Rise in Infant Suffocation tied to bed sharing?

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  • PoPo Posts: 2,607Registered Users
    Kaia wrote: »
    Po wrote: »
    We co-slept from the time DJ was born. Never had a problem.

    Am I the only one who has had sex with their baby in the room? If the baby is asleep, what's the prob? It's not like a baby is going to wake up and freak out seeing mommy and daddy having quiet sex. :)

    We used to when he was smaller. Now that he's so into everything, if he wakes up, he comes to see what we're doing and wants to get in the middle of everything. Totally KILLS the mood!

    Eek! That happened once. Mortifying... Yeah, I was talking more about small babes. :)
    3c/4a
  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Po wrote: »
    Kaia wrote: »
    Po wrote: »
    We co-slept from the time DJ was born. Never had a problem.

    Am I the only one who has had sex with their baby in the room? If the baby is asleep, what's the prob? It's not like a baby is going to wake up and freak out seeing mommy and daddy having quiet sex. :)

    We used to when he was smaller. Now that he's so into everything, if he wakes up, he comes to see what we're doing and wants to get in the middle of everything. Totally KILLS the mood!

    Eek! That happened once. Mortifying... Yeah, I was talking more about small babes. :)

    DH was here for the first two months, and we did that all the time. Lydia was in her basket beside the bed. She sleeps lighter now, so I'm not sure how it will work in the future, but we'll work it all out when the time comes.
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    shellibean wrote:
    Maybe too private, but how DO you have sex?

    We were never ones to do it at-night-in-bed anyway, so it's not too much of a change for us. We use the guest room a lot, when Sol is sleeping, or even the living room.


    Spoken like a newlywed who doesn't have older children in the house. This only works if you don't have older kids.

    When my younger 2 babies were born, I had 2 older school-aged kids. Kids that age are up much later than toddlers, and they're IN in the living room. All the bedrooms are full, so there is no guest room, but even if we did have one, there would be plenty of questions and knocks on the door ("Hey mom/dad, what are you doing in there?") They are nosey little beasts. In those days (and these days too), the only place we could have sex was in our bedroom, at night. We had our babies in bed with us occasionally, but a baby/toddler in the bed every night would definitely have cramped our style.

    You know, I think this was what in part motivated me to encourage Aidan to sleep in a crib more than his brother and sister. My other son is almost 8 and my daughter is 4, and while we don't always stick to the bedroom, it's a private room with a door that locks. It's definitely an issue with older kids.

    I've posted before that I sleep with A for part of the night (at this point,it's if he's nursing and I fall asleep) but he is just too wiggly and too light of a sleeper to exclusively cosleep with. I actually moved his crib out of my room about a month ago because he is such a light sleeper, I felt like he really needed his own space.
  • cosmicflycosmicfly Posts: 1,814Registered Users
    Po wrote: »
    Kaia wrote: »

    We used to when he was smaller. Now that he's so into everything, if he wakes up, he comes to see what we're doing and wants to get in the middle of everything. Totally KILLS the mood!

    Eek! That happened once. Mortifying... Yeah, I was talking more about small babes. :)

    DH was here for the first two months, and we did that all the time. Lydia was in her basket beside the bed. She sleeps lighter now, so I'm not sure how it will work in the future, but we'll work it all out when the time comes.

    I clearly remember once or twice saying wait, wait, he's still nursing or wait, let me move him to his crib. But yeah, when he was tiny his crib was in our room and that's pretty much when it got used.
  • inheritedcurlsinheritedcurls Posts: 2,954Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Chas used to cry just as things got heated. Addison is much better sleeper.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Po wrote: »
    Am I the only one who has had sex with their baby in the room? If the baby is asleep, what's the prob? It's not like a baby is going to wake up and freak out seeing mommy and daddy having quiet sex. :)



    Oh, sure. It works fine when they are tiny. But eventually they get to the point where they ask what you're doing, or they start giggling because they can see someone's butt, and you know it's time for them to be in their own room.
  • Morgan_AdcockMorgan_Adcock Posts: 2,573Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Actually, they should be easy to make from old blankets that have been washed, and are pre-shrunk and felted. If you used a long nightgown pattern with a zip in it, and closed the bottom, it would do the trick.

    I never tried it, as we co-slept (and my son was like a little furnace). First time, that happened, I'd taken him to bed to nurse when he'd awakened for the umpteenth time one night that I was totally exhausted. I'd done it before, and stayed awake to take him back to his crib. I woke up the next morning hanging off one edge of the bed, my husband off the other, and baby sound asleep spread-eagled in the otherwise deserted middle of the bed with a big grin on his face. It was the best rest any of us had had in months.
    Peace,
    Morgan

    Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
    CGing since July 2008
  • Morgan_AdcockMorgan_Adcock Posts: 2,573Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Actually, they should be easy to make from old, wool blankets that have been machine washed, and are pre-shrunk and felted. If you used a long nightgown pattern with a zip in it, and closed the bottom, it would do the trick.

