Grandparents and disipline

deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
Last week we were at my moms house. My mom was getting ready to change stevens diaper and grabbed him as he was running away (not in a mean way at all, but it scared him) He put his hands out and he hit her. My mom yelled at him and put him in time out. I told her that was unacceptable, I had seen the whole thing and he did not mean to hit her, it was a startle reflux when she grabbed him. Although we do not condone hitting, we have learned that Steven does not react to time outs and instead have started to ignore the bad behaviors instead of giving ANY sort of attention when it happens, IE - he hits, you stop what you are doing with him, get up and walk away...he throws a temper tantrum same thing. I explained that many times he does this out of frustruation with people not listening...IE putting a sucker up to his mouth over and over after he has said no and pursed his lips together, when you do this 10 times, he is mad, I would be to (yes my mother did this as she thought he wanted it if he would just try). I also told they I will be the one to correct bad behaviors if I am in the room, not them.

She understand we are doing alternitive forms of parenting and repects our ideas even if she does not agree with them. I havce told everyone MANY MANY MANY times we are not spanking, swatting at, slapping ect. I do not agree with it and do not want my child to not do something out of fear of punishment. I have told everyone if they do not want to follow it they can not be around him unsupervised.

So last night my MIL comes over (Mike's mom not stepmom). She is encouraging Steven to throw himself back when she is holding him...something I do nto allow as he will do it anytime and can hurt himself if the person holding him is not ready. I say "Steven you know you are not allowed to do that" to him. He goes to do it again and MIL says "you aren't allowed to do that your mommy won't let you". ok, I get a little pissy b/c of the mommy won't let you thing but I get over it quick and finish putting the dishes away (in the same room). She says this a few more times and Steven tries to get down. She says "give me a hug" and at that point Steven hits her. Before I can get a word in (my mouth is open to ask her to just put him down and walk away) she hits him back and says "how do you like it". I stood there mouth open eyes wide, ready to tell her to get the heck out of my house. I walk away instead and do what i needed to do with talking to her at all as I was fuming.

I told mike he has to handle this as I am mad and his mother is a guilt tripper, which I do not take to very well and I will tell her to get the heck out of our lives and never come back (this is not the first parenting issue I have had with her). If I catch her ever hitting him again she will not be allowed into my house, and Steven will not be allowed with her unsupervised. Period. end of story. Mike said OK, but seemed to think I was over reacting...I am still fuming over the situation. and it happened yesterday.

Thoughts? How do you handle these situations.
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Comments

  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    is your way of discipline is working? if it is, then tell all the grandparents how you want them to discipline your child, if you want them to when youre not around, and how and why its working.

    my parents and i dont exactly see eye to eye on discipline and behavior but i had to let my mom know that she better not lay a hand on my child. period. with some of majerle's unfavorable behavior my first inclination was to ignore those bad behaviors too. but that really wasnt working.
    so now when we have a behavior issue while in the company of her grandparents i correct her the way i see fit and/or i guide my parents through how i want them to handle the situation as its happening. the latter of the two really works.
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Just reposting my other answer from elsewhere:

    We don't spank either. My theory is that I know my child and if I start hitting her, I'll just have to teach her not to hit. She is such a little sponge, she immiates and picks up everything we do and say. And there are, IMO, better ways of handling things.

    When S does something we don't want her to do, I just tell her not to do it and either move her away from the thing or situation. I can't think of anything right off hand, but she's an only, she spends most of the day with me, it's not hard for me to say "stop banging on the glass top table" and move her somewhere else, y'know? She's active, she's loud, she's not good at being quiet or sitting still, but she is not bad, mean, our out of control by any stretch. She's sweet, she's funny, she's really developing a lot of empathy and she's very gentle with babies, older kids, and animals. She loves people, she's polite, she says please, thank you, and excuse me. She's very confident and social. She's only three, but I was told that she would certainly be out of control by now if we didn't spank and that just hasn't happened.

    She's never hit anyone, although she has flailed around and caught me a few times (mostly being silly) and once she pinched me when I was rocking her but that's never happened again. Anytime something like that happens, I stop what we're doing, get on her level or look her in the eye and remind her to be more careful. If she were to try it again, I'd put her down and go do something else. She can't hit/pinch if I'm not there and it's no fun when mommy doesn't want to play because you're being too rough. But like I said, it's not really come up much.

