CurlTalk

Parental Confessional

rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
This applies to anyone with more than one child:

Do you have a favorite? If so, why? And have you ever admitted it to anyone? Do they know they are the fave? How do the others feel?

I have 2 kids; will answer once the ball gets rolling:hello2: I just my recall my Mom always saying she didnt have a favorite; but we all always knew she did and who it was:snorting:

Again, details to follow:hello2:
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Comments

  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,495Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    They are each my fave in a different way. My daughter is my fave b/c she is a girl and she has been w/ me longer and she is my first, basically what turned me into a mother and a full-fledged grown up woman.

    My son is my fave b/c he is so funny and cute. He's so low maintenance and easy to take care of. And he looks like a little cartoon character.

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    They've all spent time as my favorite. And the older ones have spent time as my not-favorite...on and off. I'm sure the younger ones will become not-favorites at some point too...teenage years can suck.

    I know that's not an answer. I don't really have a true favorite kid, but I will admit that I prefer spending time with my daughter, simply because she's a girly-girl, like me. I adore my boys, but I'd MUCH rather go shopping and have a mani/pedi than go to a CubScout pinewood derby.
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users
    Well, one of my kids is a fetus, but I do have to admit that I immediately felt a bond w/ DD1 in the womb that I don't quite feel with this baby yet. The first time I was pregnant, baby was all I could think about, but this time, of course, big sis is around and needs lots of attention! :) We'll see what happens when baby 2 comes along.
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  • CurlyHairedFarmerCurlyHairedFarmer Posts: 3,073Registered Users
    My sister admits her second born child is her favorite. She says Em is just more like her.

    My dad confessed that I was his favorite, just like my sister was my moms. He said it wasn't personal but something that happened through special bonds that had to do with interests and personalities.
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  • misspammisspam Posts: 5,318Registered Users
    A favorite? I am blessed with 2 great kids, one boy and one girl. They both have very different personalities and are their own unique selves that I couldn't possibly compare them and come up with a favorite.

    I'm not much help here because to me, the concept is rather odd. :dontknow:
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  • melloweermelloweer Posts: 2,308Registered Users
    misspam wrote: »
    A favorite? I am blessed with 2 great kids, one boy and one girl. They both have very different personalities and are their own unique selves that I couldn't possibly compare them and come up with a favorite.

    I'm not much help here because to me, the concept is rather odd. :dontknow:

    Same with me....both my kids are so different from each other. I love what they bring to my life.

    The only time I have a favorite is when one is being rotten and the other is being good. That rarely happens though. One becomes rotten, the other follows shortly :)
  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Absolutely not. I didn't think it was possible.

    I have different relationships with my girls because they're different people.

    Bella shares my personality. She's my baby, and my cuddle-bug. She's calm and easy going and very charismatic.

    Bailey and I have had a rough run. Not only was she my first, but she was/is a difficult one. I had PPD when she was a baby, and after a year and a half struggle, I diagnosed her as having low level (high functioning) autism. She doesn't click or connect with me, she was never affectionate, even as a baby, and for a long time I felt our relationship suffered and I blamed myself.

    Figuring out who she is - even though it is very unlike me - and how to work with her personality has created a strong bond as well. I feel I've been such an advocate for her - that even though we don't have that obvious click, we are very connected as well.

    Bella is a much easier child. Bailey exhausts me and has challenged every idea I had prior to becoming a parent - but that is what MADE me a parent.

    There are times when I may not exactly *like* them - but no matter how many times I think about it, I know I don't have a favorite.
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  • PoodleheadPoodlehead Posts: 6,959Registered Users
    I had a boyfriend in college whose mom said to me (not to my boyfriend, but to me, his girlfriend) one time:

    Sometimes Michael is my favorite, because he is my oldest.
    Sometimes Tommy is my favorite, because he is my youngest.
    Sometimes Katie is my favorite, because she is my only daughter.
    Christopher? Christopher can take care of himself.

    Chris was, of course, the boyfriend. She was (is) a professional psychologist.

    If you have a favorite, do not ever let them know.
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  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users
    I too had a boyfriend who was sure he was his mother's favorite. That meant she confided her problems with his siblings in him. Worked out great! :error:

    I suspect I was my father's favorite, but he was somehow closer to my brother. Was it the sexism inherent in his/our culture, or him making up for liking me better? Or maybe it's a typical ego illusion on my part. Who knows?
  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    Ivy is my favorite. My late husband and I were the only ones at the hospital when she was born and no one even came to visit for two weeks. We had so much time to bond without others interfering. She was my life when we lived in VA all alone and her father was gone overseas. She is and has always been such a sensitive soul. There has always been a deep conncection between the two of us.

