If I hear this one more time...

Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
I am so tired of hearing my in-laws complain that they can't feed Lydia. Every time I see them it's "I think she wants that French fry/pea/cracker/hamburger" or "I feel so bad eating in front of her and not giving her any." I've tried just ignoring their comments, and they're obviously not getting the message, so I'm going to have to say something next time. I just wish DH were here so he could do it (he's in Iraq).

That is all.
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  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte
    (((hugs)))
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    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P


  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    Been there- got pissed at that. I'm like - dude! He is barely starting to eat thin cereal goop and you think he needs a cookie?! WTF?! A chunky PEANUT cookie at that!!!
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    I am sorry, I have been there, still going through it. My daughter isn't as young as yours, (she was 10 months) but I caught my mom feeding her ice cream cake with chocolate to her. And with my last daughter (she was probably 8 months) my mom wanted to know exactly why she wasn't allowed to have anything with honey in it, she wanted to know where I got my information from.

    My mom loves doctors, so sometimes I just say, "The doctor said..." whatever I want her to know. That way, it is on the doctor instead of me.
  • susancnwsusancnw Posts: 1,374Registered Users Curl Novice
    RC, that is an excellent idea. Just tell them that you have consulted your pedi on her diet and since her brain is still developing, there are certain things that she needs in her diet and certain things that she does NOT need in her diet. And be sure that you send along TONS of stuff for her to eat and snack on.
    My son wears combat boots (and a parachute). So does my son-in-law.
    The older I get, the less patience I have with cleverness. Thomas Sowell.
    Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve. Benjamin Franklin.
    Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain.

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  • FieryCurlsFieryCurls Posts: 2,904Registered Users
    We actually just went through this at Thanksgiving with my inlaws. Lilly is now 6.5 months and we haven't started solids yet. I wanted to wait until her check-up (which just happened on Friday) and various other things. We heard for the entire week that "the baby needs some banana pudding or mashed potatoes and green beans". I said that she wasn't on solids yet and then my husband spoke up and said that she wasn't getting anything at that time.

    My mil actually had the nerve to say that she would sneak Lilly some food!! I calmly told her that that would be the last time that she would be seeing Lilly if she decided to do that.

    I really just don't understand other people trying to go against the guidelines that a parent has set forth.
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  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,059 Administrator
    Oh my, yes, fun isn't it? My husband's cousin was feeing pickles and oj slices to my then 6 month old son. I was so angry. MIL used to add sugarfree Nestlequick to his formula...until I said something and she stopped.
  • MagooMagoo Posts: 2,173Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I went through this when my little guy was a baby, especially with my mother in law. Use to frustrate the heck out of me. So many things have changed since our parents, grandparents, in-laws were raising little ones of their own and they just don't seem to get it sometimes. My MIL was convinced that the reason my son wasn't sleeping through the night yet was because I wasn't giving him "real" food.
    Also because I wasn't letting him sleep on his tummy. Sigh!
    3b/c fine, thick, porous, protein sensitive
    Modified CG, CJ Rehab, JCWDT, KCKT, VO5 Chamomile Tea Therapy, CJDF, HEBE Gel/Mousse, Bioinfusion Rosemary Mint shampoo, occasional protein

    Experimenting with BRHG

    "If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain"
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Posts: 31,259Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I would tell them, "well, you're just going to have go get over that guilt, because she doesn't need that cookie/pea/chip/fry. She's getting the best stuff on earth."
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    That is so annoying. I would just say something like "Oh, she's so happy with mama milk that she doesn't feel like she's missing out." We did BLW and started with actual solids (not cereals/purees) around 6.5 months and always had people saying "shouldn't he have babyfood?" or freaking out thinking he was going to choke.

    Do you let them babysit her ever? I wouldn't trust that they won't sneak her solids when you're not there.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I was pretty relaxed about this kind of stuff with my first baby. As long as someone asked me beforehand and it wasn't something stupid (like junk food), I'd let them offer it to my son. He'd usually take a lick, and that was the end of that. He was generally uninterested in solids and was exclusively BF to about 8 months. I figure it wouldn't hurt him to try out some different tastes and textures in the mean time.

