CurlTalk

Do/did you know your family was complete?

AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
OK, I know sometimes babies come by surprise, but apart from that...

I'm wondering if people knew while they were pregnant that this was it - they did not want any more pregnancies (assuming this one worked out) or if they knew shortly after the last baby was born, or if they never did know and left it up to fate/nature, or something else? Or were you so sure you were done that one of you was sterilized or got semi-permanent birth control?

Was it dependent on the gender of your kids, or your income/living status, or did you have a set number of kids you wanted period? Or a minimum number and anything over that was welcome as well?

I've always wanted 4 kids and ideally a mix of genders and I still do. I could maybe live with 3, but I know I won't feel complete with 2 (but if that was all I had... heck if I only have the one...I'd try to be grateful.) But I was realizing the other day that the less kids you have, the more you can do for them in terms of education and activities and so on. How important are those considerations to you? If you live modestly, did you choose to limit your family size because of that? If I do have 4, I'll need to take some big job to give them everything I think they should have.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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Comments

  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    I was never sure. I am now realizing that I don't want another young toddler, to me it's so much more work than a baby. Also, I am stretched financially with three. Because of these reasons, I think I may be done.
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    If we do not have any more kids, I will still be thrilled that I have my son. I used to want 4 kids too, but after having one very active little boy, I have come to the conclusion that I don't think *I* can handle that many children. I grew up with 3 kids in my family. That was a nice number to me. I think 3 is perfect for us. I guess I will have one every 2 years until I am 30...
    And, mine isn't based on the number of pregnancies. I LOVED being pregnant. I would love to be a surragote, but it would be tooooo hard to give the babies up after they were born. Mine is based on the number of kids I can handle and afford. I do wonder if I would to have a girl someday. Sometimes I think I do, but other times, I think having a pack of boys runnign around would be great! Either way is fine! I think it is sad when a couple keeps trying for a certain gender. It isn't fair to the say fourth boy in a row that he was born only in hopes of him being a girl. It's like being born a disappoinment/failure. That is so sad to me.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    cosmicfly, I agree. I don't get why people say babies are such hard work... they're a picnic compared to toddlers!

    I do love babies and always thought I was a baby person, but now, having a son who's almost 2, I realize that, much as I like babies, I love them so much more at this stage even though it's hard work. It is such a joy to watch my son notice things, learn to communicate, show affection, develop his own talents.... do so much more than a baby can do, but still be attached to me and have his moments of baby-ness. Every new stage he reaches, I like even more than the one before. And I definitely want to experience that again, as many times as I can.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    shellibean wrote: »
    If we do not have any more kids, I will still be thrilled that I have my son. I used to want 4 kids too, but after having one very active little boy, I have come to the conclusion that I don't think *I* can handle that many children. I grew up with 3 kids in my family. That was a nice number to me. I think 3 is perfect for us. I guess I will have one every 2 years until I am 30...
    And, mine isn't based on the number of pregnancies. I LOVED being pregnant. I would love to be a surragote, but it would be tooooo hard to give the babies up after they were born. Mine is based on the number of kids I can handle and afford. I do wonder if I would to have a girl someday. Sometimes I think I do, but other times, I think having a pack of boys runnign around would be great! Either way is fine! I think it is sad when a couple keeps trying for a certain gender. It isn't fair to the say fourth boy in a row that he was born only in hopes of him being a girl. It's like being born a disappoinment/failure. That is so sad to me.


    Shelli, I know what you mean. I do worry about that because some little nagging voice tells me I could be mother to a pack of boys and no girls, and I've always wanted a girl - and not so much for the more superficial things like pink dresses and braiding hair as for the chance to mould a young woman's life. As a teenager, I used to write in my journal things I had learned that I would like to say to my daughter some day. But I would never want to be disappointed with my own child or have them feel like a disappointment. And another nagging voice tells me, what if I have trouble getting pregnant again (one reason I'm a little scared to try, even though the first time was easy... I worry it was TOO easy) and I would then be glad to have more of anything.

