Baby showers for second child...what do you think?

CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
Just wondering...

Disclaimer...I LOVE babies and I love buying things for the babies and little kids in my life.

HOWEVER...I've been getting invitations to many showers for 2nd babies lately, and they're usually thrown by the parents of the baby!

These shower invitations come with registry information, and they register for a lot of (expensive) stuff.

Yes, if it's a close relative/friend of COURSE I go and buy something off the registry...but at the same time? I don't think it's really right to register again for more expensive presents and throw yourself a shower...and invite people that you already invited to your first party that bought you everything you needed for baby #1.

It would be one thing if the showers were thrown by other people...but when you throw one for YOURSELF?

Like I said, I'm happy for them and love them and everything...but I almost feel insulted to get these invitations, especially if the parents KNOW I'll be buying gifts for their child once it's born...

Thoughts? Are second baby showers really common now? I never got so many invitations for them until this year!!!

EVERY child deserves to be celebrated, I absolutely believe that...but why does celebrating always have to involve registering for gifts?
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Comments

  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    I think it's ok when there's a significant gap between baby #1 and baby #2. I'm not keen on parents throwing showers for themselves, though.
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    The last two I've gone to the kids have been less than 3 years apart!!!
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Beyond tacky and tasteless.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Throwing yourself a second baby shower?!?!? That's Klassy...
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    THANK YOU! I was worried it was just my single, biological-clock-ticking jealous self reacting! :)
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Throwing yourself a second baby shower?!?!? That's Klassy...

    Throwing yourself any gift-grab is classless and entitled - first baby, second baby, wedding, whatever.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Amneris wrote: »
    Throwing yourself a second baby shower?!?!? That's Klassy...

    Throwing yourself any gift-grab is classless and entitled - first baby, second baby, wedding, whatever.


    I agree.

    CIBC...you can say no to the invite and just get them a little something after the baby is born when you visit for the first time.
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    I had a relative...the little boy is about 6 now...when she was pregnant, throw her mother a "grandmother shower".

    She had a very elaborate registry to get doubles of everything on her own registry, so that her mom would have EVERYTHING to keep at her house when the baby was over.

    She included a letter with the invitation saying, "My mother has always been there for us and is such a great mother and does so much for us and this party (registering for gifts that are technically for MY OWN BABY) is my way of thanking her..."

    My mom, sister and I were dumbfounded when we got that invitation...talk about greedy.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    The last two I've gone to the kids have been less than 3 years apart!!!

    Some people have no shame. What happened to all those big ticket items she got with #1? Did they disintegrate? Or is she going with a totally new color palette for number #2? :rolleyes:
  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    Throwing your own shower is beyond tacky no matter what.

    I do think that a shower for a second child is good if you are having a child of the opposite sex than your first but it should be much smaller than the first was and registering for things like swings, bassinets, and such shouldn't happen. I registered for either sex things like that knowing I could use them again no matter what sex my next baby would be and used the same stuff with my DD and DS.

    My first shower with my DD was huge, my second shower with DS was a small, intimate thing. Had I been having another girl I wouldn't have had a shower at all. It's only fair to your family and friends IMHO.

    I do also agree with the statement about a significant age difference in children. My kids are 8 and 6. I had given my baby stuff away a few years ago. Now SO and I want to have another baby. Would it be wrong if a shower was thrown for me now? I don't think so because everyone would clearly understand that I couldn't have stored baby stuff for 6 years, although I have been taking friends stuff off their hands even though we aren't trying yet.
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  • Nappy_curly_crownNappy_curly_crown Posts: 4,162Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I agree. It is tacky to throw yourself a baby shower.

    I've gone to "celebration" type parties for people that have a second pregancy close to thier first. If there is a registry, it is for small stuff (bottles, rompers, sleepers, ect). All the big stuff they should already have. I've also been to showers that were thrown if the 2nd child is of a different But again....these showers were not thrown by the parents to be.
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  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    medussa wrote: »
    I think it's ok when there's a significant gap between baby #1 and baby #2. I'm not keen on parents throwing showers for themselves, though.

    thats what i was thinking.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Throwing your own shower is beyond tacky no matter what.

