won't do homework.

cymprenicympreni Curl NeophytePosts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
What is an appropriate response for a 2nd grader who won't do their homework?

It it unreasonable to make him sit there until he gets it done? Even if it takes hours?

Should i send it to school with incomplete or very wrong answers and make him deal with the consequences that way?

Comments

  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    How much homework are we talking about? When Max was younger and refusing to do homework, I would set a timer. It seemed to help him with time management and at some point, he realized that really it should only be taking him as long as I was setting the timer for (if that makes sense).

    I would rather deal with it myself than give the school any more control over my kid, but that's just me.

    Is this your son with an autistic spectrum diagnosis? Even if the actual work content isn't too challenging, is it just too much for him? Can the teacher modify the assignments so you can ease him into it?
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    I was going to suggest the timer, too.

    If it were me, I would set the timer for 15 min. Tell him to do what he can. After 15 min, i would set it again and have him play for 15 min. Then set it again, for another 15, I would think 30 min should be enough for a second grader, but I am not sure.

    Also, find out if the work is too hard, or if he is bored.

    I would definitely tell the teacher what is going on, this is stuff she should know. She may have suggestions and be able to tell you how long it should take.

    I don't think you should make him sit there for hours, I think that would lead to way to much frustration, for you both.

    If the timer doesn't work, then, yep, I would send him to school with it incomplete and wrong answers.

    ETA: Read the rest of cosmic's post, if it is your son with autism spectrum disorder, I would go right to the teacher and find out if he is able to get work done in class.
  • cymprenicympreni Curl Neophyte Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    He gets 1 page of homework, maybe 5-10 questions. It's not hard things, he does this with. If it was that I would have no problems helping him. He's currently doing an end of chapter review of a review chapter. He's doing things like pretending like he doesn't know how to count.

    he spent an over an hour on this 1 problem:

    fill in the blanks:

    800, 799, 798, ____, ____

    This was worthy of another hour

    459, ____, _____, _____, 463

    he would stare at it forever then write down random numbers that were so off base, you could tell he wasn't even trying. Even asking him which single digit number was bigger he was answering wrong. He was an honor roll student last year and the math program was much more difficult than this year.

    he is the one with autism, but he's also a master manipulator and will milk it for all it's worth if you let him. I don't fall for it, but some in school have before. He plays helpless very well. He has a long history of faking stuff or refusing to try to get others to do it for him since infancy because he dislikes change that much and he craves the attention. In the early years with his delays, it's not that he couldn't do things, it was because he refused. he wanted his life to stay the same. Getting him to even attempt to talk, feed himself, dress himself were major power struggles. For the most part he's over that in most areas at least. But thinking this out, I'm wonder if this combined with some coddling in school is part of the problem. He only acts like this with the easy stuff. maybe seeing how far he's come gives him a little panic.

    We should be having an IEP meeting soon. I'll have to add this to my list of things to bring up.

    Oh yeah, I was reminding him of the time, but it wasn't having much of an effect. I even pointed out a bunch of things he could be doing if he would just do these simple problems. But still he went to bed with it being unfinished.
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    I would not fight him as it will just cause more frustration for both of you.

    I would look into hiring a tutor, advertise at a local college to students who are in education/intervention. Maybe 1 hour 2 times a week. Have them sit down with him and work with stuff, they can do homework and then maybe a special activity.

    On the days they are not their I would sit with him and do the homework with him. Explain it to him and then reward for good behavior.
    cympreni wrote: »
    He gets 1 page of homework, maybe 5-10 questions. It's not hard things, he does this with. If it was that I would have no problems helping him. He's currently doing an end of chapter review of a review chapter. He's doing things like pretending like he doesn't know how to count.

    he spent an over an hour on this 1 problem:

    fill in the blanks:

    800, 799, 798, ____, ____

    This was worthy of another hour

    459, ____, _____, _____, 463

    he would stare at it forever then write down random numbers that were so off base, you could tell he wasn't even trying. Even asking him which single digit number was bigger he was answering wrong. He was an honor roll student last year and the math program was much more difficult than this year.

    he is the one with autism, but he's also a master manipulator and will milk it for all it's worth if you let him. I don't fall for it, but some in school have before. He plays helpless very well. He has a long history of faking stuff or refusing to try to get others to do it for him since infancy because he dislikes change that much and he craves the attention. In the early years with his delays, it's not that he couldn't do things, it was because he refused. he wanted his life to stay the same. Getting him to even attempt to talk, feed himself, dress himself were major power struggles. For the most part he's over that in most areas at least. But thinking this out, I'm wonder if this combined with some coddling in school is part of the problem. He only acts like this with the easy stuff. maybe seeing how far he's come gives him a little panic.

