Completely Lost.

missmomissmo Posts: 27Registered Users
Hi everyone. My name is Tara and I'm a new member on here. I think my hair is around a 3c, and is pretty coarse and kinky. I have relaxed my hair for years, as well as cut it, tried to straighten it chemically, and flat iron it. My hair will not flat iron easily, and when it does it is just coarse and kind of blah. I love my curly hair, but it is growing slowly and I keep relaxing it in order to keep it from getting too nappy. I don't know how I should style/cut it, or how to make it grow faster, and I really want to love my curly hair, but I'm lost as to how to take care of it and what to do with it.

Currently I use these products in my hair: Care Free Curl Gold Activator, LA Looks Gel, Suave Hair Spray, and BioInfusion Olive Oil Leave in Conditioner.

I use Pantene Nature Fusion Shampoo and Conditioner.

My hair is also rough due to the fact that I am a lifeguard and I am exposed to chlorine daily.

Any advice?



  • missmomissmo Posts: 27Registered Users
    Any help at all would be great...
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    Hi Tara! :wave: Welcome to

    First, you and your hair are adorable. :)

    Second, I'm not clear as to whether you currently relax your hair or not? But either way it probably needs a bit more moisture. I like some Pantene conditioners but the shampoos tend to be a bit harsh. Maybe you could try a more moisturizing shampoo? Lately I like Elasta QP Moisturizing Shampoo and/or Elasta QP's Shampoo for Relaxed Hair. You can find both at a beauty supply store for under $5. They're both more gentle than Pantene.

    For the roughness you might want to try some deep treatments at least once week. A popular one on here is Lustrasilk Cholesterol Plus Shea Butter. It's only about $3 at the beauty supply store, but I recently found it at Rite Aid as well. A little more $ and a little more natural is Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose Conditioner which can be found at health food stores, The Vitamin Shoppe, and/or Whole Foods. If you don't want to spend that then you could try adding olive oil and honey to your regular conditioner, covering your hair with a shower cap(or plastic bag), and letting it sit for 30 minutes or as long as you like.

    Also, since you're in chlorinated water a lot you might want to invest in some swimmers' hair products which are specially formulated for the dryness chlorine causes. I know Aubrey Organics makes a line that I've seen at Whole Foods. Not sure about any others.

    I think your leave-ins look pretty good, but gel could be drying.

    I'm not sure about your "regimen" - how often you wash or condition, but maybe you could try shampooing only once or twice a week and just conditioner wash in between? I think that way even the Pantene shampoo might not be too harsh only used once a week or so.

    As far as not letting your hair get "too nappy" - ? What's wrong with "nappy" hair? :dontknow: Sometimes, the biggest obstacle we have to face in getting our hair to grow isn't our hair, it's the one we have in our minds as to how we expect our hair to be. Let your hair do it's own thing. I'm sure it will look lovely on you. :iconbiggrin:

    Hope that helps.
  • mm2ndjmm2ndj Posts: 156Registered Users
    hi Tara, Glad you're here. I can't believe your hair looks that healthy and good if you're swimming in pools! My hair cannot handle chlorine at all. I lose all shine and softness.

    I have coarse 3b/c hair. I'm fairly new to CG also.

    Can you tell us more about your regime?

    I think deep treatments would be the best bet and cutting out the shampoo as much as possible.

    Also, are you sure you like your hair better when you relax it- what is it the relaxer does that you like exactly- does it help with definition or mangeability? I ask b/c I finally have decided my hair is much better w/o it even if i'm flat-ironing. Are you using a regular relaxer?
  • missmomissmo Posts: 27Registered Users
    Thanks for the replies girls!

    Well, I do relax my hair with store bought kits, and I know they are terrible on my hair as far as breakage and drying my hair out. I guess what I like about them is that they make my hair less "poofy" and easier to keep from puffing out when exposed to wind and other elements. The picture I posted of me is actually my hair a good day. The mistake I make is most days when I work at the pool I don't do anything to my hair, so it can stay dry and brittle for days before I end up washing it and conditioning it.

