Anyone who decided not to breast feed and DOESN'T feel guilty about it?

Jess2316Jess2316 Registered Users Posts: 617
I'm due a month from today (yipee!!) and still haven't decided on the whole breastfeeding thing. I know all the pros and I value a lot of those things but at the same time I just can't help but feel like I don't want to. And I feel guilty...oh so guilty that I don't want to.

I know it's good for the baby, and I have heard about the bonding and all that but I just can't decide what I want to do. Is it selfish for me to think about me and not the baby? I suppose it is...I've just never felt strongly about having to do it, in fact I always thought I wouldn't.

Has anyone felt guilty about making the decision to not breastfeed? How about those who decided not to and why? Any opinions? Any advice? Sorry this is a bit general but I'm just hoping someone will say something to help me decide.
3a fine hair (I think)

CoN poo and Biolage Conditioning Balm
I love CK and B&A gel...I like HETT Mousse

Comments

  • CGNYCCGNYC Registered Users Posts: 4,938 Curl Connoisseur
    Throughout my pregnancy, I planned to breast feed. I was just getting to the stack of books about it (no one in my family had at that point because I was the first person to have a baby in this generation. Most of my friends had and do but none of them were living close by at that point) when I had my baby. She was nearly four weeks early. For a whole bunch of reasons, it just didn't happen. I could have tried harder to make it happen but honestly, I felt at that time we had enough to worry about.

    I wouldn't say I feel guilty about it, obviously I wish things had worked out as I thought they would and I would have been at home instead of on the road to doctors all the time and blah blah blah but it's done and there's not much I can do about it now.

    The biggest thing was feeling like I needed to explain and defend myself for the longest time. Strangers will make snotty remarks when you feed a newborn with a bottle in public. People you know will make snide little comments. Strangers on forums will call you lazy in a round about way if not right to your face.

    When that kind of stuff starts to happen, you have to remember that it does go both ways. In almost any choice you make, you're going to get flack from someone. If you breast feed for fifteetn minutes or till your kid is three, someone is going to have something to say about it. If you co sleep or your kid happily sleeps in his own bed from birth, someone is going to have something to say about it. If you use a stroller or a sling, feed solids at six months or a year, give Tylenol for teething just let the kid tough it out, SOMEONE is going to have something to say. Just let it go, whatever you decide if it's honestly what you think is best for you and your family, you have to let the rest go.

    Personally, if I ever have another (looking doubtful) I hope I have a better shot at breastfeeding. Formula is expensive and every time something goes wrong, in the back of my mind I think...well, maybe if I had just tired harder. THAT is when guilt sets in. Logically, I know that not breastfeeding her is not related to her current health issues but it's hard not to rehash every single choice I've made to see if there's something I should have done differently.

    You can always give it a try. No one is going to MAKE you keep doing it if you just hate it or can't or it's not working out. And if you try, you won't have to regret it later or worry about feeling guilty.
  • bfly36bfly36 Registered Users Posts: 126
    My son is now 15, when he was born I was very determined to breast feed. There was a woman in the hospital that worked hours with me to try to get him to breast feed which only left me frustrated and confused. Finally I gave up, he just did not want it. On the other hand his brother latched on perfectly the first time I tried and I breast fed him for 7 months.

    Breast feeding has it's benefits, but also some inconveniences. They wake up almost all night to eat so you do not get alot of sleep. My breasts were always sore, and I really could not be away from the baby for more than 2 hours in the beginning.

    I guess you have to take into consideration your life style and if it is something you can deal with. I had alot of self imposed guilt with not being able to breast feed, notice I said SELF imposed. If you decide to bottle feed that is a choice you make. I don't believe in any way that makes you a better or worst mother. I am so glad women can now choose, both of my boys are equally healthy and have grown exactly how they should of. Whatever you decide, remember everone will always have an opinion of what you SHOULD Do, but you decide.
    Low Poo: Mastey Traite, GTTT
    Conditioner: GVP,
    Leave Ins: KCKT, Shescentit LI
    Styling: ISO Bouncy Cream, DOC, HETT, KCCC

    Still trying to figure out what hair i have lol!!.

    Wanting to try: Darcy's, KBB and Botticelli Botanicals.:laughing6:
  • geekygeeky Registered Users Posts: 4,995
    I don't think you should feel any guilt, just inform yourself of the pros and cons and make a decision. If you feel that you will be an overall better mother if you formula feed, that is fine.

