Seeking Inspiration from hair that isn't like yours

bklyn_belle

is it a bad thing to look at fellow curlies who's hair is nothing like yours for inspiration? although I have 4a/b hair i tend to look at women with 3c mixed with 4a hair as inspiration to keep me pushing. i'm starting to wonder if this is a reflection of not accepting my own texture and lusting after someone else's. i admit i am highly disappointed in my own but what's the sense in looking at something that i might not be able to attain? i'm feeling very depressed since my last big chop btw.

penance441

I don't think that it is bad to seek inspiration from other hair types. Sometimes it is a work in progress in learning to accept your own hair. I had a similar problem and then I saw rustic beauty's hair on youtube and saw the beauty in my own hair.

newme

I don't think there is anything wrong with admiring anyone's hair -whether or not you share a similar texture. That said, when you say "inspiration" I don't understand what you mean. If you are thinking that time and patience will allow your hair to grow to look like someone else's hair with a different texture, I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

If, on the other hand, it's the length that you strive for then I see nothing wrong with that. For example, I frequently "stalk" ladylibra's fotki and Teri LaFlesh's hair on tightlycurly.com. I believe that both of them are mostly 3c and I am defintely a 4a. But looking at ladylibra's year by year progress pics helps give me perspective on what is possible/realistic in terms of length at any given year. Terri gives me tips and ideas for hair care that work for my hair despite our different textures. I don't wish that my hair was like theirs as much as I want my hair to look and feel the best that it can. Are they inspiring? Yeah, I guess so. But I'm not envious.

All of this to say, I think only you know if your reasons are helpful or harmful to your self esteem regarding your hair.

hypnotic

im sorry your BC didnt go as planned.

i think you could possibly be a bit anxious about the process, maybe taking time away from hair sites and fotki albums will allow you to explore what works for your hair instead of trying to find inspiration

your hair should inspire you

Naya

bklyn_belle wrote: »

is it a bad thing to look at fellow curlies who's hair is nothing like yours for inspiration? although I have 4a/b hair i tend to look at women with 3c mixed with 4a hair as inspiration to keep me pushing. i'm starting to wonder if this is a reflection of not accepting my own texture and lusting after someone else's. i admit i am highly disappointed in my own but what's the sense in looking at something that i might not be able to attain? i'm feeling very depressed since my last big chop btw.

Are you having trouble learning how to care for your hair texture? If so, perhaps you have some questions and we can help you with answers or pointing you in the right direction?

Although I look at many different hair textures.. I usually stay with hair that looks similar to mines. Which is in the 3C-4B range. I mean, not to imply that looser curls aren't pretty because I think they are.. but my hair will NEVER look like that so no point in looking at those textures for inspiration. I want to be inspired by something that I can actually achieve one day, you know? Not to say that you're "wrong" on anything. I don't believe that at all. This is just how I feel about it.

sobecurl

I think this is normal, especially if you just went through a BC. I think we have all admired hair that was not our exact type and I dont see anything wrong with that.

The problem comes in when you expect your hair to behave or look like the other hair type. Using products or regimens that work with 3b/c hair might not work on 4a/b hair and then you just continue the cycle of frustration with your own hair.

If you can say that you are "highly disappointed" with your own hair, then you haven't reached the point of acceptance of your natural texture. I would focus on finding more ladies with 4a/b hair and looking at their photos. Try browsing fotki (if you havent already) and do a search for 4a/b natural hair. There are plenty of ladies with awe inspiring type 4 hair.

And if you just BC'd and your hair is short, dress yourself up in other ways like with accessories (makeup, earings, etc.). Focus on making your hair healthy versus what you think it should look like and read this and other hair boards to get ideas. It seems like there have been a lot of BCs in the past few weeks so there will be a lot of ladies on NC in a similar situation.

kalane

When did you BC? I know whenever I make a major change to my physical appearance, it takes me weeks to adjust. Perhaps you're still in shock.

Now to your original quesiton, I don't think there's anything wrong in admiring other hair types. I like to look at them all. However, until you're comfortable with your own hair, you might want to stick to admiring 4a/b ladies.

