CurlTalk

Is this weird?

iaraiara Posts: 1,199Registered Users
In a previous post I mentioned this great guy I am dating. Update, he learned to kiss me better. He was just nervous the first time.

A weird thing happened. Things started to get heated and in the throes of passion he called me his daughter's name. :-?

He immediately said my name and I shrugged it off so not to embarrass him.

Yeah, I have called a current beau by an ex's name once but calling someone the name of a member of the family? He does not seem creepy but I found this odd especially since we were doing some serious petting at the time.

Opinions?
You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks

Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21

Comments

  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users
    That would totally freak me out.

    That he shrugged it off, too, would freak me out. Just because, I don't know, at best it seems dishonest to downplay something like that. At worst, if he really doesn't think it's a big deal, dunno, that's just creepy to me.
  • iaraiara Posts: 1,199Registered Users
    wild~hair wrote: »
    That would totally freak me out.

    That he shrugged it off, too, would freak me out. Just because, I don't know, at best it seems dishonest to downplay something like that. At worst, if he really doesn't think it's a big deal, dunno, that's just creepy to me.

    I think I will go with my gut on this one...
    You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

    People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks

    Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
  • SarcasmIsBeautySarcasmIsBeauty Posts: 5,640Registered Users
    I'd be completely freaked out too. I would hope he had dated someone with his daughters name but even then its still too close for comfort... very high on the creepy board for me
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  • iaraiara Posts: 1,199Registered Users
    So the question is, when I break it off, should I be honest and tell him being called by his daughter's name creeped me out or should I be generic and say this is not working out for me?

    I plan to do this in a public place.

    Sarcasm: both of our names are latino, start with the same letter and are uncommon in the US. BUT they sound different so I cannot see why he would call me that. The only time I call people by another name is when I am thinking about that person. It grosses me out to think he was thinking about her when he was with me. That negates all of the fun times we had.
    You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

    People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks

    Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,258Registered Users
    Meh...wouldn't bother me. I mix up my family's names all the time. Hubby is lucky that I don't yell out the dog's name in a heat of passion.
  • gekko422gekko422 Posts: 4,869Registered Users
    When we were growing up, my sister's name and my name were interchangeable. They are nothing alike. I dated a guy and I was CONSTANTLY calling him by his roommate's name. I have no idea why. My Mom used to call my brother by the dog's name all.the.time. She also used to call the dog by his name.

    I wouldn't rush to dump him just for that. If there is something else going on to give you pause, that's one thing, but over this? Eh. I am with RCW.
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  • wild_sasparillawild_sasparilla Posts: 4,306Registered Users
    Maybe he was forgetting something he had to do for his daughter, and his subconscious was like, "DUDE! Stop sucking face and buy her the freaking construction paper!":director:

    However, if your gut is really telling you that something about his tone or whatever made it very, very wrong for him to make this mix-up, then your gut may know something we don't.
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  • iaraiara Posts: 1,199Registered Users
    gekko422 wrote: »
    My Mom used to call my brother by the dog's name all.the.time. She also used to call the dog by his name.

    I wouldn't rush to dump him just for that. If there is something else going on to give you pause, that's one thing, but over this? Eh. I am with RCW.
    LOL. My dad calls me by his sisters' names and his sisters by my name. It is rare when he gets it right.

    My mother was molested by a family member when she was a kid so perhaps I am extra sensitive to this.



    Not sure if I will stop seeing him or not...I will see how I feel the next time I see him.
    You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

    People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks

    Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users
    Meh...wouldn't bother me. I mix up my family's names all the time. Hubby is lucky that I don't yell out the dog's name in a heat of passion.
    gekko422 wrote: »
    When we were growing up, my sister's name and my name were interchangeable. They are nothing alike. I dated a guy and I was CONSTANTLY calling him by his roommate's name. I have no idea why. My Mom used to call my brother by the dog's name all.the.time. She also used to call the dog by his name.

    I wouldn't rush to dump him just for that. If there is something else going on to give you pause, that's one thing, but over this? Eh. I am with RCW.


    My sister does this all the time. You can tell she's majorly distracted. She's always distracted, she has 3 kids, a husband, 2 dogs, and a cat.

    I get that. But it would still bother me. It's creepy in this context. They haven't been married forever, this is different.

    I don't know, I would at least hope that he would say something about it, to put iara's mind at ease.
  • KurlyKaeKurlyKae Posts: 3,413Registered Users
    Meh...wouldn't bother me. I mix up my family's names all the time. Hubby is lucky that I don't yell out the dog's name in a heat of passion.

    Me too. I call my hubby my brother's name (esp. if I've recently seen/talked to DB) and the other way around. I often get the DDs' names twisted, and even intentionally gave then names beginning with different letters (my DB and I have the same initials, parents were always tripping over our names.) Well, I mix them up anyway, and now add the dog into that mix. I've called DH by the dog's name, too. It's was probably just a slip, especially if he was a bit nervous yet.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Meh...wouldn't bother me. I mix up my family's names all the time. Hubby is lucky that I don't yell out the dog's name in a heat of passion.