    I never tried it, as we co-slept (and my son was like a little furnace). First time, that happened, I'd taken him to bed to nurse when he'd awakened for the umpteenth time one night that I was totally exhausted. I'd done it before, and stayed awake to take him back to his crib. I woke up the next morning hanging off one edge of the bed, my husband off the other, and baby sound asleep spread-eagled in the otherwise deserted middle of the bed with a big grin on his face. It was the best rest any of us had had in months.
    Peace,
    Morgan

    Baby Fine 3B, low porosity, normal density and elasticity
    CGing since July 2008
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Po wrote: »
    We co-slept from the time DJ was born. Never had a problem.

    Am I the only one who has had sex with their baby in the room? If the baby is asleep, what's the prob? It's not like a baby is going to wake up and freak out seeing mommy and daddy having quiet sex. :)

    Yeah, when he was not mobile, but not so much after that.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Po wrote: »
    Has anyone read the comments about the article? I didn't realize co-sleeping was such a big deal. It never occurred to me to NOT co-sleep as that what everyone had done in my family for generations (no judgement on those who think differently).

    There has to be something else going on. One commenter mentioned rising obesity rates. ??

    I know, it's normal in my family too, and I didn't realize it could be controversial until I came to NC.com.

    To me, it just makes sense with breast feeding and there's no way I would be able to BF without it. For myself personally I do not like the model of baby in a separate crib/room with a pacifier and a bottle.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    shellibean wrote: »
    Questions for the co-sleepers:

    Do you go to bed early or does baby stay up late?


    He does what is comfortable for him, which is usually to stay up late, but sometimes I go to bed early and sometimes he does. We don't enforce specific bedtimes - he just lets us know when he is tired.

    If you go to bed at different times- how does baby sleep alone while you are not in there?


    If he is tired he will sleep alone when nursed to sleep or rocked by his dad, and if he fusses a bit we will lie with him till he settles. He naps on his own at home and daycare so he doesn't NEED me to sleep.

    What do you do when they start rolling over?


    There was a short while that I had to make a wall around him with pillows, but he figured out how to get off the bed safely feet first fairly fast and it hasn't been an issue since.


    If they are sleeping in your bed alone while you are awake- what is the difference in them sleeping in a crib alone?

    I think the difference is not when they are sleeping alone but when you are in bed together. For me, it saves me from having to totally get up and wake up for breast feeding. Technically, he could sleep in a crib when not sleeping with me and then in the bed when I am sleeping but it seems easier and more consistent to have him used to one place. And I like having him there.

    I am not trying to say that one is better than the other- I just have no clue. We only co-slept while breastfeeding, so I have no clue how it works once the baby is bigger and/or not bf-ing.

    He is bigger but still breast feeding so I'm not sure how things will work when he weans.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    I know, it's normal in my family too, and I didn't realize it could be controversial until I came to NC.com.

    To me, it just makes sense with breast feeding and there's no way I would be able to BF without it. For myself personally I do not like the model of baby in a separate crib/room with a pacifier and a bottle.

    That's a lot of assumptions there. Not all babies who sleep in a crib in their own room have pacifiers/bottles. Some are breastfed. Not all babies who take bottles are in cribs. Some cosleep. It's not all black and white like that.

    My experience was a lot like Sarah's. Nadia would start the night in a mini cosleeper, then when I came to bed she slept with me on a futon in her room. My husband slept in out bedroom. That worked well for us and I loved sleeping with her, but at some point she started waking more freqeuntly and then not going back to sleep after nursing but wanting to play with me. For a while she slept in the crib and I slept on the futon, then I moved back into the bedroom. I miss sleeping with her, and every once in a while I try again, but she just doesn't sleep.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    geeky wrote: »
    Amneris wrote: »
    I know, it's normal in my family too, and I didn't realize it could be controversial until I came to NC.com.

    To me, it just makes sense with breast feeding and there's no way I would be able to BF without it. For myself personally I do not like the model of baby in a separate crib/room with a pacifier and a bottle.

    That's a lot of assumptions there. Not all babies who sleep in a crib in their own room have pacifiers/bottles. Some are breastfed. Not all babies who take bottles are in cribs. Some cosleep. It's not all black and white like that.

    I have to agree. To me, successful breastfeeding and co-sleeping are not related. I've done both: I actually started co-sleeping with Karan after he was older and already weaned. I'm breastfeeding Sandhya, most likely to age 2, and we've never coslept. Both gave up the pacifier long before they weaned from the breast.

    I have nothing against cosleeping at all - but its not a comfortable sleeping arrangment for my family, and my kids sleep well in their own space - no crying it out involved.

    Whatever works for your family is the right decision. I think that cosleeping needs to be done safely, just like crib sleeping. I am too much of a toss-n-turner for it to be someting that I am comfortable doing with a small baby. Once they can fight back, then its fine with me.
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    To us, breastfeeding and co-sleeping are two separate things. DD was breastfed for a year, but slept in her own crib from the first night at home. She has never gone to bed with a bottle in her crib.

    Co-sleeping isn't an option for us because it seems unsafe and quite unrestful. DH is a heavy lug who squashes me. Plus, our bed is high off the ground, we have two cats who sleep with us, and DD rolls all over her bed.

