What made you decide to be a mom?

NubianCoilsNubianCoils Posts: 2,149Registered Users
At first I thought I knew exactly what I wanted - to have a family. But as the time gets near I'm beginning to panic a bit. It's such a huge responsibility! And I don't want to mess it up. Even though I don't have children yet, it already looks overwhelming. From breastfeeding to getting the right person for childcare, to going back to work and worrying about who's watching your child to schools and all the things in the world that you could do wrong as a parent or not protect your child from. It all just seems like so much!

For those of you who are parents, what made you decide to be a mother? If you had it to do over again, would you make the same choice? If not, why? Is it true that everything just "comes to you" and I'm totally overthinking things?
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Comments

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I've always wanted to be a mom. From the time I was a tiny child. I couldn't have stopped myself if I had tried. I never really worried about doing it right...I figured I would do OK at it.

    I don't go back and second guess my life decisions, and I try to live without regrets. Every tiny decision we make affects our future exponentially, so it's kinda pointless to say whether we would have made the same decisions or not. If I had done anything differently, then I wouldn't be exactly where I am right now, and I wouldn't want to risk not being here, so, yes, I would have made all the same decisions.
  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Being a mom is a lot of work, but it's also something many other people have done too.

    It doesn't all come naturally, so it's helped me to do some reading or talk to other moms to get ideas. But it's good to trust your intution with regard to your children too and to know that there is not One Right Way To Raise Children. My faith in God also helps me because I trust that he will guide me as I raise my children.

    I've always wanted to be a mother, but honestly, during the first year I felt like I'd finally gotten my dream job only to find out I didn't like it very much. Now that my daughter is a toddler, I'm loving it more all the time. Every mom has different parts of motherhood that she enjoys more or less than others, but I think that's true of most jobs.

    Also, I try to take it one step at a time. I really don't have to have school figured out right now.
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    I always wanted to have children.I had thought I would have started having them a couple of years after I actually did, so I guess I didn't have time to overthink the situation. One thing I am finding (my kids are 8, 4, and 19 mos.) is that it gets more challenging as they get older, but that's ok because I have a base of experience to build on (if that makes sense).
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I was not one of those people who always wanted children. Nor did I NOT want them. But a couple of years after marrying my husband I felt the urge.
    A lot of things do come to you after you have kids, a lot is by trial and error. Talking to people about their experiences and reading a lot of different sources helps too. You will find that some things resonate with you more, some things work better. Every parent is different, every child is different (as I found out after having #2). So a lot of parenting is very much like working out a relationship where you have to find what works well for both you and your kids. And just when you have it figured out they enter another developmental phase and you have to try something new.
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  • Mamacurl3Mamacurl3 Posts: 1,559Registered Users
    I always knew that I'd have children, but it wasn't until after I'd had my babies (and the further down the road of motherhood I travel) that I'd really embraced being a Mother. And with each day, each experience, each child and lesson learned, each struggle, and heart warming, aw inspiring moment I have with my kids just solidifies those feelings of wanting to be the best Mom I can be for them.

    Like others posted, it doesn't always come naturally. Though the more you do it, the more natural it feels and you eventually find your groove and learn what works best for you and your children. It's like riding a bike (well sort of). The first time you hop on the bike, you fall and you keep falling until you learn how to find the right balance (with the help of your support team and trial and error) that keeps you upright and on that bike. Eventually you learn to pop a wheelie and ride no-handed, venture out into different kinds of bikes, bigger bikes, maybe enter some bike races, go mountain biking...etc Just an analogy. But you get my drift;)

    Surround yourself with a good support system, get involved with your community, see if there are other Mothers' groups nearby, take community/ecfe classes with your children. Giving and getting support from fellow parents is one of the best things you can do as a parent, I truly believe that overall...it takes a village to raise a child. Educate yourself on your child related resources.