    I will say though that if you are undecided you should give it a shot. You may love it. The thing is, you can always switch to formula at any time if you decide breastfeeding is not for you. But if you start out with formula you can't easily decide to breastfeed a month later.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Registered Users Posts: 5,656
    geeky is very wise. I also agree with CGNYC that whatever choices you make, someone will judge or make you feel guilty about them.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • realisticrealistic Registered Users Posts: 2,222 Curl Novice
    I breastfed and hated every second of it, but I felt too guilty to quit, so I can relate to how you feel. I think it actually interfered with our bonding b/c I was feeling so resentful about it. :(
    Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, and obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not;
    and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board.
    -Henry David Thoreau
  • deedlesdeedles Registered Users Posts: 2,467 Curl Connoisseur
    with Liam I only bf'd for a few weeks and promptly gave up.. I felt horrible about it!!

    with Colin I am giving it more of a go since I have been taking a bunch of classes and stuff.. but if it still doesn't go well I will go to formula and this time NOT feel guilty because I know I at least tried!

    D
    Liam: 6 years old
    Colin: 3 years old
    Location: Williamsburg, Virginia
    Member Since: August 2000
  • LL~2009LL~2009 Registered Users Posts: 146
    Certainly it's hard to decide when you have so many conflicting thoughts and feelings. First i agree that it is something you can give a try- hopefully w/o any expectations except that it may be good for you and the baby and not what you expected.
    Secondly, one thing comes to mind and that is that sometimes guilt is there for a reason: to help you do the "right" thing. - not saying bfing is right and not doing so is wrong- just that if you have any inclination to bf than maybe giving it an honest try would be the right thing for you. Good luck.
    fine texture, porous,2c,3a&b (depending on humidity and length)Going gray

    Wash: KCCC
    Co wash~ Acure conditioner,JM Citrus Neroli
    Leave in: KCKT, beatiful curls shae butter
    Stylers: KKCC,
  • iris427iris427 Registered Users Posts: 6,002
    I don't think you have to be make that decision right now--how can you, when you have never had the opportunity to try either method?

    When the baby is born, see what you think. You can always try both out. Breastfeeding may be hard at first, but it's much easier once you get used to it and it's so rewarding. I have cared a lot for my formula-fed niece and I will tell you that formula is more of a PITA than breastfeeding. Nursing is so much easier!

    I thought I wouldn't really like breastfeeding--having a kid sucking on my boob did not sound fun. And you know, I didn't like it at first, but I stuck with it--and now I love it. My daughter is 15 months and we are still nursing.

    If you go with formula, that is fine and you should not feel guilty about it, IMO. Formula is nutritious and babies do well on it. If you have too many negative feelings about nursing, then don't do it. Listen to your gut and don't let others guilt you into making parenting decisions you feel uncomfortable with.

    Good luck!
    3027585431_55b6195e50_s.jpg3028374752_0df4d81a1b_s.jpg3028422696_8dcef38baa_s.jpg
    TickerTicker.aspx?&TT=bdy&TT1=bdy&CL=29&CT=&CG=F&O=m_nestbirds&T=t_b14&D=20080913&M1=&D1=2009&T2=&T1=Baby+Iris&CC=0&CO=&step=5&radio=A
  • geminigemini Registered Users Posts: 3,325
    geeky wrote: »
    I don't think you should feel any guilt, just inform yourself of the pros and cons and make a decision. If you feel that you will be an overall better mother if you formula feed, that is fine.

    I will say though that if you are undecided you should give it a shot. You may love it. The thing is, you can always switch to formula at any time if you decide breastfeeding is not for you. But if you start out with formula you can't easily decide to breastfeed a month later.

    I agree with this completely--at least give it a try. I had to mature and learn more about nursing and I am very fortunate that it worked out for me and my daughter (the first two weeks were really painful). No, I don't think any mother should feel guilty if it's not good for her well being to nurse or for whatever other reason, it just doesn't work out.
  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Registered Users Posts: 791
    I feel guilty that my primary motivation for breastfeeding my son was cost. I did not want to add the cost of formula to my reduced budget. DS also had about an ounce of formula in the hospital because my milk hadn't come in and he was crying non stop - do I feel guilty about that...absolutely not.

    Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is best for you and your baby, and don't even give a second thought to those who critique it.
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

    78Da.jpg78Dam6.png
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    Breastfeeding is not just good for babies...it's healthier for moms too. Breastfeeding lessens your lifetime risk of breast cancer by up to 50 percent. That's huge. For that sort of risk reduction, it's at least worth trying.

    Some women find they actually like breastfeeding. The woman whose child I babysit had no intention of breastfeeding, but she lucked out and got a baby who was naturally great at it, and she's still breastfeeding him happily at 17 months, with no plans to quit anytime soon. She works 4 days per week and doesn't even pump. She just nurses him when they're at home. I've babysat him since he was 6 months old, and he would go all day for me without nursing or taking a bottle, just eating babyfood. It's really worked out well for them.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Registered Users Posts: 5,656
    Some women find they actually like breastfeeding.

    I'm one of them. Despite a couple incidences of plugged ducts and one case of mastitis, and of course some discomfort while I was pregnant, and difficulty nightweaning... I still wouldn't change a thing.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    Some women find they actually like breastfeeding.

    I'm one of them. Despite a couple incidences of plugged ducts and one case of mastitis, and of course some discomfort while I was pregnant, and difficulty nightweaning... I still wouldn't change a thing.


