Men and Natural Hair

EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Registered Users Posts: 6,446 Curl Neophyte
I'm sure there has been a thread about this before, but I just needed to rant and praise at the same time. So I BC'ed last Saturday, and have been getting the most ridiculous responses from guys (surprisingly, on another note, all of my girl friends have complimented my hair). They have ranged from them saying, "You were crazy to cut off your 'semi-good' hair" or "I can't stand bald women" to my guy friends not being able to keep their dang hands out of my head or refuting the comments of the other guys and EDUCATING them on chemicals damaging our hair. Now, for the "semi-good" comment, I got HEATED, 1) The hair I cut off was relaxed hair, therefore, it wasn't the hair I was given, so wtf are you talking about and 2) I didn't appreciate how men really do know NOTHING about all the crap we go through for "beauty," or society's standards of it. I wondered if he really thought that my hair was naturally straight, and if he really is that stupid as a college graduate.

Anywho...yea...just had to get that out. But it is very nice to know that some men are not absolute dolts and appreciate natural hair. :)
BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
YouTube
Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

Comments

  • eccentric_kurlzeccentric_kurlz Registered Users Posts: 4,151 Curl Connoisseur
    Seriously, most guys are clueless. And yes, many of them DO think most of us have naturally straight hair. My own FATHER has asked on numerous occasions how I got my hair the way that it is. Ummm....I didn't? It grows out this way, you know....LIKE YOURS! LMAO!

    Oh, and I would've gotten heated about that "semi-good hair" crap too. Most folks KNOW not to go there with me, but then sometimes they are genuinely THAT ignorant. I've even encountered a guy with LOCS say that some women need to go ahead and slap a perm on their heads and keep their hair looking tight. Umm...whaaaa? Needless to say, I don't associate w/that person. Not necessarily for THAT one ignorant statement, but also for the OTHERS that followed. My tolerance for foolishness is at nil.
    A wonderful mix of coils, curls, corkscrews, and kinks.

    http://s211.photobucket.com/albums/bb133/shyygirl_2007/
    PW: curlyhair

    I have a blog now. Follow meeeee! :)

    http://naturalurbanista.blogspot.com/

    "You see, when it comes to language competence, a true patriot must hit that sweet spot between "job-stealing immigrant" and "liberal elitist." ~Eilonwy

    Wanna have access to the top names in fashion and luxury at up to 70% off retail? Sure you do. http://tinyurl.com/3yxneol

    DC metro area
  • KilaelKilael Registered Users Posts: 67
    Everytime I see my father he complains about my hair. He tells me it's ugly and that I need to put a relaxer in it or braid it up. He tells my mother that she should tell me how ugly it is and make me do something. I'm 25 years old. On the flip side, I get so many guys of all races that like my hair and try to talk to me because of it. I think part of it is generational. It's kind of ironic that my dad wants me to get braids because when I had them he hated them.
    I finally have my own fotki. :laughing6:
    http://public.fotki.com/Kilael/
  • gagirl09gagirl09 Registered Users Posts: 2,316
    I don't really hang out with a lot of guys anymore. HOWEVER the guy that actually matters (my dear ol' dad) has been suportive from DAY ONE. My mom did not get on board until she saw my hair in a puff after I bc'd (I transitioned for a year!!!) He has seen the pics and loves it. He is not a fan of the chemicals and I think secretly he likes short hair. Another dude friend hasn't seen my hair but he I told him I cut and he was like that's cool. My cousin loves it to. Most of the women I have bumped into love it. I have not received one negative remark!!
    Last relaxer: Nov. 24, 2008
    BC: December 19, 2009
    Products: Whatever works!
  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Registered Users Posts: 2,149
    I too have a dangerously low threshold for ignorance. And I think it shows in my actions, manner, and facial expressions. I've only had guys say I look great. But that might be because they're afraid to say anything stupid cause I might cut them.:laughing2:
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
    Dreadlocks Since: March 2001
    Cut Dreadlocks: February 2009:afro:

    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

    Full head of 4a hair!:wav:
  • Cali ChikCali Chik Registered Users Posts: 1,494
    I never had to BC but I can imagine how some men would have responded. My ex told me when I decided to no longer wear extensions (braids) and just wear my hair out and natural that aint no black man gonna want to woman wit nappy ass hair.

    Well he was wrong cuz I met the love of my life while I was natural. AND I get plenty of compliments from men on my hair now.