    I try to handle grown ups the same way I do kids...gentle and direct do not end with just my child. With your family issues I think it would be helpful to do the same thing. Stop what you're doing, speak directly to the person who is doing something you don't like, and tell them that's not how you do things, it was an accident, whatever. I'm not out to embarass anyone unless I have to, so you may have to walk over and talk to them and not talk across the room in front of everyone, but I don't yell at my child (I do raise my voice because sometimes you have to make yourself heard or you have to get their attention, but I don't get angry and do a lot of shouting, they just tune out or get scared and shut down or start yelling back) and I am certainly not going to let someone else do it.

    My mom adores my daughter, but we have totally different ideas about parenting and children. She mostly follows my lead, but I've had to quietly tell her, "let me handle it" a few times. I also try to be right there so no one else has the chance to step in and "help" - I'm the mom, I'll do it. At the same time, I don't get mad if she's doing something like climbing and someone else sees it before I do and tells her to get down. I would have a problem if they yelled, "Get your ass down from there and don't let me see you try it again or I will beat your ass" as my parents were known to do with us. What can I say, they were young.

    In the example with your mom, I think it's fine for you to say, "Mom, we don't yell at him, we don't do time out, and it was an accident anyway" then tell your child it's ok to get up, tell grannie it was an accident, and let him get on with his day. I just handle these things in a very matter of fact of course you are not going to contradict me on this way, and I don't dwell. Once that is over, change the subject, forcibly move on to something else, and don't give them the chance to argue with you. If you're like me, you know how you intend to parent and it's not by committee so their opinion doesn't matter. Don't listen and give them the idea that it does.

    With your MIL, I think you needed to say something. It's your job to protect your child, it is not your job to protect your MIL's feelings. I think calling your son over and telling him nana was wrong to hit would be fine, and telling nana that "we don't hit" in a very clear way would be a good thing. You don't have to yell and fall out with her, but what a childish ****ing thing to do. I would not discuss it. If she had a problem, she could go home and grouse about it to someone else because I don't give a rat's ass.

    I think maybe you should think about stepping in before things come to that. The second time someone offers him something he doesn't want to eat, it's ok for you to say, "It's ok of you don't want to try that now, Nana understands" then scoop him up and send him on his way. Or "It's ok if you don't want to hug right now, Nana will take a high five" and again, scoop him up and walk away. I don't like being badgered and I want my daughter to know that when she says no people have to respect that. I certainly don't want her badgered to the point of defending herself and then being punished for it.

    I have a lot of thoughts on this, can you tell?

    It is a waste of time to try and explain yourself to people who are coming from a totally different perspective on parenting. You don't need their approval and they probably will never agree anyway. Just do what you do, enforce your rules, and keep going. You're the mom. Your obligation is to your child.
    is your way of discipline is working?

    I don't really think it mattes. Unless it "isn't working" to the point that your child is torturing their dog or destroying their things and you're not doing anything about it, it's none of their business if it "works" or not. And goodness knows we all have different ideas on what "working" means and the goals of discipline, anyway.
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I just handle these things in a very matter of fact of course you are not going to contradict me on this way, and I don't dwell. Once that is over, change the subject, forcibly move on to something else, and don't give them the chance to argue with you. If you're like me, you know how you intend to parent and it's not by committee so their opinion doesn't matter. Don't listen and give them the idea that it does.

    I agree with this (and the rest of your post).

    I was worried about this topic myself, since most of you know that my MIL lives with us. So she is in many ways a 3rd parent to my kids and I feel we need to all be consistent in how we manage behaviour.

    It hasn't been an issue. I make a point of doing all the disciplining when I am in the room, or even within earshot. I lead by example. My MIL is happy to follow along - to be honest, I don't think she wants to be responsible with figuring out how to discipline in this day and age which is obviously so different from when she was a Mom.

    I often do what you did with your MIL - I talk directly to Karan and say "Karan, you know you shouldn't be standing on the coffee table" and lift him off while making eye contact with only him. Then I go back to whatever I was doing. I don't talk directly to whoever it was that encouraged him to dance up there. They get the message.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    CGNYC are you saying who cares if your way of disciple works or are you saying who cares if others think your way of discipline works?

    also (slight guano) do you not explain your POV to others who have a differeing POV on all kinds subjects or just parenting? i hope that didnt sound snarky, because thats not my intention at all...
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    CGNYC are you saying who cares if your way of disciple works or are you saying who cares if others think your way of discipline works?