    We should be having an IEP meeting soon. I'll have to add this to my list of things to bring up.

    Oh yeah, I was reminding him of the time, but it wasn't having much of an effect. I even pointed out a bunch of things he could be doing if he would just do these simple problems. But still he went to bed with it being unfinished.
    58eCm4.png
    SCxkm4.png

    Come swag with me!
  • cymprenicympreni Curl Neophyte Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    He doesn't need help studying. It's not that he can't do it, he just refuses to do it once in a while. Offers of rewards have never worked when he gets like this. he gets stuck in this mindset and it's hard to break him out of it. I always have rewarded him after he finishes his work in a timely manner. Because of his disability he's practically been in school since he was 2. He's had to work everyday since and reward for being good each time. He knows the routine.

    He typically does this stuff with so simple he's known it for years. By the time he started preschool at 3, he was self-taught reader, counting in the thousands and already knew how to use a computer. He used to stump his teachers by asking for geometric shapes that they didn't know.

    These aren't math problems, he was saying he couldn't do today. He was saying he couldn't count, like 1,2,3,4,5,etc. That is ALL today's homework consisted of. This is an end of chapter review, of a chapter that is reviewing of last years work. Thus far, he's been a straight A student all through school. And today he was claiming he couldn't count. THAT is why I am frustrated. He is a very smart kid, who's playing dumb to get out of homework.

    I don't want to fight him, it's frustrating and time consuming. But if i give him an inch, he'll take 10 miles. It's not my not my preferred style, but I accepted it a long time ago. I don't want him picking and choosing what homework he does and doesn't do especially at 7.

    I pretty much know what my options are, I just don't know how far to take it. Because of his history, he is much more used to sitting down and working for longer periods of time than average kids. he's had to do 1-2 hour stretches for years.
  • KookyCurlKookyCurl Posts: 1,980Registered Users
    Is he attached to his grade? Is it a motivator for him? Because letting him go to school with unfinished and incorrect homework and letting him get the bad marks may work. If his grade isn't a motivator for him, then it's not going to work. If it is I'd also let the teacher in on what's going on at home and enlist her help. Make sure the work gets handed back and the effect on his grade is pointed out by his teacher.

    Sounds like he's got a case of what I call "I know this, it's too easy/I'm bored and I'm not doing it!" (I used to have it all the time). As a teacher I see it a lot from all types of students. With some it's harder to reason with them "yes I know you know it, but you need to show your new teacher you know it so she/he can figure out where to start the new material."

    Good luck with this! I know it's hard. From a teacher's point of view, def. keep them informed of this struggle. Whatever path you take, it's best when reinforced in the classroom as well.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    I don't know if this is what I would do as a parent, but my parents used to take away privileges when I got in trouble for not doing my homework (a little older, maybe middle school age). Stuff like phone or TV, and when it got really bad in 6th grade I was pulled out of gymnastics for a few months (actually, I think they just reduced me to once a week on Saturdays).

    I was bad though. I used to lie to my teachers and say I didn't have time to do my homework because of Hebrew school (on nights I didn't have it) and would lie to my parents about even having homework in the first place (I'd say it was finished already). When we had the big talk about it and they asked me why I lied to them, I said "Because you would have made me do it" - it seemed so obvious in my 6th-grade mind, and they had to try really hard not to laugh at my honesty.


    I'm not sure what would be appropriate for a 7-year-old... does he like to watch TV at night or play on the computer? Maybe he can't do those until his homework is done? If you go that route I'd suggest some sort of sign-off system with the homework/teacher/you so that he can't lie about having homework.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • cymprenicympreni Curl Neophyte Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Kooky- he does care about his grades. He was very proud of himself last year. They make a big deal out of honor roll at his school. The kids get nice certificates, charms, buttons and a party. I have brought it up before, but maybe if I bring it up ealier. He's had very little academic challenges so far. I don't think he's actually used to working to keep that grade.

