I feel like crying

libranessentialibranessentia Posts: 84Registered Users
After going for only a month or two with not having a relaxer, this past week I was pushed into getting another relaxer. I'm so ashamed. My mom and my sister both scolded me for going so long without it. Tellin me that it's best that i get this relaxer because all of my hair was going to fall out. Foolish me...I got it so they would get off my back. After a trim, my mom looked at it and touched it. "It looks so much thicker and healthier." she says. When i got home, I touched my hair myself. Yea it was thicker...but not healthier. I combed it and let it lay past my shoulders. Yea it was pretty...but it just didn't feel right. I tried to smile and make the best of it. But I just didn't feel right.

Now i'm on this site again, looking at all of these strong women, wearing their hair relaxer free. And I look at myself and see someone so weak. I wanted to cry when I started to run my finger through my hair...and i didn't feel my new growth. :cry: All of those beautiful curls, gone in just a few minutes. I can be a bigger person and step up to the plate again. But when you're living with someone who doesn't support your decision, it makes it so easy to fall prey to the trap. I'm am a victim of that yet again. So, girls, I apologize to ya, because i was so anxious to go through with the change, but i feel like i let you down when I sat down in that chair and allowed that chemical to penetrate and kill my curls.

I'm truly going to do my best to go through with it this time around. :( I'm no longer getting braids because my mom has a tendency to tear out my hair when she does it. So I think I'll just stick with rods, and maybe going to a beautician to get some twists. I just hope this time around AGAIN, I won't let my spirit be broken by the negative comments my mom likes to make about natural hair. Her favorite thing to say about it is "That full blown nappy N****R hair". :roll: I hate when she says that and I get so offended. :twisted: And it iritates me more when she feels that there is no reason for me to be offended because it's the truth. So whatever. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.
4a, OS Cottony, Spirals and Waves randomly scattered over my head
Check me out!! I have a fotki!!

Due to a serious hiatus and complete laziness (lol), my fotki albums are all locked. When im up to updating I'll have them opened for you all to view. Until then...no peeking :) Thanks!
http://public.fotki.com/libranessentia/

Comments

  • LadydncingLadydncing Posts: 964Registered Users
    I am so sorry! {{{Hugs}}}

    I know exactly what you are going through. Except that it took me 7 years to finally go natural! I would say that I wasn't going to relax and after 6 mo. or so gave in either because of my look (transitioning is very hard) or my family nagging me. I see that you are pretty new to this site. Hang around. The support here is amazing. I would have not been able to do it without this community. Good Luck to you! :)
    Maya
    3b/c CG routine
    HG line DevaCurl
    Password: Locks

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  • curlee4lifecurlee4life Posts: 219Registered Users
    Big Hugs!!!

    We are here to support you!

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    Germany Curly

    Last Relaxer(Texturizer): Aug. 2005
    BC: May 2006

  • st. louis bluest. louis blue Posts: 404Registered Users
    Well, one thing to make you feel better, it's only a setback of a couple of months; it's not like you had gotten 18 months of new growth, and then went and got a relaxer. You can get back that new growth in no time flat.

    I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive. I bet once they see how beautiful and healthy your hair is, they will learn to see it differently. Good luck! And whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about this. It's just hair. None of us is something extra special because we avoid the relaxer, and none of is something horrible for choosing the relaxer. It's just hair, and you'll go natural when it feels comfortable to do so. We're here for you, girl!
  • curlyplus2curlyplus2 Posts: 105Registered Users
    The good thing is that you can always start over! I feel your pain. Many of my firends and co-workers think I am crazy. Luckily, my mom is supportive but I just don't see why other people even care! Hang in there girl. You'll get to the point where you won't even care what they say. I know it's hard when other people don't understand.
    Hair Type: 3C Natural, 3B Relaxed. I'm transitioning!