    Who cares if they think it works. I think we all have slightly different goals and expectations and that could be a whole other post.

    I will happily talk theories of parenting with you guys till we all get bored of it, but when it reaches the point beyond just sharing ideas and turns into, "let me tell you why you should do things my way" I lose interest.

    So talking about parenting "in theory" with people I know IRL (like, when something big is in the news or happens locally and you discuss how you might handle it, or something that involves just a "what if") is fine, and I have more on this, hold that thought, my child is up from her nap. Not done!
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Ok, maybe I can finish now.

    With people in my life, like my parents or people we're around often, especially other people with kids, it is never just "sharing theories."

    For one thing, when you start talking over what you do and why, the other person (who is just as invested in how and why they parent their kids as you are in yours) always get defensive. Or maybe I will, when someone tells me that parents who don't spank are lazy and raising brats.

    The other thing, which is major, is that when you start telling people how and why you do what you do, you open the door for them to give you their opinion, which you don't want anyway.

    You will probably never, by talking, make someone else understand why you discipline and parent the way you do. Especially not your parents who want to think they get a vote AND will probably take it personally (were we such horrible parents that you won't do it the way we did?). You don't need their approval and you don't need them to agree so just go ahead and get ok with that, be confident in what you do, and keep on doing it with the attitude that OF COURSE this is my child and no one would DREAM of going over or around me on this.

    As far as other topics, there are some things I don't discuss with some people. It's not worth it.
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    i agree that people should respect your views of parenting and shouldn't undermine your methods.

    my question is regarding your child hitting others. now, you may ignore the hitting as part of you and your husband's parenting style. but should others also ignore a hitting child when that child is hitting them?

    let's be fair. in the situation you described, grandma reaches to change a 'runaway' baby, grabs him, and he hits her, whether reflex or deliberate. she doesn't hit back, but puts him in a timeout to show him that she doesn't agree with his actions. how should she, a person who isn't his mother or father, have handled that?

    are you concerned that you may be teaching him that when he hits, mommy will defend him? did you ever correct your son at the time that he hit her or did you only admonish your mother in front of him?

    ignoring bad behavior can be constructive when it diminishes the control that a toddler feels when he's acting out. but there are some behaviors that should not be ignored and should be addressed immediately, especially when they affect others who don't share your ideals of discipline.

    ETA: we ignored our son's loud tantrums when he was going through his terribles. he'd go on for a good 15 minutes of loud crying and thrashing about before realizing that we were not going to budge. we'd never have let him carry on like that in someone else's home. we would have used a stern voice and removed him from the room/area to admonish and diffuse his behavior. all i'm saying is that maybe you and your husband should have alternative methods ready to use when your son's behavior begins to affect others.
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I find that 99% of the people who want to try their hand at parenting my children either (1) don't have kids, or more commonly (2) are don't raising their kids. I don't find that either of those types of people really want to know why I'm doing what I'm doing. So I just go about my business. If someone really wants to know, they ask. That never happens.

    The people I know with kids are too busy parenting their own to want to manage my kids!
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    my question is regarding your child hitting others. now, you may ignore the hitting as part of you and your husband's parenting style. but should others also ignore a hitting child when that child is hitting them?

    let's be fair. in the situation you described, grandma reaches to change a 'runaway' baby, grabs him, and he hits her, whether reflex or deliberate. she doesn't hit back, but puts him in a timeout to show him that she doesn't agree with his actions. how should she, a person who isn't his mother or father, have handled that?

    They should let his mother, who was in the room, handle it. She may not agree with his actions, but it is not for her to judge what happens when those actions happen.

    are you concerned that you may be teaching him that when he hits, mommy will defend him? did you ever correct your son at the time that he hit her or did you only admonish your mother in front of him?

    I never admonished her in front of him, we talked about it later in the day. Personally, it is my job to defend him when I feel he is being treated unfairly as his mother.

    ignoring bad behavior can be constructive when it diminishes the control that a toddler feels when he's acting out. but there are some behaviors that should not be ignored and should be addressed immediately, especially when they affect others who don't share your ideals of discipline.