Mslizzia

sobecurl wrote: »

I think this is normal, especially if you just went through a BC. I think we have all admired hair that was not our exact type and I dont see anything wrong with that.

The problem comes in when you expect your hair to behave or look like the other hair type. Using products or regimens that work with 3b/c hair might not work on 4a/b hair and then you just continue the cycle of frustration with your own hair.

If you can say that you are "highly disappointed" with your own hair, then you haven't reached the point of acceptance of your natural texture. I would focus on finding more ladies with 4a/b hair and looking at their photos. Try browsing fotki (if you havent already) and do a search for 4a/b natural hair. There are plenty of ladies with awe inspiring type 4 hair.

And if you just BC'd and your hair is short, dress yourself up in other ways like with accessories (makeup, earings, etc.). Focus on making your hair healthy versus what you think it should look like and read this and other hair boards to get ideas. It seems like there have been a lot of BCs in the past few weeks so there will be a lot of ladies on NC in a similar situation.

I have noticed a lot of bc's this week.

To the OP, if you focus on they health of your hair as opposed to focusing on what u want your hair to look like, u will be suprised at what happens when u really start to take good care of ur hair. No ones hair is the same but the women u r inspired by at one point had dry and brittle natural hair cuz they had no idea how to care for it.

All us naturals went through this phase! So please don't focus on the texture as much as caring for ur hair

Ninjarette

Yes...if you can only be inspired by women with hair textures unlike your own, you probably have some issues. The people who inspire us often help to shape our aspirations. Plus, when we see others "ooh and ahh" over certain textures/lengths, it's easy to start to think wrong about what you have. So much newbie frustration can be traced back to embracing what they don't actually possess. When I transitioned, I didn't know anything about "fotki" and "hair typing". There's nothing wrong with appreciating a different texture than your own. But if you gotta ask if it's okay, then....

Cali Chik

Bad? I dunno...

But it doesn't seem sensible to me.

bklyn_belle

well i did a bc about five months ago and this is the fourth time i did a bc in three years. on previous attempts i was impatient and went back for the relaxer. this time around i decided to stick with it and i dont plan to return to ANY type of chemical processing. i was also very curious as to how my hair would look after months of growth because the way it looks after a bc doesnt necessarily determine how it will look when it's grown. now that it has somewhat grown i am disappointed in the results. my sisters have 3c mixed with 4a (dad has 3b) hair so i assumed i would too but when it finally grew a bit i realized that i infact do not have that type of hair at all but i still look at theirs (and others with the same hair type) as inspiration for mine which doesn't make much sense. it's quite frustrating but i am still willing to push forward with this natural thing I refuse to depend on relaxers or texturizers no one said life was easy right? so anyway i do take care of my hair i pre-poo, co wash, oil, twist, all of that and it is just fine. but i unconciously reach for hats on a daily basis (no one has seen my hair in literally months) and i am still upset with my texture sometimes to the point where i break down. then i look to other girls for inspiration who has hair nothing like mine! *sigh*

bklyn_belle

this is what my hair currently looks like. i just took the photos

Alice_42

I see nothing wrong with looking at different textures for style ideas or length goals, but I think you start getting in trouble if you expect your hair to behave in the same way.

Since you just BCed, I think you should stick with people who have a similar hair texture. Then you can get regime ideas, style tutorials and a more accurate time line of how long it will take to get hair like theirs.

bklyn_belle

yet i am busy looking at girls with hair like these young women...

subbrock

NEA wrote: »

Yes...if you can only be inspired by women with hair textures unlike your own, you probably have some issues. The people who inspire us often help to shape our aspirations. Plus, when we see others "ooh and ahh" over certain textures/lengths, it's easy to start to think wrong about what you have. So much newbie frustration can be traced back to embracing what they don't actually possess. When I transitioned, I didn't know anything about "fotki" and "hair typing". There's nothing wrong with appreciating a different texture than your own. But if you gotta ask if it's okay, then....

i agree. in the beginning of my natural hair journey, i was "inspired" by 3b/3c hair. i would spend all of my time looking at 3b/3c hair fotkis, trying out the regimen and products that worked for them, and having a serious case of hair envy. it was the worst possible thing i could have done for myself and my hair. i dont have 3b/3c hair and i never will. when i accepted that and moved on it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

to this day i try not to seek inspiration from hair that is different from mine--whether it be texture, thickness, length, etc. because i know it makes me appreciate my own hair less. i see the beauty in others' hair but i try to be my own inspiration.