    I also struggle with the idea that once I am pregnant and have another baby, my son will be displaced. I know it is temporary and in the long run he'll love having siblings, but I still don't want to cheat him of anything. I think that's why I personally didn't want kids too close together - I didn't want anything to impact on his nursing time or co-sleeping time or push his development farther than was comfortable or turn him into a 'big boy" before his time. I'm now more comfortable with another pregnancy since he'll be past his 2nd birthday, but it's still hard to accept that he will no longer be the baby.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • LikeAustraliaLikeAustralia Posts: 2,812Registered Users
    shellibean wrote: »
    If we do not have any more kids, I will still be thrilled that I have my son. I used to want 4 kids too, but after having one very active little boy, I have come to the conclusion that I don't think *I* can handle that many children. I grew up with 3 kids in my family. That was a nice number to me. I think 3 is perfect for us. I guess I will have one every 2 years until I am 30...
    And, mine isn't based on the number of pregnancies. I LOVED being pregnant. I would love to be a surragote, but it would be tooooo hard to give the babies up after they were born. Mine is based on the number of kids I can handle and afford. I do wonder if I would to have a girl someday. Sometimes I think I do, but other times, I think having a pack of boys runnign around would be great! Either way is fine! I think it is sad when a couple keeps trying for a certain gender. It isn't fair to the say fourth boy in a row that he was born only in hopes of him being a girl. It's like being born a disappoinment/failure. That is so sad to me.

    I don't have children yet, but I love to lurk around these threads. I just had to comment on the bolded. My SO was the last of the 3 boys in his family. His mom so badly wanted a girl that his nursery was all pink and frilly, rose wallpaper, lacy curtains, the works. He turned out to be a 6'3 huge manly guy, totally comfortable with being "sensitive," who also loves roses and gardening. I also think he was an "accident" (as his mom was in her mid40s and his middle brother was 11 at the time) and she was just hoping for a girl, not necessarily taking one more shot at having a girl. Sure, it's probably not the best way to build a family, but it doesn't have to be detrimental to a kid's future life. Just saying.
    Not Cindy or Sindy or Syndey or any other such abomination.
    It's Sydney, like Australia.
    Formerly known as SydneyCurl.

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    I have 3 boys (and 1 girl) and I wanted a girl every time. I was never disappointed in my boys though, and I don't think it's "sad" for them that I wanted a girl...nor do I think it's really any of their business what my preference was at the time I was pregnant, so I don't tell them. I tell them what I really wanted was a healthy baby. And that's true.

    I suspected my family was complete when I had my last baby at age 38 and my body felt like a wreck. Finances played a small role in our decision, but if I had felt up to more pregnancies, we would have found a way to afford more children. Hubby had a vasectomy when the youngest was 2 years old. We knew he was probably the last while pregnant, but we didn't want to do the vasectomy then, just in case we changed our minds. Now that I'm babysitting a 1 year old, I know for absolute certain that I'm DONE making my family. I loved sitting him as an infant and it fulfilled my baby-lust, but I do not like the toddler age...never have, never will. He destroys my house, and I really can't stand it, and sometimes I wonder how I managed to stand it when it was my own kids doing the destruction. I'm trying to figure out a way to get out of this babysitting thing gracefully without ruining the friendship I have with his parents.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    We too want 4 (or more) kids, but at least 3. Finances are important to us as far as necessities, but we'd rather have a large family and a more modest lifestyle. Having me continue to stay home is really important to us. We live in a great school district so we'll definitely do public school (or homeschool, which we're considering as well). We take advantage of free activities like story time at the library and playgroups.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    we live in a mid-size city with a good job industry. we get people from all over moving here. the cities in the area can be costly if what you are looking for is a safer and peaceful neighborhood, better childcare providers and schools, and community activities.

    the quality of life that we want for ourselves and our children in this area requires both of us to work. for example, intercession and summer camps alone can run from $190-400 a week ... for just one child! so you do the math if you have 4 children all wanting to be in a summer writing camp or sports camp or swim camp or dance camp in one given summer. even the lower-priced camps are well over a hundred dollars a week, and the sibling price break that they give you isn't significant enough for you to think you are getting a great deal. and i won't even mention music lessons and other activities that children often want to participate in that are costly.