    If I had to go back and do things differently, nope. Right after having my first baby ( I had no experience with babies, esp brand new babies) and was so scared to even hold her. I kept her swaddled up for as long as I could fearing that I wouldn't know how to hold her once I unswaddled her. By the time my second baby came along, doing the baby thing, holding and caring for baby was pretty second nature. I remember one of the post natal nurses, who'd just come on to the shift, walked in, took one look at me holding my little man and immediately said "this isn't your first baby is it" with a big smile on her face. That felt good
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  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Posts: 2,149Registered Users
    Thanks so much for all the responses so far! It's just that I understand that this is one of the biggest undertaking I will do in my life and I'm just so fearful that I will mess up. But I can't let that fear stop me. I realize I must have faith that I will be a good mother and raise good children. I will definitely look into support groups and talk to people who are already mothers. Thanks guys!
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
    Dreadlocks Since: March 2001
    Cut Dreadlocks: February 2009:afro:

    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Thanks so much for all the responses so far! It's just that I understand that this is one of the biggest undertaking I will do in my life and I'm just so fearful that I will mess up. But I can't let that fear stop me. I realize I must have faith that I will be a good mother and raise good children. I will definitely look into support groups and talk to people who are already mothers. Thanks guys!


    We all screw up. ALL of us. It's a good thing that 1) babies bounce and 2) most people do not remember their babyhoods. ;)

    Someone as concerned about "messing up" as you seem to be will be fine. It means you care, and you will do your best to learn the things that you don't know instinctively. The best thing a kid can have is a mother who loves them enough to learn.
  • kimberly jkimberly j Posts: 153Registered Users
    I too have always wanted children. Once my husband & I married it just seemed like the next natural step (and I had NO experience with babies whatsoever).

    Is it scary? Absofrickinlutely. I'm due in 5 and a half weeks with my second child (see, its not so bad, sometimes we want more than 1!:D) and I'm still scared about being a mother - my DD is 4 yrs old.

    Are you going to screw up? Sure. We all do. If you bring a child into the world with open arms & provide all the love that you have, things will fall into place. They may not be easy, but they will eventually fall into place; sometimes through hard work, other times by sheer dumb luck. But, isn't that life?

    I agree with having a good support system and resources. Sometimes that 'mothering instinct' is just not there in certain instances, or it gets clouded. It definitely doesn't make you any less of a mother to seek out information and advice from others (as you've done with this post).
  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Posts: 2,149Registered Users
    Thanks RedCatWaves and kimberj. I'm really glad I posted this - I feel a lot better. I realize there will be things I don't know and things that will come up that I might not have planned for but if I have a good support system, my child should be just fine.
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
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    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

    Full head of 4a hair!:wav:
  • TrenellTrenell Posts: 3,562Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I got pregnant. hahah

    The older I got, the more on the fence I was about having kids. If I did, cool. If I didn't, also fine.

    I'm happy for the oopsies, because, frankly, I'm not sure when would have been the "right" time for me.
  • iris427iris427 Posts: 6,002Registered Users
    I didn't decide to get pregnant--my pregnancy was unplanned. And in a lot of ways, I'm grateful for that. I think you can always find reasons not to have a child, and it can be overwhelming to think about it. So having the choice taken away from me was nice in a way.

    Yes, there is a lot to deal with when you have a child, but you just do it because it needs to get done. You figure things out as you go along. Luckily children are very resilient. No one is a perfect parent, but I think most of us do the best we can.

    Now I am worrying about the same things as you, thinking about having #2. Is the time right, are our finances ok, can I handle another birth, sleepless nights, etc.? At some point I think I'm just going to have to decide to go for it. :)
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  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    Like others mentioned I always knew I would be a mom. I did want to wait a while after we got married though and just kind of get to know each other.

    I do agree that things will come to you, although it's important to kind of flesh out what is true instinct and what is a life script coming at you during a weak moment. Definitely trust your gut as a mom and take it one day at a time because it changes that quickly. Add to that the fact that most times you end up doing exactly the opposite of what you'd planned on doing. Find the core values of what's important and focus on that. Sorry for being so vague.

