Need some uplifting...

FieldsOfCottonFieldsOfCotton BannedBanned Users Posts: 59
I've been natural for about 1 1/2 years and I am looking for some encouragement. I absolutely adore my natural hair!!!!!! I've been helping other woman become natural! On the other hand, my bf really doesn't like my natural hair. He likes my hair more when its straight...boring and what a conformist! We've been together for about 4 years. I love him so much and plan on marrying him. So of course I want him to see beauty in me! I just needs some words of encouragement...


  • afrodominican1afrodominican1 Registered Users Posts: 650
    Not trying to sound rude but if he is the marrying type he would see the beauty in you regardless of what your hair looks like. 4 years together should trump what your hair looks like. If your choice to change anything physical makes him distant then he is not with you for the right reasons. You should seriously evaluate what is important to you. Making yourself happy or making others happy. HTH!
    BC: 2/16/08
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  • Crazy Kinky CurlyCrazy Kinky Curly Registered Users Posts: 116
    What? The beauty in you has nothing to do with how you wear your hair. In any case, you seem to love your hair just the way it is, so keep on doing what you're doing. Only change your hair when YOU want to. There is NOTHING more beautiful than a woman who knows and loves who she is. Also, keep in mind how far you are willing to let this go. Will you change your wardrobe when he wants you to? Your job? Cut off your friends? It starts with the "small things" and builds. I predict that if you hold your ground and remain confident (in whatever decision you make) in the end he will respect you more and most importantly you will respect yourself.
  • hippychichippychic Registered Users Posts: 4,673 Curl Neophyte
    ugh! I hope you are able to stand up for yourself and realize beauty in your own eyes sooner rather than later.
    LOIS (OS); cottony, TYPE 4 hair, fine/med strands; no cones bcz my hair hates them; last relaxer '98; now low porosity:?, ignores most natural hair rules; BC #8

    faves: suave, v05 shampoo, conditioner (my own), raw shea butter, castor oil, peanut oil, aloe juice
  • HennaRoHennaRo Registered Users Posts: 520
    The thing here is that YOUR hair is YOUR hair. YOU choose how YOU want it to look. He can have his opinion about how he likes and may want it but YOU have to do what is best for YOU!

    Does he love everything about you? Probably not so are you going to change everything about yourself to please him? Probably not so why even think about changing your hair to please him?

    You love your natural hair and that's all that matters. That's all I got.
    Last relaxer: January 08

    BC: December 08

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  • coilynappcoilynapp Registered Users Posts: 4,233
    I'm so sorry about your situation mixedcurlies. I don't think the OP said that she is going to change her hair for him. Just that he likes it when it's straight. (this is just how I read it :dontknow:)

    I think you should ask him WHY he doesn't like your hair and why after 1.5 years he hasn't brought it up before. Ask him if it's you he loves or your straight hair. Your hair is just a part of you, it's a package. Make him understand that you went natural to free yourself and YOU like YOUR hair that way. Is he ashamed to be seen with you? What's his deal? Ask him what he would do if you suddenly decided that you didn't like something on him (like his teeth, toes, whatever) how would he feel or react.

    It's easy for us to say leave him because he doesn't love you for the right reasons, but I think you know your relationship best. 4 years is a long time. TALK TO HIM. And if that fails, start slowly and steadily walking away.

    Although in my experience, when something like this comes up out of the blue, it's nearing or at the end...
  • FieldsOfCottonFieldsOfCotton Banned Banned Users Posts: 59
    I would like to thank u for the advice girlies, but I don't plan to change my hair for anyone! I love my natural!! It's just I'm struggling a bit because I want to teach him that natural hair is just as beautiful. I do understand that he is a product of his society and the media teaches us that straight hair is beautiful. I just needed some words of encouragement to get through this predicament. Besides the obvious my hair is me, I am my hair I want to educate him...

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