    During the summer my hair spends most of the time without any products in it, put up tightly in a hair tie, and dry, to be honest. When I'm in school it is styled every day. My regime is mostly this: I get it damp and pick it out, then I put in the Care Free Curl Activator Gel, then the Bio Infusion Olive Oil Leave In Conditioner, then LA Looks Gel, then Suave Hairspray to finish. When I style it I always wear it down because it's keeps it from breaking off and hurting my head from being pulled up too tightly.

    My hair won't grow and it just kind of looks like it's "there." I don't know how to really style it or what to do to keep it healthy. I recently bought that Cantu Shea Butter leave in conditioner, but it almost seems to dry my hair out...I'm not sure yet.
  • t_mellgrent_mellgren Posts: 11Registered Users
    Girlfriend no wonder your hair is so dry. If you are in the pool and under the sun that much and dont do anything to protect your hair. I would encourage your to at least make some leave in conditioner spray of your own with your favorite condish and very warm water(to 'melt' the condish). The ratio I use is 1 cup water to 1 tablespoon condish but use as much or little as you like. Keep it at the lifeguard tower and spray when ever your like.

    Another homemade spray I can't live without is lavender spray from the curly girl book. The amazing thing about it is that it cleanses, hydrates and smells wonderful. She rinses her hair with it when she gets out of the pool or ocean. We do that too and I spray my kids hair with it till it gets all drippy then I squeese out the excess and shake and go. They swim every day in the backyard. My ratio for that is one cup very hot almost boiling water and 5 drops of lavender oil. Stir, let cool, then put in the spray bottle. You can get pure lavender oil from GNC, Central market, whole foods or any health food store.

    At my house we always co-wash everyday when we swim to get the clorine out. You do not need to poo just a co-wash with sauve naturals coconut condish is perfect. most of the sauve naturals are great co-wash

    Anyway, I hope this help some. You are exposed to 2 hair enemys alot... sun and chlorine so I hope you can adopts one or all of these things or variations of these things into your life. You are too cute and too young to let your hair rule your life. Accept your hair personality and don't try to conform to what others might think your hair should be.

    Be a rule breaker when it comes to hair and you will be suprised at how much freedom you will have.

    Good Luck!!!!


    co wash - suave coconut
    condish/leavein - GVP codish balm
    Gel - FSG and LA Sport (on canapy)
    refresh spray - lavender spray (curly girl book)


    2 kids - DD curly, DS not
    Fort Worth, TX

    Trying to decide about color????

    avatar is b4 CG
  • multicultcurlymulticultcurly Posts: 5,132Registered Users
    I agree with everyone about limiting the use of sulfate shampoos and conditioning your hair more. I also second the idea that you read the Curly Girl book by Lorraine Massey and clear your mind of what negative things that others may be thinking about your hair. Chances are they're probably not, and if they are, it's more a reflection of their negative self-esteem -- not yours.

    You should condition your hair every or every other day if you're in and out of a chlorinated pool. You could even leave in a heavier conditioner than a leave in or mix in a little natural oil (no baby oil or anything with mineral oil or petroleum) and style your hair in a loose braid or bun. I agree with the conditioner washes (Suave Naturals is a good line for this.). Also, mixing in a little natural lemon juice with the conditioner also helps get out the chlorine.

    I also recommend going to the newbie board. BTW, your hair does not look coarse, so I'm guessing that you're talking about the feel, which means that your hair needs more moisture.
    3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
    HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
    Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users
    Anyway, I hope this help some. You are exposed to 2 hair enemys alot... sun and chlorine
    Make that 4 hair enemies - chemicals and extreme heat from flatironing.

    Using curl activators and gels only affects the surface of your hair. From your photo it looks like you use a lot of product to try to "unpoof" your hair? Try using conditioners instead, especially before you go in the pool. Put down the flat iron - heat and chemicals just don't go together -- except on hair that's broken off and is on the floor.

    I love this curly's blog and method for caring for hair, although I don't use a brush. She transformed her hair's health with this method.
    My blog - /home/leaving?" class="Popup
    My FOTKI - /home/leaving?" class="Popup

    Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
    Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.