3c-4a baby vs. evil influences.....

She's two years old.

My MIL continually refers to her own hair, and kinky Black hair in general, as "bad". I rarely see Natural sisters in my locale, not even in the 3a's, 3b's categories. There's simply not a lot of diversity here--just about every Black woman I know has a stringy, broken-off relaxer, Jheri Curl, or weave. I'm considered the oddball because I keep my hair trimmed ("ain't you scared that it won't grow back?!") and am sometimes inclined to chop it from bra-strap length to TWA.

My dd's little cousin (5 yrs old) has very 4-ish, EXTREMELY thick hair that is also extremely long. Her mother (young and immature) seemed to feel that she just had no time for even basic maintenance of her child's hair. She'd just pile it up in a ball, stick a hat on her, and let her go to to church or to my MIL's house.....my MIL reported that one time her hair had been uncombed for so long that when she took the bun down it was matted TO THE ROOTS. It took her hours to get it detangled, the kid was crying and everything but my MIL was trying to be as gentle as she could...

To be brief, my SIL finally went ahead and relaxed the child's hair, against her mom's wishes. Don't know exactly how I feel about that. On the one hand, the kid is starting school this year and my SIL is in charge of her during the day, including hair care duties. The matted-bun thing has happened more than twice.

On the other hand, my MIL keeps talking about my dd's relaxer that she's supposedly going to "need" when she gets in school. I swear I will seriously hurt somebody if they relax my child's hair without my permission. Especially since this is a family who is not particularly knowledgeable nor skilled in hair health. Far as I can tell, they all just get home relaxers with absolutely no regard for trimming ends, moisturizing of any type, or other care to actually keep the hair healthy. Even my dh and his brothers don't get regular haircuts, looking quite unkempt at times.

My sisters and I all have widely varying hair textures---I'm a fine, flyaway 3b, my sister is kinky 4zzz and my other sis is a very coarse and wiry 3a-3b...BUT, all three of us take care of our hair's health, regardless of the texture. I don't recall my 4zzz sister (when she used to relax) ever having breakage or raggedy ends. She wore weaves rarely.

I grew up having such a hard time dealing with my huge mane that I'm not too well-versed in styling hair period, much less a tighter texture like dd's. It's easy right now because she's little, and we keep it in basic sectioned-off plaits or pigtails and bows, though I tend not to put on the "ball" holders at the base of her pigtails. I do a lot of conditioner washes, and keep her hair moisturized as best I can. I also trim it, much to my relative's chagrin.

Anyway, to end such a long ramble, I'm really worried about when she gets older and gets sick of pigtails, not to mention the extremely negative atmosphere that pervades here. My only hope is my 4zzz sister, who's gone completely natural this year, is a licensed (though non-practicing at the moment) beautician, and very creative with natural hairstyles to boot. But she doesn't live close by.

Are there any good websites of pics with AA children's natural hairstyles? Thanks for reading if you got this far! :shock: :wink:


  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Registered Users Posts: 15,402 Curl Neophyte
    I was really inspired by this website of a 4b


    And here's the NC thread where I found it

    This woman's hair is truly beautiful and she has great knowledge of how best to care for and style it.

    If you think your MIL or anyone else would relax your DD's hair without you permission, start laying the boundaries now. That would be terrible. I'm sorry you don't have local resources and role models, that's tough.
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    I love that lady's site, and her hair. My dd's hair, in its totally natural state, looks like her "soaking wet" pics. It isn't completely kinky like my 4zzz sister, but it's definitely different from mine. It's extremely soft and though the curls are much tighter than mine, it's always easy to comb out.

    I feel bad sometimes, because my MIL is a complete angel with a heart of gold. It just brings home the sad fact of how bad Black women, over the centuries, have been made to feel about their hair. I mean, I feel really, really sad about that.

    I plan to keep in close touch with my sister, and when dd gets a little older where she can sit still longer, I'll experiment styles with her texture.

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