CurlTalk

Pick DOWN lines: Please help!

EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
I deeply regret posting this thread. It's really gotten away from what I actually wrote. I wish I could delete it. I'd appreciate it if people stopped posting on it and let it die. But *please* realize that what many of you seem to be inferring about me IS NOT TRUE. It's really embarrassing and hurtful.

All I meant is that sometimes, when someone is being lewd and in my space, but isn't actually threatening, I will respond like someone who is somewhat annoyed. Because I am. I don't owe politeness to people who are disrespectful toward me, and I don't need to fake politeness to people who are not going to attack me or anything. That is all I meant. I don't understand why people are writing these things about me.


Anyway, here's the original post. So many people have responded to it with hurtful replies that are irrelevant to what I intended, I kind of *have* to leave the original post intact.

Lately, I've become a magnate for the unwanted advances of men who are at least 15 years older than me. And this is a problem when "How old are you?" (to make sure I'm legal) is the line I get most often. It's really disgusting. It's not even like I'm wearing stilettos and sitting at the bar waiting for someone to buy me a drink. This is when I'm riding the bus, reading at the library, grocery shopping, etc.

I'd *really* like to clarify that I'm talking about guys who are being lewd to begin with. If a man sits down at my table uninvited and says, "Now you look like a girl with experience. You kids these days," while leering at me and trying to play footsie, I am going to be a little miffed. And I do just say "I'm not interested" or "Please leave me alone" first. But these guys are usually pretty persistent, and they escalate the situation. I'm not freaking out about harmless flirting.

And yes, I will "curse out" a sleazy guy if I'm walking in a deserted place and he's following me and making threats, and there are no stores to duck into. All the better if that person "thinks I'm crazy," as one person commented. This is the type of situation I was talking about. I'd always try to just walk faster, thinking that these people were looking for a response. But that always exacerbated the situation. I spoke to a girl I knew whose mom worked in mental health, and she said that the best thing to do is to turn and face the person, act very aggressive, and *then* walk faster. As long as it's not a situation where running the heck away is in order, this is what I do. And it works.

Anyway, please vote on what you think is the best comeback line. It really needs to be something that's practical to use and will shut down the situation immediately.
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Comments

  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users
    Eilonwy wrote:
    "How old are you?" (to make sure I'm legal) is the line I get most often.

    "I usually get that question from dirty old men."
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  • PeppyPeppy Posts: 3,290Registered Users
    None of the above.

    You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.
  • wild_sasparillawild_sasparilla Posts: 4,306Registered Users
    Ugh. Like the 20-something year olds who stare and/or hit on obviously illegal high school girls in the mall. It's like eeeeeeeew, what is this?? I mean, you're not thirty, but you are definitely too old! And why oh why will these random older guys decide they like me when the guys at my high school don't?!

    I say you tell those old men something like: "Sorry, mister, I have too much homework to do and it's already past my bedtime!" Then walk away humming the tunes to nursery rhymes under your breath. Not as mean as the other dude-I-am-too-young-for-you retorts, but it very amusing...They'd get the picture then! :lol:
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  • KCLKCL Posts: 1,663Registered Users
    A lot of dirty old men used to hit on me too. I mean really oldies when I was a teen and in my early 20s. Even a few weeks ago, some bummy guy with no teeth came up to me and asked me if I was married. I guess the fat pregnant belly didn't phase him a bit.

    I'm not sure what you should say. I usually try not to make eye contact and to walk away as fast as possible.
    If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
  • KCLKCL Posts: 1,663Registered Users
    Sorry, mister, I have too much homework to do and it's already past my bedtime!"

    LOL, but I bet they wouldn't get it. They'd probably say, "well I can help you with your homework" or something creepy like that.
    If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
  • RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
    I like to ask if they know my dad, because I live in a smallish town and most people DO know my dad. This worked very well in high school when old dudes would hit on me.