    I have a different connection with Luke. I immediately started bonding with him in the womb and couldn't wait to meet my little boy. Then the pregnancy SPD kicken in and it was 3 months of utter pain. I couldn't walk without help, take care of my toddler daughter, drive. I needed help with everything. I had to sleep sitting up, if I laid down it was too painful to get up. I had to wake my mom up in the middle of the night just to walk me to the bathroom. Add to that my husband was in Iraq and we had no contact. When Luke was born it was hard for me to bond with him. Postpartum depression and feeling guilty for getting to be with my son while my husband hadn't even met him yet really took a toll on both of us. I loved him, fed him, cuddled him the same way I had with Ivy but it didn't feel the same. When my husband finally came home it got better but by then Luke was 5 months old. Now you would never know I felt that way then. He is such a momma's boy and I love it. He brings the humor to our lives, that's for sure.

    Please don't criticize me for this. I love my children fiercely. I loe how different they both are. They bring me happiness and joy every day. They saved me when my husband died. I love being a mom, their mom. I just wanted to be honest.
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  • Aphro-DeeziacAphro-Deeziac Posts: 983Registered Users
    I have four kids. I have told them all at one point or another that they are my favorite, usually during a cuddle and to not tell the other kids because it would hurt their feelings. I dont know yet if they have figured out they all got this talk.

    my baby aminah is my very special girl. she is the one always asking me how i am, how was my day. when im down she will be the first to sit next to me and hold my hand, tellng me in her wise 8 year old way, that she thinks i need a friend and she is going to keep me company. when she sees me she leaps into my arms like i was gone for weeks instead of just at work for the day. when she wakes, i am the first person she looks for and when she has news, as all 8 year olds do, im the first one she wants to tell. She is connected to me in very different ways than the others. she and i click. so there u have it. i have a favorite, i just hope the others done figure it out.
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  • shorticurlzshorticurlz Posts: 1,056Registered Users
    Ivy is my favorite. My late husband and I were the only ones at the hospital when she was born and no one even came to visit for two weeks. We had so much time to bond without others interfering. She was my life when we lived in VA all alone and her father was gone overseas. She is and has always been such a sensitive soul. There has always been a deep conncection between the two of us.

    I have a different connection with Luke. I immediately started bonding with him in the womb and couldn't wait to meet my little boy. Then the pregnancy SPD kicken in and it was 3 months of utter pain. I couldn't walk without help, take care of my toddler daughter, drive. I needed help with everything. I had to sleep sitting up, if I laid down it was too painful to get up. I had to wake my mom up in the middle of the night just to walk me to the bathroom. Add to that my husband was in Iraq and we had no contact. When Luke was born it was hard for me to bond with him. Postpartum depression and feeling guilty for getting to be with my son while my husband hadn't even met him yet really took a toll on both of us. I loved him, fed him, cuddled him the same way I had with Ivy but it didn't feel the same. When my husband finally came home it got better but by then Luke was 5 months old. Now you would never know I felt that way then. He is such a momma's boy and I love it. He brings the humor to our lives, that's for sure.

    Please don't criticize me for this. I love my children fiercely. I loe how different they both are. They bring me happiness and joy every day. They saved me when my husband died. I love being a mom, their mom. I just wanted to be honest.

    Wow. I have no real opinion about favorites. I just wanted to send you virtual e-hugs, thats quite a story.
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  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    Thanks to all those who responded.

    Kudos to Jess and Aphro - its all good.:love4:
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  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    TY both. I didn't mean to be a downer to the thread but sometimes it's even therapeutic for me to admit those feelings.

    I wanted to add that I am my dad's fave and everyone knows it. I am the only one of his 3 children he raised full time and so it turned out that way. My sister has never made me feel bad for it but sometimes it's apparent that my brother harbors resentment. I don't want that for my children and try very hard not to show them my feelings.

    I have thought a lot about this in the last 5 years. After my husband died I said I wouldn't have any more children. I didn't want the older 2 to be resentful that their siblings had a father and they didn't or that their new siblings woulds be loved more by their step father. My late husband had a step father that did that to him and I saw how much pain it caused. After SO and I became serious I changed my mind. I knew he loved my kids like his own and any new siblings wouldn't be (openly) favored over the older 2. I can't say he wouldn't have one since I do but we have talked at great length how important it is to never show it.
    High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

  • IamDonnaIamDonna Posts: 546Registered Users
    I really don't belong here since I only have ONE child who obviously is my favorite.

