Vent: "So you couldn't doll your hair up today?"

CityGirl81CityGirl81 Registered Users Posts: 418
Ok, so I am a 4A/B girl and yesterday I decided to change it up a little and wear a wig. (pic attached) I actually had a coworker ask me today, wow, we aren't deserving of having your hair dolled up today? I currently have it in afro puff. I know this person probably didn't mean any harm, but I just found it offensive that it was "OK" for me to have straight hair. When I kindly told him no, it was a wig, he was like really wow, b/c I was wondering how you got your hair so straight. :angry5:

Comments

  • CandycaneCandycane Registered Users Posts: 291
    ...i guess to him "Dolled up" = straight. I have had so many guys ask me why i do not straighten my hair more often, which is then followed up by something like"you look better with your hair straight" or "straight hair is so sexy"... lets just say most of them know better not to ask me that question anymore. It is rare(but it happens) when a guy will tell me that my wild curly hair goes with my personality and i wouldnt look right any other way...that always makes my day :D.
  • littlebellalittlebella Registered Users Posts: 10
    that's so strange because the men I've dated think my hair is one of my best features.
    3A/3B normal porosity medium texture
    CO Wash: Suave Naturals Tropical Coconut W/Coconut Extract & Vitamin E
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  • lizzlebelizzlelizzlebelizzle Registered Users Posts: 287
    That is pretty rude that he would make a comment like that, but it is possible that by "dolled up" he just meant "down."
  • kalanekalane Registered Users Posts: 424
    And this story is why I make it pretty clear from the get go that I am not interested in any man's opinion of my hair.
    fotki twitter blog

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    In short, the characteristics of the powerful, whatever they may be, are thought to be better than the characteristics of the powerless – and logic has nothing to do with it.
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  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Registered Users Posts: 5,136 Curl Connoisseur
    I'm confused -- was the dolled up version the straight wig or the afro puff? I don't know the guy or his tone, but I don't get the impression he was trying to be rude. However, he may not know enough about 4a/b hair to appreciate it or its differences from his hair. (I'm assuming that he doesn't have 4a/b hair.) Yes he shouldn't have said what he did, but depending on the closeness of your relationship, he may not have realized it.

    IMO, though, any smart man knows to never bring up a woman's hair, weight or how hot another woman is. However, some men aren't smart. :)
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
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  • CityGirl81CityGirl81 Registered Users Posts: 418
    I'm confused -- was the dolled up version the straight wig or the afro puff? I don't know the guy or his tone, but I don't get the impression he was trying to be rude. However, he may not know enough about 4a/b hair to appreciate it or its differences from his hair. (I'm assuming that he doesn't have 4a/b hair.) Yes he shouldn't have said what he did, but depending on the closeness of your relationship, he may not have realized it.

    IMO, though, any smart man knows to never bring up a woman's hair, weight or how hot another woman is. However, some men aren't smart. :)

    He thought the straight wig was dolled up...which annoyed me to NO end. I know that when I first started employment with this company my natural hair was never seen. I didn't break out of the wigs until this summer. I still don't see what the big deal was. I have never worn my real hair straight to the office, but the few people that have seen it know it's much longer than the wig.
  • CityGirl81CityGirl81 Registered Users Posts: 418
    kalane wrote: »
    And this story is why I make it pretty clear from the get go that I am not interested in any man's opinion of my hair.

    You are SO right about that.
  • Stephanie198907Stephanie198907 Registered Users Posts: 2,607 Curl Neophyte
    I'm confused -- was the dolled up version the straight wig or the afro puff? I don't know the guy or his tone, but I don't get the impression he was trying to be rude. However, he may not know enough about 4a/b hair to appreciate it or its differences from his hair. (I'm assuming that he doesn't have 4a/b hair.) Yes he shouldn't have said what he did, but depending on the closeness of your relationship, he may not have realized it.

    IMO, though, any smart man knows to never bring up a woman's hair, weight or how hot another woman is. However, some men aren't smart. :)

    I agree w/ the bolded. It sounds like you were being too sensitive to his comment. From what you posted it sounds like he was just complimenting you on your new style since he's see's your hair in it's curly state so often. Sort of like if you've lost weight or bought a new dress and you decide to show it off but no one notices and it kills your mood. I think he made the comment to let you know that he noticed you did something different w/ your hair.
    nothing to get worked up over.
    Last Relaxer: Nov. 07
    BC: May. 2010 (30 months)
    Hair Type: thick 4b/4a
    Current length: back at APL
    Goal length: hip :color:
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  • lotoloto Registered Users Posts: 133
    IDK what the hell is up with the people around the girls on these boards.

