"NO! I like your hair STRAIGHT!"

curlyerikacurlyerika Posts: 247Registered Users
I'm kind of conflicted.

I've been wanting to go back to my natural curls for a while now since I've found this site. For the past 2 years I've been flat ironing my hair religiously. I'm done with it now, and I've been considering CG. I'd really like some support.

I told a close friend of mine today what I wanted to do, and I get, "Nooooo, I like it straight!"

It makes me feel crappy about my hair and makes me want to continue straightening. I really don't know what to do :(
ModCG since 2/20/2010 :blob5:
2something with 3a/b ringlets underneath. Fi-ii. Med-High porousity. Super dense.
Lo-poo: Chi Hydrating Silk Bath
Condish & Leave-in: Tresemme Naturals
Styling: Ecostyler Krystal
Can be weighed down. Slightly sensitive to glycerin. Trying to grow to BSL.

Likes:
Heavy Conditioners
Gels

Dislikes:
LALSG
Honey

Comments

  • 3c4d7zwhatevs3c4d7zwhatevs Posts: 1,589Registered Users
    You make your own decision and stick to it. I don't know your friend, so I do not know from whence comes her ignorant reply, but please do not allow anyone to dictate how you feel about your appearance or your self. MY own mother hates my hair and minimizes the time she spends around me because my niece and nephew want to grow their curly hair out too. So what? You have to realize how unreasonable it is to try to dictate someone else's appearance.
    4a/3c curls
    Fine strands, not as densely-placed as I would like
    Ayurvedic herbs are the TRUTH
    Team Wash and Go!
    iHerb code:UYA010 - get 5% off your first purchase
  • madeleinebearylovedmadeleinebearyloved Posts: 12Registered Users
    I stopped asking my friends what their thought is about my hair. My 2 neighbors (i don't call them friends because they're ANNOYING, both my age though) give the crappiest advice on hair. I used to keep it in a ponytail daily, but one day when I had it down, the know-it-all one said "Hun, you got split ends." then proceeded to give me hair advice despite the fact she has ultra-thin, blonde straight hair that can't keep a curl, while I have thick, dark curly hair. I was explaining why I don't straighten my hair (because it gets stuck between not-curly and not-straight, just awkward) to the other one, and she said "Well it would look better, so...."
    So even though she is your close friend, you really need to just expiriment and do what you want. Once she sees your hair natural, I'm sure she'll love it!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] AH! This is my hair after a normal day. Thanks to my current haircare: Head & Shoulders adds dryness to the ends of my hair, causing split ends, yet manages to keep the top of my hair greasy?! Herbal Essences conditioner causes chemical build-up, hence the frizz!!! This picture is the 'before' picture. My goal: the 'after' picture. I'm ready to test organic haircare products to brighten up my curls:glasses9:.
    I'm ready to say goodbye to my daily ponytail, and go Naturally Curly! :wav:
  • curlygirlymecurlygirlyme Posts: 1,340Registered Users
    All I have to say is that in the long run your true friends will love you and not give a flying crap if your hair is curly or straight.
  • Type4QTType4QT Posts: 1Registered Users
    curlyerika wrote: »
    I'm kind of conflicted.

    I've been wanting to go back to my natural curls for a while now since I've found this site. For the past 2 years I've been flat ironing my hair religiously. I'm done with it now, and I've been considering CG. I'd really like some support.

    I told a close friend of mine today what I wanted to do, and I get, "Nooooo, I like it straight!"