Napp

when i first started i liked looking at pics of long 3cs or 4bs hair because they were "soooo similar". nowadays as my hair gets longer, i cannot find either of them inspirational to me. now only peole who have 4a coils(at least what i consider 4a lol) and have a non silky texture are ones i find inpirational. i still find textures beutiful and if someone grows it long im totally impressed. but as far as inspiration goes i tend to be quite specific and as close as my texture as possible.

Suburbanbushbabe

subbrock wrote:

in the beginning of my natural hair journey, i was "inspired" by 3b/3c hair. i would spend all of my time looking at 3b/3c hair fotkis, trying out the regimen and products that worked for them, and having a serious case of hair envy.

I did this too. Botticelli-style curls 3b/3c were what defined curl perfection for me. Here's where I differ from others - it's not bad or means that something was wrong, only that I didn't know my own hair enough and was looking outward at what my "type" should be rather than what my hair actually is. I was hamstrung by the culture's definition of curl typing and afraid to be more than 3c for a long time, when I was texlaxed.

It's a thing you grow out of. Once I got with my own natural curl, things started to change. I began to love not just 3c but 4a and 4b. There are a couple of 4b Fotki's that I stalk because these women just have gorgeous hair.

Going natural is a big step. Trust whatever it is you are doing in your journey. Ask yourself if you truly think it's bad or if you just think you should think it's bad.

Cerendipity

SBB you summed it up for me. At first I was like wow and then I was like "Hey my hair doesnt do that exactly", so I started looking for people close to my hair type and voila now I stalk EVERYONE lolol

Mainly cause imma PJ and I will try anything lol

Cali Chik

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

bklyn_belle

another issue i have is growth. many can look back at childhood photos and use it as reference for goals but when i was a kid my hair was never long. my dad says if you're hair was never long before it won't be long till the day you die just accept it. do you think this true? i am hoping someday to have massive growth but i am starting to believe that maybe my hair will never get there. do you believe that some people's hair just won't grow past a certain length?

mariag002

Cali Chik wrote: »

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

I think the majority of the negative topics/posts do not reflect the people on this board. Well at least not 4a. Its been like this for a few months now, but you have to ignore it. I think its mostly trolls going for the lolz.

Before doing the BC I assumed I was in the 3c/4a area as far as hair. I admire all curly hair, whether its 2a to 4b. I had no idea where I was going to end up as far as hair typing. I just wanted to get away from relaxers. I think that its ok to look at somebody with spirals, waves and curls and like their hair. If you spend $200 a month to make it look a certain way then something is wrong. Some women BKT or texlaxed to get that "good hair" look, hey do whatever makes you happy. I just wish those people would stop posting here.

sobecurl

Cali Chik wrote: »

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

I think the operative word there is "some". With all the ladies on this board, everyone is in a different stage of their natural journey. Some of us have been natural for years and are much more open-minded about and accepting of our hair (and hair in general).

I agree, at first glance it can be frustrating to see the insecurity that some ladies have in regards to their hair. But I do feel that being natural is a journey and for many that journey will include debunking the old standards of beauty and being confident within themselves. That is not easy for everyone, but I think many of us are willing to help those that are struggling with these unrealistic ideals.

mariag002

sobecurl wrote: »

Cali Chik wrote: »

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

I think the operative word there is "some". With all the ladies on this board, everyone is in a different stage of their natural journey. Some of us have been natural for years and are much more open-minded about and accepting of our hair (and hair in general).