    But of course now I have a baby with food allergies, so no food goes in her mouth, near the fingers or anywhere into her immediate vicinity unless I put it there. Period.
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    I was pretty relaxed about this kind of stuff with my first baby. As long as someone asked me beforehand and it wasn't something stupid (like junk food), I'd let them offer it to my son. He'd usually take a lick, and that was the end of that. He was generally uninterested in solids and was exclusively BF to about 8 months. I figure it wouldn't hurt him to try out some different tastes and textures in the mean time.

    That's how I was too. But if I'd had big concerns about food, I would totally pull the "our pediatrician says....." card. Most people (in my family or in-laws, anyway) will respect that and drop it.
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  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    I just think it's sad that mothers need to pull the "pediatrician card." I'm the mother, I'm ultimately responsible for my baby, so others really need to respect my choices. I'd be really pissed off if people had been constantly trying to undermine me. If I found out someone did something behind my back, yeah, they would not be seeing my baby unsupervised ever again. Maybe I'm a b*tch, but they're not my kid's parent. :dontknow:
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • Brown_Eyed_GirlBrown_Eyed_Girl Posts: 1,353Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm not sure I can honestly pull the pediatrician card b/c the ped wants her on rice cereal which I'm not going to do either, and I agree, Kaia, it's ultimately my decision.

    I guess I could be more relaxed about it, but many of the things they want to feed her are junk food, so maybe I'm afraid if I say yes to a grean bean, I'll turn around and see her eating chocolate icing. (They don't babysit her, so that's not an issue.) I do plan on doing baby-led solids more or less, I just wasn't planning on starting right away. And the more they pressure me about it, the longer I feel like waiting. ;)

    It's weird because I know people (obviously) are so excited about babies eating food, and I don't understand it at all. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, I just don't get what all the excitement is about.

    Anyway, thanks for the sympathy. :pr:
  • FieryCurlsFieryCurls Posts: 2,904Registered Users
    I'm not sure I can honestly pull the pediatrician card b/c the ped wants her on rice cereal which I'm not going to do either, and I agree, Kaia, it's ultimately my decision.

    I guess I could be more relaxed about it, but many of the things they want to feed her are junk food, so maybe I'm afraid if I say yes to a grean bean, I'll turn around and see her eating chocolate icing. (They don't babysit her, so that's not an issue.) I do plan on doing baby-led solids more or less, I just wasn't planning on starting right away. And the more they pressure me about it, the longer I feel like waiting. ;)

    It's weird because I know people (obviously) are so excited about babies eating food, and I don't understand it at all. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, I just don't get what all the excitement is about.

    Anyway, thanks for the sympathy. :pr:

    I completely understand. I am not looking forward to starting solids at all. I'm not looking forward to having to worry about the food allergies, waiting a week to introduce things, the mess, etc. I'm just not. My husband and I have decided that we are going to wait a little bit longer. We're also plan on starting her on veggies instead of the rice cereal.

    Like I said before, it would be the last time that she will see my daughter if she dare EVER goes against what I have set forth for my daughter!!

    ETA: Kaia, you are not a ****** for thinking that way. These other people aren't the ones that will be watching your kid for an allergic reaction, so they damn better listen to what you say.
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  • mad scientistmad scientist Posts: 3,530Registered Users
    I guess I could be more relaxed about it, but many of the things they want to feed her are junk food, so maybe I'm afraid if I say yes to a grean bean, I'll turn around and see her eating chocolate icing. (They don't babysit her, so that's not an issue.) I do plan on doing baby-led solids more or less, I just wasn't planning on starting right away. And the more they pressure me about it, the longer I feel like waiting. ;)

    It's weird because I know people (obviously) are so excited about babies eating food, and I don't understand it at all. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, I just don't get what all the excitement is about.

