What are your parenting views/rules/guidlelines?

shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
Some of mine:
No bottle after he learned to drink from a sippy cup
Cow Milk by age 1
Sleep in crib from day 1 (can join in the big bed in the morning)
No pacifier after they can crawl
Spanking- yes, if needed
3 naps a day until around a year
2 naps now- 10 & 3
Bedtime 8
No rocking to sleep- sleep "trained" him from day 1
Bath every other night (dry skin)
No drinks other than water, milk or juice/water.
No candy or nuts
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
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Comments

  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Wow, that seems like a lot of rules. My "rule" is to try to be flexible and go with the flow. I encourage a nap by a certain time because he needs it and will get cranky later on. I also encourage an 8 o'clock bedtime. Sometimes it works, but sometimes he's just not tired (like it he took a late nap). I can't make him sleep.

    I have safety rules like no standing up in the stroller, buclking in the car seat even if we're just going across the parking lot to another store, not getting too wild in the bath, etc. Everything else I figure is flexible.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    How do you enforce the nap rule? I'm not saying that judgementally, but I know I can't force my kid to nap if he doesn't want to.

    Some of mine:

    -Never let him CIO (this is #1 for us)
    -Exclusively breastfeed, no formula
    -Solids only once the following conditions are met: at least 6 months, doubled birth weight AND 15 lb, sitting up independently
    -Baby-led solids (no purees or cereals, letting him feed himself from day 1)
    -Cosleep until it stops working for one of us (including daddy)
    -No TV for now, not sure when we'll be okay with it
    -Rear-facing carseat as long as possible (33-35 lb)
    -5-point harness carseat as long as possible
    -No spanking, hitting, or verbally berating
    -Discipline with logical/natural consequences in a way that is age-appropriate and he can understand
    -Most importantly, treat him with the love and respect that I would treat any other family member, in an age-appropriate way


    ETA: LOL Kaia, I guess mine are more "rules" for myself than they are for my child(ren).
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    I don't really have rules like that, but my basic view of parenting is that I want to provide a safe space for my child to develop according to what his needs and abilities are at that time, and I want everything I do to be underlined with love and respect for who he is.

    So, no spanking or corporal punishment or harsh discipline here. My goal with discipline is to be consistent and fair so that he understands what I am actually trying to do - which is to keep him safe and help him be the best person he can and develop to his full potential.

    In terms of eating, drinking etc. I exclusively nursed on cue till 1 year, no pacifiers, and then did baby-led solids while continuing to nurse. Since I'm still nursing, he doesn't get other types of milk. He's now drinking out of a regular (not sippy) cup and spoon-feeding himself, at his choice. I don't want to push him to do things. I'm a little cautious with food because of his eczema and my history of allergies, but so far, no major issues.

    I try to provide activities that will stimulate him. He goes to kinderschule (German school), French playschool and swimming, and we do music and dance with him at home, want to put him in Suzuki violin next year. He has lots of books and educational toys available, but we don't force him to learn - we want it to happen naturally. He is a very physical child, who loves running, jumping, climbing etc. so to meet HIS needs, we provide a lot of space and time for him to exercise and will probably look at mini-soccer when he is older. He is also a very sociable child so I try to get together with other people with kids as often as possible.

    Spiritual development is important to us as a family so we have family prayer times and take him to mass every week and I am looking into Catholic day care for him. It's also important to us that he knows his culture and his roots - he's already been to the Caribbean and he is frequently at community events and we plan to foster those ties throughout his childhood. I made sure his daycare is multicultural so he sees a variety of faces, and he is also frequently around family because I want him to have that bond as well.

    In terms of napping, we're flexible because I like the fact that he can go anywhere any time and be pleasant. We don't push bedtimes or anything like that - he sleeps when he's tired. And we co-sleep. As for baths, he has eczema so he only gets a full bath every 3 days or so but I make sure his hands, face and private areas are always clean. I try to brush his teeth every day but he fights me. Hair combing happens whenever he will sit still long enough. He gets lotioned twice a day because of the eczema.

    I talk to him a lot because I want us to always be able to have open lines of communication and I never want him to fear telling me anything. I make sure he is hugged and kissed and snuggled all the time so he feels secure.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    How do you enforce the nap rule? I'm not saying that judgementally, but I know I can't force my kid to nap if he doesn't want to.