    But I think more than natural hair, men still have a problem with short hair.
    subbrock wrote: »
    - don't let everybody elses long straight weave bum you out. don't let other people's big/long natural hair bum you out either. embrace what you have and rock it with confidence, because that's the only way you'll be happy. and whether you realize it or not you are somebody's influence. show them what it truly means to be confident.

    www.lifestarbeauty.com
    Hate me? Love me? then Follow me! www.twitter.com/vidastarr


  • MslizziaMslizzia Registered Users Posts: 600
    The very first time I went natural, I transitioned for a year with braids in my head. Well my dad was living in GA at the time and I took my braids out for the last time and washed my hair,picked it out, and put it in an afro. I sent him a picture and we was like "good lawd girl I know thas not ur hair, that is not ur real hair. Lawd my child done lost her mind"

    I had to literally wait until he came to new orleans so he could feel my hair to convince him that, yes, I did it and I am totally natural.
  • CityGirl81CityGirl81 Registered Users Posts: 418
    I too have a dangerously low threshold for ignorance. And I think it shows in my actions, manner, and facial expressions. I've only had guys say I look great. But that might be because they're afraid to say anything stupid cause I might cut them.:laughing2:

    You are my kind of girl! :thumbup:
  • anonymous_29030anonymous_29030 Registered Users Posts: 619
    :laughing2::laughing2::laughing2::laughing2:
    I too have a dangerously low threshold for ignorance. And I think it shows in my actions, manner, and facial expressions. I've only had guys say I look great. But that might be because they're afraid to say anything stupid cause I might cut them.:laughing2:
  • anonymous_29030anonymous_29030 Registered Users Posts: 619
    CityGirl81 wrote: »
    I too have a dangerously low threshold for ignorance. And I think it shows in my actions, manner, and facial expressions. I've only had guys say I look great. But that might be because they're afraid to say anything stupid cause I might cut them.:laughing2:

    You are my kind of girl! :thumbup:

    +1
  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Registered Users Posts: 2,149
    Gabi2009 wrote: »
    CityGirl81 wrote: »
    I too have a dangerously low threshold for ignorance. And I think it shows in my actions, manner, and facial expressions. I've only had guys say I look great. But that might be because they're afraid to say anything stupid cause I might cut them.:laughing2:

    You are my kind of girl! :thumbup:

    +1


    LOL, like my mom always says: "I'm nice as pie, but if you ring my doorbell you best believe I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE DOOR!!!":afro:

    Don't start nuttin', won't be nuttin'

    You share your ignorance with me, I'll share the heel of my shoe with you
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
    Dreadlocks Since: March 2001
    Cut Dreadlocks: February 2009:afro:

    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

    Full head of 4a hair!:wav:
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Registered Users Posts: 6,446 Curl Neophyte
    Gabi2009 wrote: »
    CityGirl81 wrote: »

    You are my kind of girl! :thumbup:

    +1


    LOL, like my mom always says: "I'm nice as pie, but if you ring my doorbell you best believe I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE DOOR!!!":afro:

    Don't start nuttin', won't be nuttin'

    You share your ignorance with me, I'll share the heel of my shoe with you

    LoL! Well, yea...he's lucky he said that ish via Facebook and not in person because if so he would have caught a face full of the palm of my hand...
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
    YouTube
    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • NubianCoilsNubianCoils Registered Users Posts: 2,149
    ellepixie wrote: »
    Gabi2009 wrote: »

    +1


    LOL, like my mom always says: "I'm nice as pie, but if you ring my doorbell you best believe I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE DOOR!!!":afro:

    Don't start nuttin', won't be nuttin'

    You share your ignorance with me, I'll share the heel of my shoe with you

    LoL! Well, yea...he's lucky he said that ish via Facebook and not in person because if so he would have caught a face full of the palm of my hand...

    I would find him. :evil5:
    Defeated the Relaxer: January 2001 :boxing:
    Dreadlocks Since: March 2001
    Cut Dreadlocks: February 2009:afro:

    Holy Grails:
    Amla and Bhringraj are the TRUTH, HE LTR Conditioner is the BIDNESS, Shea butter, Honey, Jamican Black Castor Oil

    Full head of 4a hair!:wav:
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Registered Users Posts: 6,446 Curl Neophyte
    :sign5: Atlanta, anyone?
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
    YouTube
    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
  • kinkycurlycutiekinkycurlycutie Registered Users Posts: 40
    ellepixie wrote: »
    So I BC'ed last Saturday, and have been getting the most ridiculous responses from guys (surprisingly, on another note, all of my girl friends have complimented my hair). They have ranged from them saying, "You were crazy to cut off your 'semi-good' hair" or "I can't stand bald women" to my guy friends not being able to keep their dang hands out of my head or refuting the comments of the other guys and EDUCATING them on chemicals damaging our hair. Now, for the "semi-good" comment, I got HEATED, 1) The hair I cut off was relaxed hair, therefore, it wasn't the hair I was given, so wtf are you talking about and 2) I didn't appreciate how men really do know NOTHING about all the crap we go through for "beauty," or society's standards of it. I wondered if he really thought that my hair was naturally straight, and if he really is that stupid as a college graduate.

    Anywho...yea...just had to get that out. But it is very nice to know that some men are not absolute dolts and appreciate natural hair. :)

    Men are idiots. I haven't got that many insults on my natural hair since I bc'ed but the ones I do get piss me off so much. I have been called nappy-headed so many times I can't even count.