    Anyway, thanks for the sympathy. :pr:

    I get you on all of this. I wouldn't tolerate anyone feeding my kid (even now that he's 3 years old) something behind my back. BUT, with most older people, there is that food-is-love mindset. My family/inlaws aren't trying to undermine my parental authority or sabotage my breastfeeding relationship, they are just genuinely excited about the idea of sharing in the loving act of feeding a child. So with those intentions in mind, I really didn't mind if they gave DS a taste of mashed potatoes or even ice cream or chocolate frosting. A small TASTE not a spoonful or anything.

    Ultimately it IS your decision. Its always your decision. But for your own mental health, pick your battles. ;)
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Next time try saying "So if it makes her sick, I can call you in the middle of the night to watch her for me while she throws up and screams, right?"
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    So with those intentions in mind, I really didn't mind if they gave DS a taste of mashed potatoes or even ice cream or chocolate frosting. A small TASTE not a spoonful or anything.

    Ultimately it IS your decision. Its always your decision. But for your own mental health, pick your battles. ;)

    I think this is a good attitude, IF the child has already started solids. If my child had never tasted solids I wouldn't allow anyone to put anything other than breastmilk in his mouth - 1 because of messing up his gut and 2 because it's a milestone that I want to share with my husband and child.
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • rainshowerrainshower Posts: 4,420Registered Users
    I'm not sure I can honestly pull the pediatrician card b/c the ped wants her on rice cereal which I'm not going to do either, and I agree, Kaia, it's ultimately my decision.

    I guess I could be more relaxed about it, but many of the things they want to feed her are junk food, so maybe I'm afraid if I say yes to a grean bean, I'll turn around and see her eating chocolate icing. (They don't babysit her, so that's not an issue.) I do plan on doing baby-led solids more or less, I just wasn't planning on starting right away. And the more they pressure me about it, the longer I feel like waiting. ;)

    It's weird because I know people (obviously) are so excited about babies eating food, and I don't understand it at all. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, I just don't get what all the excitement is about.

    Anyway, thanks for the sympathy. :pr:

    people get excited when they see babies venturing into new developmental territory: laughing, gripping toys, rolling over, sitting up, standing and walking, using the toilet, etc. it's the same with eating their first solid food, i imagine.

    we didn't introduce solids to our kids until around the 7th month. but even then, they were playing with the foods and wasting the majority of it, not consuming it. their nourishment was still breastmilk.

    i know it can be annoying when relatives question your decisions, but i wouldn't become armed with sharp come-backs, as i doubt that most people mean any harm by asking you. i'd just say that you aren't ready to introduce solids yet, leave it at that, and change the subject.
    "Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users
    Kaia wrote: »
    I just think it's sad that mothers need to pull the "pediatrician card." I'm the mother, I'm ultimately responsible for my baby, so others really need to respect my choices. I'd be really pissed off if people had been constantly trying to undermine me. If I found out someone did something behind my back, yeah, they would not be seeing my baby unsupervised ever again. Maybe I'm a b*tch, but they're not my kid's parent. :dontknow:

    You're right, I can be a big wienie and would sometimes rather just say something I know will end the argument. Luckily my in-laws aren't usually too pushy with my kids (although they've had their moments), and my husband takes the lead in telling them no.
    ehLB.jpg
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    sarah42 wrote: »
    Kaia wrote: »
    I just think it's sad that mothers need to pull the "pediatrician card." I'm the mother, I'm ultimately responsible for my baby, so others really need to respect my choices. I'd be really pissed off if people had been constantly trying to undermine me. If I found out someone did something behind my back, yeah, they would not be seeing my baby unsupervised ever again. Maybe I'm a b*tch, but they're not my kid's parent. :dontknow:

    You're right, I can be a big wienie and would sometimes rather just say something I know will end the argument. Luckily my in-laws aren't usually too pushy with my kids (although they've had their moments), and my husband takes the lead in telling them no.