I agree, at first glance it can be frustrating to see the insecurity that some ladies have in regards to their hair. But I do feel that being natural is a journey and for many that journey will include debunking the old standards of beauty and being confident within themselves. That is not easy for everyone, but I think many of us are willing to help those that are struggling with these unrealistic ideals.

Well said! I believe that at least people are voicing their frustration, even if it means posting a very unpopular thread. If you go to the 2a, 3a, 3b forums you will see the same "I hate my hair" threads on those sections as well. I mainly post on LHCF now, but you see the same posts over there. People sometimes want an excuse to get a relaxer and justify it by complaining about how unmanageable their hair is and how they hate it.

bklyn_belle

mariag002 wrote: »

sobecurl wrote: »

Cali Chik wrote: »

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

I think the operative word there is "some". With all the ladies on this board, everyone is in a different stage of their natural journey. Some of us have been natural for years and are much more open-minded about and accepting of our hair (and hair in general).

I agree, at first glance it can be frustrating to see the insecurity that some ladies have in regards to their hair. But I do feel that being natural is a journey and for many that journey will include debunking the old standards of beauty and being confident within themselves. That is not easy for everyone, but I think many of us are willing to help those that are struggling with these unrealistic ideals.

Well said! I believe that at least people are voicing their frustration, even if it means posting a very unpopular thread. If you go to the 2a, 3a, 3b forums you will see the same "I hate my hair" threads on those sections as well. I mainly post on LHCF now, but you see the same posts over there. People sometimes want an excuse to get a relaxer and justify it by complaining about how unmanageable their hair is and how they hate it.

well i DID say that i don't plan to return to relaxers or any type of chemicals but i'm assuming you missed that part? (no i'm not being rude so please don't take offense). i am 100% willing to push forward with my natural hair i came this far despite my insecurity and there's no turning back. all i ask for is a helping hand i don't think that is too much. i am surprised i am actually even voicing my thoughts for no one knows how i feel inside not even my family and friends. so being experienced naturals i just need some guidance from you all. thats all....i'm just young and going through a difficult period.

when something as menial as hair prevents you from going on with your normal life and causes serious internal damage it's no joke. when you don't even want to look in the mirror it's hard, all i want is some support and answers that's why i came here in the first place.

mariag002

Brooklyn Belle, I was too lazy to read every post so I actually didn't read what others were saying. My apologies if I insulted you and no I didn't take offense.

I didn't transition in my 20's. I think I was too insecure, still dating, trying to look cute, etc.. so I hear ya. If you are having difficulties with your hair many of us are where you are today. It takes time & patience. When I did the BC I absolutely HATED the length of my hair. I've always had shoulder length hair and to see myself with short hair, OMG it was terrible. I gained... get this... about 30 lbs after my BC LOL So trust me I understand. Most of us are now at the place where we love and accept our hair. To see a few negative posts here and there just makes most of us sad or angry. I say keep posting and if you stick around you will probably learn to absolutely love your hair.

kalane

sobecurl wrote: »

Cali Chik wrote: »

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

I think the operative word there is "some". With all the ladies on this board, everyone is in a different stage of their natural journey. Some of us have been natural for years and are much more open-minded about and accepting of our hair (and hair in general).

I agree, at first glance it can be frustrating to see the insecurity that some ladies have in regards to their hair. But I do feel that being natural is a journey and for many that journey will include debunking the old standards of beauty and being confident within themselves. That is not easy for everyone, but I think many of us are willing to help those that are struggling with these unrealistic ideals.

+1

Seems like a lot of the insecurity comes from the waiting people have to do to find out what their hair actually looks like. I didn't relax until I was 13 so I had a vague idea that my natural hair would be 4a, but plenty relaxed/transitioning women probably have no idea what their hair, sans chemicals, looks like.

newme

Cali Chik wrote: »

Sometimes I'm shocked at the self hate on this board. I came here tryna get away from it but I feel like low key that sh*t still so imbedded in some of yall's minds.

