Do YOU feel bad?

girlgcgirlgc Posts: 55Registered Users
I usually wear my hair in a natural kinky/curly afro puff pulled back into a bun. Well, last week, I decided to get my hair pressed and the ends trimmed. When I returned to work, I had people who usually have nothing to say to me complement me on how great my hair looked. I automatically assumed that they didn't like the natural. I even had one guy tell me not to wear the natural again (he works at my workplace, and he's just a casual acquaintance).

I should not feel this way, but now I feel bad and I have a lot of "issues." Maybe I am not doing my natural hair justice? Maybe I should get it relaxed? Maybe I really don't know how to do hair and should get it cut off? I have to admit, it does look great and I do like the complements. I don't have the time to continuously go to a hairdresser to have it done. I just don't know what to do with it....

Am I the only one that fights the uphill battle with natural 4a hair? No one seems to appreciate natural hair and everyone wants you to "get your hair done." And when its straight with a roller set or curling iron curl, suddenly it's beautiful. Truly, I cannot be the only one experiencing this....

Comments

  • curlycovrgirlcurlycovrgirl Posts: 153Registered Users
    You're not alone. Myself and others have posted about similar experiences. Whenever I wear my hair straight, I get tons of compliments but not so much when I wear it in its natural state. I think its because people are comfortable with long straight hair. Natural hair is different and some people can't appreciate it.

    This board always makes me feel great about my natural hair! Don't let other people's hang ups affect you or make you feel bad in any way! Natural hair is beautiful! :D
    3c/4a - Relaxer Free since Feburary 2004 and Obsessed with my hair.

    I have pictures now! password: curlygirl
  • CreationCreation Posts: 48Registered Users
    I understand how you feel. But what it really comes down to is how do YOU feel when you wear your hair natural??? If you have come to love your hair in its natural state and just feel more free being a natural then don't let them discourage you.

    I personally don't think there is anything wrong with straightening your hair if sometimes you just want that look. But I also think that we have to change our ideals of beauty when in comes to feeling like straight hair is the only acceptable way to look beautiful. When you sported your natural you were just as beautiful!!!! And don't forget that.

    Some people have it ingrained in their heads that our natural hair is ugly and unkept. But its all a lie. You are beautiful because of YOU whether natural, straight or in between.

    So don't let the compliments change your mind about your hair. It didn't look bad. Remember why the reasons why you went natural. Sometimes when I walk out the house with my nautral do I think past the look(Even though I also like the way my natural hair looks) and think about the statement I'm making. That is okay for me to sport my fro!!!! That my natural hair is okay and I don't have to feel less then beautiful because my hair isn't the way society defines beauty. The beauty that you and I have comes from another source even more wonderful than just some fad style or just walking down the street looking like everybody else. We are beautiful proud 4a wearing sistas!! Keepin it real!!! Aunaturale

    So whatever you decide to do just know that you are beautiful. And don't let people give you a hard time for wearing your hair either way. Just do what YOU want with your hair. And wear what makes you feel good!!

    Sorry for the long post.

    Peace and Blessings

    Creation
    Righteousness isn't what you do it's a gift!

    I'm still trying to find out what my hair type is!!
  • CreationCreation Posts: 48Registered Users
    By the way curlycovergirl your hair is so gorgeous. I love the curls!!! :wink:
    Righteousness isn't what you do it's a gift!

    I'm still trying to find out what my hair type is!!
  • CheleighCheleigh Posts: 552Registered Users
    I've only been natural for four days now, so I'm sure the criticisms are soon to come, but everyone--black, white, asian--has been extremely complimentary on my napptural hair. People have said that "it fits you" or "you look beautiful", "you look younger" or "you're glowing." People love the coils and kinks, and of course, want to touch them. A few people were disappointed that I cut off all my hair (cause you know how black folk are about long hair) but even they were complimentary about the hair itself. I'm sure that some folks were just being polite (they probably hated it) but I surprised how many people are making positive comments.

    I can only do one style right now--the coily off my face afro--so I know people aren't being wowed over my great styling abilities :oops: .

    Girlgc: evaluate WHO you're working with--are they some relaxed up, weaved up, urban video addicted men and women? Are they people who haven't seen a natural head on a female over the age of 5? Their experiences have much to do with their perceptions of natural hair. The few people who probably weren't feelin' my hair at all were probably women who stay in the shop getting a retouch at the first sign of a nap, and probably men who think all black women are born with type 1 hair (seriously, there are a bunch of them out there). For every person who doesn't like it, there are two folks who love it/are fascinated by it--whether they tell you or not.

    No, not everyone is going to appreciate something that is foreign to them, and that's a fact. The first thing is--do YOU appreciate it? Cause if you don't, it's pretty much a certainty that no one else will. Second--who's opinions are important to you? There are some people's opinions, whether giving me a compliment or a criticism, I simply don't value.

