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Are women supposed to be moody?

AjidahkAjidahk Posts: 1,212Registered Users
I don't know. I'm never moody. I'm always nice and even when I'm having a bad day, I never show my emotions or take it out on others. You'd never know I was having a bad day.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because my friend has been acting rather moody lately. We went out to dinner last night and before we even left our dorm, I could sense she was in a funk. On the way to dinner, I asked her what was wrong and she said that she bought something and they swipped her debit card 4 times and charged her for it. She told me that she called the company and they realized their mistake and they took it off. They said that they'd put the money back in the bank, but it wouldn't be in her account until monday. She said she was pissed about it, but she has plenty money in the bank to go to dinner and go shopping if she wanted to. I asked her if she wanted to this some other time because I'd rather not go anywhere with her at all than to put up with her rudeness. She said, I'm fine. So we proceded to the restaurant.

To make a long story short, while at the restaurant, she was acting totally rude towards me. On a couple of occasions, she interupped me and said, "Are you still talking?" and "Oh I wasn't even listening to you." Then after dinner, I needed to go to Whole Foods which was 2 blocks away from the restaurant. She complained the ENTIRE way there. She kept saying, "Oh my goodness, this walk is taking forever! When are we gonna get there! This place is so far!" granted the night before, I went with her to the mall and walked to another mall which is like 5 blocks away without complaining! It was cold, but I walked there without out a peep because I didn't mind. If it had been an issue, I would've said so! She's been moody last weekend and the weekend before then, but during the week she's been cool. When she like this, I just feel like when we graduate, I won't be keeping in contact with her.

I have a few other female friends who are the same way. They can be just as nice and cool as they can be one day and be mean and rude the next day. I seriously can't put up with it. It's like my biggest pet peeve. Unfortunately, I find moodiness to be common among my black female friends. I just don't know what that's all about.
Hair Type: 4a with 3c sections...frizzy,wavy,bushy,curly

Comments

  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I asked her if she wanted to this some other time because I'd rather not go anywhere with her at all than to put up with her rudeness.

    I'm pretty sure that set the tone. Something cruddy happened to her and she was upset about it, and to add insult to injury her "friend" wants her to put on a happy face and STFU so that her "friend's" night isn't ruined.

    She didn't handle herself well, but it sounds like there are equal amounts of rudeness going on here.

    As to whether all women are moody, I don't think so. I do think we might show our feelings more than you're comfortable with, but that's not being moody. When something bad happens, it's NORMAL to react.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    everybody has an off day, and thats okay, but if their attitudes are making you not want to be around them, then dont put up with it.
  • rudeechickrudeechick Posts: 6,726Registered Users
    I'm pretty even keeled, increasingly so as i age (46). I think its more likely a personality/coping issue.
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  • AjidahkAjidahk Posts: 1,212Registered Users
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I asked her if she wanted to this some other time because I'd rather not go anywhere with her at all than to put up with her rudeness.

    I'm pretty sure that set the tone. Something cruddy happened to her and she was upset about it, and to add insult to injury her "friend" wants her to put on a happy face and STFU so that her "friend's" night isn't ruined.

    She didn't handle herself well, but it sounds like there are equal amounts of rudeness going on here.

    As to whether all women are moody, I don't think so. I do think we might show our feelings more than you're comfortable with, but that's not being moody. When something bad happens, it's NORMAL to react.

    Oh no, I didn't say that to her. That's just how I feel. If you're in a bad mood and you don't want to go somewhere, just let me know so I can save my time. I don't want to be putting up with all that! I've told her many times that I CAN'T stand when people are in a funk and bring down the mood. She claims to not ever moody, but she is. I asked her nicely if she wanted to this some other time, but she replied with a quick no. I wouldn't have been cared one bit if we didn't go. We go to dinner every weekend.
    Hair Type: 4a with 3c sections...frizzy,wavy,bushy,curly
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I CAN'T stand when people are in a funk and bring down the mood.

    Your friends don't get to be unhappy around you? That seems like a pretty thin friendship. People have feelings, sometimes they're going to express them and if you've told her this many times and then asked if she wanted to do this some other time, she had to know what was up. I would want a friend to listen to me gripe, agree with me that the other people were all effing idiots till it was out of my system, and then move on and have a good night.

    If she's someone who stomps around being a jerk and milking it all the time, that's one thing, but it sounds like you just don't want your friends to be unhappy around you, to suck it up and put on a happy face and not infringe on your good time and that's not being much of a friend. Bad things happen and it's normal and ok to react to them.

    I'm not a big emotional outburst person myself, but I know it's appropriate to be unhappy or angry sometimes and people need to work that out. Granted, I don't want to hear about someone's credit card mistake for HOURS but I understand if they need to be pissed for a while to get past it.
  • cymprenicympreni Posts: 9,609Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    IMO that's not being moody, that's being a rude jerk. Everyone has days where they're a down, stressed or whatnot, doesn't mean you have to take it out on others.
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I agree the friend is being a jerk, I just think it's unreasonable to expect that none of your friends will ever have a bad day and need to work through it. I don't think being rude has to be part of it, but not being in the very best mood ever might be.
  • AjidahkAjidahk Posts: 1,212Registered Users
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I CAN'T stand when people are in a funk and bring down the mood.

