I'm almost ready to quit and relax my hair

diva_kishadiva_kisha Registered Users Posts: 4
I'm really trying but I think I am almost at my wits end. I have been transitioning since August 2009 and because of my busy schedule, I really need to be able to wear weaves and braids. I have been wearing wigs but that is extra work in the mornings. My problem is that these "so-called" natural haircare professionals in Atlanta are anything but that. I made an appointment with a stylist for kinky twists. My hair is now a hot mess and I will have to pay someone else to take this hair down. She tied my hair into a knot with the synthetic hair, then braided it about a half-inch, and then tried to twist the rest. It is falling apart and the braids are all different lengths and sizes. She insists she did a good job. :sad3: I'm feeling like life was much easier when my hair was relaxed, even with the constant shedding. And I just can't see chopping all my hair off. My hair has been shoulder length since I was a child and I'm not comfortable yet. Any advice or stylist recommendation would be helpful.

Comments

  • adthomasadthomas Registered Users Posts: 5,525 Curl Neophyte
    Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I don't have much advice on transitioning since I chopped my hair three months after I stopped relaxing. It was too much work.

    I'm wearing my hair in twists. I still wash/condition/deep condition but I'm leaving it alone as much as possible as I wait for it to grow. In the mean time I haver a short cute wig that takes only minutes to style. I could never do that relaxed.
    Yes, it's real. No, you can't touch it. :wav:
  • aishamodelaishamodel Registered Users Posts: 136
    Unfortunately, I do not live in the Atlanta area so I cannot recommend a stylist.

    However, I transitioned for a year and a half with braids before I revealed my natural look. I didn't wear too much weaves because of the damage caused by leaving hair out in the front with and straightening.

    I used to wear human hair braids, and I would buy long wet and wavy human hair, and MAKE SURE they braided my hair until the very ends. Actually past the ends. You kind of have to be really anal about it when you go to these braiding places. After they do the first two braids stop and look at it in the mirror. Is is too big? too small? too tight? Just plain ugly? and if you don't like it make them do it over until they get it right. They will get annoyed, but it's your money your spending, and they are doing you a service.

    Trust me I know what you are going through. I have been natural for almost a full year now (transitioned natural for a year under braids) and my hair has been giving me hell the past few weeks. I am actually thinking of getting braids now, or a really nice lace wig. Just to give my hair a break. It is hard but exhaust all options before your decide to relax. Try clay relaxers, twists, braids, even a texturizer before you force your hair permanently straight again.

    I hope it all works out for you.

    FYI: Be careful with Kinky Twists. The person doing them must be a pro b/c of the type of hair used will tangle around your hair. Years ago, I got kinky twist and chunks of my relaxed hair was falling out. She did the same thing..braided it first then twisted it. SMH
    4a-4b hair. Not sure yet so I'll just say both!
  • EkaetteEkaette Registered Users Posts: 356
    TBH I wouldn't place your whole transitioning experience on one bad stylist (and that's what she is. I would find a new one)
    Really evaluate why you want to be natural/relaxed and once you do pick a good stylist. Life is a lot easier without bad stylists compromising your progress
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    4b natural
  • rbbrbb Registered Users Posts: 4,357 Curl Connoisseur
    i did not have the same experience as i never relaxed my hair, but i did color it my natural color after graying, now much white, darkest brown. it was very tough transitioning the color as it was a dramatic difference, and i did not want to do a very short pixie cut. i started one year ago, and by sept i had cut it short and most of the color, except for tips, was off. however, my hair did not know what to do with itself at that length and most of my hair curls at a longer stage. i am now at a better place, still about a year from length i want, but i am now having good hair days on a regular basis, just not used to the length.
    however,i am very glad i did it. for me, while i was going thru the worst stages, knowing that i really wanted this and i had already put some time in, kept me going.
    try to find the kindest way to wear your hair and keep conditioning it, and think about how much time you've already put in. you will be where you want to be sooner than it seems. and happy with your hair.
    i agree, look for another stylist.