    But I wanted to share with you my Dads angle on the FAV thing.
    I am the middle child of the three of us and I am my Dads
    FAV SECOND CHILD!!!!!!
    And so one for the other two.
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  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    BTW, having a fave, in general or at times, doesn't mean you dont absolutely love all your kids.

    It usually comes down to favoring ones style or personality or one being the underdog, or some particular circumstance. Sometimes it comes down to chemistry, like any other relationship; like having a favorite sibling or cousin.
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  • curlysue21curlysue21 Posts: 5,219Registered Users
    First to Jess....I think your story was so wonderful and I appreciate your honesty. I don't think it was a downer at all but a way of showing how much children can enrich our lives. :love2:

    I don't really have a favorite out of my two girls but I have times where I like one more than the other. They are such different people and I love them both, but just for different reasons. My oldest is so smart, sweet and sensitive but goes through phases where she is almost teenage-like with her mouth and takes forever to do the simplest task I ask of her. My youngest is always making me laugh, and is so fun-loving and cute but could use a tranquilizing dart sometimes and can be as stubborn as a mule.

    I was told by my sisters that I was "Daddy's girl" and they still give me hell for it. I never felt like I was treated any different than they were, but like most of you had mentioned, I think he and I shared more of a bond than he did with my other two sisters.
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  • bushyheadbushyhead Posts: 1,676Registered Users
    I am the favorite of both of my parents. :thumbright:
    I'm an only child.
    

    I'm interested in the respones to this thread because my husband is afraid if we have more than one child that we will favor one and the other will feel inferior.
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  • roseannadanaroseannadana Posts: 5,632Registered Users
    No, I don't have a favorite. I love them equally but I love different things about them.

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  • teejayteejay Posts: 537Registered Users
    I have two daughters and they are both my favorites for different reasons.

    My oldest daughter is my favorite because we have a lot in common: books, movies, personality(which can sometimes lead to trouble), natural hair, this forum. My oldest is now an adult so I do not have to use much "parental censorship" around her. I can actually speak to her adult to adult about most things. I had my oldest daughter when I was 20 yo. She helped/made me grow up. I was once a shy young woman but then I turned into woman ready to care for and protect this gift from God.

    My youngest is my favorite because she has a beautiful personality that I do not see in most 14 year olds. The child just brightens my day when she walks into the room. She always smiles and she always turns a negative situation into a positive one. We call her "our Mary Poppins." The other day I was not in the greatest mood. She was cleaning the kitchen after dinner. She asked me to come to the kitchen. She took time out of cleaning the kitchen to make me a pot of coffee. She does things like this all the time.

    I couldn't choose a favorite if my life depended on it. The are both so special and different.
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  • irociroc Posts: 7,890Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    IamDonna wrote: »
    I really don't belong here since I only have ONE child who obviously is my favorite.

    But I wanted to share with you my Dads angle on the FAV thing.
    I am the middle child of the three of us and I am my Dads
    FAV SECOND CHILD!!!!!!
    And so one for the other two.
    It works great for all of us even when we were little ones.:love4:

    Cute.

    I tell Bailey, she's my favorite 5 year old, that she'll always be special because she was my first... that sort of thing.

    And then Bella is my favorite 2 year old, and she's special bc she's the baby, etc.
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  • AlexjoujouAlexjoujou Posts: 2,364Registered Users
    First to Jess--wow. Your story really moved me. Thank you for sharing.

    I have a favorite. My daughter. I try never to show it.

    When I was pregnant with my son we went to Disneyland. I had lost a twin pregnancy about 22 weeks before I got pregnant with him and I was devastated. I wasn't even trying to get pregnant with him. Anyway I was up in this treehouse thing at Disneyland with my daughter and I was about 4 1/2 months pregnant with my son when I had this incredible sense that somethign was dreadfully wrong. Like a gut punch.

    When we got back to San Diego I called and made an appt with the dr. Long story short 1 mo. later they said he had a chromosome deletion. He had major heart defects and they did not think they were compatible with life. They told me he was brain dead and would never walk, talk, etc. We picked out a plot and got a prescription for morphine. I cannot begin to even understand the dark days until he was born (this was February) in June. They are a complete blur. I think we had 17 people in the room when he was born.

