Connection between curly hair and "only being able to have black boyfriends"?????

hmgcurlshmgcurls Registered Users Posts: 19
Ok, well I was walking to school one day and a popular, straight haired, blond girl came up to me and told me she loved my curls. So I was like "thank you". And then she said, "I'd loved to have curls like you but the only downside would be that only black men would wanna date me." I was so appalled at this statement. So I told her I had met many black AND white men who were nice and loved my hair and that she shouldn't have made such a discriminating comment like that. Also, I told her that she'd be lucky if she got a boyfriend at all.
It is so horrible how people make stereotypes about curly hair. I mean, 1) What the heck is wrong with dating a black man? I've met many that are good men. 2) That is completely untrue, people of all different races and ethnicities like curly hair. So I was just wondering if any of you had heard a comment like that before and what you think?
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Comments

  • anonymous_29030anonymous_29030 Registered Users Posts: 619
    Nothing unusual here. She is your typical garden-variety racist.

    Sucks to be her.
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Registered Users Posts: 15,402 Curl Neophyte
    Also, I told her that she'd be lucky if she got a boyfriend at all.
    :salut: Or any friends with an attitude like that.
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  • ArmyofWavesArmyofWaves Registered Users Posts: 53
    I laughed at what you said to her :)
    Maybe I shouldn't be proud of that.

    I've only had one white boyfriend though, actually.

    At my school, all the girls have straight hair. I don't think we have any black girls either :x Private school
    But anyway, in basketball when we go to other schools, the guys always chat me up the most. The schools we play are in Detroit, and I've never seen a white guy on the teams..
    I sound racist, but I swear I had a point..

    I don't think it's because they're black, and I'm sure not all black guys like curly hair.. She's a silly person.
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  • ArmyofWavesArmyofWaves Registered Users Posts: 53
    Guys at my school always say how they'd never go near a black girl..and make fun of curly hair all the time.

    People are disgusting.
    Type 2a with bits of 2b and c sprinkled in <3

    Trying to use up Deva.. my hair hates it..
    going back to Lush after.

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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Registered Users Posts: 5,136 Curl Connoisseur
    I don't know the girl's tone when she said this to you, but since you're in high school and probably not in a very diverse place (at least school-wise), I don't think that she was trying to be racist; I think that she truly believed that because it is probably what she has been told and what she has observed. And I can see this, since many times in places with little diversity, a white person with curly hair or certain facial or body type features is seen as having African blood. It's not right; it's sad, especially since so many people of so many ethnicities have naturally curly hair; not just "unlucky" white girls who can only get dates with "undesirable" black guys. I think all of that fear goes back to the one-drop rule and being tainted by "inferior" black blood. But you handled yourself well. 8)
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  • CurlyGirlieRiahCurlyGirlieRiah Registered Users Posts: 33
    Im African American and things like really makes me sad. I feel bad for that girl because she might one day say the wrong thing to the wrong person who may really hurt her feelings. Im glad that you dont feel the same way she does and I bet she was really embarrassed when you told her how you felt. It's not an unlucky thing to date any race or anyone at all. You handled that well and it was funny!
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  • LiliputLiliput Registered Users Posts: 55
    hmgcurls wrote: »
    Ok, well I was walking to school one day and a popular, straight haired, blond girl came up to me and told me she loved my curls. So I was like "thank you". And then she said, "I'd loved to have curls like you but the only downside would be that only black men would wanna date me." I was so appalled at this statement. So I told her I had met many black AND white men who were nice and loved my hair and that she shouldn't have made such a discriminating comment like that. Also, I told her that she'd be lucky if she got a boyfriend at all.
    It is so horrible how people make stereotypes about curly hair. I mean, 1) What the heck is wrong with dating a black man? I've met many that are good men. 2) That is completely untrue, people of all different races and ethnicities like curly hair. So I was just wondering if any of you had heard a comment like that before and what you think?