    IMO, that's the purposes of hair forums like this one and nappturality--even if no one is feeling your hair for whatever silly reasons, there are groups of people who will appreciate it and think your hair is beautiful. Sometimes you need that boost.
    Natural pics: http://picturetrail.com/shelacious
    pw: kinky
    Hair type: Spongy & kinky texture. Coily & curly strands.
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Posts: 17,898Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    Not a 4a...but I experience the same with my hair. Same comments from coworkers, etc., when I wear it straight.

  • blaqpearlblaqpearl Posts: 310Registered Users
    I got the same thing the last time I wore it straight which was over two years ago. Everyone was in awe. I told them that enjoy it while it lasts because I dont do this very often. Good thing my husband and I prefer it natural.

    When I went back curly everyone was like awwwwww....put it back. I told them no and that they dont have to put up with so much work.

    Really dont let what they say phase you. You are better off wearing your hair natural since it is healthiest that way.
    I have kinks, coils and curls on this head.
    Certified PJ. I need rehab.
    Hair Album
    Last update 1/1/07
  • msjokermsjoker Posts: 1,658Registered Users
    In the beginning of my transition, I felt the exact same way as you. Last year was the last time I straightened and everyone in my class 'oohhed' and 'ahhhed' and I seriously considered getting a texturizer but then I realized I missed my kinks after I washed my hair and they didn't come back. So it was a definite learning experience for me.
    "It moisturizes my situation... preserves my sexy."
  • curlycovrgirlcurlycovrgirl Posts: 153Registered Users
    Thanks Creation! :D
    3c/4a - Relaxer Free since Feburary 2004 and Obsessed with my hair.

    I have pictures now! password: curlygirl
  • j'adorej'adore Posts: 1,966Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Maybe the bun is not the most flattering style for you. That doesn't necessarily mean your own natural texture is unattractive. When I did the big chop years ago, I got mixed reviews. I have a big head/forehead, and it wasn't the most attractive style for me. But now I have a big head full of hair and it looks just awesome.

    Maybe you can try some new styles. Don't go back to the creamy crack!
    "Don't play me...I'm over 30, and I don't smoke weed"
    -Prince

    catcatadr20050914_-8_Marley+is.png
  • CostenyaCostenya Posts: 520Registered Users
    Get used to it. I don't want to sound trite: but you have to learn to love and appreciate yourself regardless of what others say.

    I've been natural for five years. Well, about two years ago, I decided to have my hair pressed for a Christmas party to change my style up a bit. Well, you should have seen the parking attendants in my garage fawning and falling out over my hair like they had seen the second coming. Everyone likes to receive compliments and positive attention, but this was so comical and assenine. They kept telling me I looked like Cinderella and how I should do it more often. :roll:

    Now, I consider myself to be an attractive person. And I dress nicely most of the time. These men saw me come home from my corporate job everyday dressed nicely. I'm sure they saw me go out on other occassions looking the same. All of a sudden, I wear my hair straight, I'm "Cinderella".

    I was so disgusted with the attention I got all night from friends just because of my hair that the next morning I quickly rinsed my hair in the shower and threw on some conditioner so that my hair could shrink back. :twisted: I didn't want to deal with all of the attention and waking up with stringy relaxed hair just wasn't appealing to me anymore. That was $75 thrown down the drain, but I was happy! :wink:

    All this to say, you have to be confident with yourself. You are going to hear all types of comments. People have told me I have "back-to'Africa", "motherland" hair. It's quite laughable, and I certainly don't waste my time getting upset. :lol:

    Also, having been natural for five years, my hair isn't even an issue anymore. I've locked twice, chopped it off back to a TWA several times, grown it out. People who know me know that on any given day, I may decide to do something radical with my hair. :D
  • girlgcgirlgc Posts: 55Registered Users
    I truly appreciate all of the responses. I agree...it is nice to come to a forum like this one and get support.

    I think that the pulled back hair is not the most flattering for me, but it is the least time consuming since I don't really know how to do hair and I don't really have time to go to the hairdresser.

    I think things would be easier if I could try new styles that actually worked in my hair.

    I thought about going back to a relaxer, but I was not able to do my hair then...and it certainly doesn't help that my parents keep equating beautiful hair with relaxed hair.

    I am glad that my hair is natural, but I wish I knew how to make it beautiful....
  • AfroCurlsAfroCurls Posts: 117Registered Users
    This is EXACTLY why I don't want to straighten my hair.

    Because I know people are going to flip their wigs and put their hands all in my hair, telling me how pretty it is when it's straight and I really am not in the mood for that. AT ALL. Because I WILL get pissed off and say something ignorant. My hair may be just curly to other people, but for me, my hair is also an act of defiance. Yes my hair can be beautiful without being burned straight and I like it so much like this, that I'm NEVER straightening until I feel like it. And that's not any time soon so people can kiss off with their hair hangups.

