Disciplining a toddler

DarkAngelDarkAngel Curl NeophytePosts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
What do you do to teach a toddler right from wrong? Xander is a little savage. Here's how our interactions go:

X: (trying to touch the surge protecter)
Me: Get away from there! No, Xander, no!!
X: Teehee
Me: Do you hear me? Move!!!
X: Teehee :still reaching to put his fingers in there.
Me: I told you to move. :smacks his little hand:
X: Teehee :smiles at mommy:
Me: Are you crazy? :smacks his hand harder:
X: Starts full on giggling

Am I raising Ted Bundy? How do I get him to listen? Hitting is obviously not working but raising my voice isn't either. Will putting him in his crib for a "time out" work?
image.php?type=2&o=5&c=1&date=2009-10-07&babyname=Sebastian

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel

Comments

  • M2LRM2LR Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    HOw old is he again?

    I think that I used "diversion" A LOT when my son was little...showing him something else to play with, diverting his attention else where, etc.
    :rambo:
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Curl Neophyte Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    13 months.


    I have tried diversion but he seems to be pretty single minded and goes right back to the bad thing. Maybe I don't do right or long enough.
    image.php?type=2&o=5&c=1&date=2009-10-07&babyname=Sebastian

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • loosecurlsloosecurls Posts: 637Registered Users
    I've done the hand swat & when it didn't do anything other than upset her (but she'd keep going after whatever it is she wasn't supposed to) I've gone to the stern "NO" & a swat on the butt.

    The NO & diversion tactic works well too.


    Disciplining a toddler is like having a battle with saran wrap----you might win or you might wind up more frustrated than when you started.
    Slinky's rule for NC.com:

    I suppose I can't judge you because you married a serviceman and it is wartime. Boo hoo. You must be loney sitting at home with nothing else to do but pick on people. Why don't you go masterbate again?
  • M2LRM2LR Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,630Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    loosecurls wrote:
    I've done the hand swat & when it didn't do anything other than upset her (but she'd keep going after whatever it is she wasn't supposed to) I've gone to the stern "NO" & a swat on the butt.

    The NO & diversion tactic works well too.


    Disciplining a toddler is like having a battle with saran wrap----you might win or you might wind up more frustrated than when you started.

    LOL, very true.

    I think that he's too young for "time out."
    :rambo:
  • CGNYCCGNYC Curl Connoisseur Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Someone told me about a concept called (frankly, I think she made this up but I agree with it) Get Off Your Butt Parenting. Essentially, they just don't have self-control till they're like four or something (I don't necessarily think swatting is bad but I don't think it teaches self control so much as fear but hey, if it keeps their fingers out of the light sockets... :wink: ), even when they "know" they're not supposed to do something, they just don't have the self-control to stop. So we do a lot of getting up and moving her or moving whatever the problem is. S has a phenominal amount of concentration - she does. not. forget. The dog treat on the bed four days ago? Yeah, if I put her down on the bed she is still going to search for it. So we get up and move her a LOT :wink:

    Mostly, I am just keeping all the tempting no-no stuff out of her way for now. I'd rather not have "pretties" than spend my whole day saying, "Susannah, no, Susannah, stop, Susannah, quit that." Heaven help us, she's almost walking and she is like a panther with the crawling. I should be Nicole Ritchie slim any day now.
  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    redirection but also adjusting your own perception of what "works". A toddler is a toddler, no matter what discipline method you choose to use. I highly suggest reading "Your One Year Old" to get a handle on what is age expected behavior for Xander (the whole series is pretty great, just ignore the parenting advice especially after the 3 year old book).

    Then realize that you as the parent have the power to say yes & no. I start by saying yes with the environment. I put up gates, baby proof as much as possible and make the environment in my home enjoyable to the kids (by allowing them space to explore) and to the parents (by removing minute by minute battles of No, No, No, No, No).

