My Friend is Transitioning?

brownsugar84

I think I've posted something about this before, but it's still bothering me and I just need to vent.

So my best friend for whatever reason has been doing everything I do. I confided in my other friend and she has noticed too and think it's a little odd, but that I should look at it as a compliment. Anyhow, copying everything I do also includes going natural.

I think it bothers me so much because I feel so strongly about it and it's just something that she's doing because I am. She doesn't know anything about it, doesn't care to learn (I've tried telling her a few things to which she's shown complete disinterest) and doesn't even know why she's doing it so she claims. I've been in transition since February and she's been in transition since March. Coincidence? I think not.

She's made comments in the past about how black people can't have hair like Dominicans, so I shouldn't expect it to look that nice and how my hair is going to just be a big afro and not curly at all (she's half Puerto Rican, half black). That to me was just an ignorant statement. Another time, after I had cut part of my hair and I showed her it was long and curly she said that I looked like a hasidic Jew. She's constantly making fun of my hair, yet she's transitioning?? What does she think her hair is going to look like? She's just so ignorant about the whole thing.

The other night it was her birthday so one of our mutual friends and I took her out to dinner. She started talking about how her sister wants her to get a relaxer for her December wedding or else she's threatening to cut her from the bridal party because she won't allow her there with nappy hair. I honestly think this may just be an excuse for her to get a relaxer and then claim that her sister made her do it. I told her that if she feels strongly about going natural then she should teach her sister about different hairstyles and just give her info about transitioning hair (although she doesn't have any information nor care to learn anything herself). To this, she just nodded.

Is it wrong to actually wish that she would just get a relaxer and cut the crap? If it's not what you really want then stop doing it! I just feel like she's taking everything from me. This is just one thing of MANY that she's imitating. She also makes me just want to BC because I am almost 100% sure that she won't do that plus I'm itching to BC anyway. To be honest, the other thing that bothers me is that she has a very loud and outgoing personality whereas I don't go around boasting things about myself all the time and letting everyone know my business. Half of my friends didn't even know my boyfriend and I were living together that's how private I am. So it bothers me that if she does in fact actually go through with a BC before I decide to that everyone will think that I've been imitating her this entire time. She's one of those people who will tell everyone and everything about herself and then put a gazillion pics of herself on facebook and I'm just not that way. I have a fotki account and even that was a lot for me to do. (By the way, she laughed at my fotki pics saying that my hair was ridiculous looking in all of them) *sigh*

Ok, I'm done venting.

tnatural

I really don't have that much advice to give other than that she does not sound like a good friend to me. She should be positive and support your decision to be natural instead of putting you down. I sense a little jealousy on her part. I would think of her like those relaxed ends still left on your hair, annoying, bothersome, and holding you back. I would just cut both of them out of your lives and be done with it. Time to get rid of negative energy.

But if your not ready to do that than I would sit her down and talk to her. Be honest with your friend and tell how much it bothers you by the things she is saying. If she is a true friend she would understand and stop making those comments.

brownsugar84

I don't know. It's difficult because we've been friends for 6 years and she's been there for me through a lot of things, but lately I feel like our friendship is exactly what you said, "annoying, bothersome and holding me back." I've actually tried cutting her out of my life a couple of times in the past and she always starts crying and making me feel guilty and saying she would never do anything like that to a human being and I'm horrible and selfish, so I wind up feeling bad and talking to her again. I've tried talking to her about issues I have with her too, but she does the same thing. The basic guilt trip, and I start wondering if I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'll just take a step back, stop spending so much time with her and since we have mutual friends, the next time I'm bound to see her and she says something negative toward me, I'll just set her straight instead of just taking it and laughing along like her jealousy/negativity toward me is fine. I'm just the type to not want to start a confrontation...especially in front of mutual friends. The funny thing is, another one of our friends just cut her out of her life a couple of months ago because she couldn't stand her anymore. At least I know it's not just me.

Thanks for reading my ridiculously long post and for some feedback!

laz22girl

She sounds like a toxic friend...you don't need that.

You should also remind her that Dominican's hair is just as kinky as blacks.

I would be inclined to BC just to see what she does...but I am evil like that.:angry4:

missjgirl5

laz22girl wrote: »

She sounds like a toxic friend...you don't need that.

You should also remind her that Dominican's hair is just as kinky as blacks.

