Sad Story

brownsugar84brownsugar84 Registered Users Posts: 111
So I recently found out via facebook that one of my friends was transitioning. Her last relaxer was November of '08 and she was really excited about her progress.

Then I saw her about a month after I found out and her hair was mighty straight. I asked her why she relaxed again and she turned to me and says, "because I felt ugly. I felt extremely ugly." I've heard that people have felt that way, but never ever had someone look me in the eye and say that about themselves. I felt so bad for her! And then I told her that I've been transitioning for 8 months and she says, "yeah, but your hair looks good." Weird thing is, from her pictures, it looks like we may have the same type of hair! I didn't even know what to say. I felt sorry for her.

Comments

  • dont worry be curly!dont worry be curly! Registered Users Posts: 144
    awww! I feel so bad for her :sad1:. Some people just dont like the way they look with curly hair. That is very sad that she felt ugly, as much as I wish she would embrace her curls, hopefully she is just happy, ya know!
    ~~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr.Seuss

    ~~Don't cry because it's over smile because it happened.--Dr.Seuss:color:

    We are all fools, whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance! :)
  • botticelli_girl922botticelli_girl922 Registered Users Posts: 896
    Aww :( Poor girl...It's so sad how the media convinces you that the only way you can be pretty is to have straight hair. Curls, waves and kinks are so, so gorgeous.

    My sister (who has 2a-2b waves that are really cute), recently saw a friend who normally wears her hair straight wearing it curly. She told her, "Ohh, your curly hair is so cute! *I wish I had curly hair*. Yours is beautiful!" And the friend responded by saying, "Oh, thanks. Yeah, I was too lazy to straighten it this morning. We can trade if you want."

    I felt bad when i heard that she said that. We really need to convince these women that curls ARE beautiful.

    *My sister is happy with her waves now.
    Curl Type: 2c-3a, Medium thickness, Normal Porosity
    Weekly Low-poo: TJ Pure Castile Soap
    Co-wash: V05 Strawberries and Cream
    Conditioner: GVP Conditioning Balm (Possibly HG!), GF Triple Nutrition
    Styling Products: CK, Re:coil, JCRR, JCCC, LALMHG, EcoStyler, SMU Spray Gel, Boots

    Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What's yours?
  • lit26lit26 Registered Users Posts: 131
    I felt ugly too but when the hair started to grow out and when i started taking great care of my health and taking care of my face and body really well my natural hair shined! I look great with my hair now! See it starts with taking care of our self as a whole. I lost 30 pounds and my face has also cleared up and my natural hair looks so good on me. I hope this make sence.
    4b
    last perm 11/8
    Bc'd 4-9-9 :sunny:
    www.fotki/miamelove.com

    A product to make tranistioning EASIER!:cheers:
    Scissors. Think of it like this, your mixing dirty clothes with clean clothes, you can use all the perfum you want (hair product) but the dirty clothes (permed hair) will never be clean, will eventually get old, raggedy, and eventually start shredding/breaking(natural&permed hair). Don't waste your time. Transitioning for most is a :boxing: fight that relaxed hair will win!
  • brownsugar84brownsugar84 Registered Users Posts: 111
    Good for you ajiotal!!! My best friend (a different girl) is always complaining that she's overweight and that she wants to lose weight, yet does nothing about it. I'm pretty small, so I feel odd saying anything to her, but my feeling is that if you feel bad about it, do something to change it! I would be there right beside her to help so I don't understand why she doesn't even try. The other friend that I was just talking about, I wish that she would have just checked this board out and/or just read more about AA hair and she probably would have a different perspective about her hair already. I can't lie, when my sister cut all her hair off 2years ago, I was like, ew. It looks ugly, but you know what? After I felt all my new growth, I really liked it, but I thought it'd look like my sister's so I thought I'd get a texturizer after growing it out. :laughing4:
    I started doing research and I'm already in love with my hair and can't wait until I'm natural! And my sister's hair? I'm so envious about the fact that she had so much confidence in herself to just chop it off without any transition at all and although she's my little sister, it makes me want to be more like her.
  • lit26lit26 Registered Users Posts: 131
    I understand Brownsugar and I feel the same but as time goes on the hair keeps growing and growing and finally one day soon it will be where we have always wanted it to be and every body will be wishing they had gone natural like you and me long time ago!
    4b
    last perm 11/8
    Bc'd 4-9-9 :sunny:
    www.fotki/miamelove.com

