"the TALK" with a preteen

elitaelita Posts: 402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
My oldest son just turned 9 (this is how old I was when my mother sat me down). He knows the basics about s** because we've truthfully answered any questions that he's asked. Just like any child his age, I don't think he truly understands though. It's been over a year since we've really sat down and seriously talked about it.

When is it time though to start explaining about the body changes that he will experience? When should he learn about how a girl's body changes? Should we get a book and sit down with him? I want to talk about morality, responsibility and respect for women (from a woman's point of view). We've talked generally about these things but not specifically with regards to s**. When do I bring up contraception?

Goodness, I have so many questions...any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Comments

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    My youngest son is 9. We've talked about all of those things, but not as one-big-sit-down-talk. I talk especially about respect for women on a frequent basis. I bring up the topic of puberty and body changes and sex usually in the car...since it seems more comfortable to him if we're not sitting making eye contact. We'll talk about one or two things and I ask him if he's got any questions. It's usually a brief exchange. I really try not to be intrusive or turn it into a lecture, because kids tend to tune-out if they perceive a lecture.
  • elitaelita Posts: 402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Thanks rcw. That makes me feel better to know that it really doesn't need to be a formal talk. I feel like I have a good handle on the baby and young childhood stage, but I'm scared to death of the puberty/teen years. The car's a good idea. I'll have to find an excuse to go somewhere with him without the younger ones. (Special mom/son time!)
    2a underneath, 2b/c on top, medium texture, low porosity, normal elasticity, high density
    mod-CG since Feb 2009
    HG Combo: CJDF, BCDC & AFL
    Other Favorites:
    all things Spiral Solutions and Curl Junkie!! :love5:
  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    As someone who got it as one formal talk, I just wanted to say RCW's suggestion is great. That's how I plan to do things too.
  • bridgete2010bridgete2010 Posts: 144Registered Users
    I was 9 too when I got the talk.
    What happened was I was fishing with my father, and he told me about it, because I had been asking what sex was for ages (I heard the word, but didnt know what it meant.)
    Anyways, he finally told me while we were both doing a hobby we enjoyed. He gave me analogies, like with fish. He said thats how fish were born , and its the same with humans.
    But he always said that he wanted me to ask any questions possible. None would offend him, and I asked away.
    I mostly asked about the birthing process and how much it hurt lol.
    I was worried already! lol

    but yeah, just make sure its a comfortable moment. :)

    xx
    Bridget

    event.png
    my new blog ~~
  • SpiderSpider Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I was 9 too when I got the talk.
    What happened was I was fishing with my father, and he told me about it, because I had been asking what sex was for ages (I heard the word, but didnt know what it meant.)
    Anyways, he finally told me while we were both doing a hobby we enjoyed. He gave me analogies, like with fish. He said thats how fish were born , and its the same with humans.
    But he always said that he wanted me to ask any questions possible. None would offend him, and I asked away.
    I mostly asked about the birthing process and how much it hurt lol.
    I was worried already! lol

    but yeah, just make sure its a comfortable moment. :)

    xx
    Bridget

    Kudos to your dad for talking to you! it's hard for guys anyway, but with a daughter even more so!

    There is a really good book I got for DD when she was about that age, called "It's Perfectly Normal". Cartoon type pictures and a bit of humor go with basic, biological/clinical information to keep it light, but informative. It does give both male and female viewpoints. We went over it together and I supplemented or explained further as needed.

    It's tough, but having a comfort level and taking some of the embarrassment out of it helps a lot.
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • bridgete2010bridgete2010 Posts: 144Registered Users
    Spider wrote: »
    I was 9 too when I got the talk.
    What happened was I was fishing with my father, and he told me about it, because I had been asking what sex was for ages (I heard the word, but didnt know what it meant.)
    Anyways, he finally told me while we were both doing a hobby we enjoyed. He gave me analogies, like with fish. He said thats how fish were born , and its the same with humans.
    But he always said that he wanted me to ask any questions possible. None would offend him, and I asked away.
    I mostly asked about the birthing process and how much it hurt lol.
    I was worried already! lol

    but yeah, just make sure its a comfortable moment. :)

    xx
    Bridget

    Kudos to your dad for talking to you! it's hard for guys anyway, but with a daughter even more so!

    There is a really good book I got for DD when she was about that age, called "It's Perfectly Normal". Cartoon type pictures and a bit of humor go with basic, biological/clinical information to keep it light, but informative. It does give both male and female viewpoints. We went over it together and I supplemented or explained further as needed.

    It's tough, but having a comfort level and taking some of the embarrassment out of it helps a lot.

    Yeah! He is such an amazing dad :)

    And that sounds like a very good book to teach children about "the talk" :)

    event.png
    my new blog ~~

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