. So, based on Shettles, I should have all boys. But I only have 1. The rest are girls. I wish I had another boy. I really wanted one. I love my girls to pieces, obviously. But I wanted one more chance to mother a little boy.

    You've got a 50/50 chance, AM. I hope you get your girl.

    Part of me feels this way as well.

    I think that there are times that stuff like this makes conceiving, pregnancy, etc not FUN. I mean, I charted. I did the BARE minimum of charting - I took my temp every AM. And sometimes I even junked that up by sleeping in later, or getting up to pee before doing it. I didn't check CM, CP, didn't think about penetration and all of that other stuff simply because I think it makes the whole TTC thing completely boring and NOT FUN. I am all about the science and wonderment of making babies, but I am all for trying to have one without the science, thermometers, CM and all of the other stuff.

    I think that some tend to lose sight about having a healthy child. Plus, all of the science stuff made it completely a non-exciting thing for my husband. "Oh, we can't do it today, since we did it yesterday, and can't do it until my CM is blah blah blah." He just wanted to make a baby. I just wanted to make a baby.

    So, I am not sure how MUCH of my kids' gender is dependent upon Shettles. Other than, we followed the intercourse/ovulation rules, and that was it.

    IMO, it was totally up to chance. Whether our timing played a part in it, eh, could be. But if you are looking at Shettles and that method, then yes, we were successful. But, like medussa mentioned, if you look at her children's gender and Shettles, she was not successful (if she were to have used it).

    So, yeah, you have a 50/50 chance.
    :rambo:
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    M2LR wrote: »
    medussa wrote: »
    IMO, Shettles is a bunch of bunk. I've been pg 5 times (2 boys, 3 girls). All were conceived the day before/on the day of ovulation. I know because I used ovulation kits. So, based on Shettles, I should have all boys. But I only have 1. The rest are girls. I wish I had another boy. I really wanted one. I love my girls to pieces, obviously. But I wanted one more chance to mother a little boy.

    You've got a 50/50 chance, AM. I hope you get your girl.

    Part of me feels this way as well.

    I think that there are times that stuff like this makes conceiving, pregnancy, etc not FUN. I mean, I charted. I did the BARE minimum of charting - I took my temp every AM. And sometimes I even junked that up by sleeping in later, or getting up to pee before doing it. I didn't check CM, CP, didn't think about penetration and all of that other stuff simply because I think it makes the whole TTC thing completely boring and NOT FUN. I am all about the science and wonderment of making babies, but I am all for trying to have one without the science, thermometers, CM and all of the other stuff.

    I think that some tend to lose sight about having a healthy child. Plus, all of the science stuff made it completely a non-exciting thing for my husband. "Oh, we can't do it today, since we did it yesterday, and can't do it until my CM is blah blah blah." He just wanted to make a baby. I just wanted to make a baby.

    So, I am not sure how MUCH of my kids' gender is dependent upon Shettles. Other than, we followed the intercourse/ovulation rules, and that was it.

    IMO, it was totally up to chance. Whether our timing played a part in it, eh, could be. But if you are looking at Shettles and that method, then yes, we were successful. But, like medussa mentioned, if you look at her children's gender and Shettles, she was not successful (if she were to have used it).

    So, yeah, you have a 50/50 chance.

    yes yes and yes to the bolded. A, I am sorry and this is going to sound snarky, but your baby has been given a clean ultrasound correct? why can you not just enjoy that? Why are you so worried that if it is a boy you are going to have to try for a girl. You have mentioned it many times lately and it really rubs me the wrong way.

    I am sure I am jaded in my thinking, but after having a child who was/is not healthy, all I ever care about is having a healthy baby. One I can hold after I give birth and bond with. one that I can dream about growing up without stopping myself in fear that it will not happen. Why can't you just be happy that you are being blessed with your second healthy child?
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    deezee - I understand your perspective and I appreciate it because of course, you are right, but I can't help how I feel deep down and I think a lot of people feel this way (and then feel guilty that we're not 100% happy about a healthy child.) No disrespect intended.