    3a, some 2c & 3b, medium texture, porosity normal, low elasticity :-(
    washing/cowashing, conditioning, protein tx: curl junkie products
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  • FoxyCleopatraFoxyCleopatra Registered Users Posts: 412
    diva_kisha wrote: »
    I'm really trying but I think I am almost at my wits end. I have been transitioning since August 2009 and because of my busy schedule, I really need to be able to wear weaves and braids. I have been wearing wigs but that is extra work in the mornings. My problem is that these "so-called" natural haircare professionals in Atlanta are anything but that. I made an appointment with a stylist for kinky twists. My hair is now a hot mess and I will have to pay someone else to take this hair down. She tied my hair into a knot with the synthetic hair, then braided it about a half-inch, and then tried to twist the rest. It is falling apart and the braids are all different lengths and sizes. She insists she did a good job. :sad3: I'm feeling like life was much easier when my hair was relaxed, even with the constant shedding. And I just can't see chopping all my hair off. My hair has been shoulder length since I was a child and I'm not comfortable yet. Any advice or stylist recommendation would be helpful.

    You have to consider your reason for wanting to go natural. If it is so that you can have a head full of healthier hair, then I would not advise relaxing at all. I've had relaxed hair for about 15 years of my life and my hair was never strong. Sure I could comb through it or throw it in a ponytail or whatever it was I was going to do, but my hair was thinning, dry, and just not happy with what I was doing to it.

    I know that the transitioning process can be difficult (actually, I like to think of it as being "different") especially when all you really know is how to deal with your hair one kind of way, and now you are doing something completely different. When it comes to kinky twists, there are not a lot of people that know how to do them properly. They should not even start out braiding! I just think you should try a different shop. When you go in, I'd even ask to see pictures of some clients they have done before. (Some stylists do keep a portfolio nearby) But the bottom line is, your hair is important! Don't give up :)
  • diva_kishadiva_kisha Registered Users Posts: 4
    Thanks for all the advice and encouragement. I actually took those twists out last night in about 45 minutes. They were so poorly done that I could tug slightly at the beginning of the knot and it would slide right off my hair. I actually feel much better since I don't have to look at it anymore. I just have to find a better routine and a quicker routine. At least my husband is behind me 100% and says he wouldn't care if I chopped it off. Now all I have to do is not care if it's all chopped off. It's my safety net.
  • diva_kishadiva_kisha Registered Users Posts: 4
    "FYI: Be careful with Kinky Twists. The person doing them must be a pro b/c of the type of hair used will tangle around your hair. Years ago, I got kinky twist and chunks of my relaxed hair was falling out. She did the same thing..braided it first then twisted it. SMH"

    Someone else told me this yesterday so I think I will stay away from these. Thanks.
  • LOVEYOURHAIRLOVEYOURHAIR Registered Users Posts: 11
    Ekaette wrote: »
    TBH I wouldn't place your whole transitioning experience on one bad stylist (and that's what she is. I would find a new one)
    Really evaluate why you want to be natural/relaxed and once you do pick a good stylist. Life is a lot easier without bad stylists compromising your progress

    First I am sorry that it is frustrating you with the transitioning period. I remember the days.

    I agree. Transitioning is not easy but you are able to embrace yourself with time and patience. It means as Ekaette stated for you to evaluate your decision to become a natural or relaxed. I know relaxed you said that you felt it was easier. I have been a natural for quite awhile. At the time I felt I was just done with hair stylists and paying tons of money for perms each month and touch ups. I wanted to just learn to take care and do my hair myself. So when I was transitioning, I did no BC. I did not see a stylist. I wore it as it would look from a relaxed transitioning to natural head should probably look like with wavy/straight ends to eventually curls/straight ends to fully curls/no more straight ends.

    You will have to do research for natural hair stylists and also viewing Youtube natural beauties on natural hair and transitioning to perhaps get some ideas.

    My avatar is what my hair looks like now.
  • mixedbabymixedbaby Registered Users Posts: 94
    I have been feeling the same way. I just keep thinking how easy it would be if i relaxed and mainly how much better I would look. I mean I know I'm going to look great fully natural but in this transitioning my confidence and self-esteem has gone completely down. I feel ugly all the time and I'm just like gosh maybe I should just relax
  • MsCurl83MsCurl83 Registered Users Posts: 289
    Omg, I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble during your transitioning period. Let me frank and just state that the way she did those kinky twists in your hair is waaaay incorrect.

    I paid $118 plus the cost of weave to get kinky hair twists in my hair. They of course wash your hair, blow-dry and then they start each braid off as a box plat and then proceed to twist the weave and your hair together. It took the girl 2 days to complete, but by the time she completed the do, I was P.O.'ed. So I set to do it myself next time and I did, it came out really good. I had guys calling me "Lauryn Hill" and got many compliments.