    I do think that a shower for a second child is good if you are having a child of the opposite sex than your first but it should be much smaller than the first was and registering for things like swings, bassinets, and such shouldn't happen. I registered for either sex things like that knowing I could use them again no matter what sex my next baby would be and used the same stuff with my DH and DS.

    My first shower with my DH was huge, my second shower with DS was a small, intimate thing. Had I been having another girl I wouldn't have had a shower at all. It's only fair to your family and friends IMHO.

    I do also agree with the statement about a significant age difference in children. My kids are 8 and 6. I had given my baby stuff away a few years ago. Now SO and I want to have another baby. Would it be wrong if a shower was thrown for me now? I don't think so because everyone would clearly understand that I couldn't have stored baby stuff for 6 years, although I have been taking friends stuff off their hands even though we aren't trying yet.

    I think if someone's friends want to throw them a small shower for a second or subsequent child there's nothing wrong with that, but THEY should never throw it (nor should their parents or siblings.) I have a classmate who just had #4, and we voluntarily had a little shower for her after the baby was born, to get together and eat and gossip and have some girl time and meet the baby, and we gave her small things like cute girl outfits and the like since she only has one other girl who is 7. Also we asked her if there were any small items she needed and since she will be attending school and pumping in the fall and stayed at home with all her other kids, she didn't have BPA-free bottles for her milk or storage containers for it, so we got her some of those. No one spent more than $20 or $30 or so since we are all students - it was more of a social event than anything. I think that's fine. If I have a girl, I would love my friends to give me clothes for her, but I would never ask for them. I think a lot of people will visit with a gift whether or not you have a shower and the shower can just be a way of having several people visit the baby at once. I have more of an issue with showers before the baby is born.

    I also don't like the idea that a shower is the way you get your big-ticket baby items. Why is it other peoples' responsibility to buy you those and not your own, when you are the one choosing to have a child? Just because you gave away your baby stuff, why should someone else buy more for you? I find that to be an attitude of entitlement in the extreme (and it's not just you.) If you can't afford to provide for the baby then why have one? I think a shower should be more about celebrating new life and motherhood and womanhood and less about what you can get.

    Plus, no one NEEDS all this baby stuff, either, and I HATE how having a baby has become this big industry and the miracle of life has been turned into this nonsense about having perfect baby rooms, etc. Your baby does not need or care if it has a matching crib, dresser and change table. You can change it on the floor on an old shower curtain and it can sleep in your room (or elsewhere) in a Moses basket or even a box if you don't want to co-sleep. It doesn't NEED half the Gymboree store to look cute - it can wear a few simple sleepers and onesies from any cheap store. Certain items (not ones with safety concerns) can also be found at thrift stores, garage sales etc. or through hand-me-downs if you are short of cash. Babies need very little other than love and attention.
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  • Jess the MessJess the Mess Posts: 5,844Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    I do also agree with the statement about a significant age difference in children. My kids are 8 and 6. I had given my baby stuff away a few years ago. Now SO and I want to have another baby. Would it be wrong if a shower was thrown for me now? I don't think so because everyone would clearly understand that I couldn't have stored baby stuff for 6 years, although I have been taking friends stuff off their hands even though we aren't trying yet.

    I also don't like the idea that a shower is the way you get your big-ticket baby items. Why is it other peoples' responsibility to buy you those and not your own, when you are the one choosing to have a child? Just because you gave away your baby stuff, why should someone else buy more for you? I find that to be an attitude of entitlement in the extreme (and it's not just you.) If you can't afford to provide for the baby then why have one? I think a shower should be more about celebrating new life and motherhood and womanhood and less about what you can get.
    I agree with you which is why I added that I have started collecting baby stuff again already and we aren't trying for another 4-6 months. I realize that it is my responsibility and I would never rely on my family to buy anything. My sister just had a baby in Dec and she was so prepared that by the time her shower came she didn't need a thing. She had already researched and decided and bought everything she wanted, quite cheaply BTW. I was so impressed with it that I started doing the same. Her shower was much more a celebration of life.

    What kills me is co-ed showers. What man wants to go ooooohhhhh over baby clothes? It's utterly ridiculous.
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  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    1) No one should throw themselves a shower, for anything.

    2) Coed showers are awful, men always dread them.