    We have tried addressing the hitting and that did not work. It is a habit he picked up while at daycare for a few months. It is also a very hard habit to break. After reading many articles and trying many different things, I have found through logging his behavior that ignoring it is the one thing that makes it stop.

    ETA: we ignored our son's loud tantrums when he was going through his terribles. he'd go on for a good 15 minutes of loud crying and thrashing about before realizing that we were not going to budge. we'd never have let him carry on like that in someone else's home. we would have used a stern voice and removed him from the room/area to admonish and diffuse his behavior. all i'm saying is that maybe you and your husband should have alternative methods ready to use when your son's behavior begins to affect others.

    We do not let him carry on in other peoples homes. Actually, he is not really on eto throw tantrums, this is the one issue that we have. The tantrums where stopped very early by ignoring. I can tell before we hit a tantrum point and diffuse the situation (typically they are due to over stimulation or being over tired). We have alternative methods that we use, and quite frankly, I do not want to get in a debate about parenting.
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  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    my question is regarding your child hitting others. now, you may ignore the hitting as part of you and your husband's parenting style. but should others also ignore a hitting child when that child is hitting them?

    I think this is very important. You have to be ready to step in if you're dealing with someone you KNOW isn't going to handle things the way you want them to.

    A person has a right to do SOMETHING when someone, even a child, hits them. I assume this person knows that you don't do time out or hitting back and you know they're going to do one or the other anyway, so you have to be ready to jump in and do SOMETHING or accept that the other person is going to do whatever it is they think is the right consequence for hitting.

    If they over react, I do think it's fine to step in and say something like, "Nana is right, don't hit. Be careful! (I think it's better to use as few words as possible when you're talking to little kids or you just lose them)" and then go change the diaper yourself. Who sits a kid in time out in a wet/dirty diaper?
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    They should let his mother, who was in the room, handle it. She may not agree with his actions, but it is not for her to judge what happens when those actions happen.

    I'll be perfectly honest, I do think people should let the parents handle it most of the time BUT people have a right to establish and enforce their own boundaries.

    If my child hits someone (she's not a hitter, but if she were, I'd stay on top of her a LOT more when we're around other people), they have the right to react to that and defend themselves.

    I know they're only little, but a well-placed toddler hit can hurt and people are going to react, they are NOT going to sit around and wait for mom to do something, especially if mom's plan looks like doing nothing. And I say "looks like" because I know and you know sometimes the best thing you can do is pointedly ignore the child when they do something you don't like.

    Now, we would hope that people use common sense (because they're not the parent of this child) and do as little as possible (for instance, my friend's youngest is a hitter and when he takes a swing at me, I put him down and say, "No hitting Ms. CGNYC. I don't want to play" and walk away) because you never really know how someone else wants to discipline their kid.

    I think we can only make rules for our kids as far as they extend to someone else's self or property. And yes, some people WAY over react, so that's why you have to be there to jump in before they can do anything too nuts.

    I would never hit or put someone else's kid in time out, but I do have the right to define boundaries for myself, for my things, in my home, and I have the right to use the least "force" necessary to enforce those things.
  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    When S does something we don't want her to do, I just tell her not to do it and either move her away from the thing or situation. I can't think of anything right off hand, but she's an only, she spends most of the day with me, it's not hard for me to say "stop banging on the glass top table" and move her somewhere else, y'know? She's active, she's loud, she's not good at being quiet or sitting still, but she is not bad, mean, our out of control by any stretch. She's sweet, she's funny, she's really developing a lot of empathy and she's very gentle with babies, older kids, and animals. She loves people, she's polite, she says please, thank you, and excuse me. She's very confident and social. She's only three, but I was told that she would certainly be out of control by now if we didn't spank and that just hasn't happened.

    We do a lot of redirecting also. He is only 2, and I know that his impulse control is not quite there yet.


    She can't hit/pinch if I'm not there and it's no fun when mommy doesn't want to play because you're being too rough. But like I said, it's not really come up much.

    That is my thought. If we are playing and he starts getting rough, we stop.

