What is it with Fathers and Bedtime

inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
My hubby and I had a fight last night. He thinks leaving Chas up till 8:30 or later will help him fall asleep faster and to sleep in.

I on the other hand think 8:00 is late enough for a 3 year old to stay up. The more tired he gets the longer it takes for him to unwind and fall asleep. It doesn't matter when he goes to sleep he will wake up early...always has..always will.

What's even funnier when hubby was putting him to bed at 8:40...Chas was fussy which make hubby frustrated and therefore Chas gets into more trouble. Then hubby has the gall to tell me...he was playing just fine...not fussy. I don't see why he needs to go to bed at 8:00. Why can't men realize that you put them to bed before they get fussy or have a break down so that can go on to sleep.


Chas didn't fall asleep until 10:30 last night and then he woke up at 5:30 this morning. Aaaaarrggh!!! I did win the battle however. Hubby was like fine...I'll put him to bed at 8:00. Now if all just goes well tonight...Chas goes to sleep with out a fight. LOL.

Anyone else have these battles with their hubby?

Comments

  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Nope, but with my kid! Don't think he's ever gone to bed at 8:00 in his life!
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    My husband is a little loose with bedtimes and I am not. There was a time when he was compensating for coming home later than usual from work by putting them to bed later. Umm, that might be okay for our 10 year-old, but not for the younger kids. The kids were all over it, but then I was the one struggling to get them up in the a.m. or dealing with grouchiness.

    Now, for whatever reason, my younger ones melt down in the evening, so it's not pleasurable for hubby to keep them up (by keeping up, I mean letting them stay up 30 minutes past their bedtime). He's totally onboard now with getting them to bed on time. In fact, I lose track of time these days, with having a newborn, and hubby is quick to say, "let's get them to bed." Meltdowns have worked in my favor! :cheers:
  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    medussa wrote: »
    My husband is a little loose with bedtimes and I am not. There was a time when he was compensating for coming home later than usual from work by putting them to bed later. Umm, that might be okay for our 10 year-old, but not for the younger kids. The kids were all over it, but then I was the one struggling to get them up in the a.m. or dealing with grouchiness.

    Now, for whatever reason, my younger ones melt down in the evening, so it's not pleasurable for hubby to keep them up (by keeping up, I mean letting them stay up 30 minutes past their bedtime). He's totally onboard now with getting them to bed on time. In fact, I lose track of time these days, with having a newborn, and hubby is quick to say, "let's get them to bed." Meltdowns have worked in my favor! :cheers:


    All of the above is so true. I think that is part of it...not getting to spend much time with him during the week so he keeps him up. I get to deal with the grouchiness usually because I get them off to school before going to work.

    I kept hoping the meltdowns would help but they didn't. I guess in my case, I had to have the meltdown so that hubby would agree.

    I find getting Addison to bed before she melts down ...she usually sleeps all night. If she gets to bed to late...she usually wakes up early or is up once during the night.
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    bedtime in our house is whenever he starts getting tired...Steven is one of those who you cannot put ot bed early, he will play in his room until he passes out...so we are pretty lenient in that area. Even when he has to get up early, he makes up for it during his nap, which works well for now. He does not meltdown at night when tired, he will ask to go to bed.

    I think this is mainly due to me being home all day with him and DH working until 9 or 10 some nights.

    For example, he was up until midnight last night, up at 8:15 but will probably take a 3-4 hour nap.
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  • deedlesdeedles Posts: 2,467Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Liam right now is anywhere between 8:30 - 8:45pm.. but lately its been later because we have been fighting with him to stay in his bed and all he does is...

    "mommy/daddy... I neeeeeeeeeeed you.." don't leave me!" :laughing2:


    it used to be later than that cause hubby figured it was summer and he could stay up and also bill would get home late so he wanted some daddy/son bonding but we realized that maybe some of his tantrums would be curtailed if we went back to the 8:30pm slot.. which we have tried don't know the results just yet

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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I used to have a problem with my husband whipping the kids into a frenzy right before bedtime, then wondering why they wouldn't sleep. Nothing helps kids sleep like a half hour of wrestling/tickling/general-mayhem...NOT!