    Now that DD is older she isn't "alone" in her bed. She's got her luvey, her teddy bear, and her Baby Stella doll. :)
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I never found co-sleeping necessary for successful breastfeeding either. I just put them back in their own bed after nursing. It's not a requirement to sleep with them.
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    Mad Scientist- I'm glad thatyou mentioned how they sleep in their own beds but it's not "cry it out".

    Everyone assummes that since my son sleeps in his crib and we don't put him to sleep first, that he cries it out. But, that just isn't the case. We lay him down when he is sleepy and he falls asleep. It's not a issue at all. People assume he lays there alone crying himself to sleep or soemthing.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    shellibean wrote: »
    Mad Scientist- I'm glad thatyou mentioned how they sleep in their own beds but it's not "cry it out".

    Everyone assummes that since my son sleeps in his crib and we don't put him to sleep first, that he cries it out. But, that just isn't the case. We lay him down when he is sleepy and he falls asleep. It's not a issue at all. People assume he lays there alone crying himself to sleep or soemthing.


    Die-hard co-sleepers get really funny about that. They assume non-co-sleeping means endlessly screaming kids. I never let my kids cry either, and didn't have to sleep with them to do it. It's definitely possible. It just requires a bit of gentle training in the beginning, although a few kids will just do it naturally.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    I think co-sleeping is the easiest way to breastfeed at night. It's much easier to roll over and latch the baby on than to get out of bed, walk to a different room, try to stay awake while the baby nurses, and try to put the baby back in his/her crib without waking him/her. Before we started cosleeping, I was really struggling with nighttime feedings - even when he was in a PnP at the foot of our bed and I was nursing him sitting up in bed.

    So, that said, I agree with Amneris that cosleeping is a really important tool for me with our breastfeeding relationship. I don't think it's a requirement and I know plenty of people who have BF'ed without cosleeping, but it can be really really helpful.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    I think co-sleeping is the easiest way to breastfeed at night. It's much easier to roll over and latch the baby on than to get out of bed, walk to a different room, try to stay awake while the baby nurses, and try to put the baby back in his/her crib without waking him/her. Before we started cosleeping, I was really struggling with nighttime feedings - even when he was in a PnP at the foot of our bed and I was nursing him sitting up in bed.
    Again, it's the easiest way for you. For me cosleeping involves rolling over and latching the baby, then awaking minutes later to tiny fingers in my nose, hair pulling, giggling and bouncing all over the place. While kinda charming, so not helpful at all. I doze while nursing Nadia in the rocking chair or on the futon. When she pops off the boob I put her in her crib (she is usually just awalke enough to stick a pacifier in her mouth, get settled, then drift off) and then I get to go back to sleep without small fingers in my facial orifices. That is the easiest way for me.

    I just get the feeling from your post and from Amneris that people who don't cosleep are making lives more difficult for themselves and their babies in order to live up to some principle. Not me. I'm just trying to make sure that everyone in the family gets as much sleep as they can the easiest way possible. I think that is what most people's motivations are.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    geeky wrote: »
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    I think co-sleeping is the easiest way to breastfeed at night. It's much easier to roll over and latch the baby on than to get out of bed, walk to a different room, try to stay awake while the baby nurses, and try to put the baby back in his/her crib without waking him/her. Before we started cosleeping, I was really struggling with nighttime feedings - even when he was in a PnP at the foot of our bed and I was nursing him sitting up in bed.
    Again, it's the easiest way for you. For me cosleeping involves rolling over and latching the baby, then awaking minutes later to tiny fingers in my nose, hair pulling, giggling and bouncing all over the place. While kinda charming, so not helpful at all. I doze while nursing Nadia in the rocking chair or on the futon. When she pops off the boob I put her in her crib (she is usually just awalke enough to stick a pacifier in her mouth, get settled, then drift off) and then I get to go back to sleep without small fingers in my facial orifices. That is the easiest way for me.

    I just get the feeling from your post and from Amneris that people who don't cosleep are making lives more difficult for themselves and their babies in order to live up to some principle. Not me. I'm just trying to make sure that everyone in the family gets as much sleep as they can the easiest way possible. I think that is what most people's motivations are.

    I'm sorry, and you're right - I should have said it's the easiest way for me. And I'm sorry for laughing but the image of N sticking her fingers in your nose, pulling your hair, giggling, and bouncing all over the place made me giggle - it must be so cute! Though you're right, not optimal for sleeping.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    As an infant. there were times when S would not go to sleep unless he was next to me. Which was fine once in a while, but since he had an open chest wound and a feeding tube, it was not optimal for any of us, DH was on the couch and I woke ip every time he moved, or after about 1 hour when my arm fell asleep under him, then when I would slowly move my arm, it would wake him up and I would have to get him back to sleep again. Even now, when he wakes up crying, putting him in our bed means less sleep for everyone, as he wants to play until he gets settled...to the point of trying to open our eyes.

    Also, sleeping in a PnP in our room did not work either we figured out later what a light sleeper S was, and he sleeps best in complete silence...even to this day, during nap time I stay downstairs or sit and read quietly. The second he here something, he thinks he is missing out on something.

    I think you have to do what is best for you and your entire family.
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