    Some of mine:

    -Never let him CIO (this is #1 for us)
    -Exclusively breastfeed, no formula
    -Solids only once the following conditions are met: at least 6 months, doubled birth weight AND 15 lb, sitting up independently
    -Baby-led solids (no purees or cereals, letting him feed himself from day 1)
    -Cosleep until it stops working for one of us (including daddy)
    -No TV for now, not sure when we'll be okay with it
    -Rear-facing carseat as long as possible (33-35 lb)
    -5-point harness carseat as long as possible
    -No spanking, hitting, or verbally berating
    -Discipline with logical/natural consequences in a way that is age-appropriate and he can understand
    -Most importantly, treat him with the love and respect that I would treat any other family member, in an age-appropriate way


    ETA: LOL Kaia, I guess mine are more "rules" for myself than they are for my child(ren).

    Pixie and Kaia - agreed - I certainly can't make mine sleep if he doesn't want to!

    Pixie - I agree with a lot of yours. No crying it out here, either.

    Why the rear-facing car seat at 35 lbs though? Can you even find car seats that face the rear for that size child?

    I do let him watch TV - I don't think small amounts of age-appropriate shows are bad for him. Plus he turns the TV off and on himself anyway.

    A "rule" I guess I do have is I don't let other people undermine my parenting decisions and I don't leave him alone with anyone who cannot respect them - ie. wants to feed him differently from me, spank him, let him cry it out, etc.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    Why the rear-facing car seat at 35 lbs though? Can you even find car seats that face the rear for that size child?

    This video does a good job of explaining why.

    When shopping for a convertible seat, I specifically looked for one with a high rear-facing limit. I have the Sunshine Kids Radian, but a lot of the Britax ones are good for that too.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    shellibean wrote: »
    Some of mine:
    No bottle after he learned to drink from a sippy cup
    Cow Milk by age 1
    Sleep in crib from day 1 (can join in the big bed in the morning)
    No pacifier after they can crawl
    Spanking- yes, if needed
    3 naps a day until around a year
    2 naps now- 10 & 3
    Bedtime 8
    No rocking to sleep- sleep "trained" him from day 1
    Bath every other night (dry skin)
    No drinks other than water, milk or juice/water.
    No candy or nuts


    I would add that I think rules should have a purpose and be trying to accomplish something.

    I have issues with sleep training because I think it is generally done for the parents' convenience, and while that is understandable, it may not be in the best interests of the baby developmentally. Frequent waking has been shown to decrease the risk of SIDS. Also, if you nurse, nursing babies on average wake more than formula babies and that is natural and healthy. (If a baby naturally sleeps through the night, I also wouldn't mess with that and wouldn't wake them to eat unless there is a medical reason.)

    I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind some of your rules - why is a sippy cup preferable to a bottle? Why is it essential to drink cow's milk at 1 year as opposed to 18 months or 2 years (or never?) Shouldn't naps be taken when the child is tired - if your child NEEDS the 3, great, but what if they don't or you have another child that doesn't? Are you going to battle it out with them over taking 3 naps as opposed to 2, or 1 long one?
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    PixieCurl wrote: »
    Amneris wrote: »
    Why the rear-facing car seat at 35 lbs though? Can you even find car seats that face the rear for that size child?

    This video does a good job of explaining why.

    When shopping for a convertible seat, I specifically looked for one with a high rear-facing limit. I have the Sunshine Kids Radian, but a lot of the Britax ones are good for that too.

    Thanks for that, Pixie. I had never heard that recommendation and we already have our forward facing seats, but it's something to think about - that video was scary!
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    There are things that I try to do - but I break my rules to my or his convenience when needed. The only thing I've stuck with is no plain or flavored cow's milk. I'll do dairy in other forms like cheese or yogurt but that's all.

    My hubby said that if we had a girl his guiding rule will be to keep her off the pole - LOL!
    hello.world.
  • LoloDSMLoloDSM Posts: 3,778Registered Users
    DD takes a nap after her lunch. After that, we look to DD for cues.

    No spanking.