    On the days I'm not feeling too stellar I chalk one up for the therapy jar. LOL
  • BugEyeZBugEyeZ Posts: 314Registered Users Curl Novice
    Trenell wrote: »
    I got pregnant. hahah

    The older I got, the more on the fence I was about having kids. If I did, cool. If I didn't, also fine.

    I'm happy for the oopsies, because, frankly, I'm not sure when would have been the "right" time for me.

    OOpsie is right! And even then, if I had had the money to abort...:sad3:
    Then i saw that 9 week ultrasound and heard that little heartbeat...
    I don't think I chose to be a mom. I think my baby chose me. End of story.
    when all else fails...eat:icescream:
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    Trenell wrote: »
    I got pregnant. hahah

    The older I got, the more on the fence I was about having kids. If I did, cool. If I didn't, also fine.

    I'm happy for the oopsies, because, frankly, I'm not sure when would have been the "right" time for me.

    Same here, all of it, but especially the bolded. I agree with everyone else's statements too, but this was my first thought. :)
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    I have always wanted to be a mom, I couldn't imagine a life without children. I'm a better person because of my kids.
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    I never really wanted or didn't want children. I met DH before my 35th birthday and he was the first man I could see myself having children with. I knew he would be a partner to me and a good father to any kids we had.

    Once I had my daughter, I couldn't imagine my life without her. And I agree with Delma, having a child makes me want to be a better person.
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  • angelicjeanangelicjean Posts: 10Registered Users
    My pregnancy was unplanned but during the time I carried my son inside of me and all the difficult things he's had to go through in his short life I fell in love with him.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    honestly...ish or get off the pot...
    0004.gif

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  • msbigfinefromsbigfinefro Posts: 69Registered Users
    :angel13::angel13:Wanting to be a parent was always in my mind, however when i found out i was pregnant i pretty much panicked. But honestly everything comes to you and you will be a fantastic mother...I was scared my first night by myslef with my baby but it gets easier and befroe you know it they will be talking:angel13:
    Love like its a one day sale.....

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  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Posts: 2,149Registered Users
    @ WilE - What? Most of the things I see you post fly right over my head. I don't get it. Are you saying have a baby already or shut up??:confused1:

    I feel like I've always known I'd be a mother too but as the time gets closer I just find I'm a little nervous about how well I'll do. But I guess that's just to be expected. Also, there are so many things I didn't know that have SHOCKED me like:

    1. Why the he** is maternity leave in most cases only 3 months? So let me get this straight - I'm supposed to hand over my tiny little 3 month old baby to a stranger so I can go back to work or possibly lose my job? Who decided this was ok when making the FMLA laws? Seriously? When women were marching on the streets for their rights, we really should have stayed out there a couple more days to get longer maternity leave!

    2. Why does a good day care cost more than a mortgage? How the heck are you expected to put more than one child in day care? WTF?!

    I keep telling myself that couples all across America are doing this every day and I should be no different. But MAN! It all just seems super overwhelming. But I'm beginning to realize it's just not something you can fully prepare for. I'm going to be scared as heck. I'm going to mess up. I just have to take my courage and go for it...
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
    Dreadlocks Since: March 2001
    Cut Dreadlocks: February 2009:afro:

    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

    Full head of 4a hair!:wav:
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    @ WilE - What? Most of the things I see you post fly right over my head. I don't get it. Are you saying have a baby already or shut up??:confused1:

    I feel like I've always known I'd be a mother too but as the time gets closer I just find I'm a little nervous about how well I'll do. But I guess that's just to be expected. Also, there are so many things I didn't know that have SHOCKED me like:

    1. Why the he** is maternity leave in most cases only 3 months? So let me get this straight - I'm supposed to hand over my tiny little 3 month old baby to a stranger so I can go back to work or possibly lose my job? Who decided this was ok when making the FMLA laws? Seriously? When women were marching on the streets for their rights, we really should have stayed out there a couple more days to get longer maternity leave!