    ETA: There's an old guy that works at our post office and has since before I was BORN that has hit on me when I go in there since I was 16! :shock: And note that I look 16 now, so I probably looked 10 then, lol. Asking him if he knows my dad seems to remind him how much older he is. He's probably in his 60's, and he's married... Creeps.
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  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    Thanks, guys! There's a college in my area, so I guess there are some men who fantasize that all women who might be under 30 are easy sorority girls or something. Maybe not the most plausible explanation, but it's the best I can come up with. It does happen more often the closer I am to the college.

    I've tried just walking away. Although it doesn't occur often, men who approach me on the street tend to actually be threatening, rather than just engaging in wishful thinking. Walking faster usually makes them think that I'm weak, and that they have the upper hand. I've found that yelling and cursing makes these types leave me the heck alone.

    And in a cafe, for example, it can be hard to maneuver away. Most of the time, rudeness is the only thing that's effective, because I guess they can't pretend to misinterpret it. So that's why I was opting for the cheesy insults. I've actually said a couple of these. They got the job done when a simple "No" or "I'm not interested" failed.

    Although sometimes, I *do* wish they'd go just a little bit farther so I'd have an excuse to poke them in the eye with my keys.
  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 3,125Registered Users
    Eilonwy wrote:
    I've found that yelling and cursing makes these types leave me the heck alone.

    Because you've just accomplished making yourself look crazy.
    The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
  • SuZenSuZen Posts: 1,595Registered Users
    I would just give them the evil eye and ignore them otherwise.
  • tgreyztgreyz Posts: 1,627Registered Users
    Just get one of those cool taser things they have on Lost or a stun baton.
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  • CGECGE Posts: 1,911Registered Users
    Peppy wrote:
    None of the above.

    You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.


    Yea. I agree.
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  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    CGE wrote:
    Peppy wrote:
    None of the above.

    You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.


    Yea. I agree.

    Me three.


    And it's also quite possible that these men are just trying to engage in some harmless flirting with a pretty young girl, and are not actually trying to get you to sleep with them. Just thought I'd throw that thought out there. You may want to practice altering your behavior and body language a bit so this doesn't happen as often.
    "I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
  • goldencurlygoldencurly Posts: 2,385Registered Users
    Anytime anyone other than a doctor asks me my age, my response is this, "Why do you ask?"

    I don't tend to be rude. But if you never answer them, just keep answering by asking a question, they will get the hint.
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  • ScarletScarlet Posts: 3,125Registered Users
    When a guy asks me how old I am I ask "how much money do you have". It's just as inappropriate and usually shuts them up.
    The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
  • MarMar Posts: 3,003Registered Users
    Peppy wrote:
    None of the above.

    You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.

    Whoa-that's what I was thinking......
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  • automaticflowersautomaticflowers Posts: 3,465Registered Users
    Eilonwy wrote:
    Most of the time, rudeness is the only thing that's effective, because I guess they can't pretend to misinterpret it. So that's why I was opting for the cheesy insults. I've actually said a couple of these. They got the job done when a simple "No" or "I'm not interested" failed.

    I can understand that. Some guys are really dense, or they just don't care when you tell them you're not interested. It's disconcerting when they're pushy and don't take no for an answer.

    I had to deal with that situation a couple of months ago, this guy (at least 30 years older) was being really inappropriate and I had no idea how to handle it without being rude. Eventually I stopped being polite whenever I'd see him. If he said hi, I'd just nod and go about my business. If he snared me in conversation and said something that made me uncomfortable, I'd change the subject. It took a few tries, but he eventually got the hint and left me alone. I didn't even have to threaten to tell his wife. :wink:
  • XyzXyz Posts: 685Registered Users
    Hey, if you've said, "No Thanks" and the guy still continues to bother you, I think you have the right to be rude. It would probably knock them off center more if you just answered in a dignified, adult manor, looking them in the eye and letting them know exactly what you're going to do if they don't stop. But I've been in the situation a few times myself, and yes, it does suck.
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    If you say "No Thanks" and the guy still harrasses you, I think you should just say something along the lines of "I said NO and I meant NO now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" and get progressively louder so people around can see what is going on. You can be forceful without commenting on their age or appearance. Really the age and receding hairline are not the issue - the inappropriate behavior is, so you should address that.
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  • funkymunkycurlfunkymunkycurl Posts: 83Registered Users
    geeky wrote:
    If you say "No Thanks" and the guy still harrasses you, I think you should just say something along the lines of "I said NO and I meant NO now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" and get progressively louder so people around can see what is going on. You can be forceful without commenting on their age or appearance. Really the age and receding hairline are not the issue - the inappropriate behavior is, so you should address that.