    I agree with previous posters who said showers for subsequent children MAY be appropriate if there is a large gap in age or if the new child is a different sex than previous children. But even then, it should be much smaller and mostly for clothes and stuff like that, not huge items.

    I asked my husband the other day what I should do if anyone wants to throw me a shower for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. I don't want to seem like I'm gift-grubbing and I really don't want people to waste their money on stuff I don't need. All I really am going to need for this new baby are some more cloth diapers to supplement what I've already got, some clothes if it's a girl, and maybe a better carrier for the newborn stage. Everything else, we'll still have from my son. And even if I don't have a shower, I know close family members will want to get gifts anyway. So I'm thinking if anyone offers to have a shower for me I'll just politely decline. Plus I'm due at the end of December, so no one's going to want to deal with the hassle during the holiday season.

    ETA: All that said, I usually do buy a gift for friends' subsequent children and bring it to them once the baby is born. I try to get a little something for the older child too, so they don't feel left out.
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  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Posts: 4,476Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris wrote: »
    Throwing yourself a second baby shower?!?!? That's Klassy...

    Throwing yourself any gift-grab is classless and entitled - first baby, second baby, wedding, whatever.

    I agree.
    If there's a large gap between kids I can understand someone else throwing a shower. I can't count how many of my friends thought they were done having kids and found out they're pg about 6 months after giving everything away.
    Every church I've attended (except the current one) will throw a shower for every woman's first child at the church. So, you could be having your first, 3rd or 10th and the women would throw a shower. My closest girlfriend was given a shower for each of her kids by her friends. If friends want to do that for someone, I don't see a problem.
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  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Posts: 7,135Registered Users Curl Novice
    Ew, throwing a shower for yourself is tack-ay. I've been to several "second baby" showers. Most of them have been very low-key and the gifts were not extravagant at all.
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  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I can't count how many of my friends thought they were done having kids and found out they're pg about 6 months after giving everything away.


    Which is why I still keep the crib in the basement even though we're done having babies...it's like extra birth control insurance.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    I have never heard of anyone throwing themselves a shower. My sister called me and asked for me to call her friends and suggest a babyshower. :sad3: I guess it equals to the same thing in the long run.

    I think showers are nice but I'd be more likely to give a smaller gift than first time around because most people who plan to have more kids do save things.
  • curlygirlymecurlygirlyme Posts: 1,340Registered Users
    I never thought I'd have another baby shower after my first. When I had my daughter I didn't expect another one. Then when number three came along I had made a lot of new friends who weren't around for my two oldest and they planned the entire thing out. They went all out on it too even though I told them I really didn't need anything. I think the biggest thing we got was one of those bath chairs. Nothing fancy or anything. It was really sweet of them and I let them know that about 1,000 times.

    I would never throw myself a shower nor would I expect anyone to do it for me. Mine were both a surprise (for some reason I didn't even think about a baby shower even with my first). This topic reminds me of the "push present" topic awhile ago. Just odd, self-centered, and tacky.
  • luvmylocsluvmylocs Posts: 7,578Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    What kills me is co-ed showers. What man wants to go ooooohhhhh over baby clothes? It's utterly ridiculous.

    agree! when i have a baby i want girls only! ;-)
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  • CurlyCanadianCurlyCanadian Posts: 10,904Registered Users, Curl Ambassador Curl Connoisseur
    Anmeris nicely covered most of my other thoughts, so I'll just move along!

    What kills me is co-ed showers. What man wants to go ooooohhhhh over baby clothes? It's utterly ridiculous.

    I actually prefer these to the women only ones. The guys in my group of friends are all really into the birth and then the baby. I don't see why they should'nt be included in the shower?

    Plus....I absolutely love the gifts they come up with to give each other :lol:
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  • Aphro-DeeziacAphro-Deeziac Posts: 983Registered Users
    yes i agree, throwing urself a shower is tacky. I have three natural children and I had one shower. Ofcourse my family and friends gave me baby things for each child and continue to do so, lol. Up until three years ago, my children were the only grandchildren on my husbands side.

    Our showers and basically everything else in our family is coed. My family does EVERYTHING together.