    He's my biggest kid, but he finally got on board with my relaxation-approach when he saw how much better it worked...bath/reading/snuggling/sleep.
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    Nope, but with my kid! Don't think he's ever gone to bed at 8:00 in his life!


    Same here.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    Delma wrote: »
    Amneris wrote: »
    Nope, but with my kid! Don't think he's ever gone to bed at 8:00 in his life!


    Same here.

    Yeah Sol's a night owl too. Bedtime is around 9:00 now - I take him in around 8:45 after DH gives him his bath - but it's been taking longer lately for him to fall asleep. Usually I'm in there for AT LEAST a half hour before I can slip out. I wouldn't mind a little more grown-up time in the evenings, but it's very nice on the days that DH has to work late, so he gets to spend some time with him.
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    Our issue is kind of the opposite. Many nights DH gets home quite late and he'll wonder why the kids are still awake. Or he'll want to play with them for 5 minutes and then put them straight to bed. And he wonders why he is encountering resistance. Um, they've stayed up waiting for you so you are on the hook for at least 30 minutes of playtime.

    I don't enforce a bed time, they go to sleep when they are tired.
  • fuzzbucketfuzzbucket Posts: 996Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    We have bedtime for the first time in Harry's life. He's always been tough because he fights sleep, but we finally have a routine and regular bedtime. Earlier in the summer it was 8:30 and he's gradually moved it on his own to 7 PM. He sleeps 12 hours straight, no nap. Nathan has also set his own bedtime and he has moved earlier in the last few weeks to 7-7:30. Maybe because it is darker earlier?

    DH is always overly optimistic and trying to get the boys down earlier than I think they are ready. It has worked a few times, but they are pretty regular and let us know when they are ready, i.e. crying and whining.
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  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    Connor (2.5) has been going to bed around 8:30 lately. He tries to stay up later and make you read him books as long as possible, but he needs the sleep. Especially since he's back at daycare and doesn't usually nap there.

    Ollie (13 months) can rarely stay up past 7:30. I'd keep him up until 8:00 if he was happy, but he starts getting cranky and fussy and I can tell he's tired. He's just dropped down to one nap, so that's probably a factor. I kind of like having some time with C after O's been put to bed. I can do fun things with him like reading books, which can be hard with a tiny toddler trying to grab everything.

    Hubby is on board with whatever bedtime I deem appropriate. I've had to rein him in a time or two when he started playing rowdy with the kids right before bed.
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  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    You need to do what works for ALL of you. My kids have always had an 8 pm bedtime, even as babies. I found that I needed a strict bedtime not only because my kids thrive on routine but because I needed my own time at night to unwind. It is not selfish for you to want routine or more time IMO. If your needs are also fulfilled you will be a better mother all around.
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    we have an opposite schedule from most since SO works in the evenings. but last night i had to tell him to put her to bed by 3:00 am (approx. 3 hrs past her usual bedtime)...or else.

    one night i asked him to put her to bed for me and his response was, "i dont know how!" :sad3:
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    You need to do what works for ALL of you. My kids have always had an 8 pm bedtime, even as babies. I found that I needed a strict bedtime not only because my kids thrive on routine but because I needed my own time at night to unwind. It is not selfish for you to want routine or more time IMO. If your needs are also fulfilled you will be a better mother all around.

    I agree with this to a point, but some kids just have their own agenda. Solomon for example, just WILL NOT fall asleep before 9:00. There have been less than a handful of extreme examples when he was super-tired and fell asleep between 8:00 and 8:30, but he's been showing us all along that 9:00 is the earliest he'll do (and lately he's usually falling asleep a bit later than that). I just think a parent could drive him/herself crazy trying to enforce a bedtime when the child just ISN'T ready to sleep yet.
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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I agree with pixie and madscientist. J is rarely in bed before about 10:30 or 11:00 - for which I've been called a bad mother many times. There is no way he would go to bed at 8 or even 9. I have tried, and he just laughs and gets up. We start winding down around then, but there's no way he'd sleep. He also does not have a scheduled bedtime. He tends to get tired around the same time but I take my cues from him. (There is the odd time he's tired earlier and if so, he goes to bed.)

