Natural Ladies Rant....

CoilyDelta27CoilyDelta27 Posts: 202Registered Users
Hi all! I was on the bus with my friend who's been natural for 7 years and she totally went off on these ladies sitting across from us. They were going on and on about how much they want to go natural because they met some lady who goes to the Miss Jessies salons and gets a silkener. (smdh) That set off my friend, who immediately went off the deep end by saying:

"I'm so tired of you *****es thinking that a silkener is natural! It's a f#ckin relaxer with a different name! DAMN!"

"What's worse are those newbies that stalk message boards and online hair albums asking how to 'define your curls' or 'naturally relax' or those ones that are 4's and cnapps but just HAVE to claim 3c to prove that they have some "good hair!" "Get the 'F' out of here!!!!........

Ok, LOL, at this point I was just as shocked as everyone else on the bus and proceeded to asking her if she was alright or needed a hug. LOL :laughing2: She finally closed her mouth and then went back to looking out the window but the ladies and everyone else on the bus were silent until we got off at our stop. LOL LOL

My question to you all.....do you feel that she totally overreacted??? Or do you feel that it was right for her to have gone off on the ladies that way? I mean, in my opinion, I would've used their misguided statement as a teachable moment to explain in a calm tone the truth about their newfound beliefs...

What do you all think??
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Comments

  • Alice_42 Alice_42 Posts: 791Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I can see where she is coming from--after a while it DOES get frustrating to see/answer the same question about silkeners/texturizers over and over again. Especially since most people are completely IGNORANT about what a silkener is or how much it can end up costing.

    But she did overreact, no need to curse at those two.
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    Last relaxer: August 2008
    Big Chop: December 2008/January 2009
    Blog: Alice in Nappyland
  • KinkyKeeperKinkyKeeper Posts: 963Registered Users
    Yeah she overreacted. But I can see why, it can get frustrating to put up with both at the people still caught up in the good hair nonsense and the companies perpetuating it. Miss Jessie's was one of the first links I found on my natural journey and they don't really make it as clear as they could that the "silkener" is a relaxer and neither do many people that sell texturizers and they are clearly playing on "bad hair and good hair" with their after photos. I was all excited to see I could make my hair look less nappy, so they are attacking people who still are in that mindset.

    But becuase I know that was the first link I saw when going natural (along with boxes of texturizers in Wal Mart that just claim to create to loosen curls and have lots of misleading marketing strategies on them that make on think they are all natural) so I know it's a stage in natural thinking. When you first decide to go natural you are thinking curls but hopefully 3B/C curls (becuase let's face it, those are the curliest curls still acceptable if you want "good hair"). And even if you are aware they are chemicals, your thinking is there is no way your untexturized hair can be cute/manageable. Then you find a little more, educate yourself a little more and find out 4A/B hair can be beautiful too.

    So she could have been more patient with them (Hey I'm sorry, couldn't have overhearing you guys talking about Miss Jessies', just wanted to let you know in case you didn't know, a silkener is just a relaxer left on for less time. yada yada yada). If I had been at tha stage and had some strange woman yelling at me, couldn't have set me back in thinking about going natural.
  • CoilyDelta27CoilyDelta27 Posts: 202Registered Users
    Yea....I really think she scared them back to Relaxerland! LOL, we talked about it today and she said she was just really frustrated. I pointed out to her that at one time, she was once a newbie and had little knowledge on the subject of natural hair. I was in those shoes almost 2 years ago myself so I told her to calmly discuss natural hair information, especially to those that are strongly considering it. I finished by telling her that her tone was a lot more damaging (although many of her points were correct) and may have convinced the ladies to stay away from the CRAZY naturals!! LOL LOL

    Anyhow, I really think she learned from her mistake....
    youtube (reginadwright) :afro:
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  • MinisharpieMinisharpie Posts: 30Registered Users
    she was right but then wrong. because it wasnt her business and she didnt have to yell ( but it might have been held up anger and unfortuantly they took the punishment ) lol but if she felt like it more power to her. but what offend me personally is the stalkers asking how to define curls. i thought that meant how to make curls less frizzy unless im wrong and i didnt know it was wrong to search it up or ask it :/

    who whoever says 4 type hair is nasty is completely wrong i think its beautiful ! so they deserved to get slapped -_-
    Hair Type: 3b c iii
    Co wash: V05 Moisture milks passion fruit smoothie
    Styling: Queen heelne gel no cones. Apply leave in first then some gel scrunch let air dry then SOTC. Comes out frizz free and pretty. Then add some coconut oil :]
  • flygyrl72flygyrl72 Posts: 1Registered Users
    I agree w/ everything your friend said & empathize w/ the frustration a lot of us naturals get when we hear clueless comments from our own, but I personally would've just let them marinate in their own naivete on the subject unless they asked me directly.