    DD was exclusively breast fed until she was six months old when we introduced cereal.

    For the most part, we try to respect DD's feelings and boundaries and follow her lead (with the exception of safety, naturally). Now that she's a toddler, she needs more direction and discipline, but her discipline is time out in the pack n' play.

    Rules that went out the window when I had a child:
    1. Pacifier. DD wasn't going to get a pacifier, but when she was less than a day old, she didn't want to do anything but nurse, so that rule ended quickly. :)
    2. No TV. Try getting ready for work without Elmo.
    3. Sweets. Although DD doesn't get candy, we will give her vanilla ice cream for dessert when we go out to dinner. She occasionally eats shortbread cookies with her yogurt.
    Loose botticelli curls and waves
    No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
  • TrenellTrenell Posts: 3,562Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    No trips to the emergency room. That's my only goal. that's including myself. Isaiah has a wicked pitching arm for a 2 year old :)

    I feel the arts are very important. So we are always singing and "acting"

    No spanking

    Lots of reading.

    hugs and kisses
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    I didn't have "rules" really set beforehand - I made them accordingly. For example, he gets really, really cranky, over tired if he doesn't get those naps in. So, as a "rule", I lay him down twice a day. Almost every day, he lays down and naps- zero crying. He likes to sleep. Of course, if he woke up later or whatever- we can get away without a morning nap. I'm not like forcing him or anything- I just give the opportunity for a nap twice. He is a really, happy boy & I think it is directly related to him being well rested.

    Sippy cup/bottle- I don't think I pushed a sippy on him by any means. I breast fed then gave him bottles until around 7/8 months I think. Then, just out of curiousity, let him try a sippy. He liked it, so we went with it. I didn't see a reason to do bottles if he was capable of the cup.

    I like to challenge him to try new things and if he seems to enjoy them likes the challenge, I go with it. I figure learning is good. For example, after he is done with a cup, I ask him to please go put it in the sink. This is teaching him that we clean up after ourselves. I would never like punish him if he doesn't. I just encourage him to do stuff. So, they aren't really RULES he MUST obide by- just kinda what we shoot for.
    I should add- we are working on "Please & "Thank You" too. Manners are really important to me. I always ask him,"please" and tell him "thank you" , "excuse me",etc.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    No really sure what my "rules" are. I should probably ask my MIL - she will know better than I do.

    I'm not really hard-and-fast on anything other than no spanking. I generally try to have a relaxed attitude towards parenting and respect my children as little individuals, with their own personality and needs. Each child is different and what "worked" for my first didn't necessarily work for my second and vice versa.

    I have a general philosophy of gentle parenting when it comes to discipline and most everything else. I emphasize healthy eating and sleep habits and activities for all the members of my household but we have treats and watch some tv also. I want to set up my kids with healthy attitudes and the ability to reason and make good decisions for themselves.

    Breastfeeding, naps, pacis, bottles, introducing solids, cosleeping.... I just go with what works and what feels right for that child at that time. I encourage good eating and good sleeping with the minimum amount of drama.

    ETA because I saw Shelli's post. Manners are also important here.
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    Here are some of the rules or guidelines we've been trying to follow:

    -Health and safety issues are non-negotiable. That is, always buckled into the car seat, tooth brushing (which has been a struggle, but he's getting more accepting), Connor can't be in the kitchen when I open the oven, etc.

    -Sleep: I've tried to train Connor (and now Oliver) to fall asleep on their own. My sister was still rocking her girls to sleep when they were 3 and 4 years old, which took about an hour every night. I wasn't going to have that in my house. Connor is a great sleeper and Oliver is progressing. My children need regular naptimes and bedtimes because they will melt down if they get overtired, especially Connor.

    -Co-sleeping: we coslept with both children until it stopped working, which was about 3-4 months with each of them. When it got to the point that my husband and I were waking them up anytime we rolled over or moved in bed, that was time for the baby to move into a crib in their own room.

    -No bottles or pacifiers after age 1; transition to a sippy cup and give up the pacifier. I think children can become attached to their bottles and binkies if they keep them too long, and then they're hard to give up. Again, my sister's kids still had bottles at age 3, which I think is too old. We use a sippy cup because it reduces spills, especially when he's running around the house and not in his high chair. He practices with regular cups frequently, but hasn't mastered them completely.

