Want to strangle my hubby...

MzMoMzMo Posts: 9Registered Users
So I just got my bi-racial daughter out of the bath and put her CurlyQ Custard in her hair. It's bedtime...it's not about the style, it's about the moisture, right? So he asks me what the hell I'm doing because she has a Jheri Curl. I said so what. He goes off on telling me that a Jheri Curl isn't cool anymore and basically tells me that even white people like me know this. SO WHAT? I'm worried about the moisture and it doesn't look like that during the day. Even if it did, it is "natural" so why not encourage her to embrace it! Ugh...

Am I wrong? Or should I teach her to hate her Jheri Curl every night at bedtime and warn her to never style it like that for fear of being teased?

Ok...done venting but would love to hear a take on the Jheri curls.

Comments

  • KinkyKeeperKinkyKeeper Posts: 963Registered Users
    Hi, is that your daughter? She is adorable. :bounce:It sounds like your husband is confused or something. If he is black his own hair may be nappy (and I use that term positively) which means there is no visible curl pattern and it doesn't matter how much he mositurizes his hair isn't going to turn into little corkscrew curls. So he must think your daughter's hair is "black people hair" becuase it sounds like he isn't taking into consideration that she is biracial and will have curls when moisturized.

    To him, he sees curls in his daughter's hair and he thinks maybe you have permed it? Becuase in his experience, chemicals are the only thing that will make "black hair" curly. You are right, you have to moisturize your daughter's hair and that will make her natural curl pattern pop. It doesn't look like a Jheri curl most likely, it probably just looks like wet defined curls. If you have not already, def. take a look at this site: http://biracialhair.org

    Maybe show your husband the before and after shots on her page? Maybe once he sees that your daughters' hair is inbetween your hair types he will better understand what you are trying to do.
  • Gemini13Gemini13 Posts: 5,000Registered Users
    She doesn't have Jheri curls- her hair's just wet. I mean, wet hair can look shiny- then it dries. Jheri curls don't dry. Hence- not a Jheri curl. :lol: You said it doesn't look like that during the day so what's the big deal?

    That's a great site KinkyKeeper posted- you should definitely have him take a look at that.

    It sounds like you're doing a great job with your daughter's hair- now good look dealing with the husband! :lol:
    Brooklyn, NY

    Hair: 3A/B, Underlayer of 2B
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  • BoomygrrlBoomygrrl Posts: 4,940Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Sounds like your hubby needs some education. He must be having flashbacks of the late 70's and early 80's. LOL Sorry, but I remember the Jheri Curl. Many of my classmates sported that look. I believe you when you say that your daughters hair isn't like that, but I think your husband must be having "issues" with that.
    That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

    I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.
    :blob8:

    3a/3b
  • MzMoMzMo Posts: 9Registered Users
    Thanks for the support! I told him he is just jealous that he feels he has to relax his hair to get the waves he likes! Even when he grows his hair out, he has perfect spirals but they are almost as tight as a pin. I told him he needed to become a "Curly Girl" so he can learn to appreciate his natural curl. After I said that, he laughed and I couldn't help but stop being mad at him. I told him how important it is to teach our daughter to have a positive self-image, including about her hair. Unfortunately, as much progress as we see, racism is still everywhere and she may receive it from both sides. I want her to be proud of who she is and how her hair looks...even if she has a Jheri Curl! I reminded him of how much money people used to spend to get a Jheri Curl and she can get it for free.

    I think he now knows that I am just trying to keep her hair healthy and to do that it is just gonna have to look like whatever it wants at night. If I left it up to him, her hair would be dry, damaged, brushed, frizzy and scary!
  • mesocurlymesocurly Posts: 58Registered Users
    Just had to chime in and tell you what a cutie pie your daughter is. Glad to hear the hair issue is settled.