    But again, I feel her on this, because I wear a big fro myself & have to hear & deal with so many dumb, misguided comments & assumptions on a regular basis. It's really disheartening & frustrating to see how far we have to go before a lot of our own people recognize our natural beauty for what it's worth. Brainwashed...
  • CoilyDelta27CoilyDelta27 Posts: 202Registered Users
    she was right but then wrong. because it wasnt her business and she didnt have to yell ( but it might have been held up anger and unfortuantly they took the punishment ) lol but if she felt like it more power to her. but what offend me personally is the stalkers asking how to define curls. i thought that meant how to make curls less frizzy unless im wrong and i didnt know it was wrong to search it up or ask it :/

    Yea, I think her issue is that some of the women that go natural focus solely on hair type and wonder why their curls are not huge and "telephone cord-like" so they spend countless hours asking other curlies how to convert their hair. She explained that some women get upset when they go natural and their texture is nothing like that of the person that inspired them. I think her gripe is not with those that want less frizz, but those that are in denial about their natural texture and feel they have to claim "3" status when they are definite "4's". LOL, That was her quote! Anyhow, I don't think she meant to offend anyone, I just think she was upset and went off instead of just explaining. Then again, they didn't directly ask her opinion so she was kind of eavesdropping.....

    who whoever says 4 type hair is nasty is completely wrong i think its beautiful ! so they deserved to get slapped -_-[/quote]

    In total agreeance! I think the hair typing system is flawed anyhow, just be happy with what you have and keep it healthy!
    youtube (reginadwright) :afro:
    Pre-Poo: EVOO/TJTingle Poo: KCCC Cowash:As I Am/Mielle Organics Condish: EVOO/Aussie Moist Leave-In:KCKT Moisturizers: Qhem AOHC Sealants: Grapeseed/Apricot Oil/FlaxGel


























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  • CoilyDelta27CoilyDelta27 Posts: 202Registered Users
    flygyrl72 wrote: »
    I agree w/ everything your friend said & empathize w/ the frustration a lot of us naturals get when we hear clueless comments from our own, but I personally would've just let them marinate in their own naivete on the subject unless they asked me directly.

    But again, I feel her on this, because I wear a big fro myself & have to hear & deal with so many dumb, misguided comments & assumptions on a regular basis. It's really disheartening & frustrating to see how far we have to go before a lot of our own people recognize our natural beauty for what it's worth. Brainwashed...


    I know, right!!!
    youtube (reginadwright) :afro:
    Pre-Poo: EVOO/TJTingle Poo: KCCC Cowash:As I Am/Mielle Organics Condish: EVOO/Aussie Moist Leave-In:KCKT Moisturizers: Qhem AOHC Sealants: Grapeseed/Apricot Oil/FlaxGel


























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  • CityGirl81CityGirl81 Posts: 418Registered Users
    Girl, I almost spit out my Merlot reading this.....LOL. Miss Jessie's marketing is to blame for the misconception. I despise the term "good hair" b/c if you have hair you have good hair. I mistakenly said I was 4A, but after research I was CLEARLY a 4B and embrace it.
  • squigglezsquigglez Posts: 65Registered Users
    I can see where she is coming from--after a while it DOES get frustrating to see/answer the same question about silkeners/texturizers over and over again. Especially since most people are completely IGNORANT about what a silkener is or how much it can end up costing.

    But she did overreact, no need to curse at those two.

    ditto. though i must admit, i laughed like crazy! :toothy10:
    Life is full of choices :confused:...
    choose carefully.
  • BekkaPooBekkaPoo Posts: 3,861Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm sure all of us have wanted to do/say that at one time or another- and loudly! Your friend was speaking for all of us who have been holding our tongues. :)
    "The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everybody else."
    "...rationality is not necessary to sell things.."
    My staples: Mane n Tail (cowash), Garnier Fructis Sleek n Shine (leave in condish), Grapeseed oil or shea butter (sealing), Organic Root Stimulator Elasticitea (leave-in condish & light hold)
  • HajHaj Posts: 164Registered Users
    Wow. I didn't know it was that deep. People get really passionate about this hair typing thing don't they? I mean I understand why she would have been upset about the silkener thing but I direct that anger towards Miss Jessie's and their some what misleading marketing practices, not people who just don't know any better. :-?

    And I actually read a post in one of the LHCF threads where a person made a statement about being annoyed with people who want to learn how to define their curls and coils. And how they can't stand it when someone says that a certain product made their curls pop. I just don't get why that would upset someone?