    She was probably just jealous! I have curly hair and all my boyfriends have had straight hair (except for one), ranging from full-blown caucasian to hispanic. I don't think it makes any difference what your hair is like. There was a black guy that I really liked but he blew me off because he preferred blonde girls with straight hair (I guess blondes with curly hair were out of the question???).
    Please have personal tastes and preferences, but that girl who made that comment to you was plain rude. Her trick of saying something "nice" to you to make you lower your guard is a nasty thing to do. IMHO
  • kalanekalane Registered Users Posts: 424
    Liliput wrote: »
    She was probably just jealous! I have curly hair and all my boyfriends have had straight hair (except for one), ranging from full-blown caucasian to hispanic. I don't think it makes any difference what your hair is like. There was a black guy that I really liked but he blew me off because he preferred blonde girls with straight hair (I guess blondes with curly hair were out of the question???).
    Please have personal tastes and preferences, but that girl who made that comment to you was plain rude. Her trick of saying something "nice" to you to make you lower your guard is a nasty thing to do. IMHO
    Bingo. People who follow up compliments with an insulting statement should not be listened to. They probably have their own issues that they're trying to project onto you.
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  • murrrcatmurrrcat Registered Users Posts: 9,596
    As the poster above said about the girl being in high school, she's pretty much correct. I had to deal with this in high school and middle school. They're just stupid, eventually when they get older and leave the area, they will change their attitude. Lucky for you, your way ahead of the dumb *****! :hello1:(can I call her a dumb *****?)

    The fun thing is, when she gets older and less stupid, and changes how she thinks, you will always have that memory of her stupid remark. Actually that's not fun, but I have had to deal with so many girls like this, and now they're not like that anymore, but I still can't like them no matter how hard I try to get over the racist remarks they made as middle schoolers and freshman, I still get pissed to this day.
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  • IrisChacon1984IrisChacon1984 Registered Users Posts: 158
    I'm glad you handled the situation the way you did!

    I truly feel bad for her, one day she will express her ignorance to the wrong person. Sadly that is the only way she will learn!

    Love knows no color...or hair texture...everyone needs to remind themselves that!
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  • kikisfkikisf Registered Users Posts: 48
    That is a laugh! Whenever I wear my hair in a curly fro Latino men give me lots of attention and assume that I am Latino. White friends both male and female love it. My husband (Jewish) likes it because it is more touchable, I'm not worried about messing up my hair now and he likes the smell of coconut oil.

    The people that give me the most crap are black people (my grandmother specifically) and it does make it harder to hail a cab!
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  • ashjaashja Registered Users Posts: 35 Curl Neophyte
    That's craziness. :laughing7:

    I'm black and most of the attention I get nowadays are from non-black guys. The last three guys I talked to were Salvadorian, Filipino and Korean and each one loved my hair.
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  • Hakim NuraldinHakim Nuraldin Registered Users Posts: 1,467
    Well, that 's funny (strange funny. Not haha funny) since I've been totally natural, I seem to attract more whites and asians, but the majority are still black.

    Also, you never know who is attracted to you unless they let you know it in some way. Sometimes.
  • bridgete2010bridgete2010 Registered Users Posts: 144
    ashja wrote: »
    That's craziness. :laughing7:

    I'm black and most of the attention I get nowadays are from non-black guys. The last three guys I talked to were Salvadorian, Filipino and Korean and each one loved my hair.

    Yeah that is crazy! And i just had to quote you because I love your hair lol :)
    Its so gorgeous and i love the color :D

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  • ValcurlValcurl Registered Users Posts: 300
    "People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway". ~ Mother Teresa

    Hang in there and love your lovely self- curls and all!!:afro:
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  • MixedUpCurlyChickMixedUpCurlyChick Registered Users Posts: 2,568 Curl Neophyte
    kalane wrote: »
    Liliput wrote: »
    She was probably just jealous! I have curly hair and all my boyfriends have had straight hair (except for one), ranging from full-blown caucasian to hispanic. I don't think it makes any difference what your hair is like. There was a black guy that I really liked but he blew me off because he preferred blonde girls with straight hair (I guess blondes with curly hair were out of the question???).
    Please have personal tastes and preferences, but that girl who made that comment to you was plain rude. Her trick of saying something "nice" to you to make you lower your guard is a nasty thing to do. IMHO
    Bingo. People who follow up compliments with an insulting statement should not be listened to. They probably have their own issues that they're trying to project onto you.