    -TV: I originally didn't plan to have them watch any TV at a young age, but when I had an 18-month-old and a newborn, I compromised a little. I turn on kid's shows on PBS for Connor when I need to, and I don't think it's been a bad thing. He's learned new words and knows about half his alphabet letters now, and he's not quite two.

    -Breastfeeding: My intention was/is to breastfeed for a year, then start weaning. With Connor, it didn't happen because I was working full-time and wasn't able to pump enough and keep my supply up, so he switched to formula by 6-7 months. With Oliver, my plan is to breastfeed for one year, and so far we're doing better than I did with Connor. Connor started solids at 4 months, which was on the early side, and I believe Oliver will be ready for solids pretty soon.

    -Discipline: I keep my house fairly baby and toddler-proof and use routines and distraction as much as possible to help Connor behave. I think he's becoming ready for consequences like time-outs. I'm not completely anti-spanking, but I would only use it in very limited circumstances.

    I've tried to be pragmatic and willing to compromise when necessary--my goal is happy and healthy kids and parents.
    ehLB.jpg
  • geekygeeky Posts: 4,995Registered Users
    Having my second child, who is completely different from my first, has convinced me to throw the rules out the window. Here are some general principles that I tyr to follow or have noticed.
    1. No spanking, discipline rather than punishment.
    2. Nothing but breastmilk in a baby bottle. All other liquids in a cup. That way, when they stop drinking breastmilk from a bottle, they are done with a bottle and I don't have to worry about specific ages when it happens.
    3. Eat dinner as a family whenever possible. No TV or phone calls during dinner time.
    4. Age appropriate good manners
    5. No special meals for the kids. We try to make food that everyone will like. They can eat it or not but I'm not making them something else.
    6. Sleep training (CIO) is not a magic solution that works for every child. Cosleeping is not a magic solution that works for every child. You can encourage good sleep habits but all kids are different and will sleep through the night when ready.
    To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
    I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

    Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    after reading others rules, ive realized that we're a pretty flexible family. of course there are saftey guidelines/rules but other than that we go with the flow. all 3 of us are pretty head strong and dont like to be restricted with rules (especially if theyre for someone elses convenience rather than for a real reason).
    so far so good. i sneezed today and majerle said "bless you" which surprised the hell out of me because ive never taught her to say bless you when someone sneezes. apparently, leading by example does wonders!
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    subbrock wrote: »
    (especially if theyre for someone elses convenience rather than for a real reason)

    This reminds me of another one of my "rules". I try to have a (good) reason for everything I do/don't do or allow/don't allow. For example, if Solomon wants to play with something and I don't want to let him, I ask myself why. Is it because it's unsafe? Is it valuable/breakable? Will it create a mess, and if so do I have time to clean it up?

    I'm sure as Sol gets older I'll find this "rule" harder to follow - I know in my coaching days I found myself saying "because I said so" on more than one occasion. But I'm going to try.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    our parenting style is a combination of ideals from both our families, as well as some of our own that we've created along the way.

    we don't compare our parenting style to others'.

    we don't read 'the' books. it was reading 'the' books that led to me screwing up our first baby's sleep schedule and made us fearful of him every evening around 7 p.m. when he was only a wee baby. :laughing6:

    discipline? we do what we think is appropriate at that time and for that particular child.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    I don't see it as a bad thing if parents have rules or guidelines for their own convenience, as long as the child is not being harmed by it. For example, the bedtime "policy" in my house is that Connor gets tucked into bed and kissed goodnight, then I leave the room and he falls asleep on his own. I fully admit that this *is* for my convenience, because I don't have time to rock him to sleep or lay down in bed next to him until he falls asleep. Even rules about avoiding messy or breakable things are for the parents' convenience on some level, because they don't want to clean it up or buy a new one. But those things keep the household and family running more smoothly, and that's good for everyone.
    ehLB.jpg
  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Posts: 4,476Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    My kids are way older.