    Then when I do say, "this isn't for Ryan" I practice GOYBP. It stands for get off your butt parenting. "This is not for Ryan", remove child from object, give them another toy in another area. Repeat, repeat, repeat. When his persistence is obviously stronger that day than my ability to physically repeat then I remove him from the situation.

    He's not being defiant, it's that his impulse control as a toddler is his #1 driving force. It overrides anything you say, do or put in his way. Trying to circumvent this force is useless, teaching him with consistency what is acceptable and not acceptable is very effective but takes tons of time and committment even on the days when you feel like throwing in the towel. I like tag teaming with my husband in the sense that when I'm loosing my cool and loosing control he steps in and continues the course of action as the calm parent and I get to step away and regain composure. During the day it's just me so I take a break when I'm about to blow my top. Ian is quite used to hearing me say, "mommy needs to take a break and calm down. I need some space, peace & quiet." In fact, he's quite used to hearing, "Ian you need to take a break to calm down" and he's got a comfort corner in our house. Not time out. Of course he's older.

    And finally, every kid is different so you'll babyproof differently for each child. We gate off my husband's office, my sewing room and the kitchen. Yes, they are allowed in those rooms just not unsupervised.

    LOL, CGNYC GOYBP is a term coined by Joann on this site:

    [url]http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/index.html[/url]
  • CGNYCCGNYC Curl Connoisseur Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I spend a lot of time telling my husband and remind myself that a lot of her "objectionable behavior" is very age appropriate - you can't really parent a child so that they never do somethings, all you can do is parent through that phase.

    When I was explaining that "get off your butt parenting" is much more successful than standing five feet away and saying "No, No, Quit, Stop" over and over he said, "Oh, like how we trained Teddy" - so Get Off Your Butt dog training works pretty well too.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I agree with CGNYC and Marielle. You pretty much just need to say no and remove them from the situation or remove the object from them. Repeat up to 10,000 times in one day, as needed. Toddlers need to learn that when Mommy or Daddy say no, they mean it and resistance is futile. But that takes a good long time to actually sink in.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Curl Neophyte Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Why can't they come already trained? :(
    image.php?type=2&o=5&c=1&date=2009-10-07&babyname=Sebastian

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • CGNYCCGNYC Curl Connoisseur Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't know because I would TOTALLY pay extra for that.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    :lol:
    0004.gif

    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    We are also in the "physically drag kicking and screaming toddler away from the enticing object" phase of parenting. Its amazing how persistent they can be! And how sneaky!

    So far doing it consistently has worked to make Karan lose interest in banging on the tv ot the mirror (for now).
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    Eventually it works. We're now at the stage where asking "Does mommy have to take _____ away from you?" usually works pretty well. Of course, this is after several months of actually taking stuff away and dealing with the resulting tantrum.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Curl Neophyte Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    We are also in the "physically drag kicking and screaming toddler away from the enticing object" phase of parenting. Its amazing how persistent they can be! And how sneaky!

    So far doing it consistently has worked to make Karan lose interest in banging on the tv ot the mirror (for now).


    We gave in on banging on the tv. It's his now. We've just accepted that it will have little paw prints on the lower quarter of the screen.
    image.php?type=2&o=5&c=1&date=2009-10-07&babyname=Sebastian

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • three rivers curlythree rivers curly Posts: 994Registered Users
    My SIL has what she calls a "naughty chair". After re-directing and discussing has stopped working, she makes niece sit in her chair. Niece does not care for the chair, so this seems to work for her. :lol:
    Better everyone think your a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right.

    Perception is not reality.

    http://public.fotki.com/hmiklos
  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Curl Neophyte Posts: 5,297Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I tried disciplining B at a young age, but I just read recently that they don't understand right from wrong until they're about 18 months (which is funny b/c that's when they become REALLY defiant). So I suppose until that point you just focus on redirecting.