I would be inclined to BC just to see what she does...but I am evil like that.:angry4:

brownsugar84 wrote: »

I don't know. It's difficult because we've been friends for 6 years and she's been there for me through a lot of things, but lately I feel like our friendship is exactly what you said, "annoying, bothersome and holding me back." I've actually tried cutting her out of my life a couple of times in the past and she always starts crying and making me feel guilty and saying she would never do anything like that to a human being and I'm horrible and selfish, so I wind up feeling bad and talking to her again. I've tried talking to her about issues I have with her too, but she does the same thing. The basic guilt trip, and I start wondering if I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'll just take a step back, stop spending so much time with her and since we have mutual friends, the next time I'm bound to see her and she says something negative toward me, I'll just set her straight instead of just taking it and laughing along like her jealousy/negativity toward me is fine. I'm just the type to not want to start a confrontation...especially in front of mutual friends. The funny thing is, another one of our friends just cut her out of her life a couple of months ago because she couldn't stand her anymore. At least I know it's not just me.

Thanks for reading my ridiculously long post and for some feedback!

tnatural wrote: »

I really don't have that much advice to give other than that she does not sound like a good friend to me. She should be positive and support your decision to be natural instead of putting you down. I sense a little jealousy on her part. I would think of her like those relaxed ends still left on your hair, annoying, bothersome, and holding you back. I would just cut both of them out of your lives and be done with it. Time to get rid of negative energy.

But if your not ready to do that than I would sit her down and talk to her. Be honest with your friend and tell how much it bothers you by the things she is saying. If she is a true friend she would understand and stop making those comments.

brownsugar84 wrote: »

I think I've posted something about this before, but it's still bothering me and I just need to vent.

So my best friend for whatever reason has been doing everything I do. I confided in my other friend and she has noticed too and think it's a little odd, but that I should look at it as a compliment. Anyhow, copying everything I do also includes going natural.

I think it bothers me so much because I feel so strongly about it and it's just something that she's doing because I am. She doesn't know anything about it, doesn't care to learn (I've tried telling her a few things to which she's shown complete disinterest) and doesn't even know why she's doing it so she claims. I've been in transition since February and she's been in transition since March. Coincidence? I think not.

She's made comments in the past about how black people can't have hair like Dominicans, so I shouldn't expect it to look that nice and how my hair is going to just be a big afro and not curly at all (she's half Puerto Rican, half black). That to me was just an ignorant statement. Another time, after I had cut part of my hair and I showed her it was long and curly she said that I looked like a hasidic Jew. She's constantly making fun of my hair, yet she's transitioning?? What does she think her hair is going to look like? She's just so ignorant about the whole thing.

The other night it was her birthday so one of our mutual friends and I took her out to dinner. She started talking about how her sister wants her to get a relaxer for her December wedding or else she's threatening to cut her from the bridal party because she won't allow her there with nappy hair. I honestly think this may just be an excuse for her to get a relaxer and then claim that her sister made her do it. I told her that if she feels strongly about going natural then she should teach her sister about different hairstyles and just give her info about transitioning hair (although she doesn't have any information nor care to learn anything herself). To this, she just nodded.

Is it wrong to actually wish that she would just get a relaxer and cut the crap? If it's not what you really want then stop doing it! I just feel like she's taking everything from me. This is just one thing of MANY that she's imitating. She also makes me just want to BC because I am almost 100% sure that she won't do that plus I'm itching to BC anyway. To be honest, the other thing that bothers me is that she has a very loud and outgoing personality whereas I don't go around boasting things about myself all the time and letting everyone know my business. Half of my friends didn't even know my boyfriend and I were living together that's how private I am. So it bothers me that if she does in fact actually go through with a BC before I decide to that everyone will think that I've been imitating her this entire time. She's one of those people who will tell everyone and everything about herself and then put a gazillion pics of herself on facebook and I'm just not that way. I have a fotki account and even that was a lot for me to do. (By the way, she laughed at my fotki pics saying that my hair was ridiculous looking in all of them) *sigh*

Ok, I'm done venting.

this chick is not your friend and is ignorant as hell....ditch her ASAP!!!! Dominicans are black and have a variety of textures ranging from wavy to kinky like all other black folks...so whatever. If you are still transitioning I wish ya the best and be patient. quality products and moisture are key. Have fun with your hair.