    Anita
  • Alice_42 Alice_42 Posts: 791Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I have nothing to contribute other than your daughter is as cute as a button!
    event.png

    Last relaxer: August 2008
    Big Chop: December 2008/January 2009
    Blog: Alice in Nappyland
  • MelecrystalMelecrystal Posts: 63Registered Users
    We adopted multi-racial twins. My son has adorable looser curls and incrediable long eyelashes. He is a university professor of flirting at the age of 10. His twin sister has lovely light golden brown hair. incrediably thick, curly hair. You have a very hard time finding her scalp becaus her hair is so think. My husband, who has straight, short hair is always trying to tell me how to do her hair. My tendency is to give in a bored, tired look and tell him that anytime he wishes to take over, he is welcome to do so! He usually goes away.

    That being said, my goal is to keep her hair moisturized and healthy. The secondary goal is to keep her hair cute and well groomed with the least amount of effort and stress to her as possible. My twins have many physical issues and while very smart, are behind developmentaly due to many hospital stays and the physical issues. Therefore, my daughter has the staying power of a 5 year old. I work awhile on her hair if I am braiding, for example, then we do a bathroom break and I load the washer. We do hair awhile longer. We break and I load clothes in the dryer and I give her a snack and we play a little tickle and giggle. We do hair again. So the day goes. This works for us. It is a lot less stressful than having her fuss and fight me and hate having her hair done. I also have a dvd player in front of her and some dvds that she only gets to watch while her hair is being done. This makes the dvds more exciting. I don't have to have the sound on as she is deaf and can have my own music playing for me.

    Your daughter is gorgeous. Personally I think the more "mixed up" a person is, the closer they are to God's original intent in the creation of Adam and Eve. They were his most beautiful human creations. Just think, most religions believe in the original man and woman. Therfore, all races on earth came from these same 2 people and their gene pool.
  • MzMoMzMo Posts: 9Registered Users
    Thanks again for the compliments and advice. Melecrystal, your kids sound adorable and I commend you for taking on a challenge...both hair and health.

    My hubby's other old complaint was my daughter's obsession...totally off topic, but she loves monkeys. Well he felt that I was allowing her to become an easy target for racial comments by letting her take her monkey everywhere. I told him that it was him who was making her a target by pointing it out to her at a young age. Afterall, racism isn't born, it is taught. A racial slur isn't a racial slur if the recipient doesn't take offense. That's how I feel at least! The best way to fight it in my mind is to not let it become an issue. When he came home from Iraq on leave, he saw how much she loved it and he saw that no one thought anything of it other than a cute little girl that goes "bananas" over monkeys. He dropped that and is now a firm contributor to her love.

    I knew he would back off the hair thing. I guess I am frustrated that he is more worried about the stereotypes than me. When he married a white girl, he should have left his own personal racial stereotypes behind!!!
  • SkibiesSkibies Posts: 156Registered Users
    Seeing the picture of your daughter makes me want to have one, she is soooo cute! I'm glad he got over it sometimes my husband has to get over stuff too and realize that is just the way it is and I love him so somethings he will have to deal with and he always comes around. Good job!
    3&4 Curls and Corkscrews
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    Conditioner:Yes To Tomatoes & She Scent It Avocado Conditioner
    Leave-in:QB Burdock Cream
    Styling:QB Amla & Heavy Cream
    Hair Mask:Bentonite Clay
    :afro: *NO MORE HEAT STYLING MY HAIR, JUST LOVING MY HAIR*
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  • mrl234mrl234 Posts: 548Registered Users
    I think you're definitely doing the right thing by standing up for her natural hair and whatnot. He may think that you've permed it to get it to look that way if the curls are way looser than his, or he just might have some internalized issues with his own hair, or both. I hope you can work things out, and keep doing the right thing for your adorable baby's hair!
    :happy10:
    fia 2C/3A-F-iii, sensitive to some proteins
    CGish since 10-16-08
    Low-poo: Yes to Carrots Daily Pampering Shampoo (1-2x/week)
    Rinse outs: Yes to Carrots Pampering Mud Conditioner
    Styling: a little bit of leave in and a little bit of KCCC, diffusing
    Olive oil DTs, honey rinses in the summer :)

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