    It makes me feel crappy about my hair and makes me want to continue straightening. I really don't know what to do :(


    I'm in the same boat with you. where I work i see my guests pretty much everyday and the 'curlier' (more creative) i get with my transitioning hair, the more they say i like this and that and none of it has been since i took my braids out. I have one friend who is 100% behind me and another who 100% is against short natural hair. My point is. Your friends can say what they want if their real they'll keep it moving. You cant rely on someone else to tell you your beautiful if u have to think twice about it to yourself. Stay positive and know what your doing it for. if you know why you'll stick with it. Peace
  • DataData Posts: 19Registered Users
    Ugh. Every time I straighten my hair, people at work tell me how much they like it. When I wear it curly, the best they can say is, "Did you get a perm?"
    Sulfate/cone free since May 8th, 2009 Type: 3a, fine, overly porous, protein sensitive
    Wash: Suave Naturals, no leave-ins or poos of any kind and I couldn't be happier.
  • MandyzillaMandyzilla Posts: 17Registered Users
    It could be that she might be having a hard time embracing a big change in her friend. Especially since you've been wearing your hair straight for 2 years.

    You should explain to her exactly why you started wearing your hair in it's natural state. A true friend will appreciate you for who you are regardless of your hair. And if after time she still doesn't accept your curls, then maybe you're better off without that friend.
  • KurleeEdnaKurleeEdna Posts: 714Registered Users
    Mandyzilla wrote: »
    It could be that she might be having a hard time embracing a big change in her friend. Especially since you've been wearing your hair straight for 2 years.

    You should explain to her exactly why you started wearing your hair in it's natural state. A true friend will appreciate you for who you are regardless of your hair. And if after time she still doesn't accept your curls, then maybe you're better off without that friend.
    DITTO... It shouldn't matter what others think about your hair. They don't understand you or your hair.

    There's a reason why God gave us curly hair. He thought it looked better on us than straight hair.

    After years of relaxing and straightening, I realized He was right! My last relaxer was over two years ago and that's all been cut off. (Hmmm... and where is that flatiron, anyway?...) My 3C/4A curls are now growing fast (12-13 inches!), healthy and bouncy.

    We shouldn't let anyone, whether it's strangers among society, or close friends/family, dictate what's best for our hair. Just work on making it healthy. Hair type wouldn't matter to a true friend. (And besides, you've got lots of support here!)

    *Whew!* I feel so much better getting all that out! :eye:
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
    - Charlie Brown
    HEY!!! Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/kurleeedna
  • burgundy_locksburgundy_locks Posts: 2,420Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I don't think its a ignorant reply at all. Just because she likes your hair straight, that doesn't mean she doesn't like your hair curly. Everyone likes my hair straight, and when I leave it curly, everyone likes it curly, and then when I straighten it, they like it straightened, and when it's back to curly, they seem surprise that its curly to begin with.

    So don't stress it. Do your hair however you want to do it.
    para los gustos se hicieron los colores

    i has no hair type? (medium, f-iii), normal porosity, LOW elasticity.
    CG journey began 2/8/09 - 4-08-09.. and then mod cg 4/14/09 -... 03/02/10- Barely CG but I like CG products :)
    wash with Low Poo or Poo
    condition with GVP Conditioning Balm or CJ BC Daily, Loreal Color Vive for Color Treated Hair Thats Normal
    Leave ins- Garnier S&S; Marrakesh oil
    style with - Ohm SHP; KCCC- BRHG or Boots- KCCC- BRHG; CIAB; CCCC
    Protein- GVP Joico K-Pak
    Play with ACV
  • curlybeautycurlybeauty Posts: 81Registered Users
    Don't allow her or anyone else to dictate how your hair looks. If you want to wear it curly, by all means, go for it. It's your hair and it's growing out of your head. Don't forget that.

  • RotiniRotini Posts: 53Registered Users
    Here's my advice. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.:toothy8:
    Curly Teen & Loving It!
    Type 3b/c hair

    I find myself with less respect for those who straighten their hair constantly or have relaxers or whatever else is out there. I believe that if your hair is curly, wavy, or straight, your hair is beautiful as is. There are non-damaging solutions for frizz or split ends or whatever. You don't have to burn it flat or fry it with chemicals to look "good." People say love the skin you're in, same goes for hair.
    :wav:

  • lodylody Posts: 334Registered Users
    Bah! Who cares. Maybe she's just used to how you look with straight hair and can't picture you different; maybe you haven't been very successful at styling your hair curly, so she hasn't got a good view of it. You should still go CG or at least do what you need to get gorgeous HEALTHY hair. Once you have figured out what your hair needs and made it look great, chances are she'll tell you she never wants to see it straight again. And if she still doesn't like it, if she's a real friend, she'll understand you love it and spend a lot of time on it and she won't say anything.