    It's not being brainwashed to embrace your natural texture and what your hair can naturally do if it is properly moisturized and has product added to it.
  • CopaseticCopasetic Posts: 222Registered Users
    I think she overreacted a bit, but I can understand her frustration with people's unwillingness to embrace their natural hair texture. I have felt the same way, but never had the guts to say anything.
    co-wash: exact vanilla
    rinse out: tresseme naturals
    leave-in: giovanni direct leave-in
    stylers: kccc + he totally twisted mousse + coconut oil to sotc
  • *Marah**Marah* Posts: 8,032Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I think she really went totally overboard and it wasn't even her business. They weren't talking to her. I have noticed though that sometimes when certain people themselves "go natural" they act like they have to be the "natural police" for everyone else.

    I mean I get the whole "good hair" thing and people that have kinky hair wishing it to be curly. For instance often type 4 women ask me all the time how they can get curly hair like mine and my answer is sometimes: "genetics". Now, I know that's sarcastic but at times it gets annoying because I feel like they should just appreciate their own hair for what it is and learn to take care of what THEY have been given... plus I get sort of frustrated about the good verses bad hair deal...

    So yeah.. I do get her sentiments..but my goodness she could have easily educated with some knowledge and intelligence if she knew so much instead of bitting their heads off.. I mean cause I guarantee they didn't leave with this idea of "oh wow.. I didn't know a silkener is actually a texturizer and maybe we should re-think this thing"..they left thinking that she was a flat out, loud mouth, rude, ignorant witch.

    And to be honest, in the end she only made herself look like she was the nutty one..which is rather unfortunate cause clearly those two ladies were the ones misinformed and with her seven years of "know-it-all-ness..she could have educated them.
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  • CoilyDelta27CoilyDelta27 Posts: 202Registered Users
    I think she really went totally overboard and it wasn't even her business. They weren't talking to her. I have noticed though that sometimes when certain people themselves "go natural" they act like they have to be the "natural police" for everyone else.

    I mean I get the whole "good hair" thing and people that have kinky hair wishing it to be curly. For instance often type 4 women ask me all the time how they can get curly hair like mine and my answer is sometimes: "genetics". Now, I know that's sarcastic but at times it gets annoying because I feel like they should just appreciate their own hair for what it is and learn to take care of what THEY have been given... plus I get sort of frustrated about the good verses bad hair deal...

    So yeah.. I do get her sentiments..but my goodness she could have easily educated with some knowledge and intelligence if she knew so much instead of bitting their heads off.. I mean cause I guarantee they didn't leave with this idea of "oh wow.. I didn't know a silkener is actually a texturizer and maybe we should re-think this thing"..they left thinking that she was a flat out, loud mouth, rude, ignorant witch.

    And to be honest, in the end she only made herself look like she was the nutty one..which is rather unfortunate cause clearly those two ladies were the ones misinformed and with her seven years of "know-it-all-ness..she could have educated them.


    She did end up admitting her mistake when I talked with her after the incident and she agreed that she should've just minded her business. On another note, I don't think the name-calling "loud mouth, rude, ignorant witch" is appropriate to call anyone that you don't personally know. She made a mistake and doesn't deny it, but just because she took her frustration out on some random ladies ONCE, that doesn't make her the harbinger of death! LOL

    Another thing was mentioned in your post about how ladies with 4 hair type ask how they can achieve your curls and kinky haired people wanting their hair to be curly. Type 4 hair IS curly, the curls are just much smaller than type 3 hair. I will say that sometimes it shocks me when I see women with type 2 or 3 hair ask how to achieve an afro....but I digress...I just think that everyone has envied a different hair type at least once in their lives so we all just need to enjoy what we each individually have.

    I do agree that people with all hair types should embrace their texture and keep it healthy and I also think the whole "good hair" thing is ridiculous. If your hair is healthy, then it is GOOD! Lastly, I truly think that if the ladies had asked for an opinion, that would have been the perfect "teachable moment" to explain a few things and not overreact. All in all, I know she feels really bad about what happened and I highly doubt that she'll ever open her mouth again on the subject unless she's asked. She's really a sweet lady, she just went off the deep end that particular day.
    youtube (reginadwright) :afro:
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  • Hakim NuraldinHakim Nuraldin Posts: 1,467Registered Users
    Um, yeah.

    I know how it is to feel passionate about something, but at the same time, you have to know how to keep cool and control your emotions.

    Angry ranting never convinces anyone to come on over to your side. If anything, it does the opposite, because they don't want to be crazy like you (general you, ranting you).

    I don't mean you as you in particular, but anyone as you. Got that? LMAO!!
    Hope I never have to type that again.

    I have been in her shoes and have felt the way she feels. Now I save my ranting for other issues.
  • ChAoTiCbLiSsChAoTiCbLiSs Posts: 127Registered Users
    Even though she should have been calm and used the opportunity to educate and enlighten them, I understand completely her frustration.