    ITA! They should be mature enough at that age to know when the attention isn't wanted. It's sad that they act like they don't.
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  • KCLKCL Posts: 1,663Registered Users
    colomunky wrote:
    geeky wrote:
    If you say "No Thanks" and the guy still harrasses you, I think you should just say something along the lines of "I said NO and I meant NO now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" and get progressively louder so people around can see what is going on. You can be forceful without commenting on their age or appearance. Really the age and receding hairline are not the issue - the inappropriate behavior is, so you should address that.

    ITA! They should be mature enough at that age to know when the attention isn't wanted. It's sad that they act like they don't.

    Some men take eye contact and any verbal response as license to keep talking to you. that's why I don't look them in the eye and I generally don't respond.

    I know its rude, but it's usually effective.
    If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
  • KurleeKurlee Posts: 1,354Registered Users
    Peppy wrote:
    None of the above.

    You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.

    I agree.

  • RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
    Kurlee wrote:
    Peppy wrote:
    None of the above.

    You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.

    I agree.

    Sometimes. Some people don't take a hint, and if you are afraid of what they may try, rudeness is sometimes necessary, IMO.
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  • mayimmayim Posts: 2,301Registered Users
    i agree that rudeness probably isn't necessary. there's a balance between being passive and being agressive. it's called being assertive.

    if someone were harassing me in this way, i would just say, in a very serious, resonant and firm (no-nonsense) voice, 'i'm not interested, now leave me alone,' and walk away (or keep walking, whatever).

    i disagree with whoever told the poster to moderate her behavior or whatever; talk about 'blaming the victim' mentality. i'm sure she's likely not done anything to warrant these advances, it's the men who are out of line and should moderate their behavior. sheesh.

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  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    Based on a lot of the replies I've gotten, I seem to have created a false impression of myself. I am not a man-hating psycho. I am not normally a rude person. I've just found there are certain situations that I tend to encounter where this sort of response is, in fact, the best course of action. And I've tried a *lot* of different ways of reacting. That's all I'm saying.


    Anyway, I just edited the first post to include this, but I wanted to be sure that people who'd already replied read this. I think I wasn't making myself clear.

    I'd *really* like to clarify that I'm talking about guys who are being lewd to begin with. If a man sits down at my table uninvited and says, "Now you look like a girl with experience. You kids these days," while leering at me and trying to play footsie, I am going to be a little miffed. I'm not freaking out about harmless flirting.

    And yes, I will "curse out" a sleazy guy if I'm walking in a deserted place and he's following me and making threats, and there are no stores to duck into. All the better if that person "thinks I'm crazy," as one person commented. This is the type of situation I was talking about. I'd always try to just walk faster, thinking that these people were looking for a response. But that always exacerbated the situation. I spoke to a girl I knew whose mom worked in mental health, and she said that the best thing to do is to turn and face the person, act very aggressive, and *then* walk faster. As long as it's not a situation where running the heck away is in order, this is what I do. And it works.
  • Who Me?Who Me? Posts: 3,181Registered Users
    mayim wrote:
    i disagree with whoever told the poster to moderate her behavior or whatever; talk about 'blaming the victim' mentality. i'm sure she's likely not done anything to warrant these advances, it's the men who are out of line and should moderate their behavior. sheesh.