    Sibling rules
    No name calling, ever
    No physical contact meant to hurt each other.
    Show respect to everyone


    Other guidelines:
    All screens off at 10 pm.
    Privacy is valued, knock on closed doors
    Do your own laundry at about age 7
    Start learning to do dishes at age 7
    wipe own butt by age 5 (it's ok if I have to check, though)
    Clean up after yourself
    You won't be punished for telling the truth, but there might be natural consequences
    Go to wakes and funerals for anyone we love and care about. This includes family members of friends as well as our own family member's wakes/funerals
    Inside voices when we're inside anything.
    If someone is asleep, quieter than inside voices


    Now that my children are all in double-digit ages and I have the luxury of looking back, there are several things I would have done differently if I could do it over again.

    I would encourage cuddling in bed with the little ones more.
    I would have more than encouraged my oldest to join in more after his sister was born.
    I wouldn't have forced him to go to bed on my schedule.
    I would have changed all of our eating habits when I changed mine.
    I would have encouraged more tasting of food and served a wider variety of meals (hoping to thward picky tendencies)
    I wouldn't have worried about when they started eating solids
    There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    sarah42 wrote: »
    I don't see it as a bad thing if parents have rules or guidelines for their own convenience, as long as the child is not being harmed by it. For example, the bedtime "policy" in my house is that Connor gets tucked into bed and kissed goodnight, then I leave the room and he falls asleep on his own. I fully admit that this *is* for my convenience, because I don't have time to rock him to sleep or lay down in bed next to him until he falls asleep. Even rules about avoiding messy or breakable things are for the parents' convenience on some level, because they don't want to clean it up or buy a new one. But those things keep the household and family running more smoothly, and that's good for everyone.

    obviously it depends on the family and the child's temperment. there are plenty of times when i dont want to fingerpaint because its too messy or make other crafts because i dont feel like cleaning it up, but id rather inconvenience myself than not allow her to have the freedom of being a kid.
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    Rules I have for myself as a parent:
    Be fair
    If he is getting restless somewhere- we go home and let him sleep instead of getting irritated at him. It is MY responsibility to have him in bed when it's bedtime. I can't STAND seeing children up in the middle of the night at Wal-Mart or whatever.... Get those babies to BED!
    Create a sense of security. My child knows that our home, family, and schedule is stable. He knows what to expect.
    Try my best to teach him respect for himself, others & animals.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I don't have many. I had more when he was smaller.

    The biggest since birth is we respect his routine. We don't force him into our routine. We all suffer when we try that.

    My second big rule is one that I believe M2LR posted a while back. I do not treat him in a manner I would not treat my friends.
    image.php?type=2&o=5&c=1&date=2009-10-07&babyname=Sebastian

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Since the thread has become more about parenting philosophy than rules, I will share mine. My main goal is to parent with respect and maintaining everyone's dignity. That includes not using physical punishments, but also verbal put-downs. I don't believe in punishments, but like cynamin said logical consequences to one's actions. A smack is not a logical consequence to dumping your spaghetti on your brother's head IMO. Helping him take a bath and apologizing is. I would like to always remain thoughtful and question exactly what my actions are teaching my children. I think it's ok to slip up--parents are people too--but then it's important to apologize to your child and tell them why what you did was wrong. I realize this is a lot easier said than done, but these are my goals anyway. My motto is stolen from Dr. Seuss--"A person's a person, no matter how small." ;)
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    shellibean wrote: »
    Rules I have for myself as a parent:
    Be fair
    If he is getting restless somewhere- we go home and let him sleep instead of getting irritated at him. It is MY responsibility to have him in bed when it's bedtime. I can't STAND seeing children up in the middle of the night at Wal-Mart or whatever.... Get those babies to BED!
    Create a sense of security. My child knows that our home, family, and schedule is stable. He knows what to expect.
    Try my best to teach him respect for himself, others & animals.