    If you need support with going curly, you'll find the best here. It's kind of like how knitters know not to give very hard-to-make pieces to non-knitters because they won't appreciate it enough; only us curlies can understand the struggle of going curly; everyone else will never tell you enough about it to make you happy because they just don't get it! ;)
    3a in Paris
    I use:
    Garnier Ultra Doux conditioners
    High in glycerin conditioners
    As much gel as possible
    Testing out flax seed gel
    Plopping, for around 30 minutes
    Pixiecurl drying
    Pineappling

  • curlyerikacurlyerika Posts: 247Registered Users
    Thanks so much guys. She really just acts as if curly hair isn't... right. I don't feel like I'm going to get much support from her when it comes to going CG, but it's okay. I've got to do this for me and nobody else. :)
    ModCG since 2/20/2010 :blob5:
    2something with 3a/b ringlets underneath. Fi-ii. Med-High porousity. Super dense.
    Lo-poo: Chi Hydrating Silk Bath
    Condish & Leave-in: Tresemme Naturals
    Styling: Ecostyler Krystal
    Can be weighed down. Slightly sensitive to glycerin. Trying to grow to BSL.

    Likes:
    Heavy Conditioners
    Gels

    Dislikes:
    LALSG
    Honey
  • lovelovelovelovelovelove Posts: 257Registered Users
    Seriously, i had this "friend" last year. Say everybody complimented you on your perfect teeth. She'd start insulting your smile, something like "You smile like a dog!", just so youd feel self conscious sbout yourself. And it was always that one special thing about you that everyone noticed, cuz she was jealous. I'm not even kidding. Like one of my close friends has the most beautiful big blue eyes i've ever seen. everybody compliments her on them! then that girl was always like "OMG youve got such big eyes! there wayy too big for your face! you look like a fish!" i know. and not to brag, but random people and people i know will compliment my hair. so all through last year she was making fun of it. at first i felt bad about it, but then it clicked. She wanted me to straighten them so i wouldnt be more noticed than her! HA! Heck no im sticking to curly! Shows you how jealous people can get!
    Ca m'a fait de la pé-peine!:love7:
  • CaladhielCaladhiel Posts: 134Registered Users
    curlyerika: Sweetie, some people do actually have a problem with curly hair, they just don't like it and prefer straight hair. The same goes for a lot of things in life but that doesn't mean we're gonna have to listen to what each and everyone likes or dislikes and follow this.
    Start wearing your hair curly if that's what you feel like doing and I'm sure a lot of people will compliment you on it :love4:
    Don't worry about your friend, she might like your hair after all and if she doesn't, no problem, I'm sure you too don't like certain things about her appearance but that doesn't mean you're gonna make her change them.

    Seriously, i had this "friend" last year. Say everybody complimented you on your perfect teeth. She'd start insulting your smile, something like "You smile like a dog!", just so youd feel self conscious sbout yourself. And it was always that one special thing about you that everyone noticed, cuz she was jealous. I'm not even kidding. Like one of my close friends has the most beautiful big blue eyes i've ever seen. everybody compliments her on them! then that girl was always like "OMG youve got such big eyes! there wayy too big for your face! you look like a fish!" i know. and not to brag, but random people and people i know will compliment my hair. so all through last year she was making fun of it. at first i felt bad about it, but then it clicked. She wanted me to straighten them so i wouldnt be more noticed than her! HA! Heck no im sticking to curly! Shows you how jealous people can get!