    As for the guy who told you 'you're crazy to cut-off your semi-good hair' you need to educate him. He's really misinformed.
    Hair type: mostly very tight 4a with a little 3c and 4b, porous:walk:, medium-thickness

    HG: Jessicurl hcc, jessicurl too shea extra moisturizing conditioner, VO5 moisture milk, eco styler olive oil styling gel, Jane carter hair solutions nourish and shine

    event.png
  • Curly83Curly83 Registered Users Posts: 140
    Gabi2009 wrote: »
    CityGirl81 wrote: »

    You are my kind of girl! :thumbup:

    +1


    LOL, like my mom always says: "I'm nice as pie, but if you ring my doorbell you best believe I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE DOOR!!!":afro:

    Don't start nuttin', won't be nuttin'

    You share your ignorance with me, I'll share the heel of my shoe with you

    NubianCoils..I feel you on this one. It's amazing how ignorant our own race is when it comes to natural hair. I've gotten more compliments from people of different races than my own about my hair. Isn't that something?!

    When I'm not in a protective style, I get questions from white men about my hair or even compliments. I do find that black men seem to like straight hair better, but are totally clueless about what it involves when you have a relaxer. A guy at work mentioned he didn't have a problem with natural hair unless its pulled back neatly or in a ponytail..wtf. Guys irritate the heck out you sometimes..just so dang clueless.
    BC Oct 08
    3c/4a
    Protein Sensitive
    Poo: SheaMoisture Retention Shampoo
    Co-wash: SheaMoisture Raw Shea Condish
    DT: Qhemet AOHC
    Stylers: Qhemet Honey Bush Gel or SheaMoisture Deep Masque Treatment
  • subbrocksubbrock Registered Users Posts: 8,212


    LOL, like my mom always says: "I'm nice as pie, but if you ring my doorbell you best believe I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE DOOR!!!":afro:

    Don't start nuttin', won't be nuttin'

    You share your ignorance with me, I'll share the heel of my shoe with you

    hahahahahahahaha!
  • *Marah**Marah* Registered Users Posts: 8,032 Curl Neophyte
    I think men in general...the majority of them prefer women that do have longer hair. Doesn't have to be mega long..but longer than the average BC's which are usually pretty short. I think guys like to see some hair length for the most part...meaning at least chin length and preferably much longer.

    I do think there is this whole texture and curls verse kinks issue that plagues the black community.. but I think if a black man saw a woman of color with her hair long in it's natural state.. the whole natural thing wouldn't be that big of an issue in a lot of cases.

    I noticed from the OP's post that the comments she got consisted of this reoccurring focus on how she CUT her hair..not that anything was particularly wrong with it being natural.

    I think generally men will react strongly because men are into the outward of appearance of a woman often FIRST because it's the first thing they see and men are visual....and I think on thee average men do think longer hair is more attractive on a woman.

    So I think when certain people see a natural BC on a black woman, they think.. "Oh gosh.. she cut off all her hair now it's going to be nappy and it's not going to grow back!" And gosh forbid if she had long straight relaxed hair and chopped it off..they are really thinking..well no way she's getting that length back cause you know once a black woman cuts her hair off after years of growing..she's not getting it back period.

    It's this silly myth that keeps getting passed around the black community and in a lot of cases black women keep it going because of the things they do to their hair that prevents length retention in a lot of cases. So of course, some blacks are horrified when they see a black woman cut her hair super short.

    So honestly, I think this is more of an issue of men (in ths case black men) not digging short hair as much as they do long hair...and not neccessarily mainly about the hair being natural per se.

    Having said all that.. I do think black men THINK they like straighter hair better though..because the opposite in the black community is thought of as nappy hair (which let a lot of blacks tell it that's bad hair). Now if the woman has what is called "good natural hair" or "semi-good hair" as the OP put it and if it's long to boot.. suddenly they are so mezmerized by natural hair. I say that because I don't see any black men dogging out Rachel True or Tracee Ellis Ross about their hair being natural.

    But if a black woman is walking around with her hair like Esperazna Spalding...or Nadia Turner..suddenly everyone and their grandmom prefers straight hair.

    Just my thoughts on it.
    tumblr_m9jonzYZmu1re7hjjo1_250.jpg
  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Registered Users Posts: 6,446 Curl Neophyte
    Well, it is a little of both, because I cut off my relaxed hair, which was shoulder length, in order to go natural completely. So my issue is, are they that stupid to think that my relaxed hair was my natural hair, and I was just cutting it for the fun of it? Like I was crazy like Britney Spears or something! I will be the first to admit that I prefer having longer hair for just throwing back in a bun on a lazy day or playing with styles. But for him to not understand the concept of a Black woman cutting off her hair to go natural was unacceptable and offensive to me (note, in this situation, I have known this person for 9 years, it wasn't some random stranger making a comment). Furthermore, he has made remarks about his sister, whom was wearing her hair natural, and said that it made her look like an elementary school girl instead of a professional woman.

    As other posters on the thread have cited, I have seen many more men of other races compliment natural hair more than Black men, and those are mostly even women with 3b/3c curly hair. Even so, I still find it insulting for a man to talk about a "bald" woman and automatically try to say she is not attractive. To me, if you're cute, you're cute. A lot of men are completely okay with being sexist, and that's just ridiculous.
    BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
    YouTube
    Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file