The negativity is driving me crazy!

mixedbabymixedbaby Posts: 94Registered Users
Hi ladies,

So i just got done flat ironing my hair the other day(still trying to figure out what transitioning style I wanna use). But after hearing so much negativity on heat i decided not to use heat on the roots. I'm only 3 months into my transition so the new growth isnt that visable. I only have new growth at the miiddle and the front. You can't see the growth at the crown the only growth that is visble is in the front. so decided against heat on the roots and jus greased the new growth down to match the texture of the staight hair. I didn't think it looked half bad but apparantly I was wrong. My two sisters who continue to relax their hair attacked my hair the next day! They proceeded to tell me that once I grew my hair out I was going to have short nappy hair and that I was going to look a hot mess! I jus feel like yelling at them and telling them they don't know what theyre talking about. I mean so far i think my natural texture is beautiful and whats more I dont' know how they can talk when one of my sisters relaxed hair is very short and is thinning drastically. I guess ill just have to wait and prove them wrong!


  • preddy_blakkpreddy_blakk Posts: 39Registered Users
    I know exactly what you're going through! My guy friend just cannot accept the fact that i'm not going to have long straight hair, and it gets on my nerves everytime he mentions something about my hair because i know it's going to be ignorant. Sometimes people are just to "brainwashed" to try to educate on natural hair. And for whatever reason because I made a statement about never having long hair, he thinks that that's what i want. No. I want healthy hair and relaxer's just aren't helping. But you're right it's one of those things where you just have to prove people wrong. Just watch, when you have your beautiful curly natural hair that you can do any style with...they're going to wish they were natural themselves,lol. Negativity can work your nerves but don't let it get to you. I just ignore it because I know wat I do with my hair isn't to please anyone but myself. Stay motivated!


    Last Relaxer: 10/18/2008

    Probable BC : 10/10/2010
  • naturalnurse04naturalnurse04 Posts: 162Registered Users
    I'm sorry that those things are happening to you. Everyone else besides my SO thought that I was crazy for doing this. Now that have cut my hair the question that I get is "So, what are you going to do with it?". It's society. We have all been brainwashed to think that long, straight hair is "beautiful". That's all we see on TV, magazines, movies, etc. So when people like us decide to do something different, people don't understand. Don't let it bother you. You're going to be FIERCE with your natural hair and then your sisters will be all over you.

    Or you could do like I do and tell people, if I was meant to have bone straight hair, I would have been born with it and there is nothing wrong with me wanted to look the way that I am suposed to look sometimes. HTH. Keep your head up girlie!!!:lol:
    "Don't remove the kinks from your hair, Remove them from your brain." -Marcus Garvey
    3c-4a, needs MOISTURE
    Last Relaxer: Sept. 6, 2008

  • ninja dogninja dog Posts: 23,780Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I was basically told "there's nothing we can do with your hair as is" at a local salon recently. Some people are just blind about curly textured hair; they can't see past the flat iron.

    Hang in there. Don't buy into their bias!
  • burgundy_locksburgundy_locks Posts: 2,420Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    i can kinda relate. I have been flat ironing my hair for over a year and i got the routine down PACKED! I can get my hair pin straight, shiny and flowy. To see my hair curly and straight, you would no believe that it is the same head! However, all the ironing has fried out my hair tremendously to the point where my curls dont really curl anymore. they just end up stringy. So after being on this site for a few months, i decided to go CG. im not have the BEST results, but i want my hair to get healthy again so i;m sticking with it. EEEVVVEERRYYTimmee I was my hair, my fam is like Oh are you going to straighten it? I'm like, NO. so then, when i leave it curly and apply all my products in it, they say 'Oh i thought you were going to straigten it' And in my head im like, didnt we just have this convo like a minute ago. So then they start critizing: 'i like your hair straight, y you dont straighten it, your going to scare people off, bla bla bla'. fck em... that';s what I SAY!
    para los gustos se hicieron los colores