    You need to get rid of this "friend", she's poisonous :sad3:
    -3b, high porosity, medium/fine texture (I guess).
    -CG-ing since 29/9/2008 (on and off)
    -lifeless, limp curls that need all sorts of protein in the universe.
  • curlyerikacurlyerika Posts: 247Registered Users
    Caladhiel wrote: »
    curlyerika: Sweetie, some people do actually have a problem with curly hair, they just don't like it and prefer straight hair. The same goes for a lot of things in life but that doesn't mean we're gonna have to listen to what each and everyone likes or dislikes and follow this.
    Start wearing your hair curly if that's what you feel like doing and I'm sure a lot of people will compliment you on it :love4:
    Don't worry about your friend, she might like your hair after all and if she doesn't, no problem, I'm sure you too don't like certain things about her appearance but that doesn't mean you're gonna make her change them.

    Now that you mention it, her hair does kind of look like a drenched rat. :blob4:
    ModCG since 2/20/2010 :blob5:
    2something with 3a/b ringlets underneath. Fi-ii. Med-High porousity. Super dense.
    Lo-poo: Chi Hydrating Silk Bath
    Condish & Leave-in: Tresemme Naturals
    Styling: Ecostyler Krystal
    Can be weighed down. Slightly sensitive to glycerin. Trying to grow to BSL.

    Likes:
    Heavy Conditioners
    Gels

    Dislikes:
    LALSG
    Honey
  • LiliputLiliput Posts: 55Registered Users
    Do you want me to send you some pics of my bald patches -yes, the ones I got through straightening and such? You can carry the pic with you and next time your friend says something you take out my balding pic and let him/her gag in horror. After that they'll leave you alone! :tongue10:
  • curlyerikacurlyerika Posts: 247Registered Users
    LOL. I still think she'd nag me about it. I've been going natural all this week so far, and she always has to comment on some hair being too flat, some of it being uneven, some of it frizzing up. It's ANNOYING. She says things like, "It looks okay curly.. but it really looked good straight." I know she's trying to say it in the nicest way possible, but she wouldn't be caught dead with curly hair.
    ModCG since 2/20/2010 :blob5:
    2something with 3a/b ringlets underneath. Fi-ii. Med-High porousity. Super dense.
    Lo-poo: Chi Hydrating Silk Bath
    Condish & Leave-in: Tresemme Naturals
    Styling: Ecostyler Krystal
    Can be weighed down. Slightly sensitive to glycerin. Trying to grow to BSL.

    Likes:
    Heavy Conditioners
    Gels

    Dislikes:
    LALSG
    Honey
  • wild_sasparillawild_sasparilla Posts: 4,306Registered Users
    She's acting like there's no damage or effort or time involved in straightening - like you just press a button and it's straight or curly. Not cool. If I were in your shoes, at some point I'd be sure to say something like, "Would you like me to get a nose job, too? You obviously don't like me the way I am. What else should I change for you?"
    OMG, LOOK!!

    ...It's a siggie. :shock:
  • lodylody Posts: 334Registered Users
    She's got a point-- using a flatiron on curls will easily give you straight hair, whereas styling your natural curls will give you some bad days, and even many bad days in the beginning for most people. And for many people the very idea of "a few bad days" is horrifying! But it's worth it for non-damaged hair, for the ability to sweat and get caught in rain without freaking out, and for those good days when your hair far outshines the easy-but-boring flatironed style!
    3a in Paris
    I use:
    Garnier Ultra Doux conditioners
    High in glycerin conditioners
    As much gel as possible
    Testing out flax seed gel
    Plopping, for around 30 minutes
    Pixiecurl drying
    Pineappling

  • IrisChacon1984IrisChacon1984 Posts: 158Registered Users
    Rotini wrote: »
    Here's my advice. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.:toothy8:


    Amen to that!
    Last Perm: August 2007
    BC: June 21st 2008,
    3C/4A Thick Curly/Kinky texture, low porosity