    Basically. She couldn't stand to give you a compliment without following it up with something she thought was an insult. You handled it very well. I wouldn't have been that brave in high school!!
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  • EllyEllyOxenFreeEllyEllyOxenFree Registered Users Posts: 6,446 Curl Neophyte
    LOL, I just have to laugh at that comment, because it's pure tomfoolery. In my experience Black men have been way more critical of curly/natural hair compared with other races...but that's just me. Overall, I think it just depends on the dude. Her comment was lame though, I'm glad you told her!
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  • ChAoTiCbLiSsChAoTiCbLiSs Registered Users Posts: 127
    I don't know the girl's tone when she said this to you, but since you're in high school and probably not in a very diverse place (at least school-wise), I don't think that she was trying to be racist; I think that she truly believed that because it is probably what she has been told and what she has observed. And I can see this, since many times in places with little diversity, a white person with curly hair or certain facial or body type features is seen as having African blood. It's not right; it's sad, especially since so many people of so many ethnicities have naturally curly hair; not just "unlucky" white girls who can only get dates with "undesirable" black guys. I think all of that fear goes back to the one-drop rule and being tainted by "inferior" black blood. But you handled yourself well. 8)

    Multicultcurly...you said it, and you said it well.

    I'll just add to the OP, you certainly did handle yourself well, good for you!
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  • EricaMorganEricaMorgan Registered Users Posts: 8
    That girl is just plain stupid. I have had boyfriends of ALL races (or most all) and I have dark curly hair. My boyfriend now has blonde straight hair and he prefers my hair curly over straight! I actually found more black men hit on me when my hair was straightened lol. So idk I think its just a matter of preference and has nothing to do with race. I have had the comment made that I "must have some black in me" because my hair is curly! I just had to laugh because A: so what if I did? and B: My father is actually Jewish and many Jewish people have curly hair :\
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  • EricaMorganEricaMorgan Registered Users Posts: 8
    I have to add also... I HATE when people give back handed compliments! She wasnt giving you a compliment at all, she was insulting you because she is jealous. Its amazing what women will do to eachother when they envy another woman...
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  • CurlyPolkaDotCurlyPolkaDot Registered Users Posts: 1,174
    That was the most stupid thing that i have ever heard!! Im not American and Where i live ive never heard anything like that......It sounds like she is very narrow minded and just silly :confused5: at least not everyone thinks the same:snorting:
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  • FoxyCleopatraFoxyCleopatra Registered Users Posts: 412
    Funny thing about this is when I wear my hair big and curly, I get a lot of attention from white men LOL. Black guys tend to be more into me when my hair was straightened. Ehh, I don't rly know what the deal is but I am an equal opportunity lover :love7:
  • SeaofCurlsSeaofCurls Registered Users Posts: 24
    hmgcurls wrote: »
    Ok, well I was walking to school one day and a popular, straight haired, blond girl came up to me and told me she loved my curls. So I was like "thank you". And then she said, "I'd loved to have curls like you but the only downside would be that only black men would wanna date me." I was so appalled at this statement. So I told her I had met many black AND white men who were nice and loved my hair and that she shouldn't have made such a discriminating comment like that. Also, I told her that she'd be lucky if she got a boyfriend at all.
    It is so horrible how people make stereotypes about curly hair. I mean, 1) What the heck is wrong with dating a black man? I've met many that are good men. 2) That is completely untrue, people of all different races and ethnicities like curly hair. So I was just wondering if any of you had heard a comment like that before and what you think?

