Feel like I'm coming out the closet

nikki-noodlenikki-noodle Posts: 6Registered Users
My husband has not seen my hair. When we first talked about this, he was very negative about it. Saying that he was "attracted" to straight hair and that I'm "changing". -That my employer wouldn't accept it and I need to "conform". And basically that I would be walking around here looking crazy. He's really not a bad guy, honestly! but the hair thing is where we part ways.

So, he has come around since then saying he loves me no matter what and it's my hair and all that jazz but I still remember all the negative things he said months ago.

Well, I cut it just Sunday and haven't showed him. I've been walking around the house with a scarf on and fixing it for work after he leaves. I plan to show him today and I'm a little nervous on whether he will like it or not. I know I shouldn't feel this way and that ultimately my attitude will accenuate the positive of my change. Besides, it's my hair and I absolutely love it, but there is a bit of fear that I'll turn him off.

Co-workers, mom and dad, my kids are all in shock that I cut off all my hair. I don't know why? It was overprocessed, dry and NEVER looked right. It didn't bounce, shine or act right. It was just "long". I still looked like a chicken head. I think this cut is long overdo. But I have that "come out of the closet" feel every time I see someone who hasn't seen it.

Positive thoughts welcomed!

-Nikki
4a Newbe
DIY Big Chop 8/20/2006, cut the braid at the knot! Lovin my curly hair (with gel of course)

Why didn't I do this sooner? Fear, nothin short of it.

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 19Registered Users
    Well I pray for the best, but keep in mind that you have us all for support which makes this process for us easier to deal with. I know its the ones close to us that really hurts us the most because they can't be half as supportive as the strangers you chat with online.

    If it wasn't for this website and a few associates of mine I would have gotten a perm and went on not knowing and accepting myself the way God made me.

    Also your husband will come around, it's only hair. Tell him how much easier it is to live with natural hair as oppose to permed hair. He won't have to wait hours for you to do your hair and it's definitely cheaper than paying a stylist $80 plus to chemically burn your scalp trying to perm your hair...well maybe that was just me, lol!

    Any hue Everything will work its way out. :)
    What's my hair type???? THICK! THICK!! and THICK!!!

    pw:pretty
  • nikki-noodlenikki-noodle Posts: 6Registered Users
    :)

    Thank you. And this site is great and I also have a co-worker who's been transitioning with me since Feb.

    You're so right about the money. Besides the relaxer, during my transition, I dished out $200 a pop at the braid shop and it was a LONG and HORRIBLE process.

    Don't plan on going back. Yah!

    -Nikki
    4a Newbe
    DIY Big Chop 8/20/2006, cut the braid at the knot! Lovin my curly hair (with gel of course)

    Why didn't I do this sooner? Fear, nothin short of it.
  • drineybeardrineybear Posts: 27Registered Users
    once you tell him you will probably feel 100% better and more liberated and not so scared. we all get or have gotten caught up with the long straight hair way of life and men are no different. he says he loves you no matter what so take that and run with it. i'm sure if he sees that you are loving what you did then he will become more accepting.
    Last Relaxer - April 2006
    Hair Type - 4a (so far from what I can see)
  • jeamariajeamaria Posts: 1,851Registered Users
    drineybear wrote:
    we all get or have gotten caught up with the long straight hair way of life and men are no different. he says he loves you no matter what so take that and run with it.

    ITA with this. There has been a lot of brainwashing for us to accept this "ideal" :roll: and just ruin out hair to achieve it. I hope your husband gets over it and learns to love your hair as you seem to now :D. Just wondering, how dramatic was your cut? I cracked up at your BC description in your signature :lol:.
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    My husband has not seen my hair. When we first talked about this, he was very negative about it. Saying that he was "attracted" to straight hair and that I'm "changing".

    Nikki, I love your signature too. ITA it really is all about fears. I would like to believe that making such an important and fundamental change to my hair changes me and creates positive change in my life on many other levels. (that's my rationale for this new hair-love/obsession :). Doing what you did, you took a big leap of faith. And it's possible that taking the lead in being who you really are will encourage your husband not to be so afraid of what people think, love and accept himself more, and love and appreciate you -- the new, more genuine and beautiful you.
    My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
    My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/
    comic-p.jpg

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
  • CheleighCheleigh Posts: 552Registered Users
    Congratulations on your BC!