    I enjoy spending time with him at night, too. Once the school year starts, I won't be picking him up until around 5 most days and between various evening activities, hubby and I organizing supper and the house and me doing homework, a 7 or 8.00 bedtime wouldn't leave us much family time together. He never sleeps more than 9-10 hours or so, so bed at 10 or 11 still gets him up in time. Sometimes he wants to stay up later, like 12 or 1 am, and then I have to put my foot down if I need him up in the morning (in summer sometimes I do allow it and he sleeps in.) I think SOME people are way too judgmental about other peoples' bedtimes. All kids are different.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • RheannaRheanna Posts: 2,614Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    I think SOME people are way too judgmental about other peoples' bedtimes. All kids are different.


    I agree with this, especially as someone who is and has always been a night owl. My boyfriend is too, and I'm not sure if that's something that's partially hereditary, but if it is, I know I'm in for dealing with a child who won't go to sleep early. :) The only issue I see with this is that all kids and all people ARE different, but the world isn't. When your kids are in school, they have to get up early. Often times, they have to work early as an adult. Therefore, I think it can be unfair to a child to be overly lenient about bedtimes because they are going to have to learn to tolerate getting up early, at some point.

    I still think that sucks though... again coming from me, the night owl. My mom is a morning person and growing up, she always said, "You'll adjust and become a morning person." I hated getting up early for school. I hate getting up early for work. I work 8-5 and because I rarely get enough sleep at night, I want to come home and crash every evening. Even if I don't though, by 9-10 pm, I'm usually waking up. It's odd.
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  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I hope I didn't sound judgemental. I wasn't trying to be. I just wanted the OP to know that it is ok for her to feel that way and express it to her husband. It sounds like she needs a better schedule because this one isn't working for them. My schedule works because that's how my children function best. They are also up before 7 every morning and trust me, I don't like that early, but again it's better than the alternative of cranky kids that happens when I let bedtime lapse. You aren't a bad mom if your bedtime is later than mine but you also aren't a bad mom if you want to try and enforce one.

    And what Rheanna said about the transition in to school hours is true. Both my kids are school age and I never had to get them in to a school schedule. They started back yesterday and I haven't had to fight with them to get up because I didn't let bedtime slip during the summer. There are special nights where they get to stay up and the nights their friends are here I know they aren't sticking to bedtime but for the most part I'm strict about it because it works best for both kids, SO, and me as a whole family.
    High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I certainly don't judge others for having different bedtimes and routines because every child and every family are different, but like Jess said, I think it's perfectly appropriate for the OP to tell her husband what her needs and the kids needs are.

    I get the "if she goes to bed, she'll just sleep in" from my dad. It's so not true for Lydia. She goes through phases where she wakes up super early (5:30!!) and phases like now where she sleeps until 7:30, but it isn't correlated w/ bedtime. She went to bed around 7:00 for a long time and in the past few months it's gone to 8:00.

    I know some people have success with waiting until the kids are tired to put them to bed, but Lydia just runs around until she collapses in a crying mess if I wait and then there's no time for a bath, brushing teeth, etc. She really doesn't offer any earlier cues.

    I work better with a routine, so I try to find a balance that honors my preference while also responding to her needs.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    I work better with a routine, so I try to find a balance that honors my preference while also responding to her needs.

    This is EXACTLY how I am. We learned over a long period of time that 9:00 seemed to be the right time for Solomon, so when everything else is relatively normal, we know to start our nighttime routine around 8:00. If something out-of-the-ordinary happens one day (like an unusually long or late nap) I try to use my best judgement as to how to adjust bedtime.

    I do agree with Jess the Mess - as I said I'm one who does better with a routine, so like BEG I've found one that coincides with Solomon's needs. All I meant before was that the child's needs need to be closely examined before trying to enforce a routine that may never work.
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  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Thanks everyone. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one that battles this. :)

    Things have gotten better. We're getting to bed around 8:15 now. He's going to sleep easier...plus we have gotten rid of the paci now..so that was a battle for about a week. Without it though he wakes up at the littlest of noises in the morning...he's up at 6:30 but I figure that will lengthen as he gets use to sleeping without it.

    I have changed our routine some to give him some downtime prior to bed. We now get dressed and while I give Addison her bottle he sits in his bed and reads books. I think this unwinding is crucial for him. It seems when we do this he goes to sleep quicker. I actually got video of him reading to his stuff animals last night. It was so cute!!!

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