    Your friends don't get to be unhappy around you? That seems like a pretty thin friendship. People have feelings, sometimes they're going to express them and if you've told her this many times and then asked if she wanted to do this some other time, she had to know what was up. I would want a friend to listen to me gripe, agree with me that the other people were all effing idiots till it was out of my system, and then move on and have a good night.

    I listen to her gripe all the time and I usally do agree with her. Heck, I did agree with her! She was just being so rude to me. She really wasn't was even talking to me. I even tried to ask her more about what happened to her but she wouldn't say much. When she would say something, she'd cut me off and say something insulting, like "Ok, why are you telling me this?", "Whatever!", "Are you done yet? You eat like a bird!" All around though, I'm just growing tired of her. She narcissistic, she's selfish, and she's close minded. She also never thinks she's wrong. Again, a lot of the times she's cool, but I'm just getting a little tired of putting up with it.
    Hair Type: 4a with 3c sections...frizzy,wavy,bushy,curly
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Your friend was taking out her frustrations on you. It's one thing to gripe to a friend about something and it's quite another to gripe at her, for something she had nothing to do with. Not cool.

    I wouldn't tolerate a friend taking her bad moods out on me on a regular basis. I try to be kind and thoughtful of my friends and expect the same in return.
  • AjidahkAjidahk Posts: 1,212Registered Users
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I agree the friend is being a jerk, I just think it's unreasonable to expect that none of your friends will ever have a bad day and need to work through it. I don't think being rude has to be part of it, but not being in the very best mood ever might be.

    I have other friends that have bad days, but they don't treat me this way. I can tell the difference when someone is having a bad day and when someone is just being mean. If you're feel like being mad and mean, then why do you want to be around other people? So you can bring them down too? I just don't get it.

    The same girl just asked me if I wanted to go to the movies today. We were supposed to go yesterday, but didn't go because another friend who wanted to go couldn't because he practices the sabbath and couldn't go until saturday night. Her response was, "Great, so will be seeing another movie on a saturaday night when the theater will be packed." She wanted to go saturaday afternoon. Then she called me today asking if we wanted to go and said in a sarcastic tone, "Is the sabbath today? Can he go out today?" I just thought that was so rude! She knows that he's 7th day adv. but she's does not even care that he can't do certain things because of his faith. So, we are going to an 8pm movie because she wants to. She told me that, "If we don't go to this movie at 8pm, I'm not going to see this movie at all!" Granted, we've been to the movies EVERY weekend this semester as saw EVERY movie that she wanted to see.:angry5:.. Sorry about the venting...
    Hair Type: 4a with 3c sections...frizzy,wavy,bushy,curly
  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    Everyone gets moody but it's still our responsibility to be careful how we treat people no matter what our moods are.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    I guess the question is, what do you get out of your friendship with this young woman? If the bad outweighs the good and you find yourself feeling bad around her most of the time, the friendship isn't really worth keeping, is it?
  • AjidahkAjidahk Posts: 1,212Registered Users
    medussa wrote: »
    I guess the question is, what do you get out of your friendship with this young woman? If the bad outweighs the good and you find yourself feeling bad around her most of the time, the friendship isn't really worth keeping, is it?


    You know you're so right, medussa. I definitely have somethings to evaluate.
    Hair Type: 4a with 3c sections...frizzy,wavy,bushy,curly
  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    No, women are not "supposed" to be moody. Men are subject to all sorts of hormonal wackiness, too.
  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,177Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I CAN'T stand when people are in a funk and bring down the mood.

    Your friends don't get to be unhappy around you? That seems like a pretty thin friendship. People have feelings, sometimes they're going to express them and if you've told her this many times and then asked if she wanted to do this some other time, she had to know what was up. I would want a friend to listen to me gripe, agree with me that the other people were all effing idiots till it was out of my system, and then move on and have a good night.

    Not sure exactly what the OP's situation was but I know what she means about friends who bring down the mood. I've had a couple of friends that were upset about something else and would be *****y the whole night instead of trying to make the best of the situation. Or they'd be rude to you if they dont like something and not say anything directly about it. They'll be catty and have an attitude for days. They don't express what they're feeling, they just act like biatch. I'm slowly cutting two friends out of my life that do this, this is not the main reason, there were other bigger issues that came up. I've never had guy friends act like this.
  • MichelleBFTMichelleBFT Posts: 4,812Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I CAN'T stand when people are in a funk and bring down the mood.
    Your friends don't get to be unhappy around you? That seems like a pretty thin friendship. People have feelings, sometimes they're going to express them and if you've told her this many times and then asked if she wanted to do this some other time, she had to know what was up. I would want a friend to listen to me gripe, agree with me that the other people were all effing idiots till it was out of my system, and then move on and have a good night.