    so, our income was a major factor when determining how many children we'd have. honestly, i would have wanted 3, and while i think we could have managed it, it would definitely have taken a significant adjustment in how we allocate money toward their college funds and how we budget money on a monthly basis for just our essential needs. we don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. we always want a buffer after our expenses are paid. having a third child at our combined income now would greatly reduce that buffer, not to mention thwart some short- and long-term financial goals that we've set for ourselves.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    rainshower wrote: »
    we live in a mid-size city with a good job industry. we get people from all over moving here. the cities in the area can be costly if what you are looking for is a safer and peaceful neighborhood, better childcare providers and schools, and community activities.

    the quality of life that we want for ourselves and our children in this area requires both of us to work. for example, intercession and summer camps alone can run from $190-400 a week ... for just one child! so you do the math if you have 4 children all wanting to be in a summer writing camp or sports camp or swim camp or dance camp in one given summer. even the lower-priced camps are well over a hundred dollars a week, and the sibling price break that they give you isn't significant enough for you to think you are getting a great deal. and i won't even mention music lessons and other activities that children often want to participate in that are costly.

    so, our income was a major factor when determining how many children we'd have. honestly, i would have wanted 3, and while i think we could have managed it, it would definitely have taken a significant adjustment in how we allocate money toward their college funds and how we budget money on a monthly basis for just our essential needs. we don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. we always want a buffer after our expenses are paid. having a third child at our combined income now would greatly reduce that buffer, not to mention thwart some short- and long-term financial goals that we've set for ourselves.

    That's what I'm thinking of, rainshower. I think it's easy to live modestly when the kids are younger, but the older they get, there are more things that *I* feel are essential to their quality of life and not luxuries.

    I know that there are many parents who do without and are wonderful parents with a loving home and kids who turn out well, but my personal preference is not to constantly be telling my kids that I'm sorry they can't go to camp or play a sport or take music lessons or attend the college of their choice without a scholarship.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    This is an issue we're currently struggling with at our house. DD is two and I am 38. I would love to have more children, but we're tired now. Plus, we live modestly and both earn a good living. We can afford the best of everything for DD which will change if we have more children.

    I don't know what we're going to do. Some days it feels like our family is complete, and other days it doesn't. I will be 39 in October, so I don't feel like we have a lot of time to decide.
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • StarmieStarmie Posts: 6,677Registered Users Curl Dabbler
    I always liked the idea of having 3 children but when I actually started having babies I think I (we) realised that 2 was going to be it. I think it was partly because I was older when I had them (31 and 34) and was honestly so physically exhausted after the second and partly because I began to think about the financial side of things.
    I feel very shallow and materialistic when I say finances come into it but I want my children to have things, do things, go places and also don't want to have to say "no, we can't afford it" to even simple things. I think being an older mother played a part here too - I'd had experience of disposable income and didn't want to take a backward step. We are comfortable as a foursome, I can't imagine another body in the family and feel right about the decision we made to stop. That said, when my SO made an appointment to get a vasectomy I have to admit I felt a twinge of something - maybe disappointment that the daughter I always imagined wasn't going to happen, I don't know, I can't now, for the life of me, see myself with a daughter, I'm so used to my boys.
    3b in South Australia.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    LoloDSM wrote: »
    This is an issue we're currently struggling with at our house. DD is two and I am 38. I would love to have more children, but we're tired now. Plus, we live modestly and both earn a good living. We can afford the best of everything for DD which will change if we have more children.

    I don't know what we're going to do. Some days it feels like our family is complete, and other days it doesn't. I will be 39 in October, so I don't feel like we have a lot of time to decide.
    I'm on board w/ this & older than you :laughing2:
    we stopped at one...
    
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    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    Sorry to guano your thread, Amneris, but Wile, how did you ultimately decide to stop at one?
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    Good question! I don't know. I have some of the same concerns as many of you have already stated. We have our two boys who we love dearly. We fit nicely into our current house and cars, we have a budget that works, and it's comfortable. But I kind of want a girl, and I kind of feel sad about the idea of not having another baby.