    I guess I must be lucky too, or my in-laws know me well enough not to push me. :lol: All I've ever had to say was "No, we're not doing that." I would say it politely, but firmly. If they said something else, I would just repeat myself, and that always ended it. I made a point to phrase it so I basically said "This is what we're doing. Period" and not use words like I think or prefer, or anything else that might sound like my mind could be swayed or the topic was open for discussion.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    I'm not sure I can honestly pull the pediatrician card b/c the ped wants her on rice cereal which I'm not going to do either, and I agree, Kaia, it's ultimately my decision.

    I guess I could be more relaxed about it, but many of the things they want to feed her are junk food, so maybe I'm afraid if I say yes to a grean bean, I'll turn around and see her eating chocolate icing. (They don't babysit her, so that's not an issue.) I do plan on doing baby-led solids more or less, I just wasn't planning on starting right away. And the more they pressure me about it, the longer I feel like waiting. ;)

    It's weird because I know people (obviously) are so excited about babies eating food, and I don't understand it at all. I'm not saying that's bad or anything, I just don't get what all the excitement is about.

    Anyway, thanks for the sympathy. :pr:

    You don't have to say it is your pediatrician. :wink:

    I have just found when someone (usually my mother)gives me hard time, and starts questioning me, I just say, "The doctor said this..." Sometimes it's true, sometimes its not, but it usually ends the discussion.

    Honestly, mad scientist, I was like that too. But my friend's little boy was diagnosed with a servere dairy allergy and it really hit me that this is serious stuff. Sometimes just a little taste is not just a little taste. Her little boy drank from an empty coffee cup once that had cream in it and off to the hospital they had to go because his throat closed up. Unfortunately, they have several stories like this. Sounds like you know this all too well in your family. icon9.gif

    That all being said, my third has certainly eaten more than her share of "forbidden" foods at our home.
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Brown eyed girl, my in-laws were the EXACT same way. I exclusively breastfed until about a year and then gently introduced baby-led solids. From his birth they were nagging me that I shouldn't be nursing and "when is he going to take a bottle?" and from about 3-4 months it was "give him pablum" and "what is he eating now?" and "I think he wants xxxxx food/he needs protein", etc. etc. etc. And the "you're STILL nursing?" continues to this day. Whenever we see them (which isn't all the time since they don't live here - but they visit more than I would ideally like!) they seem to think that I shouldn't nurse him any time they are around but should keep it in private - if we go to my husband's relatives for dinner, he's supposed to only eat solids and not be nursed the entire time we are there since "why would I nurse him if he can eat real food?"

    I also don't like using the doctor angle because: #1 - he's my child and I as the mother should be able to decide how and when I feed him and stand up for that, and #2 - my doctor actually also pushed rice cereal early on, and my MIL would always say "what did the doctor say? ask the doctor what he should eat" so the doctor angle was actually a problem for me. I just told her that she made her decisions how to feed her kids (evaporated milk from a can in a bottle from birth, pablum from a few weeks old etc.) and I will make mine. So then she would try to nag and persuade my husband and try to get him to pressure me.

    I don't even think allergies/reactions are the main issue, since MOST babies don't have serious problems with most foods. Yes, you (gy) should keep an eye out for that but if your family does not have a history of food allergies (mine does, which is another reason nursing is important for JJ) or there is no indication of that being a problem, then that isn't the main issue - the issue is just that you want to make decisions about what and when to feed your child as you feel they are ready. Once they lose their "virgin gut", they never get it back.

    I also find it weird that some people make such a fuss about babies eating. That annoyed me too. To me, it's not a milestone in the same way that crawling, walking etc. are. I see madscientist's point that some peopele see food as showing love to a child... but that's a problematic attitude in itself for me. I don't want grandparents or other relatives stuffing my kid with unhealthy foods, encouraging him to overeat or beg, etc. to make him feel loved. If they want to "love" the baby they can feed some breast milk while mama is gone (my in-laws refused to touch it, so they never got to keep him on his own while he was exclusively BF - their choice!)