    2. Why does a good day care cost more than a mortgage? How the heck are you expected to put more than one child in day care? WTF?!

    I keep telling myself that couples all across America are doing this every day and I should be no different. But MAN! It all just seems super overwhelming. But I'm beginning to realize it's just not something you can fully prepare for. I'm going to be scared as heck. I'm going to mess up. I just have to take my courage and go for it...


    I think WileE was referring to herself...she was getting older and figured she'd better have a baby or get off the pot.

    You should have been around in the 1970's when women were commonly FIRED for being pregnant. It was common for women to only be "allowed" to work til they were six months pregnant, then, bam, fired, no job, no disability, no nothing.

    Daycare costs are why I started staying home 10 years ago. Having 2 babies in daycare made my job not worthwhile. Do the math. Once you figure in things like lunches, clothing, commuting costs, and paying double social security taxes, plus daycare expenses, sometimes you actually make out better one one salary versus struggling and having two.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users


    I think WileE was referring to herself...she was getting older and figured she'd better have a baby or get off the pot.

    You should have been around in the 1970's when women were commonly FIRED for being pregnant. It was common for women to only be "allowed" to work til they were six months pregnant, then, bam, fired, no job, no disability, no nothing.

    Daycare costs are why I started staying home 10 years ago. Having 2 babies in daycare made my job not worthwhile. Do the math. Once you figure in things like lunches, clothing, commuting costs, and paying double social security taxes, plus daycare expenses, sometimes you actually make out better one one salary versus struggling and having two.

    thats part of the reason why im a stay at home mom too. if i were to work, i would literally be working simply to be able to pay for me working. its actually cheaper for me to stay at home.
  • misspammisspam Posts: 5,318Registered Users
    @ WilE - What? Most of the things I see you post fly right over my head. I don't get it. Are you saying have a baby already or shut up??:confused1:

    I feel like I've always known I'd be a mother too but as the time gets closer I just find I'm a little nervous about how well I'll do. But I guess that's just to be expected. Also, there are so many things I didn't know that have SHOCKED me like:

    1. Why the he** is maternity leave in most cases only 3 months? So let me get this straight - I'm supposed to hand over my tiny little 3 month old baby to a stranger so I can go back to work or possibly lose my job? Who decided this was ok when making the FMLA laws? Seriously? When women were marching on the streets for their rights, we really should have stayed out there a couple more days to get longer maternity leave!

    2. Why does a good day care cost more than a mortgage? How the heck are you expected to put more than one child in day care? WTF?!

    I keep telling myself that couples all across America are doing this every day and I should be no different. But MAN! It all just seems super overwhelming. But I'm beginning to realize it's just not something you can fully prepare for. I'm going to be scared as heck. I'm going to mess up. I just have to take my courage and go for it...


    I think WileE was referring to herself...she was getting older and figured she'd better have a baby or get off the pot.

    You should have been around in the 1970's when women were commonly FIRED for being pregnant. It was common for women to only be "allowed" to work til they were six months pregnant, then, bam, fired, no job, no disability, no nothing.

    Daycare costs are why I started staying home 10 years ago. Having 2 babies in daycare made my job not worthwhile. Do the math. Once you figure in things like lunches, clothing, commuting costs, and paying double social security taxes, plus daycare expenses, sometimes you actually make out better one one salary versus struggling and having two.

    Is that regular math or Uhura math? :wink:

    I never thought I wanted kids. Even when I married my husband, we both were undecided but agreed that it was open for discussion. After 2 years of marriage and at 30 years old, I finally started getting maternal urges. Hubby was all for it and it happened very quickly. Now, 2 kids later, I cannot imagine my life without them.
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  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    @ WilE - What? Most of the things I see you post fly right over my head. I don't get it. Are you saying have a baby already or shut up??:confused1:

    I feel like I've always known I'd be a mother too but as the time gets closer I just find I'm a little nervous about how well I'll do. But I guess that's just to be expected. Also, there are so many things I didn't know that have SHOCKED me like:

    1. Why the he** is maternity leave in most cases only 3 months? So let me get this straight - I'm supposed to hand over my tiny little 3 month old baby to a stranger so I can go back to work or possibly lose my job? Who decided this was ok when making the FMLA laws? Seriously? When women were marching on the streets for their rights, we really should have stayed out there a couple more days to get longer maternity leave!

