Should I try to start something?

wild~hairwild~hair Registered Users Posts: 9,890 Curl Neophyte
So I met this guy recently. And it's the kind of situation where normally I'd be all giddy and excited and planning my next move and then find out he's gay or married or has a gf he's lived with for the last 15 years.

I digress ... anyway, there was a spark there. I'm kinda of ga ga. I haven't felt this way in a long time, like maybe a year or more. And I really do think he's available and interested. Really.

But I'm leaving the area, potentially as soon as March 31. I'll be back for some visits and for work, but the fact remains that I'll be 2000 miles from here pretty soon. [There is some flexibility with the departure date because my driving partner bailed on me, so I need to investigate other options, and those options might involve me staying a couple more months.]

I haven't dated in a really long time. Like 3 years. Been looking, but getting very frustrated. Inability to meet a guy was one of the factors in deciding to move, actually. [Anyone enjoying the irony? 'Cause I'm not!]

Please don't tell me to have a fling. I've had flings. Sick of flings. I'm looking for a re-la-tion-ship.

Should I pursue this? Or just leave it alone?

I should add: I'll be 37 soon. Frankly, I'm starting to panic. I feel like I always should check stuff out, because you never know, you know?

Feel like I've already made my mind up about this, but I need some outside opinions to help me solidify my thinking.
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Comments

  • JoyForeverJoyForever Registered Users Posts: 1,628
    Does he know you're thinking of moving? And he's still acting interested? I don't see anything wrong with going for it, if you think the two of you might be able to make something long-distance work. (Or if you think he might make you want to stay :wink: but I have no idea if that's even an option for you anymore.)
    Previously Joy4ever.
    Changed because the "number in place of a word" thing was bugging my no-longer-14-year-old self.
  • NetGNetG Registered Users Posts: 8,116
    I don't think it hurts to get to know him better, at least. And maybe delay that departure!
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • ~915~~915~ Registered Users Posts: 519
    I don't think you have anything to lose by pursuing him. The worst that could happen is that he says he's not. No big deal. The second to worst is that he could be interested, but you leave. That could lead to a unfulfilling long term relationship or to nothingness OR it could lead to the biggest romance of your life. Go for it.

    So, you've been living in SF and haven't been able to meet any guys?! Why do you think that might be?
  • sariroosariroo Registered Users Posts: 1,958 Curl Neophyte
    That could lead to a unfulfilling long term relationship or to nothingness OR it could lead to the biggest romance of your life. Go for it.

    This is the reason why you should go for it. Honestly, it may not work out but you have a good chance of it going the other way too. You don't want to live the rest of your life thinking what if I had only made a move or said something to him. What if he ended up being "the one," if you know what I mean.
    316vq4y.jpg
  • MeghuneyMeghuney Registered Users Posts: 4,263
    If it doesn't work out, you will be in a city with lots more guys to get your mind off of him!!! :D


    If it DOES work out, you'll have met a great guy and you'll be in a great new relationship that could lead to all sorts of wonderful things!! :D


    If you don't even try, you'll NEVER know. :?
  • wild~hairwild~hair Registered Users Posts: 9,890 Curl Neophyte
    I actually meet guys all the time. I'm at a difficult age -- most men are spoken for. If they're single, they don't have jobs or are complete stoners, or both. I don't know what it is, exactly. I think if I did, I wouldn't have this problem.

    I've been working as an on-site consultant/freelancer for a couple years and I really thought I would have met some men through that, because I'm always moving around from office to office. But it hasn't panned out.

    BTW, this is not the only reason I'm leaving SF! It's one of many, many reasons.

    And no, this guy does not know I'm leaving. My plans have been all over the place because of the driving partner thing, so I haven't been bringing it up in professional situations -- it just comes off as scattered and unorganized. Which it is, but I don't my colleagues to know that!