    You'll also get a lot of misinformation. For delaying solids to 12 months, I heard it all - I was ruining his brain development, he would be a picky eater and never like the texture of food, he wasn't sleeping because of nursing, he'd be "too attached" to me.... well, a few months later he is a healthy, bright baby who is active, talking (in more than one language), and curious, he eats anything and everything as well as nursing, he still doesn't sleep well, and while he is very securely attached to me, he adjusted very quickly to being left in the day and seems to not have any separation anxiety - he loves everyone. So stick to your guns and do what you think is right.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    Oh, I would just like to add that if they're nagging you about food, it probably won't be the only thing they nag you about. The same people who had such an issue with solids now also had/have an issue with me not giving him meat, his bedtime, us co-sleeping, and so on. I expect to get flack about how I will educate him, his activities and so on as he gets older. Not to mention that we hope to have more children and they will also be nursed, etc. So it's good to lay down boundaries now.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    Amneris wrote: »
    Oh, I would just like to add that if they're nagging you about food, it probably won't be the only thing they nag you about. The same people who had such an issue with solids now also had/have an issue with me not giving him meat, his bedtime, us co-sleeping, and so on. I expect to get flack about how I will educate him, his activities and so on as he gets older. Not to mention that we hope to have more children and they will also be nursed, etc. So it's good to lay down boundaries now.

    Can't wait till the nagging about education starts....:rolleyes: My mother knows no boundaries. She just ignores me.
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    I don't like mine to have a lot of sugar. Both families are always trying to give him, cookies, candy, COKES, ice cream,etc. My mom gave hima sip of her drink & I gave her a mean look. She said, "It wasn't coke; it was just tea." Ummm....WTH?!
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • AmnerisAmneris Posts: 15,117Registered Users
    shellibean wrote: »
    I don't like mine to have a lot of sugar. Both families are always trying to give him, cookies, candy, COKES, ice cream,etc. My mom gave hima sip of her drink & I gave her a mean look. She said, "It wasn't coke; it was just tea." Ummm....WTH?!

    JJ LOVES to drink my tea! (I drink herbal and decaf.) He begs for it whenever I have a cup.
    Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali


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  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    One morning, my husband left his coffee cup on the end table with quit a bit of coffee in it. Next thing I know, River had picked up the coffee cup, set it on the coffee table <not spilling it>, and was dipping his cheerios in the coffee and eating them. I'm glad it was getting cold.
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • webjockeywebjockey Posts: 2,786Registered Users
    The one I had to laugh at recently from my parents was that Lex shouldn't have lemonade at all because it will affect his "verility"


    Lex gettin it up is the least of my worries right now
    hello.world.
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    webjockey wrote: »
    The one I had to laugh at recently from my parents was that Lex shouldn't have lemonade at all because it will affect his "verility"


    Lex gettin it up is the least of my worries right now

    Oh my gosh, my kids want to know what I'm laughing at. :laughing6:
  • subbrocksubbrock Posts: 8,212Registered Users
    webjockey wrote: »
    The one I had to laugh at recently from my parents was that Lex shouldn't have lemonade at all because it will affect his "verility"


    Lex gettin it up is the least of my worries right now
    :laughing6:

    my parents were the same way about feeding majerle while she was exclusively breastfed. my dad was the worst. he would feed her all the terrible stuff youre not supposed to feed infants (honey, peanut butter, chocolate cake, ice cream, etc). i told him to cut it out because it could make her sick so instead of stopping it all together he would just give her a taste, watch her for a few minutes to see if she had a reaction, and then carry on with the junk food.
    in the end i realized that it was really about feeding her and bonding with her. ever since shes been on solids, everyone including her father, loves to feed her anything they can get their hands on because they felt like they didnt get that opportunity while she was breastfeeding. kind of weird.
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