    A product to make tranistioning EASIER!:cheers:
    Scissors. Think of it like this, your mixing dirty clothes with clean clothes, you can use all the perfum you want (hair product) but the dirty clothes (permed hair) will never be clean, will eventually get old, raggedy, and eventually start shredding/breaking(natural&permed hair). Don't waste your time. Transitioning for most is a :boxing: fight that relaxed hair will win!
  • anonymous_29030anonymous_29030 Registered Users Posts: 619
    There's a woman on the Transitioning Board or on the 4A Board who recently ( a few days ago) started a thread called "I feel ugly" about this very issue - she is transitioning and feels ugly. She got a lot of moral support but this issue, unfortunately, is very real.
    So I recently found out via facebook that one of my friends was transitioning. Her last relaxer was November of '08 and she was really excited about her progress.

    Then I saw her about a month after I found out and her hair was mighty straight. I asked her why she relaxed again and she turned to me and says, "because I felt ugly. I felt extremely ugly." I've heard that people have felt that way, but never ever had someone look me in the eye and say that about themselves. I felt so bad for her! And then I told her that I've been transitioning for 8 months and she says, "yeah, but your hair looks good." Weird thing is, from her pictures, it looks like we may have the same type of hair! I didn't even know what to say. I felt sorry for her.
  • kurltasticTkurltasticT Registered Users Posts: 11
    But i totally get that feeling. I feel it too, on many days. I just try to look at this whole transitioning thing as an "in-between" hair stage. Few people enjoy the "in-between" stage no matter in what context. Yes I honestly feel like I looked "better" more days out of the year when I was relaxing. Not because I am sooo in love with straight hair, but because having curls that will last thru the week on the top of your head and straight/misshaped end on the other half just looks a bit crazy (9 months transitioning). But in the end, the support of people like you and my ability to try to focus on the end goal, a full head of curly hair keeps me from relaxing. Some days are harder then others when I wake up in the morning and my TnC has gone mad, but...I shrug my shoulders stick some pins in it and pretend its a style and go about my biznaz.
  • JBonita101JBonita101 Registered Users Posts: 53
    while transitioning is a empowering thing it is also a physical struggle everyday with yourself. Sometimes when I can't find hairstyles that I like I feel ugly as well its hard even though I know deep inside I'm a beautiful person. Transitionings is hard for others and I also have a little rant. The hair boards that everyone is supposed to join sometimes offers no support and in meaning no encouragement. No one really knows how hard transitioning is but a lot of us are transitioning and I feel like no one focuses on the transitioners. Its all about the people who have their hair all natural now. In my opinion I wish people on this hair board was connecting and encouraging. I try to offer advice to anyone I can but I am also still learning everyday about my hair. I love my hair but transitiong has been really hard for me its a struggle with trying to find hairstyles that I actually like. I commend everyone who has completed the transition process but its true a person can feel ugly and even worse when you're surrounded by a whole board of cg and no one reaches out to offer a helping work. =[
  • momoariesmomoaries Registered Users Posts: 22
    Oh boy...do i know all about this...I just big chopped a week and a half ago after being relaxer free for 10 months :clock:...for the last two - three weeks of my transition I wore a scarf to cover my hair...ridiculous right...I just couldn't deal with the detangling and the ugly stringy dead relaxed hairs at the end of my not-sure-what-to-make-of-it-hair :angry3:...I knew that if I did not bc soon I was going back to the creamy crack...now that I am completely natural I am utterly and undeniably in love with my natural 4a hair!!! :afro: I am so happy that I did not go back ...I would have regretted it so much...but I know what it feels like to not see the pretty lady in the mirror you're so used to seeing in the mirror...but for me that lady is back and more fierce than ever!!!
    Last Relaxer: 12/23/2008
    Transition: 10 months
    Big Chop: 10/18/2009
    CG Since: 10/25/2009

