Men!

RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
Nevermind.
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Comments

  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    Ah, it's ok. Whatever you said. ;)
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    Not a problem at all!
    We're here if ya need us...
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    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
    Just annoyed and it only got worse as the night went on. He's just here a couple days/nights a week, and I'm always the one who does the middle of the night parenting because he can sleep through her screaming like a banshee a couple feet away. But when he's here, he tries to change everything I'm doing?! I'm not sure if he thinks he knows better, or if it's for spite, or just for *****s and giggles, or wtf his deal is at this point. :angry2:

    Ava and I finally have the beginnings of a routine and I actually somewhat know what to expect from day to day. The day we majorly deviated from this, the evening was HELLISH and she was overtired and cried/whined but wouldn't sleep. I've become a Nap Nazi above all things. I don't know.

    I couldn't sleep the night before last (not because of her, just couldn't wind down) and got 3 hours broken up into 3 segments and then had a really busy day with lots of driving yesterday. Last night she was gassy and stayed awake for 4 hours fussing after she woke up for her normal middle of the night feeding. By this point, I had slept only an hour (stupid me, should have went to bed when she did) and it was 5:30 am. I woke him up and asked him for help for the first time in WEEKS, told him by now she was acting hungry again and needed a diaper change. What did he do? Put a paci in her mouth, held it there, said "shhh" a couple times and then went back to sleep. :angry2:

    I was not happy. While he sawed logs, I got up, picked her up, loudly said that I may as well make some coffee and prepare for another exhausted day and slammed the door on my way out, which woke him up. Of course, at this point, he had "been awake the whole time" and was "just trying to wake up" so he could get up and feed and change her. Yeah.

    I'm just annoyed and all of it is made worse by the fact that I'm going back to work, overtime, tomorrow morning and I am not at all ready and really don't want to in the least. I'm heartbroken over it, really. :sad3:I guess I'm angry with him too because we could get by on his income alone (he makes way more than me) if he would have made the effort to get some things straightened out financially over the past few months. I've told him I don't mind to move because I'm only here for my job anyway and if we lived together, we would be supporting ONE household's bills, rather than two's. Most of my income is going to child care anyway, so what the hell is the point?

    Sorry, long vent. Just really down yesterday and today over all this.:sad3:
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  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    DH and I had many many issues just like this when Steven was little. We set up a schedule, I would go to bed at 11pm...he would take the 11pm and 2am feedings and I would take the 5am one...so I was able to get 6 hours of solid sleep during that time. Even with Callie when he could not feed her, I would get up, change her, feed her and then wake him up, tell him she was fussy and had been up give him the baby and tell him to go into another room...I had been up all night with her, he could get up early with her so I could get some sleep.

    I think the key is talking with him. Tell him you cannot do it alone and you need his help and support. Write out her routines and schedule so he can physically see them...even to the point of when he just stuck the paci into her mouth telling him to stop and change her and feed her. I have noticed sometimes you need really spell stuff out.
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  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    That first year was so hard for us, especially the early super refluxy months with no sleep and constant throw up.

    DZ, is right, tell him exactly how he can help you and how much it will help you to have a solid strech of a few hour's sleep. Don't let him get by with that "I don't know how you do it" business, because you can tell him...do this. And from this time to this time, those are the Daddy hours and the trade off is, you won't even ask him to take the whole night (like you do when he's not there), just part of the nights he is there so you can keep up.

    It's so hard but I promise it doesn't last forever.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    I agree with deezee and CGNYC that sometimes you need to tell them exactly what to do. However, sometimes you also need to let go of control a little and accept that Dad's way might not be your way, but it can work too. Obviously not in the case of using the paci and a Shhh in place of feeding and changing, but some other times it can be worth it to give up control a little. Letting your SO do things his way with Ava some of the time might make him feel more active/responsible and might encourage him to want to help out more, because he'll feel like he's doing his job as a dad instead of just helping you with your job as a mom. Does that make any sense?
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    I agree with deezee and CGNYC that sometimes you need to tell them exactly what to do. However, sometimes you also need to let go of control a little and accept that Dad's way might not be your way, but it can work too. Obviously not in the case of using the paci and a Shhh in place of feeding and changing, but some other times it can be worth it to give up control a little. Letting your SO do things his way with Ava some of the time might make him feel more active/responsible and might encourage him to want to help out more, because he'll feel like he's doing his job as a dad instead of just helping you with your job as a mom. Does that make any sense?

    I know Ava is very schedule oriented. This is a HUGE issue DH and I have with the kids. Kids and I are all very much schedule oriented people, DH is not. I would leave him a general schedule and let him do what he wanted inbetween.

    I would point out her "signs" so he knew. I would say things like "see how she rolled over and stuck her thumb into her mouth and is whining a little bit, that means she is tired." It only took one time of me not being home when she did this and him waiting a bit and having a very tired screaming, will not go to sleep baby for him to realize how important that was.

    So although we follow the same schedule, we do very different things when we are home with the kids. This was something very very hard for me to get...honestly, it took me having Callie and needing help with Steven to really let go of control. As long at her needs are being met, I would not worry, it is a learning process and he is just learning the ropes, along with learning how to bond with her. This was another issue we had, Mom's get to bond with their babies for 9 months before they are born, Dad's have to wait until the baby is hear to really bond with them, so not only are they learning how to take care of the baby, but they are also in a sence learning how to bond with the baby too.
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