    LOL - we take our baby out at night sometimes and somehow the world is still turning..... there's no law that all babies have to be in bed at a certain time. You just have to go with their needs and temperament, and like DarkAngel said, don't force them into a routine.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Kaia wrote: »
    Since the thread has become more about parenting philosophy than rules, I will share mine. My main goal is to parent with respect and maintaining everyone's dignity. That includes not using physical punishments, but also verbal put-downs. I don't believe in punishments, but like cynamin said logical consequences to one's actions. A smack is not a logical consequence to dumping your spaghetti on your brother's head IMO. Helping him take a bath and apologizing is. I would like to always remain thoughtful and question exactly what my actions are teaching my children. I think it's ok to slip up--parents are people too--but then it's important to apologize to your child and tell them why what you did was wrong. I realize this is a lot easier said than done, but these are my goals anyway. My motto is stolen from Dr. Seuss--"A person's a person, no matter how small." ;)

    Yes, I completely agree with all of this - well said!
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    I've always been really strict about bedtime and sleeping. I figure that I can handle just about anything when I've had enough sleep.

    I say, you do, and ask the questions later.
    Be respectful towards adults even if they're not that way towards you - sometimes you have to be the bigger person - no matter how short you are.

    Rules will be broken. Repeatly. That's why I try not to set too many. I'd rather find things to say yes to than no.

    That covers most of it.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Amneris wrote: »
    So, no spanking or corporal punishment or harsh discipline here. My goal with discipline is to be consistent and fair so that he understands what I am actually trying to do - which is to keep him safe and help him be the best person he can and develop to his full potential.



    Amneris, you've spoken about the corporal punishment you were raised with by your parents many times, and I know your parents/family watch JJ a lot while you are at school. How are you keeping them from spanking him?
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    So, no spanking or corporal punishment or harsh discipline here. My goal with discipline is to be consistent and fair so that he understands what I am actually trying to do - which is to keep him safe and help him be the best person he can and develop to his full potential.



    Amneris, you've spoken about the corporal punishment you were raised with by your parents many times, and I know your parents/family watch JJ a lot while you are at school. How are you keeping them from spanking him?


    I'm lucky that they are intelligent and compassionate enough to understand that spanking is not acceptable to me and is not as acceptable in this time and culture as it was when we were kids, and they respect my wishes not to have him spanked, so I trust that they're not doing it. They do speak to him more harshly than I would like (my mama is very concerned that "he learn the meaning of no," which means screaming his name and "NO! NO!" every time he gets into stuff, which is all the time) but they don't lay a hand on him. My mama has admitted that she often spanked us when she was overwhelmed, didn't have help with all her kids and didn't know what other options there were but that even then it wasn't her most desirable way to treat us. And she told me she's glad I am not spanking JJ. So as I said, I trust her. I'm very lucky because I need her help. The in-laws, on the other hand, I don't trust at all.....
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    shellibean wrote: »
    Rules I have for myself as a parent:
    Be fair
    If he is getting restless somewhere- we go home and let him sleep instead of getting irritated at him. It is MY responsibility to have him in bed when it's bedtime. I can't STAND seeing children up in the middle of the night at Wal-Mart or whatever.... Get those babies to BED!
    Create a sense of security. My child knows that our home, family, and schedule is stable. He knows what to expect.
    Try my best to teach him respect for himself, others & animals.

    LOL - we take our baby out at night sometimes and somehow the world is still turning..... there's no law that all babies have to be in bed at a certain time. You just have to go with their needs and temperament, and like DarkAngel said, don't force them into a routine.

    Isn't it interesting how differnt things are more important to different people.
    Sleep is very important to me. (Ironically, I have bad insomnia).
    Minimal sugar is also important to me.
    Co-sleeping is important to some and not to others.
    The whole solids and when is a big deal to many people.

    I wonder what makes us each value certain things more or less than others? I mean, really, like Amneris said- the world is still turning whether or not you drink a bottle or cup, have a paci or not, take naps or skip them, stay up late or have a bedtime, co sleep or crib sleep, breast or formula, etc.
    I guess it really does just depend on the individual kid's needs.

    Oh & why is a routine "forced"? I went with HIS routine and it works. He thrives on a routine b/c he knows what to expect and is prepared.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    Amneris, you've spoken about the corporal punishment you were raised with by your parents many times, and I know your parents/family watch JJ a lot while you are at school. How are you keeping them from spanking him?

    Do grandparents ever spank??? That just seems so wrong. My MIL watches my kids all the the time and I can't imagine her ever laying a hand on them. Heck, I have to encourage her to put the 3 year old in time out if he's being a total monster. And I'm pretty certain she smacked her own kids back in the day.
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