    Expenses are a huge issue. I'd like our kids to be in sports and piano lessons someday. My husband and I like to travel, and we've gone abroad with our first son when he was a baby, but it can get very expensive with more kids. We live in an excellent school district, so we aren't planning on private schools, but college is another issue. I don't know where we stand on that. Both my husband and I didn't get much financial support for college from our parents. We had scholarships and fortunately kept student loans to a very minimal amount. We both attended a public state university because it was more affordable, but we had the scores and grades to have gone to a top private university if we/our parents could have afforded it. I don't want my kids to be limited in that way or have to take out huge student loans.
    ehLB.jpg
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    LoloDSM wrote: »
    Sorry to guano your thread, Amneris, but Wile, how did you ultimately decide to stop at one?

    Not a guano at all... this is exactly the kind of discussion I'm interested in!
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • PhDCowPhDCow Posts: 1,621Registered Users
    When we got married, we decided that we wanted 4 kids. We're both only children and we wanted a full house. So when Emma was born, there was no question that we'd have another and Colin arrived 19 months later.

    My deliveries were difficult, my body doesn't like being pregnant, and I had PPD. Because of complications during my c-section with Colin, my OB recommended that we wait at least a year before we even thought about another one. I got an IUD since I can't be on BCP.

    Hubby and I talked a lot about the pros and cons of more children. We saw, right from the beginning, how well Emma and Colin interacted. Did we want to add another child to the mix? Would my body take another pregnancy and delivery?

    Of course finances were an issue. 3 children meant childcare for 3 children. We both have small cars and we knew we'd have to get something bigger. Our current apartment was small and Emma and Colin were already sharing a bedroom. Plus, I was finishing my PhD and wasn't sure if we'd be moving to another state.

    As we talked, we realized that we felt "complete." Just a feeling, I can't pinpoint it. There are four of us at the table for meals, four of us in the car, and our family feels full.

    When the time came last year to decide what to do about contraception, the idea of permanent sterilization didn't upset me. The thought of not having anymore children didn't make me sad. And I think that's what sealed the deal.

    And thank goodness! We go through 4 loaves of bread and 3 gallons of milk a week!
    God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    PhDCow wrote: »
    When we got married, we decided that we wanted 4 kids. We're both only children and we wanted a full house. So when Emma was born, there was no question that we'd have another and Colin arrived 19 months later.

    My deliveries were difficult, my body doesn't like being pregnant, and I had PPD. Because of complications during my c-section with Colin, my OB recommended that we wait at least a year before we even thought about another one. I got an IUD since I can't be on BCP.

    Hubby and I talked a lot about the pros and cons of more children. We saw, right from the beginning, how well Emma and Colin interacted. Did we want to add another child to the mix? Would my body take another pregnancy and delivery?

    Of course finances were an issue. 3 children meant childcare for 3 children. We both have small cars and we knew we'd have to get something bigger. Our current apartment was small and Emma and Colin were already sharing a bedroom. Plus, I was finishing my PhD and wasn't sure if we'd be moving to another state.

    As we talked, we realized that we felt "complete." Just a feeling, I can't pinpoint it. There are four of us at the table for meals, four of us in the car, and our family feels full.

    When the time came last year to decide what to do about contraception, the idea of permanent sterilization didn't upset me. The thought of not having anymore children didn't make me sad. And I think that's what sealed the deal.

    And thank goodness! We go through 4 loaves of bread and 3 gallons of milk a week!

    my girlfriend has a juvenile-like fantasy of 4 children, 2 girls and 2 boys, spaced exactly 18 months a part. they already have one of each, 18 months a part, as she wished for them to occur. but she doesn't work. and while her husband earns a nice income, they live in brooklyn and have 2 children in childcare (don't ask why, when she doesn't work. that's another story that i won't get too into. she calls it school, but it's daycare.) her husband told my husband that he can't afford a family of 5, let alone 6 on his earnings alone and that he told my friend that she'd have to get a job if she wanted more children. that hasn't happened, though to my knowlege she is still planning a third baby by her 40th birthday, which is fast approaching. they have 2 tenants whose rent they rely on to pay for the childcare of the two children they already have. having 2 tenants means their living space is reduced to an area that one person could live comfortably in. adding a third baby would require them to get rid of one of the tenants, which would make them lose additional income. a catch 22 that my friend doesn't seem to appreciate.