    Fotki Password: curly
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,645Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your hairstyle doesn't make you a good or a bad person. If you really want to go natural, you can start over right now. In the scheme of things, a 3 month set back is not a big deal! :)

  • zahrazahra Posts: 202Registered Users
    Hey, yeah dont even worry about it. Its a hard process to go through especially when you're hearing nothing but negativity. You can always try again. Dont beat yourself up. :)
    3c and 4a. DevaCurl No Poo, Curls Milkshake and Souffle. BC in April 2007.
  • foxycus02foxycus02 Posts: 918Registered Users
    hi Girly definitely dont fret:
    Its sooo hard to transition and everywhere you go school, work, home, salon everyones telling you you need to relax it. I on my second transition. I had transitioned for a year and was fully natural, rocking my curls. During the transition everyone had something to say but when I was done everyone was loving my curls. N yet for my 22 birthday I wanted to be cool and went and got a texturizer done which completely left my hair bone straight. It was horrible. I cried for months. Ive been transitioning since Sept 05 when I got the texturizer done. And again its been a rocky transition. But in the end I LOVE my curls and that horrible experience and feeling reminds me of the ultimate goal.
    This time around I'm transitioning different, I'm smarter, and I know how to deal with the 2 textures completely fine. Most of the stuff I learned from this board so stick around we are all here for you.

    rockin' to the tune of her own beat...


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  • JuicyTubeJuicyTube Posts: 2,369Registered Users
    well tell your mom to get over herself. its sad that she doesn't accept your natural hair.

    in the mean time, don't get a relaxer again
    3b-3c CG
  • CurlilocsCurlilocs Posts: 821Registered Users
    Awww, hugs to you. Don't worry about it, b/c guess what...you can transition again! If I had listened to my family, who can be quite vocal in their opinions, I would still be relaxing too, but they learned a long time ago that they can give me thier opinions until they are BLUE in the face, I'm gonna do me. I went around and around on going natural for 2 years prior to finding this site and a few others that sealed the deal almost instantly!

    I wish you a lot of luck, and I know you can do it. You already have the right mindset, you just have to do it!
    Free your Mind and your Hair will Follow :)
    Curli's pics
    album pw: bangz
  • SYBSYB Posts: 305Registered Users
    Don't worry, it took me more than 1 time to finally transition from using chemicals in my hair. The key is for you to get back on track and get your hair healthy again. A good non-sulfsate shampoo, deep treatment product, moisturizing leave-in, and finishing product. Your hair will be on the dry side for a while, because that is what relaxers do, dry out the hair shaft. Also wearing your hair in a couple of protective styles in startig all over again happens to be a great idea!

    Remember, that we are all here for support, so don't feel alone!
    "Curls Tester"
    Products in my current regime: Nioxin Scalp Therapy Shampoo, ORS Replenishing Pak, Curls Whipped Cream, Curls Souffle, Curls Spiral Curls Cream, Curls Milkshake, Curls Quenched, BB(Bonner Brothers) Growth Lotion
  • CurlyTiff31CurlyTiff31 Posts: 125Registered Users
    virtual hugs ;(
  • lunarisinglunarising Posts: 71Registered Users
    I'm sorry you're sad :(

    Transitioning is really hard but doubly so when your family don't back you up.

    Take a deep breath and start again. It's *your* hair, treat it as *you* want to.

    And remember we're all here to support you :)
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    Modified CG - Suave coconut conditioner (CW), BC Down and Out, and and Aussie MM conditioner my current loves.
  • libranessentialibranessentia Posts: 84Registered Users
    :D Thanks for your support everyone. I really appreciate it. Yea, i know it's going to be hard and I'm willing to see it through. I'm urging for that change. It's like i'm stuck in this image and i'm trying my hardest to break away from it. IT's going to be a shocker when i finally grow out all of this relaxer. This is my first month without a relaxer...again, lol. NOw I hope I can go longer because i have a really supportive hair stylist who has given me so many alternatives to taking care of my hair when i begin my transitioning stage. I feel so good because I'm begining to feel my new growth again lol. So, that means i can play in it like i use to. :D. Thanks again girls.
    4a, OS Cottony, Spirals and Waves randomly scattered over my head
    Check me out!! I have a fotki!!

    Due to a serious hiatus and complete laziness (lol), my fotki albums are all locked. When im up to updating I'll have them opened for you all to view. Until then...no peeking :) Thanks!
    http://public.fotki.com/libranessentia/

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