    This totally cracked me up!
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    If it creeps you out, then that's a good enough reason to break it off. However, there's no reason to assume that it was indicative of incest. Maybe you could talk to him about it?
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users
    Lotsawaves wrote: »
    Meh...wouldn't bother me. I mix up my family's names all the time. Hubby is lucky that I don't yell out the dog's name in a heat of passion.

    This totally cracked me up!
    :laughing8:
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    At first blush it sounds creepy. But again I wouldn't jump to conclusions too soon. As you mentioned, you only call out someone's name when you're thinking about them.

    So he was thinking about his kid? And...? The question is why was he thinking abouther?

    It could be for totally innocuous reasons: there's something he forgot to do for her; she's his kid, he loves her, so he thinks about her a lot; he's wondering what she'd think of you and how embarassing it'd be if she saw you two kissing, and on and on.

    If your gut hasn't failed you before, sure, go with it. But I'd feel him out a bit more before judging. [Feel out not up! :)]

    Someone asked me this before: it sounds almost like you want to get rid of him. No offense or anything. But do you like him or not?
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  • newcurlynewcurly Posts: 1,310Registered Users
    My grandmother had 7 kids. When she was upset and trying to get someone's name she would start from the oldest and name them all until she got to the correct child's name.

    My other grandmother used to call my mom by my aunt's name and then my cousin's name before getting it right.

    If your name starts similarly to hers, I'm guessing it was an honest mixup. He started to say YOUR name, but it started with a sound that he uses all the time before his daughter's name - so you got his daughter's name.
    "Well I love that dirty water. Oh, Boston, you're my home!"
  • iaraiara Posts: 1,199Registered Users
    Phoenix wrote: »
    Someone asked me this before: it sounds almost like you want to get rid of him. No offense or anything. But do you like him or not?
    I am not offended but it is a strange question to me because I do not continue to date someone if I do not like him and do not have chemistry with him. That is neither fair nor healthy. There are so many other things I would rather do than spend my time with someone I do not like/does not like me and there are other people both of us could be dating (and I currently do).
    You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

    People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks

    Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    OK...b/c (and this is the same thing that was said to me)...it sounds like you're just looking for reasons ro kick him to the curb. I'm really not trying to minimize what you feel is important to you. But the two threads I read about this fella seem based on very small things. Good guys are too hard to find. Don't sweat the small stuff... And best of luck with your guy.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

    I am the new Black.

    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
  • iaraiara Posts: 1,199Registered Users
    Phoenix wrote: »
    Good guys are too hard to find.
    I do not believe this.
    Phoenix wrote: »
    And best of luck with your guy.
    Thanks
    You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

    People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks

    Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users
    It could be creepy only if it's substantiated by other actions. Or it could be totally innocent and subconscious. What fantasies go on in our minds to bring us to sexual fulfillment is totally okay....as long as it's in our minds.
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    iara wrote: »
    Phoenix wrote: »
    Good guys are too hard to find.
    I do not believe this.

    OK, for you they're not.
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

    I am the new Black.

    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.
  • sew and sewsew and sew Posts: 3,443Registered Users
    It could be creepy only if it's substantiated by other actions. Or it could be totally innocent and subconscious. What fantasies go on in our minds to bring us to sexual fulfillment is totally okay....as long as it's in our minds.

    What if someone has a sexual fantasy of mutilating babies? (the most horrible thing I could think of popped into my mind). ITA with the first two sentences there, but if he hypothetically had a sexual fantasy involving his daughter, it shouldn't be seen as totally okay. In effect everything will be okay if it stays in his mind and if his daughter can't sense the way he thinks, but just allowing the mental entertainment of it increases temptation. When action does come, it's always on the heels of persuasive temptation.
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  • tctc Posts: 986Registered Users
    that is hilarious!!! :D I don't think it is necessarily creepy though.

    I accidentally called my boyfriend my brother's name once. And I am NOT attracted to my brother at all. I weirded myself out when that happened! lol.

    I mix up names all the time when the names are the same "color" (yeah, I'm weird ... I have synesthesia and words have colors). Maybe this guy has some similar mental circuitry that makes him mix up the names.
  • EilonwyEilonwy Posts: 12,389Registered Users
    tmmy_cat wrote: »
    I mix up names all the time when the names are the same "color" (yeah, I'm weird ... I have synesthesia and words have colors).

    LOL...I sometimes mix up Tuesdays and Fridays for the same reason :)


    Honestly I don't think that saying his daughter's name necessarily has anything to do with incestuous impulses. If it happens again, then maybe I'd be concerned.
  • newcurlynewcurly Posts: 1,310Registered Users
    Phoenix wrote: »
    iara wrote: »
    Phoenix wrote: »
    Good guys are too hard to find.
    I do not believe this.

    OK, for you they're not.