    I often think I did not fully bond with him while he was inside me...and endless hospital visits, therapies, dr's later there was/is always this thing inside me thinking/knowing that the future is uncertain. A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with a ton of things--among which is Autism. So his level of empathisizing with someone else and connecting is not there either.

    I should be clear I don't love him less--I think I love him more for all that he has accomplished and for how hard he has fought. During this time my daughter has been his rock. She alone can handle him when he completely freaks out. She's the one, when he was in the hospital, who would talk to him and play with him and get him to smile. She has the deepest bond with him--if he is sick she will get a cold washcloth and comfort him, when he's angry she tries to calm him down, when he is sad she hugs him and tells him it is going to be allright. These are all things he allows her to do but really no one else. She is fiercly protective of him. For all she does for him and for who she is--well she is definitely my favorite. That's all.

    I dearly love both my kids. I'm not the most demonstrative mom but I try to show them every day how much they mean to me.

    I can say growing up my sister was the favorite of nearly everyone. She was the golden haired child--literally. Blond/white straight hair,blue eyes, great grades, head cheerleader, great boyfriends, always helping my parents, blah blah blah. Meanwhile I was the unruly curly head, a little chubby, drank, smoked, rebel, dated whoever I wanted, changed my religion completely, moved away. etc etc etc. I dearly love them but favorite was very clear.
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  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    Alex, what a moving, honest story to entrust us with. You must be a great mother; your kids are blessed to have you.
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  • AlexjoujouAlexjoujou Posts: 2,364Registered Users
    Thanks Rudee.

    I should add that he is doing so much better than what they ever predicted! He is in 4th grade and he can read anything you put in front of him (he loves manga), he walks, runs, tells jokes (he has a very strange sense of humor), he can do basic math and we're working on multiplication right now. He plays lots of video games with us (this is how we got him to talk!) and when he grows up he wants to get married, go to college, and have 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls and he's got names already :lol: ). If you didn't know better and you met him on the street or in Target you might not even know about his history.

    And yeah I totally take him back to those same Doctor's and geneticists REGULARLY so they can see how great he is doing. Love seeing their faces! :tongue5:
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  • TwoMoonsTwoMoons Posts: 754Registered Users
    My mom had a favorite.
    -My brother was the favorite because he was the youngest and the only boy.
    -I had the typical middle child syndrome.
    -My sister caused the most trouble but got everything she wanted.

    Those dynamics changed when my uncle C. died in July. While my brother and I helped my mom out and made sure she was coping well (since she was missing meals and sleep), all my sister did was complain and think about herself. I noticed now my mom treats me like she treats my brother while my sister is the least favorite.

    I have to admit my brother is my favorite sibling.
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  • GuardianBGuardianB Posts: 1,818Registered Users
    Do you have a favorite? Yes, both depending on the circumstance and situation.
    If so, why?
    -My first and eldest son is autistic. Because of this and him being my first I really feel a close bond to him and put so much energy into helping him suceed and make special arrangements to ensure he will be okay in whatever the situation we put him in.
    -My youngest and athletic son. He's fun. He's easy. He is smart and talented. He wastes it though so when I have the chance I am constantly trying ot be involved and show him whatever I can to get him strive to be better. I spend more money on him because of the talent and his desire and personality to try new things all the time.
    And have you ever admitted it to anyone? My mom can see it time to time. My wife and I both do it.
    Do they know they are the fave? They both think the other is the favorite.
    How do the others feel? Again they both feel they are getting the short end of the stick. The elder thinks I like the younger more because when baseball starts for example and we get catching gear and spend every day at practice and games while the other just does homework... The younger feels we don't spend as much effort helping him out because the elder is always the one getting the assistance and so he goes on his own quite often or I think doesn't try so he will get the help his brother does.


    I was the eldest of 3 boys and I would say my parents did a good job at not having a favorite. Each got time and each had things "special" for them but no one got "more".
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  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    Alexjoujou wrote: »
    Thanks Rudee.

    I should add that he is doing so much better than what they ever predicted! He is in 4th grade and he can read anything you put in front of him (he loves manga), he walks, runs, tells jokes (he has a very strange sense of humor), he can do basic math and we're working on multiplication right now. He plays lots of video games with us (this is how we got him to talk!) and when he grows up he wants to get married, go to college, and have 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls and he's got names already :lol: ). If you didn't know better and you met him on the street or in Target you might not even know about his history.

    And yeah I totally take him back to those same Doctor's and geneticists REGULARLY so they can see how great he is doing. Love seeing their faces! :tongue5:

    Gd works in mysterious ways. Love heals. That is amazing:)
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