    What I'm talking about is not "blaming the victim". Try thinking about it in a non-sexual situation. For example, I live in a big city. I also went to college in a big city. I come across multiple homeless people every day. Sometimes they ask me for money or say something, sometimes they don't. But they never get too pushy or annoying or difficult to deal with at all. However, whenever I have a friend from a non-big city come visit, or people's midwestern parents would come for the weekend in college, the homeless people would act slightly different towards them, and situations would escalate into very uncomfortable ones. The homeless people could tell who they could really target and harass and who they couldn't. Not because they know you, or recognize you, or how you dress, etc., but because of the vibe you are giving out.

    I believe it is the same thing with creepy agressive men who like to hit on girls. They know who they can target and who they can't. They can sense it, from whatever vibe you are putting out there. I've noticed (in real life and on the boards also) that there are certain women who complain about all the extreme creepy aggressive men who are hitting on them all the time, and other women could be in pretty much the same exact situation and not even notice or not be at all perturbed that there was a man trying to hit on them and the situation never progresses at all. So go ahead and accuse me of "blaming the victim" all you want, but I believe the woman herself has a LOT to do with how the situation goes, no matter how much she will deny it. And it has nothing to do with how the woman is dressed or how pretty she is.

    Note: I'm not talking about serious situations where there is an attacker and a victim. I am talking about being hit on by creepy agressive men.
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  • j'adorej'adore Posts: 1,966Registered Users
    No offense to anyone, but I hate the fact that so many people seem to think that you have to be a "nice girl" in the face of this kind of disrespect. Being rude might save you from a life threatening situation! Who knows what kind of psychos are running around telling young girls the same type of thing. This kind of BS ain't no freakin compliment. Do whatever it takes to let them know you ain't havin' it.

    "Could you leave me alone please?"

    "Mister, I just asked you to leave me alone."

    You are not obliged to be polite. Too many girls are too nice about this, which is why these slimeballs do this ****.

    :?
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  • SuZenSuZen Posts: 1,595Registered Users
    I understand your point. The flip side is that a rude answer might tip some psycho over the top and make him come after you.

    But your answers "Leave me alone please" are firm, direct and leave no room for misunderstanding. I would go that route (but I wouldn't make comments about the pathetic size of his organ).
  • violetsviolets Posts: 1,689Registered Users
    j'adore wrote:
    No offense to anyone, but I hate the fact that so many people seem to think that you have to be a "nice girl" in the face of this kind of disrespect. Being rude might save you from a life threatening situation! Who knows what kind of psychos are running around telling young girls the same type of thing. This kind of BS ain't no freakin compliment. Do whatever it takes to let them know you ain't havin' it.

    "Could you leave me alone please?"

    "Mister, I just asked you to leave me alone."

    You are not obliged to be polite. Too many girls are too nice about this, which is why these slimeballs do this &%$@#!.

    :?

    ITA.
    There is no need to be polite. I wouldn't be overly aggressive either.
    I like the firm, "leave me alone " answer.
  • smoke in your eyessmoke in your eyes Posts: 34Registered Users
    There is a HUGE difference in asking someone firmly to leave you alone or telling them you are not interested and screaming and cursing or making fun of their hairline or penis size.
  • KCLKCL Posts: 1,663Registered Users
    j'adore wrote:
    No offense to anyone, but I hate the fact that so many people seem to think that you have to be a "nice girl" in the face of this kind of disrespect. Being rude might save you from a life threatening situation! Who knows what kind of psychos are running around telling young girls the same type of thing. This kind of BS ain't no freakin compliment. Do whatever it takes to let them know you ain't havin' it.

    "Could you leave me alone please?"

    "Mister, I just asked you to leave me alone."

    You are not obliged to be polite. Too many girls are too nice about this, which is why these slimeballs do this &%$@#!.

    :?

    ITA.
    If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
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