    Products:
    Pre-Poo - EVOO
    Poo- Creme of Nature (Red Label), KCCC
    Cowash - HEHH & HENOYF, Aussie Moist
    DT- Herbal Essence Hydraliscious Reconditioning Conditioner
    Leave in-KCKT, KBBHM (EM)
    Moisturizer: OHM Frank Juice, KBBHB (VL)
    Oil: Coconut Oil, Olive Oil
    Styling: KCCC, QBOHHB.

    http://public.fotki.com/ShiraLaCocolita/

  • lmilnelmilne Posts: 1Registered Users
    Just do what makes YOU happy because that's who matters. I straighten my hair maybe once or twice a month. I like my hair both ways but straightening it takes about an hour so I don't usually want to do it. When I do straighten my hair people give me a lot of compliments & tell me it looks nice & it doesn't make me feel bad because usually people aren't trying to insult my curly hair when they say that, my straight hair is just a big difference I guess & they are surprised at the length it really is. One person I work with always gets mad when I straighten it though because she likes it curly lol she complains & that kind of bugs me, just let me do what I want with my hair, it's cool that you like it in its natural state but it gets to be a little rude when people say stuff like that. But anyway, you should do what makes you happy & people will get over it. It's your hair & if they don't like it then they should keep it to themselves & you should tell them that you think they are being mean & making you feel bad by saying those things.
  • ohgeeliversohgeelivers Posts: 6Registered Users
    i've had a friend like that...a grandma like that... and a mom like that. (actually, i couldn't tell my mom or granny about my natural hair until like 3 days ago where it's shoulder length now.) flat irons are good for once in a while but if you do it constantly... it's NO good for your hair. actually, my friend doesn't like my natural hair but it sho' as hell looks healthier than her's. lol. Do what's right in the name of healthy hair. :P
  • veezorveezor Posts: 42Registered Users
    Do what you feel best! It may be that she's just so used to it. I have only straightened my hair on a few occasions and last time my friends all said it looked like I was auditioning for a drag queen rendition of Pocahontas!
    Now that's an insult!
  • ProductProduct Posts: 14Registered Users
    I am 57 years old and my hair is very curly and I fought it my whole life until about three years ago when I found Naturallycurly.com and you all liberated me! I have found so much support from all of you and you are my "curly family."

    I grew up during the 60's when everyone had to have straight hair and my mom told me to be unique and be myself. She loved my hair. Of course, I didn't listen and straigthened it and I ended up in the 70's with fried, blonde, thin, frizzy-straight hair.

    Now I wear it curly and if people like it great but if not deal with it. I like it. Remember what Ricky Nelson said, "You can't please everyone, you've got to please yourself." I say go for it and know you have the support of your fellow curlies.

    Also take the advice of your curly friends. I have found Curl Junkie products and Kinky Curly to be the best for my hair. Experiment and have fun with it.

    Curly Rose
  • NyCurLiiNyCurLii Posts: 58Registered Users
    I say you can't always make people happy. But the one person you can make happy is yourself. I don't know you or your friend personally but in my opinon we were brought up in a society where the only opinion was to straighten and put harsh chemicals into our hair. So she might not have anything wrong with what she said. Its what we were brought up around. Thats why Im so happy for this site because we are all in this together and have people to turn to! Its your hair its your life and dont feel crappy for letting the natural curls you were born with come out!
    :homework:...Doing the homework on my hair but failing miserably!
    *B.C 3.18.10*

    I'm slowly going crazy over the progress of my hair... I'm content with the length but the texture is not how i want it!
  • curlyerikacurlyerika Posts: 247Registered Users
    The thing that is really annoying to me about this person recently is in front of me, she's flat ironing her hair and going on and on about how she can't have a single wave because "it is sooo ugly." If she thinks a little wave is ugly, I can't imagine what she thinks my hair looks like.