    ETA: I like the way this thread is leaning! Hehe

    He's probably gay.*

    *Not that there's anything wrong with that.
  • NetGNetG Registered Users Posts: 8,116
    sfcurlee wrote:
    *Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Actually, in this case, there is. You're allowed to care if it personally affects you! :P
    The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
    -Speckla

    But at least the pews never attend yoga!
  • wild~hairwild~hair Registered Users Posts: 9,890 Curl Neophyte
    NetG wrote:
    sfcurlee wrote:
    *Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Actually, in this case, there is. You're allowed to care if it personally affects you! :P
    If I did that in this town, I'd always be down! :? :D
  • spiderlashes5000spiderlashes5000 Registered Users Posts: 17,898 Curl Virtuoso
    What do you mean, you'll "be back for some visits and work?" You'll continue to work in SF? How often will you physically be in SF after you move?

    And if 3/31 is he soonest you'll leave, when is the latest?
  • wild~hairwild~hair Registered Users Posts: 9,890 Curl Neophyte
    What do you mean, you'll "be back for some visits and work?" You'll continue to work in SF? How often will you physically be in SF after you move?
    I'm planning to return in May for a couple weeks and for the entire months of September and October. Both times I'll be working on projects as a consultant. I plan to stay extra days/weeks each visit, because I have friends and famliy in the area I want to see.

    I'm looking into postponing my move by a couple weeks now, because of the driving partner thing and other stuff. I haven't seen this guy again since I first posted, but I will tomorrow. Going to see if we can't get together. I like the guy, might as well try to get to know him.

    Thanks all! I'll post engagement photos when they're available! Hehe. [If y'all knew me a little better, you'd know how ludicrous that idea is!]
  • CynaminbearCynaminbear Registered Users Posts: 4,476 Curl Connoisseur
    I'm happy for you for deciding to try. I think if you didn't you'd always wonder if he was the one who got away.
    There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
  • zmanzzzzzmanzzzz Banned Banned Users Posts: 3,826
    what is his hair type?
  • wild~hairwild~hair Registered Users Posts: 9,890 Curl Neophyte
    zmanzzzz wrote:
    what is his hair type?
    Type, not sure, but he's a curly alright. :wink:
  • An AkashaAn Akasha Registered Users Posts: 175
    I say, 'Go to it, woman!'

    I'm so lucky to have met my FH at my 'ripe old age'. :wink:

    I agree, most of the guys around here our age are either married, ending the starter marriage and bitter, looking for an 18 year old who they can mold into what they want, or are still living in their parent's basement playing vids.
    BSL of thick 4a/ 3c coils.
    Member since 1999.
  • LAwoman516LAwoman516 Registered Users Posts: 23
    I don't think you have anything to lose by pursuing him.

    I agree totally!! Go for it!

    And as somebody in her 30's who is single I commiserate with you on the lack of single, decent men!
    "I'm not mad. I just want to know who did this so I can punish them." - Dwight, "The Office"
  • SpiderSpider Registered Users Posts: 3,381 Curl Neophyte
    Sorry, I say don't bother. Focus on you and your move. Once you settle in in your new place, you'll have the time/energy for meeting someone.

    New (any!) relationships are hard enough without the LTR factor.

    Good luck!
    Don't let your heart be broken. Let it love.
  • Jenny CJenny C Registered Users Posts: 1,195
    Spider wrote:
    Sorry, I say don't bother. Focus on you and your move. Once you settle in in your new place, you'll have the time/energy for meeting someone.

    New (any!) relationships are hard enough without the LTR factor.

    Good luck!

    I was just about to post the same thing. If you're looking for a serious relationship, I don't see how this could work. You don't have the foundation to make a LDR work and unless one of you is going to move to be near the other, why bother. If you were 22 I'd say give it a shot, but if you're starting to panic because you're 37 it's time you start thinking logically. Forget how you feel, think about what you want in life and the best steps to make that happen. This sees like a waste of time.

    Spider is right, focus on your move and once you're settled you'll be much better prepared to meet someone to have an actual relationship with. I don't really see the point of having a boyfriend that you don't actually see. Needless to say I'm not a fan of long distance.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.

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