    he claims that he has to keep "mama" happy, but to me, having a child that one person isn't on board with isn't how you should keep a spouse happy. i think my friend needs a reality check in the worst way.

    they can't afford a car because they had childcare to pay for the second baby, so the car had to go. they have to borrow his relative's car when they just can't get around by mass transit with the kids. that's kind of a red flag that you are biting off more than you can chew. but i digress.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    Honestly I would probably have a ton of kids if we could afford it, but I feel like no matter what I need to have one more so Izzy doesn't have to be alone like Quino was.
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    We too want 4 (or more) kids, but at least 3. Finances are important to us as far as necessities, but we'd rather have a large family and a more modest lifestyle. Having me continue to stay home is really important to us. We live in a great school district so we'll definitely do public school (or homeschool, which we're considering as well). We take advantage of free activities like story time at the library and playgroups.

    This is how I feel as well.
  • sariroosariroo Posts: 1,958Registered Users
    Finances didn't play any part in our decision. I didn't want any children and my husband did so we compromised by having one. I didn't like being pregnant so I was sure during those 9 months that this was going to be the only child we would ever have. And even though I instantly fell in love with my girl and despite the fact that everyone says we will change our minds about having more, we have stuck to our decision to only have one child. Sterilization has already been completed so we are very sure about this.
    316vq4y.jpg
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    I never wanted kids. Hubby wants lots of children (not sure what "lots" means - lol!). Clearly we've compromised.

    My biggest worry is if something happened to him, can I emotionally be a good mom to more than two, and keep my own sanity. I would probably have to take a big role in taking care of my mentally ill MIL, and I don't have any family here, and most of my closest friends have left Austin.
    hello.world.
  • JLeighsJLeighs Posts: 904Registered Users
    Just a slightly different perspective....

    I'm done, but not through my own choice. Medical issues are involved, so I have just the one daughter.

    I myself have 9 siblings (no I am NOT saying everyone has to have tons of kids!), and we were dirt poor when I was growing up. But, I can't tell you how much my siblings meant to me then AND mean to me today. We didn't have tons of stuff, for sure, but we had a blast playing with and killing each other. I don't remember feeling like we didn't "have anything", but I do remember feeling sorry for other kids who didn't have any, or only had one, sibling. I thought *they* were the ones who had it rough.

    Today, most of us are all grown up (I do have a little sister who is 2 years younger than my own daughter), and we really, really enjoy having each other. Most of my "best friends" are my sisters, and I'm equally close to my brothers. It's nice. :)

    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't just make this decision based on the "things" you can give them. Things can't make children truly happy, but a loving family can. That's all they really *need* in order to be happy.
    2C/3A, fine, higher porosity.
  • DelmaDelma Posts: 1,121Registered Users
    JElsea wrote: »
    Just a slightly different perspective....

    I'm done, but not through my own choice. Medical issues are involved, so I have just the one daughter.

    I myself have 9 siblings (no I am NOT saying everyone has to have tons of kids!), and we were dirt poor when I was growing up. But, I can't tell you how much my siblings meant to me then AND mean to me today. We didn't have tons of stuff, for sure, but we had a blast playing with and killing each other. I don't remember feeling like we didn't "have anything", but I do remember feeling sorry for other kids who didn't have any, or only had one, sibling. I thought *they* were the ones who had it rough.

    Today, most of us are all grown up (I do have a little sister who is 2 years younger than my own daughter), and we really, really enjoy having each other. Most of my "best friends" are my sisters, and I'm equally close to my brothers. It's nice. :)

    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't just make this decision based on the "things" you can give them. Things can't make children truly happy, but a loving family can. That's all they really *need* in order to be happy.

    Well said :thumbup:
  • PhDCowPhDCow Posts: 1,621Registered Users
    Amneris, I have a question for you and I hope I phrase it correctly.

    You were married in a Roman Catholic church, right? The Catholic weddings I've been to include vows to joyfully accept children that God gives them. How do you interpret this part of your wedding vow?