    Not sure exactly what the OP's situation was but I know what she means about friends who bring down the mood. I've had a couple of friends that were upset about something else and would be *****y the whole night instead of trying to make the best of the situation. Or they'd be rude to you if they dont like something and not say anything directly about it. They'll be catty and have an attitude for days. They don't express what they're feeling, they just act like biatch. I'm slowly cutting two friends out of my life that do this, this is not the main reason, there were other bigger issues that came up. I've never had guy friends act like this.


    *snort*

    I sure have. I guarantee you, this is not a female thing. This is a human being thing. Some people are better at reeling it in than others, but trust me, both genders are just as apt to be whiny and moody and sour as one another.
    "And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
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  • JosephineJosephine Posts: 14,177Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Josephine wrote: »
    CGNYC wrote: »
    Your friends don't get to be unhappy around you? That seems like a pretty thin friendship. People have feelings, sometimes they're going to express them and if you've told her this many times and then asked if she wanted to do this some other time, she had to know what was up. I would want a friend to listen to me gripe, agree with me that the other people were all effing idiots till it was out of my system, and then move on and have a good night.

    Not sure exactly what the OP's situation was but I know what she means about friends who bring down the mood. I've had a couple of friends that were upset about something else and would be *****y the whole night instead of trying to make the best of the situation. Or they'd be rude to you if they dont like something and not say anything directly about it. They'll be catty and have an attitude for days. They don't express what they're feeling, they just act like biatch. I'm slowly cutting two friends out of my life that do this, this is not the main reason, there were other bigger issues that came up. I've never had guy friends act like this.


    *snort*

    I sure have. I guarantee you, this is not a female thing. This is a human being thing. Some people are better at reeling it in than others, but trust me, both genders are just as apt to be whiny and moody and sour as one another.

    Yea I've heard. I'm glad I haven't experienced it!
  • SleighSleigh Posts: 1,226Registered Users


    *snort*

    I sure have. I guarantee you, this is not a female thing. This is a human being thing. Some people are better at reeling it in than others, but trust me, both genders are just as apt to be whiny and moody and sour as one another.

    LOL YEP.
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  • Gemini13Gemini13 Posts: 5,000Registered Users
    I've known quite a few guys who were way moodier than your average woman.
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  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    Moody guys exist, for sure. I have a friend who blocks people on Facebook when he feels slighted and then adds them back. He's even done it to his own sister. He's high maintanence but he's never, ever been rude to me. He might just disappear for awhile but when we do hang out with our daughters, he's very easy-going. I'd put the kibosh on a friendship that makes me feel badly all the time.
  • wanderlustwanderlust Posts: 650Registered Users
    Josephine wrote: »
    Not sure exactly what the OP's situation was but I know what she means about friends who bring down the mood. I've had a couple of friends that were upset about something else and would be *****y the whole night instead of trying to make the best of the situation. Or they'd be rude to you if they dont like something and not say anything directly about it. They'll be catty and have an attitude for days. They don't express what they're feeling, they just act like biatch. I'm slowly cutting two friends out of my life that do this, this is not the main reason, there were other bigger issues that came up. I've never had guy friends act like this.


    *snort*

    I sure have. I guarantee you, this is not a female thing. This is a human being thing. Some people are better at reeling it in than others, but trust me, both genders are just as apt to be whiny and moody and sour as one another.

    LOL yeah as a married woman I can definitely attest to this. My husband definitely has his “days”, and I have learned to give him his space and/or try to get him to open up a bit if I can tell that something is really bothering him. In fact, you could argue that some men may be more prone to this kind of thing than women because men are expected to suck it up and tough it out, whereas women are more apt to talk through their issues and then get on with their lives.
    Formerly ladyjag123
  • wavycurly40+wavycurly40+ Posts: 2,017Registered Users
    And to the original poster, I would just say -- your friend's actions sound mean-spirited and disrespectful. I consider those kinds of insults to be abuse, and I don't take them from anyone. So if you're looking for permission not to put up with it... you've got mine!

    Wurly and proud!
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  • alacurlalacurl Posts: 1,199Registered Users Curl Novice
    And to the original poster, I would just say -- your friend's actions sound mean-spirited and disrespectful. I consider those kinds of insults to be abuse, and I don't take them from anyone. So if you're looking for permission not to put up with it... you've got mine!

    +1

    No one needs "friends" like that.
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  • BoomygrrlBoomygrrl Posts: 4,940Registered Users
    We all have our bad days, both male and female. And I know moody males and females too, by the way.
    It's okay to complain about the day, feel cranky...but it's another to take it out on your friends, especially several times in the day. I think if I were to say something rude...I would be able to acknowledge it, apologize, and stop doing so for the rest of the day.
    You say she's sometimes cool but then you say she's narcissistic. Is she cool only when she gets her way? Can she compromise? Is she able to listen to you when you have a bad day? If you were to confront her about being rude to you, would she make an effort to stop that behavior or would she get defensive?
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