Grandmother's got a case of good hair bad hair(long)

curlywavybeautycurlywavybeauty Posts: 223Registered Users
I wasnt sure where to post this, but I think it's more a parenting issues than a plain hair issue.

We just found out my fiances brother and his wife are expecting their first child. This would be my future MIL's 2nd grandchild, the first is a boy and he's 2 years old he has a head full of 3b and c curls and it's very fine and thin. Some how a conversation got started on hair and me and my future SIL were saying how we werent going to cut our future sons hair, and MIL was saying that she wouldnt cut her current grandsons hair because he has hair like his mother(i.e. good hair) but she was looking at my future SIL and her son and she was like I dont know what kind of hair your child would have, because looking at you two I dont know what would happen, and if it's a boy I might cut it myself.
My future SIL just brushed it off, but it kinda pissed me off because you arent going to go behind my back as a parent(future parent) and cut my child hair because you dont think the hair is good enough to be grown long where the texture is seen.

I dont care what hair texture my son has I just think I wanna grow it out and when he's 4 or 5 or if he hates it at age 3 we could cut it, but Im just pissed that it matters and that she would even say that she would do it regardless of what the parents say. my fiance was like she would do it if she really wanted to, and I was like she had her children to do what she wanted to with their hair...this is not her choice and I dont know if I should say anything to her about it...or just ignore it, besides the going behind a mothers back because she deemed their hair too nappy, it's disturbing that she still in 2009 believes in good and bad hair!
African American-to be more specific, Black Native american, White and Creole.
3b,c and 4a hair


  • CGNYCCGNYC Curl Connoisseur Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    my fiance was like she would do it if she really wanted to

    Are you expecting?

    First, I want to say...don't borrow trouble just yet. She may be all talk. At the same time, after you have a child if it comes up, be ready to be firm and get this fiance of yours on the same page. No she will NOT do it if she really wanted to and he needs to be ready to say something.

    Afte ryou have your baby, if the good hair/bad hair thing comes up, just prepare yourself to say calmly, "We don't want him/her to think of himself/herself that way. Don't say things like that to him/her" and change the subject. Say the same thing every time. If MIL can't get a grip,it's time to excuse yourself and leave, make an excuse to get off the phone, whatever. If the hair cutting thing comes up again, you need to have another line you always use like, "I'm the Mama, I decide on haircuts" and again, be calm but firm and change the subject, leave if she won't let it go. And never let her babysit.

    If children are in your future, you HAVE TO get your fiance to understand NOW that his responsiblity isn't to make his mom happy anymore, it's to make you happy and to present a united front with YOU.
  • curly_keltiecurly_keltie Posts: 791Registered Users
    I'm a little confused too - if you aren't expecting, then why worry now?

    You may also sing a different tune after having to try and comb a squirmy two year old's hair. I love the way my son's hair looks when it is longer, but it can be really difficult for me to take care of it when he would rather play.

    That being said - I don't think anyone has a right to do anything to a child's hair without the parents' permission....except maybe cutting out gum!
    Long, blonde, 3a/mostly b hair.

  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Curl Connoisseur Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I agree with the don't-borrow-trouble philosophy. You may decide it's WAY too much work to keep a boy's hair long.

    I loved keeping my 3 sons' hair really short. It made life a whole lot easier and crewcuts are adorable on little guys. My daughter's hair I left long. It was a LOT of work chasing after her when she was little though. I had to learn to comb while running at the same time.
  • KaiaKaia Curl Connoisseur Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I don't really see why you're concerned about it now. Yeah, it sucks that she's bought into the racist stereotypes about hair, but you won't change her mind nor is it your place to try. If it becomes an issue when you do have children, just tell her that you're trying to teach your kids to love themselves the way they are, and you'd appreciate if she didn't make comments about their appearance or try to "fix" it.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin

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