    i has no hair type? (medium, f-iii), normal porosity, LOW elasticity.
    CG journey began 2/8/09 - 4-08-09.. and then mod cg 4/14/09 -... 03/02/10- Barely CG but I like CG products :)
    wash with Low Poo or Poo
    condition with GVP Conditioning Balm or CJ BC Daily, Loreal Color Vive for Color Treated Hair Thats Normal
    Leave ins- Garnier S&S; Marrakesh oil
    style with - Ohm SHP; KCCC- BRHG or Boots- KCCC- BRHG; CIAB; CCCC
    Protein- GVP Joico K-Pak
    Play with ACV
  • mixedbabymixedbaby Posts: 94Registered Users
    thanx everybody for the insight. and don't worry, i am not giving up this journey no matter what!
  • burgundy_locksburgundy_locks Posts: 2,420Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    hahaha, after i told my family that i was not ever straightening my hair again and not to ask, i washed my hair last night and my aunt asks 'are you going to straighten your hair?'. i think i'm going to wear a sign.. or a shirt with a flat iron and NO sign.. like the no smoking signs instead the cigarette will be a flat iron...

    we will be ok!!! :)
    para los gustos se hicieron los colores

    i has no hair type? (medium, f-iii), normal porosity, LOW elasticity.
    CG journey began 2/8/09 - 4-08-09.. and then mod cg 4/14/09 -... 03/02/10- Barely CG but I like CG products :)
    wash with Low Poo or Poo
    condition with GVP Conditioning Balm or CJ BC Daily, Loreal Color Vive for Color Treated Hair Thats Normal
    Leave ins- Garnier S&S; Marrakesh oil
    style with - Ohm SHP; KCCC- BRHG or Boots- KCCC- BRHG; CIAB; CCCC
    Protein- GVP Joico K-Pak
    Play with ACV
  • Au naturaleAu naturale Posts: 9Registered Users
    I heard that Carol's Daughter pomade works good w/slapping down the new growth &/or fly away hairs. I haven't used it but I plan on getting some.

    My hair is completely natural and I agree w/the other ladies about society brainwashing. I think every ethnic group throughout the world has been affected by what is considered beautiful. Whether it be your hair type, eyes, nose, skin color etc...I continuously get positive & ignorant/negative comments about my hair. Just the other day I was told "you kinda have good hair" & have been called a "nappy head" What the heck!! It goes from one extreme to another - when I wear it straight it's a whole nother ball game mostly get, "you have beautiful hair." As much as I hate the ignorant comments like I think the best thing to do is brush them off, know who you are/what you want & don't let no one define you. I try not to get mad b/c this is the warped type of thinking that alot of people have embedded in their head, based on society & how they were raised as well. Good Luck & Doo You!!!:afro:
  • desert flowerdesert flower Posts: 188Registered Users
    What I find fascinating is that the worst comments are always from people with curly/kinky hair. When I first straightened my hair, my mother in law, who is White with very fine straight hair was so disappointed because she just loved my curly hair so fact, everyone who loved my hair curly had very straight hair, the very hair society is supposed to find "perfect." Any negative comments about curly hair, I haved heard from curlies...I guess it's that discomfort with their own hair / self...
  • 757diva757diva Posts: 40Registered Users
    I have just started transitioning so I haven't received any bad comments. But when I was fully relaxed I always though curly/natural hair was awesome and I wanted it. I just couldn't bring myself to transition.
  • laniseworkslaniseworks Posts: 170Registered Users
    I completely understand about hearing lots of negativity and I agree with what was said about in regard to society being brainwashed to think straight hair is beautiful.

    I just did the BC last week. I transitioned with braids, wigs and weave ponytails. But I was very vocal about the fact that I was going natural.

    I got the most flack from those close to me. Even my little brother told me I didnt have the "facial structure" to "pull off" short hair.
    And soon after I did my BC, a co-worker of mine kept making comments like "You look so old now" or "Its soo short. I can't believe its so short" and she'd harp on stuff like that. Its her back-handed way of critiquing it.