    Yeah, me too...but I suspect women like us would climb through broken glass to breastfeed. I meant women who really thought they wanted to bottlefeed sometimes accidently find out they like breastfeeding once they try it after the baby is born. My friend is like that. She wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding, but she tried it in the hospital just a few times, and she got hooked and loved it.
  • CsaracCsarac Registered Users Posts: 861 Curl Connoisseur
    I thought I would bf while I was pregnant but it didnt work out that way - so I pumped for two months while bottle feeding and adding the very litte I got to the formula. I NEVER felt guilty as I went into it with an orn mind thinking "if it works out, great! If I can't do it or decide I don't like it and don't WANT to do it, great!" But I was not going to make myself miserable or insane over it - I saw too many of my friends torture themselves trying to bf and when it didn't work out for them they beat themselves up for it (or worse, let others beat them up with nasty comments).

    Don't feel guilty, just do what works best for you and your baby.
    HG: Biosilk Rock Hard Gelee (always and forever)
    Cantu Naturals s & c (shampoo 1x a week), use conditioner as a co-wash every day and LI under my gel.


    Air dry then diffuse canapy layers only for volume
    Coconut oil before/after coloring grays and on ends.

    2b/c mix waves/curls - coarse, frizz prone, med. thick, porous, at-home color, protein sensitive but I still need it sometimes, glycerin-sensitive (I think) in high humidity. After 16 years on NC.com I FINALLY figured it out..

  • poisonivypoisonivy Registered Users Posts: 1,551
    I bottle fed my first 3 and breastfed the last 3 and I have to say once you get the hang of it breastfeeding is much easier. Bottom line is though if you don't want to breastfeed, don't do it. You will only make yourself miserable when feeding your baby and it is supposed to be a special time. Trust me, your baby will bond with you if you choose to formula feed.
  • NalliaNallia Registered Users Posts: 2,979
    poisonivy wrote: »
    I bottle fed my first 3 and breastfed the last 3 and I have to say once you get the hang of it breastfeeding is much easier. Bottom line is though if you don't want to breastfeed, don't do it. You will only make yourself miserable when feeding your baby and it is supposed to be a special time. Trust me, your baby will bond with you if you choose to formula feed.
    This.

    I did exclusively breastfeed both of my children but I wanted to. If you are absolutely certain that you don't want to then don't. But I also have to agree with those who said that if you aren't sure to start off breastfeeding because you can always switch to formula if you find that it doesn't work for you.

    Either way you have nothing to feel guilty for. Not feeling your child at all is something that should make you feel guilty. Choosing formula over breastmilk is not.
    "...just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." ~Harry Dresden

    a33304d72319c25b3ad2d4d075ab3bc0.jpg
  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Registered Users Posts: 791
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    Some women find they actually like breastfeeding.

    I'm one of them. Despite a couple incidences of plugged ducts and one case of mastitis, and of course some discomfort while I was pregnant, and difficulty nightweaning... I still wouldn't change a thing.


    Yeah, me too...but I suspect women like us would climb through broken glass to breastfeed. I meant women who really thought they wanted to bottlefeed sometimes accidently find out they like breastfeeding once they try it after the baby is born. My friend is like that. She wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding, but she tried it in the hospital just a few times, and she got hooked and loved it.

    I also really enjoyed it. I just felt so relaxed everytime I BF'd my DS.
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

    78Da.jpg78Dam6.png
  • buckeyebuckeye Registered Users Posts: 129
    With my first son, I was in the mind frame of "i'll give it a shot, but will switch to formula if it doesn't work"...being an overwhelmed first-time mom with no idea what i was doing, I had completely switched him to formula by 5 weeks...the breast never seemed to be enough for him...I was stressed about it, and felt like "having" to feed him interfered with our bonding, so I never felt guilty about switching to formula...I made the right decision for us at the time...

    fast forward to my younger son, and I read a lot more, educated myself, and was determined to give bf'ing more of an honest go this time...and you know what? it's been GREAT...after the initial first few weeks, I have found that I really, really love breastfeeding him...of course, he's smaller than my older son, and not the voracious eater his big brother was...but somehow it just clicked this time...he's 9 1/2 months, and we're still going strong (well, outside of the nursing strike he's currently on)...

    So I've been on both sides of the coin...
    :toothy7: on my CG journey since 10/31/09
    **2-3ish mix/coarse/med-high porosity/v thick/graying, color treated
    cleansers: CJ DF
    co-wash: TJ TTT/Suave DC
    rinse out/treatments: YTT/YTC/HSH Pumpkin/CJ CR/AO GPB
    Stylers: homemade FSG/HETMS spray
    :thumbleft: pixiecurl diffusing in winter, air drying in summer, Icequeen method, combing right before plopping
    :thumbdown: glycerin, panthenol, heavy oils, diffusing in summer, Suave Cherry Blossom co, gel :(

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file