    I ask because I have friends who had to go to three separate parishes to find a priest who would marry them and remove that line because they've decided to never have children (at age 30, they were both permanently sterilized).

    Does what I'm asking make sense?
    God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    PhDCow wrote: »
    Amneris, I have a question for you and I hope I phrase it correctly.

    You were married in a Roman Catholic church, right? The Catholic weddings I've been to include vows to joyfully accept children that God gives them. How do you interpret this part of your wedding vow?

    I ask because I have friends who had to go to three separate parishes to find a priest who would marry them and remove that line because they've decided to never have children (at age 30, they were both permanently sterilized).

    Does what I'm asking make sense?
    wow...in my experience, most folks still end up doing what's best for them. I know this was for Amneris, tho I was married in the Catholic church & wanted to give my view...
    Lolo...I will answer you soon...
    I need to get some time to get my thoughts
     together to do so...
    
    0004.gif

    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • PhDCowPhDCow Posts: 1,621Registered Users
    Thanks! I didn't mean to exclude anyone!
    God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

  • SigiSigi Posts: 2,379Registered Users
    We thought we were done with 2 so we sold or gave away all of our baby gear and clothes. About a year after that, DH said if we wanted to have another baby now was the time. So we had our third. I would love to have one more so that Soren could have a sibling close in age like the other two are. But I don't think that will happen. All our families want us to have one more too, but they don't have to do any of the work. :lol:
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    I never knew I wanted kids until I got married. Then I thought 1 or 2, depending on how the first one went. It took a while. Like Amneris, I wanted Ben to have long enbough to be a baby, to nurse, etc. He was 2 1/2 before the desire to have a second even entered my mind.
    I KNOW we are done at 2. That is all I can handle. I like that with 2 kids we fit into a regular sedan. We can go somewhere with a reasonable amount of stuff. We can travel. I think with more than two these things would be more difficult. Also, I was 36 when I had my youngest. I would not want to deprive her of any of her babyhood either, and by the time she is weaned and what I consider 'old enough' I will be almost 40. I am not up to going through all of that again. Maybe if I had started having kids younger I would feel differently.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    PhDCow wrote: »
    Amneris, I have a question for you and I hope I phrase it correctly.

    You were married in a Roman Catholic church, right? The Catholic weddings I've been to include vows to joyfully accept children that God gives them. How do you interpret this part of your wedding vow?

    I ask because I have friends who had to go to three separate parishes to find a priest who would marry them and remove that line because they've decided to never have children (at age 30, they were both permanently sterilized).

    Does what I'm asking make sense?

    Yes, it makes sense.

    I definitely am joyfully accepting what God sends me... at this point, He's sent one child. I think you can still plan your family - we have chosen to do so by NFP, but I know others choose different methods that work for them, and so be it. I also look at that statement as having to do with the opposite... if I could never have kids, or could only have 1, or 2, I would joyfully accept that, hard as it might be (and adopt or foster or otherwise invite children into my life.)

    Yes, it is hard to find a priest to marry you when you are permanently sterilized or outright state that you don't want kids, because many priests see that as not being open to what God sends you. Most priests also will not be supportive of IVF. The Church sees marriage and children as going hand in hand - not that you have to have kids to have a real marriage, but that married couples remain open to the possibility and welcome any children that are born of the union.

    I'm glad your friends found a priest in the end.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • Oregano  (formerly babywavy)Oregano (formerly babywavy) Posts: 5,297Registered Users
    To the 'how many kids do you want?' question I have always said I want 4, but ask me again after 2.

    While I was pregnant for Bella, I still knew that I probably wasn't done. I really don't like being pregnant, but I couldn't stand the tought of not doing it again. And the baby time goes by so quickly.

    But now Bailey is about to start school and Bella is just into he toddler years, and I'm like ugh, I do not want to go through this all over again right away.

    I don't want 3 kids under 5. Not to mention, I don't know if my body could handle that again! If it's meant to happen, and circumstances are right, I'll maybe look into it when Bella is in school.

    I'll be like 35. Thats my cutoff since I want my boobs done at 36.

    :toothy2:
    ~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

    Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
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