    Just one more thing I can feel guilty about. Guess I'll remember that for next time.
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Posts: 791Registered Users
    My SIL has what she calls a "naughty chair". After re-directing and discussing has stopped working, she makes niece sit in her chair. Niece does not care for the chair, so this seems to work for her. :lol:

    My friend has been doing this with her 18 month old for quite sometime now. She doesn't make her sit there for long (maybe 30 seconds to a minute) but it is effective. She even has a naughty spot at my house. Anyway, she makes her daughter sit there and then she goes over and tells her daughter she needs to listen to mommy and gets an 'I'm sorry' hug. I guess as children get older, you leave them in the naughty chair for longer periods of time.
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

    78Da.jpg78Dam6.png
  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Posts: 791Registered Users
    My SIL has what she calls a "naughty chair". After re-directing and discussing has stopped working, she makes niece sit in her chair. Niece does not care for the chair, so this seems to work for her. :lol:

    My friend has been doing this with her 18 month old for quite sometime now. She doesn't make her sit there for long (maybe 30 seconds to a minute) but it is effective. She even has a naughty spot at my house. Anyway, she makes her daughter sit there and then she goes over and tells her daughter she needs to listen to mommy and gets an 'I'm sorry' hug. I guess as children get older, you leave them in the naughty chair for longer periods of time.
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

    78Da.jpg78Dam6.png
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    naughty spots are what they do on Supernanny and Nanny 911 on TV. I admit when I watch those shows, I am sitting on my couch saying,"Spank their butts!" (But that is just my POV).
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • wavezncurlzwavezncurlz Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    Your story sounds so familiar. I will be checking this thread for answers!
    HAIRCOLLAGE2010-1-1.jpg[

    mini-album w/ various styles for the past 10 years of natural hair:
    http://s29.photobucket.com/albums/c252/wavezncurlz/hair/
    password: curlzorwavez
  • jenjenjenjen Posts: 188Registered Users
    My son is 17 months and loves to get into anything... drum roll

    EVEN DOG VOMIT

    So I have used the naughty spot idea. I pick a corner of the room with nothing near it and it's boring to look at and I say something like...

    Mommy told you no but you didn't listen so now you're going to sit here and he hates it, but it works pretty good (I make him sit there for about a minute).

    I admit I swat him on the butt and hand sometimes... but see my parents were very abusive (I'm talking strangling, punching, pulling me around by my hair, kicking, etc.) so I know I have a temper and I don't like to hit because I don't like to go down that road. But the occasional swat never killed anyone. I also use distraction but you've got to stick with it for a few minutes or it won't work.
    [/i][/u]
    .png


    .png

    Between 3a/3b
    “Law is order, and good law is good order” (Aristotle).
  • CGNYCCGNYC Curl Connoisseur Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Here's my question: what happens when these kids get a little older and don't want to be in the naughty spot. At some point, they're going to test it and try to get up. What then?

    I'm not challenging your parenting or anything, I'm just curious because I think that kind of thing has to be looming out there just waiting to happen.
  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    ahhhh, I'd been meaning to come back to this thread. I always have a ton of books in the rotation to read regarding positive discpline and just added a new one that I feel like telling everyone and their mother about.

    When Anger Hurts Your Kids - not the typical touchy feely self help stuff. Just cold hard facts on anger, how it affects the parent/child dynamic and tools to help the parent manage their anger effectively.

    Other books:

    Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline

    Raising Your Spirited Child (this one is amazing, not only helped me tune into my kid but helped me discover that I had "spirited" traits as well

    How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk

    Liberated Parents, Liberated Children
  • jenjenjenjen Posts: 188Registered Users
    Of course they will want to leave the spot. I think you just have to keep on putting them back on it until they've "served their time" and let them off. I know that sounds like a lot of work. See I'm kinda of learning as I go and I haven't gotten to that point yet. Anyone else have any thoughts on this good point by the way.
    .png


    .png

    Between 3a/3b
    “Law is order, and good law is good order” (Aristotle).

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file