When Someone Criticizes Your Efforts

1Joy1Joy Registered Users Posts: 356 Curl Neophyte
I like to dish out some positive encouragement to my fitness curly girls periodically. Someone recently told me that her friend made fun of her healthy fitness/eating efforts. Why would a friend or anyone do that? Because when some people see you accomplishing anything they sometimes feel as if 1.they too should possibly be taking action in a positive direction or 2. In order to feel better about not taking action, they put others down.
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Comments

  • MichelleBFTMichelleBFT Registered Users Posts: 4,812
    People think they're funny. Or that they know other people's bodies better than they do. Or that what's true for them is true for everyone.

    Basically, people are stupid. They say things without thinking them through.

    Plus, our culture has pitted women against each other when it comes to looks. If a woman is trying to do something good for herself, she'll look better, and that's often unacceptable to the other women around her. They'll do about anything, usually subconsciously, to tear the woman down. Not all women are like this, of course, but a lot are.

    Plus, some women just have different standards of beauty. I lost a bunch of weight a few years ago, got down to about 135 pounds and I looked and felt fantastic. In the end I didn't have the willpower to keep that up, and when my body settled at about 145-150, but leaner than I'd been before, a coworker told me she thought I looked scary skinny for a while there. I definitely didn't but she's a voluptuous woman with lots and lots of curves (I'm really not) and loves her body as it is. For her standards, I probably looked better 30 pounds overweight.
    "And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
    Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
    Stolen.
  • ninja dogninja dog Registered Users Posts: 23,780 Curl Neophyte
    1Joy wrote: »
    I like to dish out some positive encouragement to my fitness curly girls periodically. Someone recently told me that her friend made fun of her healthy fitness/eating efforts. Why would a friend or anyone do that? Because when some people see you accomplishing anything they sometimes feel as if 1.they too should possibly be taking action in a positive direction or 2. In order to feel better about not taking action, they put others down.

    I think you've got the mentality behind such mockery perfectly described in options 1 & 2. It's unfortunate, and not what a real friend would do, imo, but sometimes people feel threatened when a friend makes positive changes. Perhaps an invitation to the mocker to join the fun (i.e., the workout) might help?
  • Gemini13Gemini13 Registered Users Posts: 5,000
    I'll admit it, my husband isn't as supportive of my fitness efforts as I would like him to be. Basically, he's very ignorant about the whole thing. He really doesn't know much about nutritition, and has no idea about calories. He's been blessed with good genes- both of his parents are thin- plus he has a really active job so the calories slide right off of him. And he has no idea how much more difficult it can be for a woman to lose weight and tone up, or, of course, what it feels like to be a woman and how much our physical appearance can affect us- even when we try not to let it do so.

    It's frustrating and I've talked to him about it a number of times in a number of ways. He's gotten better in some ways but not in others. I don't think he really gets the idea of a gradual lifestyle change- he's very much all or nothing about a lot of things.
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  • BekkaPooBekkaPoo EarthRegistered Users Posts: 3,861 Curl Neophyte
    1Joy wrote: »
    I like to dish out some positive encouragement to my fitness curly girls periodically. Someone recently told me that her friend made fun of her healthy fitness/eating efforts. Why would a friend or anyone do that? Because when some people see you accomplishing anything they sometimes feel as if 1.they too should possibly be taking action in a positive direction or 2. In order to feel better about not taking action, they put others down.


    Misery loves company.. when people see you doing well, and they're not, they want to drag you down.
    However if you feel great, it can be hard to counter the bs from outside sources, but you just have to be as stubborn in your positivity as they are in their negativity.
    "The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everybody else."
    "...rationality is not necessary to sell things.."
    My staples: Mane n Tail (cowash), Garnier Fructis Sleek n Shine (leave in condish), Grapeseed oil or shea butter (sealing), Organic Root Stimulator Elasticitea (leave-in condish & light hold)
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    guano here, but BekkaPoo, I wanted to say I so love my pic :)
    How have things been going?

    And on another note, who cares what folks think? I do what is best for me, you know?

    Gemini13, I do know what you mean, tho hubby has been great thus far. Wait till hubby gets a bit older...hehe :glasses7:
  • Beauty09Beauty09 Registered Users Posts: 33
    If I'm criticized at its constructive, I'll listen. If someone criticizes or insults me and its not helping me in any way, i would just ignore them and continue doing whatever i was doing. It doesn't really matter to me what people think, because it's their thoughts not my own thoughts
  • BekkaPooBekkaPoo EarthRegistered Users Posts: 3,861 Curl Neophyte
    guano here, but BekkaPoo, I wanted to say I so love my pic :)
    How have things been going?

    And on another note, who cares what folks think? I do what is best for me, you know?

    Gemini13, I do know what you mean, tho hubby has been great thus far. Wait till hubby gets a bit older...hehe :glasses7:

    'Zactly.. :glasses2:

    As for your guano, things are going well, and I'm glad you are still enjoying the drawing. Let me know if I can ever make you something in the future.. :occasion5:
    "The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everybody else."
    "...rationality is not necessary to sell things.."
    My staples: Mane n Tail (cowash), Garnier Fructis Sleek n Shine (leave in condish), Grapeseed oil or shea butter (sealing), Organic Root Stimulator Elasticitea (leave-in condish & light hold)
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    BekkaPoo wrote: »
    guano here, but BekkaPoo, I wanted to say I so love my pic :)
    How have things been going?

    And on another note, who cares what folks think? I do what is best for me, you know?

    Gemini13, I do know what you mean, tho hubby has been great thus far. Wait till hubby gets a bit older...hehe :glasses7:

    'Zactly.. :glasses2:

    As for your guano, things are going well, and I'm glad you are still enjoying the drawing. Let me know if I can ever make you something in the future.. :occasion5:
    Great!
    Love it...as you know, it's next to my Lichtenstein :cool:
    promise to respond...my apologies!
    
    :oops:
    Do you still have your w/s up?
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    Untitled,+4.2005.JPG
  • CurlyHairedFarmerCurlyHairedFarmer MaineRegistered Users Posts: 3,079 Curl Connoisseur
    My best friend, whom I love to death, can be very unsupportive at times. I think it stems from her own insecurities.

    Now, I am a naturally thin girl but I like to exercise to stay healthy and relieve stress. She would say things like "Wow, why do you even go to the gym? Its such a waste of time and money" and I learned to not let it get to me.

    She has a boyfriend now and is suddenly interested in my healthier lifestyle ;-)
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