    Before my BC I thought I'd look less beautiful by cutting my hair. That was my one fear and thats the way society trains us to feel. Not even a week later, I love my do!! Its a really tiny TWA. But its natural, its mine and I love it.

    Tell you co-workers that they dont have to wear it so dont worry about it. Look in the mirror and just love you. Good luck!!!
    Chillin in Mali til 2011. Lets see how well my springies can handle the extreme heat

  • Mixed ChicaMixed Chica Posts: 150Registered Users
    Hi I was wondering if anyone has tried using Qhemet biologics products while transitioning.

    Today makes four months since my last relaxer...

    my hair is in twist briads right not and i have so much dandruff...i dont really know my hair type i think i have different ones tho...

    if anyone has any advice for hair that is thick but has a soft touch let me know....

    has anyone tried the coconut creme texture softener? I have seen it on you tube and it sounds interesting.
  • ChallahBackChallahBack Posts: 80Registered Users
    It's sad to say but get used to it i got called crazy before my bc and a slave after I have found transitioning is more about your mind than your hair it might bring you down for a little while but don't let it ruin your day btw unlike others my negative comments come from relaxed chicks that can't or won't wear their own hair ( ie braids and weaves so much nobody knows what their hair looks like)

    Transitioning from fitting in to standing Out ......

    DON't mIND ME I havE AN AdvancEd case of CapS LOck DIharreA
  • virgo76virgo76 Posts: 45Registered Users
    I have been seeing an Asian stylist since January of this year. Ironically enough, she wanted me to stop relaxing my hair. She felt that it was the best thing for me. Prior to seeing her, my last relaxer was 09/08 so I was already in the process of transitioning. Since then I have been on the prowl for the best products for my hair. So far so good. I have not had any problems with the two textures. My hair is currently just below BSL and I plan to transition as long as possible. I mainly wear braid-outs and sometimes I flat iron. The shedding has decreased dramatically since I switched to mostly natural products and regular deep conditioning. It doesn't matter what other people think. You need to do what feels right to you. Best of luck :)
    Transitioned 26 months - BC - 12/5/2010
    Current - SL ; CBL stretched
    Goal - HL curly

    Pre-poo - HV Vatika Frosting
    Wash - HV Amala Cream Rinse or SheScentIt (SSI) Jojoba Hemp Conditioning Shampoo (to clarify)
    Leave-in -
    SSI Coco Creme Leave-In/Green Grape then seal with HV Cocasta Shikakai Oil or Komaza Coconut Curl Spray plus Coconut Curl Hair Lotion
    DC -
    SSI Banana Brulee
    Edges/twist outs - KCCC/Komaza
    Coconut Curly Pudding/Curl Gel-les`c

    Still sampling...just the PJ in me:toothy8:
  • Caramel_gyrl254Caramel_gyrl254 Posts: 56Registered Users
    Like somebody said on here previously, transitioning is all in the state of mind. It's really hard @ 1st because your whole state of mind has to change from the relaxed state of mind to the natural state of mind. Sadly, not many people can understand why people want to go natural, so of course the negative/ ignorant comments come. It gets annoying after a while, but if its something you really want to do, you eventually learn how to tune out the ignorant comments, and you support yourself. Like one of my friends told me yesterday, "As long as your happy with how you are, then thats all you need to care about."

    I was in the same boat as you. As soon as I told my bro that I was going natural, and I was going to eventually cut all my relaxed hair off, He flat out asked me "Whats wrong with you!?" lol And to this day he still reminds me that im crazy for wanting to cut my hair, and that I am going to be "Bald" and I "won't have any hair" lol. It used to get on my nerves but all I do is laugh nowm cuz I know no matter what, I am going to be happy with my results no matter what.

    Sorry for being really long winded, but to summarize it up, Jus be happy with your decision, and be solid in it, no matter what other people think about it.
    Last Relaxer: Aug 2008
    BC: May 14, 2009

    I Finally have a Fotki

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