    ITA with the other posters. He prefers straight hair because that's what he's been taught to prefer.

    So much has to do with our own confidence. If you walk in with your hair looking fly, your confidence on full tilt, and the love of your hair shining in your eyes, he'll think you look fabulous too.

    Also, I noticed that not only do most guys come around--they love to feel it, play in it. So maybe tone done the gel at night and let him play around in your hair that night. The texture is so different, so tactile...most guys really dig it (my SO loves to play in my hair--he never did that when I was relaxed).
    Natural pics: http://picturetrail.com/shelacious
    pw: kinky
    Hair type: Spongy & kinky texture. Coily & curly strands.
  • nikki-noodlenikki-noodle Posts: 6Registered Users
    thank you all for the positive responses. :lol:

    It was kinda funny. I sat him down Friday and told him he had to see the hair. He was like, "no, that's okay. I love you, it doesn't matter". I stressed that he must see it and he made every excuse to leave the room. We have very good communication and we both were laughing at how uncomfortable he was.

    Then it turned hilarious because I had to chase him and lock the door. He had to brace himself and calm down and I slowly revealed the scarf. He was relieved and said it "Oooh, it's cute!".

    It's funny, both of us were scared.

    And I agree totally, he likes straight hair because that's what he's accustomed too.

    And yah, it was a dramatic change. My relaxed, frizzy hair ran just above my shoulders. It's funny that he doesn't remember me struggling with it and still, I repeat, looked like a chicken head. Oh the frustration.

    I will try that, let him play with it at night. It will work because my ritual seems to be washing it at night. Good deal!


    No regrets...
    4a Newbe
    DIY Big Chop 8/20/2006, cut the braid at the knot! Lovin my curly hair (with gel of course)

    Why didn't I do this sooner? Fear, nothin short of it.
  • gigglingpixiegigglingpixie Posts: 49Registered Users
    CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BC!!!

    Cheleigh is right about men and coming around. My boyfriend was really not excited by my decision, but when he saw how much I wanted it and how much I love my hair he came around. Now he adores my hair. His hands are always in my head, he's always playing with my coils. He likes it so much he's decided to grow his hair out!

    I'm glad your husband seems to have opened his mind to your hair.
    "Your playing small does not serve the world."
    Nelson Mandela
  • PortaePortae Posts: 337Registered Users
    Your man will come around. But, maybe you could do some fun things to help ease his mental transition. Like, you could do a romantic bubble bath for two where you wash each other's hair. Or maybe give each other nice scalp massages. Perhaps you could even shower together in the morning before each of you leaves for the day. I think he will be loving your hair in no time flat once he realizes all of the the wonderful experiences that your natural hair opens up.
    ~Break the Chains of Your Mind and Your Body will Follow~

    3b/3c/4a
    http://public.fotki.com/Portae99/
    http://photos.yahoo.com/Portae_99
  • LadyJAHLadyJAH Posts: 81Registered Users
    My last perm was May 2006 and I am still transistioning. My middle daughter's hair is completely natural and her coily hair is so cute. She has a lot of length and my husband doesn't mind that she is natural because he says that she is a child. However, as for me, he keeps telling me that I am a grown woman, he doesn't like short hair and doesn't want me walking around with my head "tore-up". (You know what I mean.) Right now I am trying to avoid the B/C because I don't want to turn him off. But it is so difficult to style my hair with the two textures. Maybe on my birthday in December I will go ahead with the B/C.

    I am happy to see that you had the courage to take charge of your HAIR AFFAIRS for yourself. MORE POWER TO YOU and a big CONGRATS!

    For now I will quietly root you and other ladies on as I continue to transition. :D
  • drineybeardrineybear Posts: 27Registered Users
    lady j,

    i am also transitioning and for now i don't plan on doing the bc only because i don't think my head is fit for a short hair and i'm not really ready for such a drastic change. right now i'm transitioning by doing ponytails, braid outs and twist outs. i do the braid out and twist outs after i blow dry my hair because if i do it wet my hair will shrink a lot and i don't like that. maybe you can transition using those methods.
    Last Relaxer - April 2006
    Hair Type - 4a (so far from what I can see)

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file