    M2LR - I would like a 3rd whether or not this is a girl, and maybe even a 4th. I want a larger family. What is more likely to dictate having #3 is career concerns/timing or an inability to conceive.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • M2LRM2LR Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Why would you be concerned about not being able to conceive? I know that you've had a m/c in the past, but you've gotten pregnant twice, and you didn't even deal with secondary infertility with this pregnancy, so I am not sure why you'd have such concern over getting pregnant with #3 or even 4.

    You've always talked in the past about being fertile, and the women in your family are fertile as well. So, I don't understand.

    I don't mean to be snarky either, but plenty of women have pregnancies/babies well into their 30s and 40s these days, and if you have no other health concerns (PCOS, fibroids, etc), then I am not sure why there woudl be a concern about infertility NOW.
    :rambo:
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    M2LR wrote: »
    Why would you be concerned about not being able to conceive? I know that you've had a m/c in the past, but you've gotten pregnant twice, and you didn't even deal with secondary infertility with this pregnancy, so I am not sure why you'd have such concern over getting pregnant with #3 or even 4.

    You've always talked in the past about being fertile, and the women in your family are fertile as well. So, I don't understand.

    I don't mean to be snarky either, but plenty of women have pregnancies/babies well into their 30s and 40s these days, and if you have no other health concerns (PCOS, fibroids, etc), then I am not sure why there woudl be a concern about infertility NOW.


    see my post about anxiety - no, I have no reason to worry about my fertility since I have conceived easily twice (well 3x if you count the loss), but it's still something I don't want to take for granted.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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    534Pm5.png





  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    We used the Shettles method two times. Both times we were trying for a girl (since I already had 2 boys). The first time...it worked. The second time...it didn't. I got another boy. That'll teach me to get greedy. LOL.

    50/50...just like regular old mother nature.

    I hope you get the gender you want. If you don't...I'm sure it will be fine.
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 7,169Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    I'd never heard of Shettles until I read this thread but from what you wrote I would say it worked out for me. I know I conceived both times around ovulation and I had two boys. Really not convinced any of these supposed methods work though.
    I wanted a girl first time round but had a boy - wasn't bothered as I thought I had a chance of a girl next time. Second pregnancy I actually really wasn't as bothered about it and as the pregnancy went on I thought I'd prefer another boy. My pregnancy wasn't plain sailing though and I could easily have lost him, so I think the healthy baby thing was more of a concern.
    I have at times thought it would be nice to have a girl, but now my boys are older I really can't imagine being the mother of a daughter. Suppose it would be different if I had one as I would just accept it wouldn't I!
    3b in South Australia.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    Amneris, I understand that you can't help the way you feel about gender even if you don't want to feel that way.

    Is it an option to find out the gender beforehand? I think it might be a good idea in your case because then you will have more time to get used to the idea of it being another boy if it is a boy and deal with your emotions positively.

    I hope you get your girl, but if you have another boy I know you will have much joy from him too. Gender is a very small part of overall personality, and it's so fun once you have more than one kid to really see and appreciate how different they are.

    I did not really care either way about gender and I did not find out in advance either time. I knew I was done with 2 kids even if it was 2 boys (and I was expecting 2 boys) so my daughter was a surprise
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    geeky wrote: »
    Is it an option to find out the gender beforehand? I think it might be a good idea in your case because then you will have more time to get used to the idea of it being another boy if it is a boy and deal with your emotions positively.



    Since it means that much to you, I think it's a good idea to find out the gender in advance too.

    I had so wanted a second girl, when I was having my 4th baby. We had tried for a girl using Shettles. I was expecting a girl. When I saw a boy on ultrasound, I'll admit that I was upset. But, I had 20 weeks to get used to the idea. By the time he was born, I was excited about having my third boy. I wouldn't have wanted his birth day to be sad in any way, and it wasn't.

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