    And ameris covered the rest so ill stop here, :)
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  • SpiderSpider Posts: 3,381Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I would never have a shower for myself. But I did have a second shower given by family. There is 11 years between my daughter and 2nd child/son and I'd given/sold all of her baby/toddler stuff years ago, not thinking about more kids (as a single mom). Met DH got pregnant with son- who was his only child and my in-laws only grandchild, and a second shower for boy things and more importantly in celebration for DH's side did not seem greedy or odd at all.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,608Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    A similar topic came up years ago when my youngest granddaughter was on the way. We all thought it was tacky. My daughter already had a boy & was expecting a girl. They are 18 months apart. The family threw the baby shower for the little boy. My daughters very close friends invited her to lunch when she was pregnant with her little girl & they brought baby gifts. They even had the booth at the restaurant decorated. It was totally unexpected, but so sweet of them. She got a lot of girl clothing.

    The grandmother shower is ridiculous. My grandchildren stay at my house a lot, but my daughters have given me things that I have needed for them or I have bought them myself. We would never expect others to contribute.
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  • BoomygrrlBoomygrrl Posts: 4,940Registered Users
    It is tacky, I agree.
    I'd either go but give a small gift or just wait until after the baby is born and give a small gift as a birthday present.

    I have a friend who had twins (her first pregnancy). Someone else was going to throw a baby shower for her, but she was bed-ridden for her last few months and they canceled it.
    A few months after the twins were born, my friend threw a family and friends get-together to meet the babies. It was kind of a baby shower too, but it wasn't labeled as such. She wasn't registered anywhere and it wasn't expected to bring a gift, although we did.

    I think this is a little different situation than what you talked about, but I didn't find it tacky at all. I guess it's all in the way it's presented.
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  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    I went to a shower a few weeks ago for a first baby (a girl), and the pregnant woman registered for EVERY SINGLE THING girl-specific...everything was pink and floral and little princesses...all the swings and big things...everything was girly...I thought it was a little over-the-top...and I'm willing to bet in two years, we'll be invited to another shower for her and everything will be blue...

    Honestly? Maybe I am a little bitter because I really can't afford to go to a shower a week anymore. I don't make much money. Marriage and children are pretty far away for me, and that does make me sad sometimes.

    Whatever, I'm going to throw a really big "What Wedding or Baby, I Don't Even Know Where To Meet Any Straights Guys" shower for myself...and register for everything I want.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    CIBC..do what you feel is right...no worries :)
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  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    Boomygrrl wrote: »
    She wasn't registered anywhere and it wasn't expected to bring a gift, although we did.

    Honestly, it's the registering thing that annoys me the most...I think it's the only thing that really annoys me...when a woman registers, SHE is making it ALL about gifts. She isn't having a party to celebrate her new baby, she is making it all about gifts...and getting an invitation with a Babies R Us slip in it two years after I already spent $100 or more on a baby gift for your first kid is just rude.

    And maybe the sense of entitlement that comes with weddings, which usually comes not long before all the baby stuff, adds to it...engagement parties, shower gifts, wedding gifts, and being expected to give a big enough check to cover your plate depending on how expensive the hall that THEY picked is...ugh.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Boomygrrl wrote: »
    She wasn't registered anywhere and it wasn't expected to bring a gift, although we did.

    Honestly, it's the registering thing that annoys me the most...I think it's the only thing that really annoys me...when a woman registers, SHE is making it ALL about gifts. She isn't having a party to celebrate her new baby, she is making it all about gifts...and getting an invitation with a Babies R Us slip in it two years after I already spent $100 or more on a baby gift for your first kid is just rude.

    And maybe the sense of entitlement that comes with weddings, which usually comes not long before all the baby stuff, adds to it...engagement parties, shower gifts, wedding gifts, and being expected to give a big enough check to cover your plate depending on how expensive the hall that THEY picked is...ugh.


    I agree completely with you, and I am married with a family. I think Boomygirl's friend's party was sweet and that's what I consider to be appropriate. I don't like registering and then telling people. I think it's OK to register but only bring it up if asked, and I don't know if I really like registering for babies at all since I don't think there is the obligation to give a gift as there is for a wedding. Doing it for a second baby is beyond rude. Buy your own darn stuff! Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't feel like giving a gift at all with that attitude, so don't feel that you have to.
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