    Many of my male friends often complained about my having cut my hair because they thought it was kick ass long and curly.
    3A: med/coarse texture; high porosity
    <3 Honey rinses
  • eklecktikaeklecktika Registered Users Posts: 230
    I'm confused -- was the dolled up version the straight wig or the afro puff? I don't know the guy or his tone, but I don't get the impression he was trying to be rude. However, he may not know enough about 4a/b hair to appreciate it or its differences from his hair. (I'm assuming that he doesn't have 4a/b hair.) Yes he shouldn't have said what he did, but depending on the closeness of your relationship, he may not have realized it.

    IMO, though, any smart man knows to never bring up a woman's hair, weight or how hot another woman is. However, some men aren't smart. :)

    I agree w/ the bolded. It sounds like you were being too sensitive to his comment. From what you posted it sounds like he was just complimenting you on your new style since he's see's your hair in it's curly state so often. Sort of like if you've lost weight or bought a new dress and you decide to show it off but no one notices and it kills your mood. I think he made the comment to let you know that he noticed you did something different w/ your hair.
    nothing to get worked up over.
    Guys are clutzy-he probably thought he was giving you a compliment on yesterday's hair.

    I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

    You know, they try to notice, and be nice, and we slam them for it. No wonder they don't understand women.
    "It's a wonder God suffers so many fools, what with lightening so cheap"~Mark Twain
    Lady Eklecktika Fidens of Caduceus
  • tanishagurltanishagurl Registered Users Posts: 49
    >:( so true, whenever i flat iron my hair people will approach me and tell me my hair looks amazing! and when its curly i get no comments. although my friends (who have straight hair) will often tell me curly hair suits my crazy personality better :happy3:
    Hair type- 2c
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    Modified CG since March 2010!
    cUrl CRazED:love1:
  • jenny curljenny curl Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    eklecktika wrote: »
    I'm confused -- was the dolled up version the straight wig or the afro puff? I don't know the guy or his tone, but I don't get the impression he was trying to be rude. However, he may not know enough about 4a/b hair to appreciate it or its differences from his hair. (I'm assuming that he doesn't have 4a/b hair.) Yes he shouldn't have said what he did, but depending on the closeness of your relationship, he may not have realized it.

    IMO, though, any smart man knows to never bring up a woman's hair, weight or how hot another woman is. However, some men aren't smart. :)

    I agree w/ the bolded. It sounds like you were being too sensitive to his comment. From what you posted it sounds like he was just complimenting you on your new style since he's see's your hair in it's curly state so often. Sort of like if you've lost weight or bought a new dress and you decide to show it off but no one notices and it kills your mood. I think he made the comment to let you know that he noticed you did something different w/ your hair.
    nothing to get worked up over.
    Guys are clutzy-he probably thought he was giving you a compliment on yesterday's hair.

    I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

    You know, they try to notice, and be nice, and we slam them for it. No wonder they don't understand women.

    LOL its so true! Men try so hard but it seems like they always say something the wrong way when really they meant to sound nice. My bf does it a lot, and now he says sometimes hes scared to say something out of fear that I will take it the wrong way.

    I totally see how you can take that comment the wrong way, but yes, men are also awful at giving complements lol! IMO :love2:
    3b/c :: Fine :: Porous

    I:love5: My Hair
  • Cali ChikCali Chik Registered Users Posts: 1,494
    that's so strange because the men I've dated think my hair is one of my best features.
    I'm sorry but your post made me laugh. You being natural as a 3a is a lot more acceptable than a 4a or 4b being natural.
    subbrock wrote: »
    - don't let everybody elses long straight weave bum you out. don't let other people's big/long natural hair bum you out either. embrace what you have and rock it with confidence, because that's the only way you'll be happy. and whether you realize it or not you are somebody's influence. show them what it truly means to be confident.

    www.lifestarbeauty.com
    Hate me? Love me? then Follow me! www.twitter.com/vidastarr


  • WurlyLoxWurlyLox Registered Users Posts: 4,858 Curl Neophyte
    CityGirl81 wrote: »
    Ok, so I am a 4A/B girl and yesterday I decided to change it up a little and wear a wig. (pic attached) I actually had a coworker ask me today, wow, we aren't deserving of having your hair dolled up today? I currently have it in afro puff. I know this person probably didn't mean any harm, but I just found it offensive that it was "OK" for me to have straight hair. When I kindly told him no, it was a wig, he was like really wow, b/c I was wondering how you got your hair so straight. :angry5:

    Maybe you just took it wrong? To me, the bolded sounds like he's saying it's dolled up every other day when it's curly, but NOT today with the straight wig :dontknow: Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding it as you've explained it.
    2C/3A/3B - modified CG - fairly fine now, normal/low porosity/normal elasticity

    Current Main Rotation: MG217 medicated or Aim2Health 'poos for scalp, Elucence cond., Spiral Solutions Protein & Deeply Decadent Cond., CJCCCC reg or lite,CJ Pattern Pusha,, Giovanni LA Hold Hair Spritz + lots more, sporadically

    HG Method: Super Soaker + Smasters-ing, brief upside down diffusing w/360o diffuser then clips/clamps & air dry. Newly gray - stopped my henna glosses!

    www.fotki.com/auntnett
  • Cali ChikCali Chik Registered Users Posts: 1,494
    auntnett wrote: »
    CityGirl81 wrote: »
    Ok, so I am a 4A/B girl and yesterday I decided to change it up a little and wear a wig. (pic attached) I actually had a coworker ask me today, wow, we aren't deserving of having your hair dolled up today? I currently have it in afro puff. I know this person probably didn't mean any harm, but I just found it offensive that it was "OK" for me to have straight hair. When I kindly told him no, it was a wig, he was like really wow, b/c I was wondering how you got your hair so straight. :angry5:

    Maybe you just took it wrong? To me, the bolded sounds like he's saying it's dolled up every other day when it's curly, but NOT today with the straight wig :dontknow: Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding it as you've explained it.
    well I think if you READ the comment it comes across a lot different than the way she heard it. But based on her explanation it sounded like he was being sarcastic.
    subbrock wrote: »
    - don't let everybody elses long straight weave bum you out. don't let other people's big/long natural hair bum you out either. embrace what you have and rock it with confidence, because that's the only way you'll be happy. and whether you realize it or not you are somebody's influence. show them what it truly means to be confident.

    www.lifestarbeauty.com
    Hate me? Love me? then Follow me! www.twitter.com/vidastarr


  • jenny curljenny curl Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    auntnett wrote: »
    CityGirl81 wrote: »
    Ok, so I am a 4A/B girl and yesterday I decided to change it up a little and wear a wig. (pic attached) I actually had a coworker ask me today, wow, we aren't deserving of having your hair dolled up today? I currently have it in afro puff. I know this person probably didn't mean any harm, but I just found it offensive that it was "OK" for me to have straight hair. When I kindly told him no, it was a wig, he was like really wow, b/c I was wondering how you got your hair so straight. :angry5:

    Maybe you just took it wrong? To me, the bolded sounds like he's saying it's dolled up every other day when it's curly, but NOT today with the straight wig :dontknow: Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding it as you've explained it.

    I had to read it twice, but yes its easy to misunderstand whats being said at first.... I think she meant that the bolded is in reference to her WIG, implying that the straight wig makes her look "dolled up", while as her natural afro puff does not. Which can easily come across as being offensive, even if he meant it as a complement
    3b/c :: Fine :: Porous

    I:love5: My Hair
  • CityGirl81CityGirl81 Registered Users Posts: 418
    santini wrote: »
    auntnett wrote: »
    CityGirl81 wrote: »
    Ok, so I am a 4A/B girl and yesterday I decided to change it up a little and wear a wig. (pic attached) I actually had a coworker ask me today, wow, we aren't deserving of having your hair dolled up today? I currently have it in afro puff. I know this person probably didn't mean any harm, but I just found it offensive that it was "OK" for me to have straight hair. When I kindly told him no, it was a wig, he was like really wow, b/c I was wondering how you got your hair so straight. :angry5:

    Maybe you just took it wrong? To me, the bolded sounds like he's saying it's dolled up every other day when it's curly, but NOT today with the straight wig :dontknow: Or maybe I'm just misunderstanding it as you've explained it.

    I had to read it twice, but yes its easy to misunderstand whats being said at first.... I think she meant that the bolded is in reference to her WIG, implying that the straight wig makes her look "dolled up", while as her natural afro puff does not. Which can easily come across as being offensive, even if he meant it as a complement

    You hit the nail on the head!!! Because I pulled out the wig again this week and got the same stupid comments, OMG! It looks so great. I blew out my hair and even after humidity wrecked it I still got compliments b/c people couldn't believe my hair was so full, they thought it was a weave and wondered why I didn't wear it straight all the time.
  • jenny curljenny curl Registered Users Posts: 1,814
    People are so rude. Ah well... as I always say, the ones who think straight is the "norm" are the ones who don't know what's good, and being different from all the straightey's makes you that much more special :). Meanwhile, 90% of people are envious of your hair ;)
    3b/c :: Fine :: Porous

    I:love5: My Hair

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