    FWIW, I totally agree with your Phoenix. A hard man is good....no, I mean A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND!

    If the OP has some endless fountain of "good men" would she care to share the location of said fountain while she's unable to use said source!?!
    "Well I love that dirty water. Oh, Boston, you're my home!"
  • SuburbanbushbabeSuburbanbushbabe Posts: 15,402Registered Users
    It could be creepy only if it's substantiated by other actions. Or it could be totally innocent and subconscious. What fantasies go on in our minds to bring us to sexual fulfillment is totally okay....as long as it's in our minds.

    What if someone has a sexual fantasy of mutilating babies? (the most horrible thing I could think of popped into my mind). ITA with the first two sentences there, but if he hypothetically had a sexual fantasy involving his daughter, it shouldn't be seen as totally okay. In effect everything will be okay if it stays in his mind and if his daughter can't sense the way he thinks, but just allowing the mental entertainment of it increases temptation. When action does come, it's always on the heels of persuasive temptation.

    And you would know that, how? How does one be another's mental police? I truly believe if someones mental landscape is so polluted, their external life will show it.
    just allowing the mental entertainment of it increases temptation. When action does come, it's always on the heels of persuasive temptation.

    I tend to disagree. It's the person totally not having fantasies that I'm worried about, because they are so dissociated from their actual thoughts, there is more chance of those unacknowledged needs becoming actions. Action often comes on the heels of total denial and deprivation.
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    It could be creepy only if it's substantiated by other actions. Or it could be totally innocent and subconscious. What fantasies go on in our minds to bring us to sexual fulfillment is totally okay....as long as it's in our minds.

    What if someone has a sexual fantasy of mutilating babies? (the most horrible thing I could think of popped into my mind). ITA with the first two sentences there, but if he hypothetically had a sexual fantasy involving his daughter, it shouldn't be seen as totally okay. In effect everything will be okay if it stays in his mind and if his daughter can't sense the way he thinks, but just allowing the mental entertainment of it increases temptation. When action does come, it's always on the heels of persuasive temptation.

    Largely, I agree. All thoughts are not OK.
    newcurly wrote: »
    Phoenix wrote: »
    iara wrote: »
    I do not believe this.

    OK, for you they're not.

    FWIW, I totally agree with your Phoenix. A hard man is good....no, I mean A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND!

    If the OP has some endless fountain of "good men" would she care to share the location of said fountain while she's unable to use said source!?!

    :)
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  • sew and sewsew and sew Posts: 3,443Registered Users
    It could be creepy only if it's substantiated by other actions. Or it could be totally innocent and subconscious. What fantasies go on in our minds to bring us to sexual fulfillment is totally okay....as long as it's in our minds.

    What if someone has a sexual fantasy of mutilating babies? (the most horrible thing I could think of popped into my mind). ITA with the first two sentences there, but if he hypothetically had a sexual fantasy involving his daughter, it shouldn't be seen as totally okay. In effect everything will be okay if it stays in his mind and if his daughter can't sense the way he thinks, but just allowing the mental entertainment of it increases temptation. When action does come, it's always on the heels of persuasive temptation.

    And you would know that, how? How does one be another's mental police? I truly believe if someones mental landscape is so polluted, their external life will show it.
    just allowing the mental entertainment of it increases temptation. When action does come, it's always on the heels of persuasive temptation.
    I tend to disagree. It's the person totally not having fantasies that I'm worried about, because they are so dissociated from their actual thoughts, there is more chance of those unacknowledged needs becoming actions. Action often comes on the heels of total denial and deprivation.

    You can't be someone's thought police. Most likely only if they let on themselves, or they shared they fantasized about it after the thought.

    Fantasy leading to actions basically seems like a facet of human nature. They don't have to of course, but when something serious is on the table and that dynamic is real, it's hard to be neutral to someone having destructive fantasies. Child molesters who are into kiddie porn...that's why it's very common to hear it was uncovered in their homes after they were taken into custody. Ted Bundy admitted he became addicted to pornography. I'm just guessing that if these people are attracted to the visual stimulation, it rests in their thoughts too. They don't just see a picture and then act, but there's thinking and fantasizing between point A and B. That's aside from the testimony of serial killers and such who say they fantasized about what they wound up doing.

    Some people who have committed heinous acts apparently didn't lead lives that tipped others off about their inner thoughts.

    The person totally not having fantasies is an interesting thought. I'm not going to disagree with that because I have no idea if there's something to it. I would guess that most people who actually do something like take advantage of their own daughter give it some forethought/play over fulfilling their desires mentally. But maybe not all and maybe for some they just flip a switch the moment stuff goes down.
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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 8,660Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I have to admit this would weird me out & I would have to talk to him about it. Saying an ex's name is definitely different then saying a child's name during sex. It's the whole "during sex" that would weird me out. I can see getting children/grandchildren's names mixed up, but not during sex.
    From Michael Berg:

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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,738Registered Users
    They were just making out, I think.
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    "Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.