    2. Why does a good day care cost more than a mortgage? How the heck are you expected to put more than one child in day care? WTF?!

    I keep telling myself that couples all across America are doing this every day and I should be no different. But MAN! It all just seems super overwhelming. But I'm beginning to realize it's just not something you can fully prepare for. I'm going to be scared as heck. I'm going to mess up. I just have to take my courage and go for it...


    I think WileE was referring to herself...she was getting older and figured she'd better have a baby or get off the pot.

    You should have been around in the 1970's when women were commonly FIRED for being pregnant. It was common for women to only be "allowed" to work til they were six months pregnant, then, bam, fired, no job, no disability, no nothing.

    Daycare costs are why I started staying home 10 years ago. Having 2 babies in daycare made my job not worthwhile. Do the math. Once you figure in things like lunches, clothing, commuting costs, and paying double social security taxes, plus daycare expenses, sometimes you actually make out better one one salary versus struggling and having two.
    RCW is correct...
    lol...sorry for the confusion, NC!
    g/l whatever you decide. You will be okay :)
    0004.gif

    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    I didn't decide...it happened. My decision was to wait until I was 25 and out of college. I got pregnant at 20 and had my son at 21. I do not regret it a bit.
  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Posts: 2,149Registered Users
    @ WilE - What? Most of the things I see you post fly right over my head. I don't get it. Are you saying have a baby already or shut up??:confused1:

    I feel like I've always known I'd be a mother too but as the time gets closer I just find I'm a little nervous about how well I'll do. But I guess that's just to be expected. Also, there are so many things I didn't know that have SHOCKED me like:

    1. Why the he** is maternity leave in most cases only 3 months? So let me get this straight - I'm supposed to hand over my tiny little 3 month old baby to a stranger so I can go back to work or possibly lose my job? Who decided this was ok when making the FMLA laws? Seriously? When women were marching on the streets for their rights, we really should have stayed out there a couple more days to get longer maternity leave!

    2. Why does a good day care cost more than a mortgage? How the heck are you expected to put more than one child in day care? WTF?!

    I keep telling myself that couples all across America are doing this every day and I should be no different. But MAN! It all just seems super overwhelming. But I'm beginning to realize it's just not something you can fully prepare for. I'm going to be scared as heck. I'm going to mess up. I just have to take my courage and go for it...


    I think WileE was referring to herself...she was getting older and figured she'd better have a baby or get off the pot.

    You should have been around in the 1970's when women were commonly FIRED for being pregnant. It was common for women to only be "allowed" to work til they were six months pregnant, then, bam, fired, no job, no disability, no nothing.

    Daycare costs are why I started staying home 10 years ago. Having 2 babies in daycare made my job not worthwhile. Do the math. Once you figure in things like lunches, clothing, commuting costs, and paying double social security taxes, plus daycare expenses, sometimes you actually make out better one one salary versus struggling and having two.

    Oooh! Sorry WilE! Once again, I didn't get it. I'm kinda slow sometimes though.:tongue3:

    WHAT?! FIRED?! That's just...I don't know what to say.

    The staying at home thing is kind of tricky for me. I don't think I would want to be a stay at home mom forever (just until they start school), but I'm concerned that taking 4+ years away from work will hurt me when I try to go back into the job market. But it's worth talking about especially if it would be easier financially. That's a good idea...
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
    Dreadlocks Since: March 2001
    Cut Dreadlocks: February 2009:afro:

    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

    Full head of 4a hair!:wav:

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