    Ok, besides the fact that she obviously doesn't date Black men...um...how does she figure that only black men will date her when black women with natural/curly hair have a hard time with black men due to their natural hair texture?
    it takes a strong woman to rock natural hair
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  • MixedUpCurlyChickMixedUpCurlyChick Registered Users Posts: 2,568 Curl Neophyte
    SeaofCurls wrote: »
    hmgcurls wrote: »
    Ok, well I was walking to school one day and a popular, straight haired, blond girl came up to me and told me she loved my curls. So I was like "thank you". And then she said, "I'd loved to have curls like you but the only downside would be that only black men would wanna date me." I was so appalled at this statement. So I told her I had met many black AND white men who were nice and loved my hair and that she shouldn't have made such a discriminating comment like that. Also, I told her that she'd be lucky if she got a boyfriend at all.
    It is so horrible how people make stereotypes about curly hair. I mean, 1) What the heck is wrong with dating a black man? I've met many that are good men. 2) That is completely untrue, people of all different races and ethnicities like curly hair. So I was just wondering if any of you had heard a comment like that before and what you think?

    Ok, besides the fact that she obviously doesn't date Black men...um...how does she figure that only black men will date her when black women with natural/curly hair have a hard time with black men due to their natural hair texture?

    Well, a lot of black men may see her hair as "good hair" if its a looser texture. Whereas most black women have a type 3 and up texture and may not fall into the "good" category.
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  • CurlyQTPieCurlyQTPie Registered Users Posts: 447
    I won't even get into the racial tones of the comment and will just share my personal story. I'm mixed. I live in a very diverse city, and am used to meeting and dating men of all ethnic backgrounds.

    That said, this thread made me chuckle a bit because when I first discovered my hair was curly (at the ripe ol' age of 28), I noticed that I got A LOT more attention from white men. A LOT. And, on the flipside, I get way less attention/action from black men. I won't get into why I think that's the case, I'll just say that somen men of all ethnic backgrounds like curly hair and some men of all ethnic backgrounds like straight hair. Who you date is not dependent on your hair type.
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  • Cali ChikCali Chik Registered Users Posts: 1,494
    You ever hear a comment so stupid all you could do is laugh at the ignorance? That was one of those comments.
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  • jeweldjeweld Registered Users Posts: 140
    Cali Chik wrote: »
    You ever hear a comment so stupid all you could do is laugh at the ignorance? That was one of those comments.

    ditto, I use to get annoyed, but now I'm use to dumb comments by white, black, asian well anyone ignorant, that I just laugh and shake my head.

    While I haven't heard an exact comment like that from my experience white ppl (especially men) flock to me and are obessed/ fascinated with my hair, while a lot of the black men I've dated have told me they like my hair but wanted to know if I had plans to ever straighten it:pukeleft:. My theories on why this is, is another thread, debate and headache.
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  • catattackcatattack Registered Users Posts: 3
    to the original post:
    I am white (Australian) and my boyfriend is black (Brazilian) and we both have curly hair. Mine is below my shoulders, and his used to be almost to his shoulders before he cut it, when he had the shiniest most beautiful black ringlets (I would like him to grow it again so I can go all curly girl on him haha).
    ANYWAY, I've never heard anything about any romantic association between any particular race to any particular hair style. It's just ridiculous.
  • ReynaCRReynaCR Registered Users Posts: 405
    I have to add also... I HATE when people give back handed compliments! She wasnt giving you a compliment at all, she was insulting you because she is jealous. Its amazing what women will do to eachother when they envy another woman...

    You know it!
    :queen: Reyna

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  • RotiniRotini Registered Users Posts: 53
    grr!!! I'm African American and i would scream at her for 5 minuites after she said that. (i get a temper against people who are shallow):cussing:
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    I find myself with less respect for those who straighten their hair constantly or have relaxers or whatever else is out there. I believe that if your hair is curly, wavy, or straight, your hair is beautiful as is. There are non-damaging solutions for frizz or split ends or whatever. You don't have to burn it flat or fry it with chemicals to look "good." People say love the skin you're in, same goes for hair.
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