    So my advice to you, my dear:

    1) Don't get frustrated
    2) Remember why you went natural and why you love being natural and how it makes you feel
    3) Recall every person you have run into so far that has appreciated your natural hair beauty, but also remember those that have given you negative vibes about it
    4) Really research into doing your own hair, like two-strand twists, cornrows (which you can rock, like $65 starting price but make sure you buy your own weave and not from them because they'll over charge you.)
    5) Find someone who really can braid hair,they are out there and they will appear for you.

    Please don't give in to the relaxer again, just for yourself. Your at a hotpoint (stress) and it happened to myself. I had people telling me my hair was a mess (even my own mother), coworkers telling me I need to perm it, but I also had loving people who saw my beauty (my grandma, always saying look at that thick hair)

    My inspiration I have to say besides getting tired of perming my hair everyday and styling like I'm Madonna was my dad. He started growing his hair out in 1997 or earlier and by 2002 it was shoulder length long. I got the chance to braid it once, and he had great texture. So from him I said if he can do it, so can I besides he has the hair gene!

    It was going goood and then I hit that brick wall. Tired of twisting, bad dye job, people talking bout my hair, dryness, and I gave up. But I wish I hadn't. I would been almost 8 years natural today. I promise myself I will never go back, I'm not a conformist by nature anyway. But everyday I touch my hair I remember my own unique beauty and that's what you must do.

    be brave.
    Nicole
    "My hair is a reflection of my personality:
    wild, free and beautiful."

    Hair Type: S + Z = Crazy Beautiful
    Hair Goal: Improve health!! Kill the knots!!!
    BSL now
    As of 6/24/12: Protective styles for summer
    Achieving Curls: Terressentials Mud HAir Wash (the business! Terressentials.com) Giovanni 50/50 Cndtr (retired) KBN Shealoe LCndtr (on probation) Still perfecting the process.
    Shoutout to FLAXSEEDS!!!! YOU ARE the MASTER on FRIZZ!!!

  • niknik2niknik2 Registered Users Posts: 2
    I feel the exact same way sometimes. My husband is the best though because he keeps telling me, "it's just a process", and that encourages me to keep moving forward. I feel ugly and my self esteem goes down sometimes too. I was used to going to the salon every two weeks and looking fierce when I left :). But I was also wasting a lot of money and time. Now on those days I was going to the salon, I go to the gym. And my body looks better and I feel better. I wash my hair 2 to 3 times a week, which is why I can't keep a style, but it feels so much better. I don't have dandruff or dry scalp anymore. My biggest problem is just finding cute styles while I'm transitioning. So hang in there!! We are going through it together :)
    NikNik
    Lovin my Natural Hair 4-eva!!



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  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Registered Users Posts: 15,402 Curl Neophyte
    Not from Atlanta, but heard good feedback on Urbanbella
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
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    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • diva_kishadiva_kisha Registered Users Posts: 4
    Thanks for the support ladies. I think I would feel better if I was a willing participant but after a year of my hair shedding all over my bathroom counter, my bedroom floor, my living room sofa, my car, etc..., my dermatologist came to the conclusion that the chemicals were stripping and thinning my hair and if I did not want to end up completely bald, I needed to transition back to my original texture. I can honestly say that my hair is much stronger and I rarely shed hair now but I am an angry transitioner. I have to find me a routine that doesn't consume my weeknights. I don't mind carving out an hour or two on Saturday morning, but the midweek routine is killing me. I can't go to work looking a hot mess and I refuse to pay the prices at Urbanbella and all these other so-called natural hair care salons (1 visit was $200). So, I have been rotating wigs for now but I feel myself getting closer to a BC sooner than later (my goal is August), but I still would not know what to do with it if I did. I met a chick from Little Rock over the weekend and she has a dry twist out. She gave me some directions so I am heading to the organic store to pick up some Qhemet and we'll see how this experiment turns out. Don't worry....I'm going to hang in there. I'd rather be natural than bald.
  • mochahontasmochahontas Registered Users Posts: 14
    I'm sorry you had to transition by force :( I'm in a similar situation. I actually developed a scalp problem, as well as my sister, from the relaxer. Our dermatologist advised us to take a break from the relaxers. My hair has a section of extremely short hair in areas that are VERY itchy. My sister is almost bald in the same area, (the back section below the ears).

    However, I wanted to transtion to natural beforehand anyway, so the decision wasn't completely sudden.

    If you want a break from the natural look, I would also suggest getting your hair pressed, or a blowout, since (I believe) you didn't big chop yet. If you can learn to do them yourself without any heat damage, then that's even better.

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