    Pixie, I am the queen of taking away privileges. No tv and games until work is done is standard here. With those 2 things I'll go for long periods if necessary. For yesterday's mess, I took away his cool homework folder and made him use a plain one. :laughing4: (man I will miss the days when things like that have an effect). He can't have it back until he does his homework like he's supposed to.

    Oh and he cant' lie about homework assignments at this school. The school buys kid versions of weekly planners where they write out all that stuff. I have to sign it everyday or he loses citizenship points that week. At his school they are actually graded on behavior and being responsible. he's actually kind a peeved because of it right now. They're having a little competition for the best behaved class and the winner gets some kind of prize at the end. And i keep hearing "but mommy they keep talking and now i won't get my prize!"
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    Not reminding him of the time, set an actual timer. I hate the old egg timers (they are way too loud for me), but they work great. My kids love hearing the ding. I have a battery operated one which I like much better. Or have him set it.

    I would say, "Bet you can't do this problem in 5 min." Next problem, "Bet you can't do this in 4 min." When you have done that for 15 min, take a fun break for 15 min. I know it sounds silly, but using a timer has made a big difference in helping my kids focus. Or if there is something I have to do, I say, "Bet I can finish before you." My kids love to beat me at stuff.
  • cymprenicympreni Curl Neophyte Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'll pick one up soon. It's worth a shot.
  • afrosheenqueenafrosheenqueen Curl Connoisseur Posts: 5,400Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I would sit with him and help him get it done. NPR do the work for him but have him read me the instructions and help guide him through, even if he says he can do it. Do a few and then leave, come back after a while, check the progress and do some more.

    As a teacher I used this method in class when kids were unmotivated to do the work on their own. They actually like the bonding time and reinforces how important you think this is.
    4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

    HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

    SL APL BSL MBL
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Curl Connoisseur Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Unfortunately, for non-homework-doers, there's not much that substitutes for hovering over them and making sure they do it. It's unfortunate that's he's like this already in only 2nd grade.

    I had a non-homework-doer. It started young and got progressively worse as the years went on. In his case, it was mostly because he was bored to tears with the material. He should have been been in advanced-placement early on, but the school didn't offer it. By the time he got to high school, his terrible motivation and bad study habits were deeply set.
  • PoPo Posts: 2,607Registered Users
    I have a second grader as well, and I make him do it even if that means he's doing homework for hours. He'll spend two hours whining and crying and then when I threaten to XYZ, he'll do it in 15 mins and go about his merry way. He's only like this with school work. On the weekends, he'll do workbooks on his own FOR FUN, but ask him to do a 5 question worksheet for school and he flips out. :confused4:
    3c/4a
  • RebeccaKRebeccaK Curl Connoisseur Posts: 305Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    From your description it sounds like 'passage of time' or 'sense of time' is not a challenge for your son, but these Time Timers are amazing and, while pricey, might be helpful for you.... then again, perhaps you've already tried them. (If not, there are small and large sizes, some with a very quiet beep and some without, and also watches that will vibrate against your wrist).

    [IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/REBECC%7E1.HOU/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.png[/IMG]
  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Curl Neophyte Posts: 5,844Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    ruralcurls wrote: »
    Not reminding him of the time, set an actual timer. I hate the old egg timers (they are way too loud for me), but they work great. My kids love hearing the ding. I have a battery operated one which I like much better. Or have him set it.

    I would say, "Bet you can't do this problem in 5 min." Next problem, "Bet you can't do this in 4 min." When you have done that for 15 min, take a fun break for 15 min. I know it sounds silly, but using a timer has made a big difference in helping my kids focus. Or if there is something I have to do, I say, "Bet I can finish before you." My kids love to beat me at stuff.
    cympreni wrote: »
    I'll pick one up soon. It's worth a shot.

    Try the timer!

    My son has huge homework issues...and in K and 1st he was having trouble finishing work in class. His teacher started timing him and told me to do the same when I expressed my concern over his homework. Worked like a charm. Still in 2nd this year we will continue to use it. It helps focus him.
    High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file