    I was thinking about straightening it for graduation but I changed my mind. I'm gonna find another way to fit my hair under my cap. :lol:
    Fotki PW: PM me for it!
    Big Chopped: April 1, 2005
    My Hair: Tight, thick springy curls with up to 90% shrinkage.
  • gigglingpixiegigglingpixie Posts: 49Registered Users
    Girlgc, the best way to find a style you like is to play with your hair. I'm not sure how long your hair is, but you can start by taking some free time and lock yourself in the bathroom and play in the mirror. Look through magazines and watch TV shows to find styles you like. I still have a twa, but before I BC'd I would use flexirods and straws to get my hair what it naturally does now :lol: , and I noticed that most styles you can do with straight hair you can modify for curly. You can use pieces, falls, flowers, hair pins, etc. Have fun and good luck
    "Your playing small does not serve the world."
    Nelson Mandela
  • LadyLibra1982LadyLibra1982 Posts: 203Registered Users
    i remember when i had long relaxed hair, this wanna-be thug guy kinda liked me and the first thing out of his mouth about my hair was, "you would look real good with some microbraids." i just looked at him like, WHATEVER MAN! :roll:

    and then i'd have people tell me that if they had "all that hair" like me, they would "do something with it." read: wear it in some ghettofied multi-colored super-weave, all glued up into the shape of a swan with waterfalls on one side, crimps on the other and stacked in the back. :lol:

    so i don't tend to listen to other people's "preferences" on my hair. it's nice to get compliments, but i'ma wear my hair however it makes me happy. they have their own hair, don't they? let 'em do what they want with theirs. :wink:
    Lady Libra
    3c/4a???
    i stick with the description "OS thready thick"

    my curly fro now is at collarbone when straightened.... basically the length i had when i started transitioning! hooray for growth!!! =)
  • spiral-ncspiral-nc Posts: 716Registered Users
    and then i'd have people tell me that if they had "all that hair" like me, they would "do something with it." read: wear it in some ghettofied multi-colored super-weave, all glued up into the shape of a swan with waterfalls on one side, crimps on the other and stacked in the back. :lol:

    Now that's funny :lol: !

    Yeah, one of the reasons I don't straighten my hair is because I know what people will say, and I'll get pissed. I was pissed a few weeks ago when I came down stairs with my hair still wet and my BF's friend was like "Wow. You should keep your hair like that!" WTF! I swear, people don't realize that their "compliment" is actually an insult when they say stuff like that. It implies that your natural hair is somehow lacking. People annoy me (except for you guys - I like you all :) ).
    spirals, kinks, s-shapes and coils.

    http://public.fotki.com/Spiral

    H is for Henna and Healthy Hair!
    Use only the PURE STUFF
  • FleurztyFleurzty Posts: 795Registered Users
    Everyone is right! Natural hair is beautiful hair. However, ignorance keeps people from realizing that our differences make unify us in many ways. Don't let others upset you. I think that at one point or another, every one who has made the decision to take a stand and be different has had to face ridicule and ignorance. If anything, that should reassure you that you are doing something right. You dare to be different! :D Every great man or woman has had to be different.
  • PsychePsyche Posts: 90Registered Users
    Costenya wrote:
    Well, you should have seen the parking attendants in my garage fawning and falling out over my hair like they had seen the second coming.

    :lol: hee hee
  • jada1111jada1111 Posts: 829Registered Users
    Cheleigh wrote:
    Girlgc: evaluate WHO you're working with--are they some relaxed up, weaved up, urban video addicted men and women? Are they people who haven't seen a natural head on a female over the age of 5? Their experiences have much to do with their perceptions of natural hair. The few people who probably weren't feelin' my hair at all were probably women who stay in the shop getting a retouch at the first sign of a nap, and probably men who think all black women are born with type 1 hair (seriously, there are a bunch of them out there). For every person who doesn't like it, there are two folks who love it/are fascinated by it--whether they tell you or not.

    Girl, I was about to post the same thing! LOL! I will NEVER wear my natural hair straight because of what happened to you and also a fear of not being able to get my coils back from being burnt off. Also, I don't want to hear how BEAUTIFUL my hair looks "straight like that".

    Luckily, no one has said anything negative about my hair to me and I hope it stays that way (for their sakes :? ).

    I agree with the other posters, check out people's albums and learn to experiment with different styles. It could also be the products you're using in your hair too. I know certain products I've bought have made my hair look like crap. No one had to tell me I just KNEW.
    Jada1111

    HAIR TYPE: 4a all over/3c around nape/edges; Last relaxer -4/4/02; Big chop - 4/16/03

    http://public.fotki.com/jada1111/
    PW: flower

Leave a Comment

BoldItalicStrikethroughOrdered listUnordered list
Emoji
Image
Align leftAlign centerAlign rightToggle HTML viewToggle full pageToggle lights
Drop image/file