    I try to handle grown ups the same way I do kids...gentle and direct do not end with just my child. With your family issues I think it would be helpful to do the same thing. Stop what you're doing, speak directly to the person who is doing something you don't like, and tell them that's not how you do things, it was an accident, whatever. I'm not out to embarass anyone unless I have to, so you may have to walk over and talk to them and not talk across the room in front of everyone, but I don't yell at my child (I do raise my voice because sometimes you have to make yourself heard or you have to get their attention, but I don't get angry and do a lot of shouting, they just tune out or get scared and shut down or start yelling back) and I am certainly not going to let someone else do it.

    I spoke to my mom after the fact. I expained what I had found in my research and she was easy to talk to. My MIL is a different story though. I guess it was the shock of it that got me. I could not imagine hitting a child, and could not believe someone else was hitting mine.

    At the same time, I don't get mad if she's doing something like climbing and someone else sees it before I do and tells her to get down.

    That was the whole problem I had. I was there, I saw the whole thing and they both knew that I was right there.

    In the example with your mom, I think it's fine for you to say, "Mom, we don't yell at him, we don't do time out, and it was an accident anyway" then tell your child it's ok to get up, tell grannie it was an accident, and let him get on with his day. I just handle these things in a very matter of fact of course you are not going to contradict me on this way, and I don't dwell. Once that is over, change the subject, forcibly move on to something else, and don't give them the chance to argue with you.

    I like that. being very matter of fact. My mom is easy to talk to, so that was not really the problem. she knows I will do things the way I want, and I do what is right for me and my family.

    If you're like me, you know how you intend to parent and it's not by committee so their opinion doesn't matter. Don't listen and give them the idea that it does.

    Exactly.

    With your MIL, I think you needed to say something. It's your job to protect your child, it is not your job to protect your MIL's feelings. I think calling your son over and telling him nana was wrong to hit would be fine, and telling nana that "we don't hit" in a very clear way would be a good thing. You don't have to yell and fall out with her, but what a childish ****ing thing to do. I would not discuss it. If she had a problem, she could go home and grouse about it to someone else because I don't give a rat's ass.

    I need to grow a pair with her. My big thing is I know she will throw DH in the middle of it all. And I HATE that she does that.


    is your way of discipline is working?


    I don't really think it mattes. Unless it "isn't working" to the point that your child is torturing their dog or destroying their things and you're not doing anything about it, it's none of their business if it "works" or not. And goodness knows we all have different ideas on what "working" means and the goals of discipline, anyway.

    exactly
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  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I have no advice as we're not dealing with this yet, but I just want to offer my sympathies. I also think you did they right thing walking away from MIL. I too would have a hard time not telling someone to get the hell out of my house and never come back if they hit my child. :evil:
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  • deezee02deezee02 Posts: 1,509Registered Users
    I'll be perfectly honest, I do think people should let the parents handle it most of the time BUT people have a right to establish and enforce their own boundaries.

    If my child hits someone (she's not a hitter, but if she were, I'd stay on top of her a LOT more when we're around other people), they have the right to react to that and defend themselves.

    I honestly try ato stay on top of him as much as possible. I was comfortable around my mom and MIL, especially since MIL was in our house and holding/playing with him. I totally agree that people have the right to react and I was much more comfortable with my mothers approach than my MIL's. I understood that my mother was trying, and although I was irritated, I got over that quickly.

    I know they're only little, but a well-placed toddler hit can hurt and people are going to react, they are NOT going to sit around and wait for mom to do something, especially if mom's plan looks like doing nothing. And I say "looks like" because I know and you know sometimes the best thing you can do is pointedly ignore the child when they do something you don't like.

    ITA.

    Now, we would hope that people use common sense (because they're not the parent of this child) and do as little as possible (for instance, my friend's youngest is a hitter and when he takes a swing at me, I put him down and say, "No hitting Ms. CGNYC. I don't want to play" and walk away) because you never really know how someone else wants to discipline their kid.

    I think we can only make rules for our kids as far as they extend to someone else's self or property. And yes, some people WAY over react, so that's why you have to be there to jump in before they can do anything too nuts.

    I would never hit or put someone else's kid in time out, but I do have the right to define boundaries for myself, for my things, in my home, and I have the right to use the least "force" necessary to enforce those things.

    I guess that is my big thing, I do not parent other kids when they are around at our house when someone is doing something I may not like and the parent is not around I simply say "we don;t do that here". That works many times with Steven, and after I want away, he always come and says sorry.