Everyone has to go through her own journey at her own pace. Try not to be so judgmental of others. It's great that you've never had these issues. Good for you. I think it's more constructive and helpful to support people on their journey than pointing out flaws with apparent contempt. . .

Kinky Rhonnie

Hey everybody.

bklyn_belle, I will be two years natural February 17, 2010 but honestly, it took at least a year to discover what products made my hair thrive. I tried lots and lots of products and went through the ugly stage but now, girl you can't tell me nothing. Be patient sweetie. You will not regret this journey. Just give it some time. We are all here for you. Some people chose the long transition but I wore my hair short due it being over processed so I had no attachment to long hair. When I bc'ed, my hair was about an inch long but boy did I feel free. Not necessarily pretty, but free. You will go through periods where you feel like your hair is not growing. The most important thing you can do is take care of your scalp and your ends and you are guaranteed to obtain growth. I don't have wash and go hair. I have wooly booly hair. lol. But with twist and braid sets I've learn to manage my hair and it looks [email protected] good most days. You will encounter some negativity on all boards so ignore the negative and stick with the positive because we are all in this together. Like mariag, I didn't have the guts to go natural in my 20's and was almost 38 when i bc'ed. And for the record, my hair was so freaking short as a child. I was always the one with the nappy hair. Little did I know it was the adults fault because they didn't know how to care for it. My hair is longer than it has ever been. My siggy pic was April.

mariag002

Kinky Rhonnie wrote: »

Like mariag, I didn't have the guts to go natural in my 20's and was almost 38 when i bc'ed.

In my 20's I tried NINE times to go natural. Can you imagine?!! And it was all for superficial reasons. I was dating and trying to look cute and the transitioning hair wasn't helping my cause. I was like forget this :-? and would go get a relaxer. I transitioned AFTER I got married because I figured my DH had no choice LOL So don't feel bad. My reasons had nothing to do with hair texture so much, it was just that I couldn't deal with bad hair days (months).

misskisha

well i DID say that i don't plan to return to relaxers or any type of chemicals but i'm assuming you missed that part? (no i'm not being rude so please don't take offense). i am 100% willing to push forward with my natural hair i came this far despite my insecurity and there's no turning back. all i ask for is a helping hand i don't think that is too much. i am surprised i am actually even voicing my thoughts for no one knows how i feel inside not even my family and friends. so being experienced naturals i just need some guidance from you all. thats all....i'm just young and going through a difficult period.

when something as menial as hair prevents you from going on with your normal life and causes serious internal damage it's no joke. when you don't even want to look in the mirror it's hard, all i want is some support and answers that's why i came here in the first place.

I wholeheartedly understand where you are coming from. Due to relaxers and an inefficient hairstylist I have a bald spot at the crown of my head thats about the size of my palm. The hair follicles are permanently damaged and I've had to deal with it for about 8 years (I'm only 29). I look at all the fotki's and pic threads trying to see if I can find some inspiration but its hard when all I see are heads full of hair. Everyday is a challenge for me because a simple twist-out or wash n go or even wearing a headband is hard.

I did not have the choice of a BC as many do, I transitioned with braids for a year and a half. I will be 2 years natural in late April 2010 and it's a constant learning process and struggle but I refuse to give up. I'm still coming to grips with the fact that Im partially bald years later but all I can do is continue to live with it and learn what works for me. Small improvements and little hairs sprouting up in places I thought were beyond repair keeps me motivated through all the frustrations and bad hair days :-)

NaturallyNiké

I see absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as you acknowlegde you own hair...

I'm always looking for people with 3c/4a hair or just tight 3c's, or 4a since their is similar to mine, I look for new styling techniques,styles, and product combo's....


Now for the inpiration part, I admire ALL kinds of hair...and I secretly envy, and stalk 4b hair fotki's and youtubes because, they seem to have the best twist outs, and I love how big their hair gets as it grows , I love big hair!!


to be honest I didnt really check for the types that have really loose textures (2a to 3a)are there even alot of these types on fotki???..but im starting to for regimen ideas and styles...