    And what's even more sad is she tells me to fix mine, when every day it looks more and more damaged and frizzed out from her flat iron that she doesn't even need. Not to mention her hair is light brown with blonde highlights from the bottom of her ears down. The entire top half of her hair is black, and it's not cute!

    :banghead::banghead::banghead:
    ModCG since 2/20/2010 :blob5:
    2something with 3a/b ringlets underneath. Fi-ii. Med-High porousity. Super dense.
    Lo-poo: Chi Hydrating Silk Bath
    Condish & Leave-in: Tresemme Naturals
    Styling: Ecostyler Krystal
    Can be weighed down. Slightly sensitive to glycerin. Trying to grow to BSL.

    Likes:
    Heavy Conditioners
    Gels

    Dislikes:
    LALSG
    Honey
  • chelseatom_tomchelseatom_tom Posts: 41Registered Users
    See, that's annoying.
    I love my best friend -- I really do -- but she's kind of like this in a way. I flat iron my hair a lot and she hates it when I do. Once, she actually grabbed our friends, dragged them in front of me, and said, "Will you pleeaasse tell Chelsea that her hair looks stupid when she straightens it?"
    But when I wear it curly, she just kind of shrugs. When we go to school dances, she offers to curl my hair -- with a curling iron.
    Please. Obviously, I've never used a curling iron in my life.
    But I'll tell her that, and say something like, "Or I could just take a shower and let my hair curl by itself so I don't have to trap it in an unnecessary barrel of torture."
    But she says that the curling iron creates a "different type of curl." And I know what she's thinking -- the curling iron makes a more organized, compartmentalized curl, whereas when I let my hair curl naturally, I get tiny individual ringlets. Personally, I think she's jealous and doesn't want me to show up at dances with my hundreds of real curls alongside her, with her ten fake ones. =P

    But I just have to remember that there are other things about her that far make up for her "hair expertise."

    Plus the fact that if she wants to make her pin-straight hair curly, she has to spend two hours with the curling iron, whereas if I want straight hair, I can spend twenty minutes tops with the flat iron. I mean, come on, I think I won.
    Meet Chelsea: a curly-haired (type 2c/3a and very porous), half-Japanese 18-year-old with a lot on her mind.
    Just beginning to embrace the curls!
    At the moment:
    Co-Wash: Tresseme Naturals
    Conditioner: Burt's Bees Very Volumizing
    Leave-In: Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gel: Kinky-Curly Curling Custard
    I love my life!

    fax3ja.jpg
  • curlyerikacurlyerika Posts: 247Registered Users
    Ugh.. this person got their roots retouched.. but her hair color all together now looks as if it has GREEN undertones.. And she looks at ME like I have gross hair. :sad5:
    ModCG since 2/20/2010 :blob5:
    2something with 3a/b ringlets underneath. Fi-ii. Med-High porousity. Super dense.
    Lo-poo: Chi Hydrating Silk Bath
    Condish & Leave-in: Tresemme Naturals
    Styling: Ecostyler Krystal
    Can be weighed down. Slightly sensitive to glycerin. Trying to grow to BSL.

    Likes:
    Heavy Conditioners
    Gels

    Dislikes:
    LALSG
    Honey
  • chelseatom_tomchelseatom_tom Posts: 41Registered Users
    Hmm.. with all of the dyeing and the straightening, it sounds like her hair might fall out!

    Your hair will be much healthier and prettier tomorrow, the next day, and further down the road!

    I'm even guilty of using a flat iron and the breakage and split ends were horrible -- my worst hair days with curls are still ten times better than my good flat iron days.
    Meet Chelsea: a curly-haired (type 2c/3a and very porous), half-Japanese 18-year-old with a lot on her mind.
    Just beginning to embrace the curls!
    At the moment:
    Co-Wash: Tresseme Naturals
    Conditioner: Burt's Bees Very Volumizing
    Leave-In: Kinky-Curly Knot Today
    Gel: Kinky-Curly Curling Custard
    I love my life!

    fax3ja.jpg

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file