    My husband knows if we're out and someone makes the "you have that GOOD hair" comment to me, hold me back. Not much makes me see red, but I have to admit that does.

    I'm one of those "telephone cord" curlies (as CoilyDelta27 called it lol), and I am frequently asked on one site or another how to accomplish my "look". Many don't understand it isn't a style, it's just the way it grows. The thing that most saddens me is that more often than not, it is from a 4b or 4c curly, and I know that thinking stems from self-hate.

    Even today, I received a message from a young lady stating she was a 3c and she asked how to get my look. I advised her that she was actually a 4b/4c, that this was not a style, it just grows like this this. I wondered why she felt the need to convince herself that her hair was something else, when her kinks and curls are beautiful as they are!

    I read another post recently from a young lady stating that she was a 4b, and that 4bs and 4cs just have ugly, unmanagable hair no matter what they did and could not relate to 3s and 4as. I didn't know whether to go through the computer and slap her or hug her while screaming "NOOOOOOO!!!!". All I do know is I felt sorry for her and the many others who think that Afro textured hair is ugly or unattractive.

    Until the black community admits to the lingering self-hate that is everywhere you turn, we'll continue to run head first into it right and left. Just take it one person at a time and try to enlighten them. If it's done enough, maybe the lightbulb will finally come on!!!! :)
    3b/2b/3c mix
    ~no heat, sulfates, silicones, mineral oil or petrolatum~
    CURLS, My Honey Child , KCKT, Uncle Funky's Daughter Curly Magic, & Elasta QP Feels Like Silk
  • *Marah**Marah* Posts: 8,032Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    She did end up admitting her mistake when I talked with her after the incident and she agreed that she should've just minded her business. On another note, I don't think the name-calling "loud mouth, rude, ignorant witch" is appropriate to call anyone that you don't personally know. She made a mistake and doesn't deny it, but just because she took her frustration out on some random ladies ONCE, that doesn't make her the harbinger of death! LOL

    Good for her... but I personally didn't CALL her anything. I said I they went away THINKING that as opposed to getting her message about texturizers, etc... and no her response doesn't make her the harbinger of death.. but it was rude. And I really don't see how her comments could be construde any other way..her intent really doesn't matter after the fact. The fact was she was very rude. But my goodness.. I think we've all been rude before so I wasn't saying she was pure evil through and through.. LOL! I mean I don't know she could be nice every other day and work with the elderly and ophans.. :) But I was talking about how she acted on THAT day.
    Another thing was mentioned in your post about how ladies with 4 hair type ask how they can achieve your curls and kinky haired people wanting their hair to be curly. Type 4 hair IS curly, the curls are just much smaller than type 3 hair. I will say that sometimes it shocks me when I see women with type 2 or 3 hair ask how to achieve an afro....but I digress...I just think that everyone has envied a different hair type at least once in their lives so we all just need to enjoy what we each individually have.

    Not ALL type 4's have a defined curl to their hair and that is what I meant.. type 4b and 4c's often have Z's. To me that's not really a defined curl per se. If it is to you.. you are certainly entitled to that opinion and I certainly wouldn't disparge you it. Oh and sure.. I think a lot people have wanted another's hair. I don't "envy" people though. But I would say I have thought I like someone's hair and wished mine was similar. So I do get your point on that totally.
    I do agree that people with all hair types should embrace their texture and keep it healthy and I also think the whole "good hair" thing is ridiculous. If your hair is healthy, then it is GOOD! Lastly, I truly think that if the ladies had asked for an opinion, that would have been the perfect "teachable moment" to explain a few things and not overreact. All in all, I know she feels really bad about what happened and I highly doubt that she'll ever open her mouth again on the subject unless she's asked. She's really a sweet lady, she just went off the deep end that particular day.

    Well with all due respect, I expect you to sort of support your friend and justify her behavior a little. And she may be a wonderful person and it very well may be that she feels bad about her reaction.. but you asked what ones thoughts about her reaction on THAT DAY based on how SHE acted and I responded about how I perceived her reaction.

    And I really don't think the two ladies needed to ask her anything. They weren't talking to her, they didn't know her.. so why would they ask her anything about anything. I can respect what you are saying, but I guess I don't see why they should have included her in their conversation. Unless of course, all of you ladies had ALL been discussing hair in general...but I got the impression from your initial post.. you weren't. The impression that I got was the two women were talk and your friend interjected herself in their conversation with her rather brash comments.

    On a final note, I will say your approach to ME was very respectful and I always appreciate that.. because you could have EASILY started being rude toward me in trying to defend your friend. But you didn't do that.. you posted to me in an adult and rational fashion and explained your views. THAT RULEZ in my book. Now teach your buddy.. LOL! No no no.. I am kidding about that last part. But seriously, thanks for being respectful. I comprehend your views.
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