    I think his main issue is frustration. we are working on it, but there is only so much we can do with a toddler with speech problems. He understand and wants to say so much, and I think that language barrier is what really gets it (ie he cannot say.."i don't like that please stop)
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    Oh goodness, I missed the part of your post where MIL hit your little guy. :evil:

    My son was a hitter. Big time. Ages 15 months to 24 months. I definitely needed to stay right on top of him when other children were involved (although DH and I were his preferred targets so it wasn't usually an issue). I would do what you did - tell him "No hitting. I don't play with boys who hit." and put him down and walk away.

    Mostly it was just a phase. I don't think my approach had anything to do with him stopping. He stopped when he realized he could better express himself with words.
  • marielle448marielle448 Posts: 1,823Registered Users
    ita with what's been said - not worth the grief, you won't convince them but you can and should make your expectations re: your child clear and prepare to be "on" as a parent even more around those who disagree.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    CGNYC wrote: »
    CGNYC are you saying who cares if your way of disciple works or are you saying who cares if others think your way of discipline works?

    Who cares if they think it works. I think we all have slightly different goals and expectations and that could be a whole other post.

    I will happily talk theories of parenting with you guys till we all get bored of it, but when it reaches the point beyond just sharing ideas and turns into, "let me tell you why you should do things my way" I lose interest.

    So talking about parenting "in theory" with people I know IRL (like, when something big is in the news or happens locally and you discuss how you might handle it, or something that involves just a "what if") is fine, and I have more on this, hold that thought, my child is up from her nap. Not done!

    thanks for answering.

    and in my original response to the OP i was asking her if she thought that her way of handling the hitting was working, not what anyone else thought.

    luckily for me, the people in life listen to what my POV is, even if it differs from theirs and vice versa. that way we get a better understanding of how/why we do the things we do.
  • CGNYCCGNYC Posts: 4,938Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I think his main issue is frustration. we are working on it, but there is only so much we can do with a toddler with speech problems. He understand and wants to say so much, and I think that language barrier is what really gets it (ie he cannot say.."i don't like that please stop)

    Really hammer that home with your ILs and parents - he knows what he wants to say but it's not coming out so whe he is telling you "no" in every way he can, respect that. Otherwise they are setting him up to fail. He's still little and there is only so much impulse control there, when you push him he is going to do what anyone would do, which is react in whatever way he has.

    Obviously, you know I'm not saying to ignore anything and let everything slide, but they need to be realistic.

    Have you taught him to sign "stop" or "no, thank you?"
  • curlywavybeautycurlywavybeauty Posts: 223Registered Users
    I understand that you are dealing with family members, the child's grandmother, so I kinda think its unfair to expect her to turn to you after being 'hit' by your child and say 'what do you want me to do?'

    Mind you I have no children so I'm sure its easy to throw my thoughts out...but I think it that situation, like has already been said, you couldnt, shouldnt have ignored it because it involves another person, and that fact that the person was grandma makes it even easier for her to do something instead of a friend, because it's her grandchild. I think when other people are involved and your child does something 'off' because when they are that young it's not always on purpose or a bad thing, but anyway you have to jump in and talk to the child. I personaly think babies hitting it an issue that has to be dealt with. I was hit by a one year old in my friends family and the parents did nothing said nothing and I wanted to do something but I didnt because it's not my child...but it pissed me off becasue they didnt say a thing, like 'hey no hitting' or anything, and the bad part is he did it after I wouldnt let him play with something of mine so I put him down and didnt play with him for a while, there were others in the room that he played with so I dont think he cared, also this is the same baby but when he was younger like maybe just tured one he hit a 3 year old, and she started crying and it's like no one addressed the baby they just were addressing the 3 year old that it was okay, but I think damn someone could have looked at the baby and said 'no you dont do that'

    that's just an example that's not what happened with your son but I can say its not 'easy' so to speak to deal with someone elses child hitting you and i feel like the parents should say something to the child I"m not saying spank or time out but even if it was an accident could she tell? how did you expect her to tell? You could have saw it and said "opps that was an accident" like jump in before anything is said.
    African American-to be more specific, Black Native american, White and Creole.
    3b,c and 4a hair

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