    Song to My Hair:
    Ooh, baby, what you've done to me
    You make me feel so good inside
    And I just want to be close to you
    You make me feel so alive
    Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
    A natural woman


    event.png
  • brownsugar84brownsugar84 Registered Users Posts: 111
    Congrats on your BC, momoaries! I know what you mean. Although I don't feel ugly I'm so very tired of transitioning. It's been 8 months for me and I have this beautiful texture coming in and then long stringy relaxed hair so I've just worn my hair in the same old boring ponytail every single day for the past 5 months of my transition. My friend was supposed to chop it all off last week, but then she told me that she has actually never done it before and I might look destructed :laughing6: So now I have an appointment at 7:30am tomorrow at a salon to get it done. I'm glad to hear that you're in love with it. I'm really nervous, but I know I'm ready to do it and your post gives me even more inspiration!
    The stylist just made me promise a) to be on time and b) no crying. Haha.
  • momoariesmomoaries Registered Users Posts: 22
    Congrats on your BC, momoaries! I know what you mean. Although I don't feel ugly I'm so very tired of transitioning. It's been 8 months for me and I have this beautiful texture coming in and then long stringy relaxed hair so I've just worn my hair in the same old boring ponytail every single day for the past 5 months of my transition. My friend was supposed to chop it all off last week, but then she told me that she has actually never done it before and I might look destructed :laughing6: So now I have an appointment at 7:30am tomorrow at a salon to get it done. I'm glad to hear that you're in love with it. I'm really nervous, but I know I'm ready to do it and your post gives me even more inspiration!
    The stylist just made me promise a) to be on time and b) no crying. Haha.

    @brownsugar84 Thank you...LoL @ "destructed"...So did you go through it...did you follow through on your promises...LoL...fill me in...
    Last Relaxer: 12/23/2008
    Transition: 10 months
    Big Chop: 10/18/2009
    CG Since: 10/25/2009

    Song to My Hair:
    Ooh, baby, what you've done to me
    You make me feel so good inside
    And I just want to be close to you
    You make me feel so alive
    Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
    A natural woman


    event.png
  • ro_74ro_74 Registered Users Posts: 26
    momoaries wrote: »
    Oh boy...do i know all about this...I just big chopped a week and a half ago after being relaxer free for 10 months :clock:...for the last two - three weeks of my transition I wore a scarf to cover my hair...ridiculous right...I just couldn't deal with the detangling and the ugly stringy dead relaxed hairs at the end of my not-sure-what-to-make-of-it-hair :angry3:...I knew that if I did not bc soon I was going back to the creamy crack...now that I am completely natural I am utterly and undeniably in love with my natural 4a hair!!! :afro: I am so happy that I did not go back ...I would have regretted it so much...but I know what it feels like to not see the pretty lady in the mirror you're so used to seeing in the mirror...but for me that lady is back and more fierce than ever!!!

    I'd love to see some before and after pics....
  • MuzMuz Registered Users Posts: 25
    Hmmm, I can't relate. I'm 6 months in, and I love my hair, I can't wait until I can cut it, and I'm having a ball playing around with different styles and learning how to do them myself. I'm not going to BC simply because I'm used to having longer hair and I don't know if I'd like my hair looking short every day. . .

    event.png
  • DigitalRainDigitalRain Registered Users Posts: 5
    That's sad. I wonder if she will try to transition again in the future.

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