Feeling low about being a Mom

pinksugarpinksugar Posts: 2,346Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
I've been feeling so bad about being a Mom lately. I feel like I have let our son down.

First off, a few weeks ago, I had to take our 14 year old son to ER. It was pretty serious and he was out of school/physical activities for a week.

The second thing is...I took our son to see the ENT last week. He has had problems with fluid build up since he was an infant. He has very small canals and has had 3 sets of tubes. His previous doctor who was aware of the ear problems moved so we had to switch doctors. I brought all of his mecial history when we switched. For the last year I've been taking him to his new doctor and telling them he can't hear well. I explained the history again and again. They would give him an in office hearing test, sometimes he passed, sometimes he didn't. In the times he didn't pass, he also had sinusitis or was sick so they prescribe antibiotics and send us away. We go back for the follow up and he passes the hearing test.

A couple months ago I took him in again because we noticed he isn't hearing well. The nurse did a hearing test which he failed, but he was also sick. They prescribed antibiotics again and scheduled a follow up. I asked my husband to take him to the follow up because I got the impression they were passing me off as a worried mom. They finally took him serious and referred our son to an ENT and Allergist (he has pollen allergies).

Well last week was the appointment with the ENT.
The ENT was furious with me. Our son has sinusitis. He couldn't believe I didn't know he was sick. Our son is always congested due to allergies, so he's right, I didn't know he was sick. My son didn't even know he was sick. The disappointing news was his right eardrum is retracted (caused from fluid build up). The left ear has fluid build up. Surgery for tubes is necessary and he said he could fix his ear drum but it would not be easy. He acted as if I haven't been trying to do anything about it even though I told him we had been to the doctor many times throughout the last year. I thought maybe I was just being sensitive until we got in the car and my son said, "Man, he was really mad at you." My son felt bad for me.

I also forgot to mention that we live at an elevation of 6,000 ft. I don't know if that makes a difference going up and down the hill to the doctors appointments and baseball games. Ugh, my husband definitely will be going to the next ENT appointment.

Sorry to be so winded. I just feel like crying whenever I think about it. I hate that he has been going through so much. I wish I could just fix it all.


  • sarah42sarah42 Posts: 4,034Registered Users

    How frustrating for the ENT to act like you were being negligent or something, when you've been going to doctors for months trying to take care of your son! I hate it when doctors don't listen to you, or disregard you.

    I hope your son recovers and feels better soon.
  • geminigemini Posts: 3,325Registered Users
    You didn't know--it's not like you were purposely withholding him from seeing the doctor--you didn't know, and apparently the doctors before this one didn't know either.

    I'm so sorry you feel bad. It sounds like you did everything you were supposed to do. The ENT's reaction was inappropriate.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    The ENT was way out of line.

    I'm not sure of what else you could have possibly done! Please, don't blame yourself for something the doctors didn't even catch.
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    It is okay. The ENT should be mad that the previous doctors didn't do their job. When will doctors realize the things they say just make us want to stay away from them? I would be seeking a second opinion and a nicer dr.

    That being said, I have had ear probelms all through my childhood and early adulthood. I have had ear tubes in many, many times. My mom often didn't know I was sick and neither did I. Not hearing was how she knew I was sick. My ENT NEVER treated us that way, totally out of line. Since your son has had on going problems with his ears, his pain tolerance level has probably built up and he doesn't notice the pain. My doctors were always amazed that I felt no pain.
    I hope this helps at least a little bit. Good luck.:reindeer:
  • PixieCurlPixieCurl Posts: 5,656Registered Users
    Wow, I would NOT go back to a doctor who made me feel that way. Is there another ENT you can go to?
    Faith, 3Aish redhead
    Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy :love5:
  • KaiaKaia Posts: 8,815Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Not your fault at all! My boss's husband just had surgery after finding out he basically had no sinuses - they were completely clogged. Mind you this is a grown-up, and it still took them forever to figure out what was wrong. If anything, it's the fault of the other doctors for dismissing you so many times. Yes, mothers worry a lot, but what they don't realize is that mothers also have a feel for when something isn't right. You knew there was a problem. It's not your fault they didn't take you seriously and figure out what that problem was.
    *Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

    Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
  • pinksugarpinksugar Posts: 2,346Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Thanks for the encouragement ladies! Really, it helps a lot.

    I thought about seeing another ENT but it took so long to get the referral for this one that I don't want to put it off any longer. (The not hearing so well is having an affect in class/school). My husband thought the ENT was out of line too, but on the other hand he said he sounds serious about getting it taken care off.

    As some of you mentioned, he should be mad at the other doctor's that missed it. Maybe he is. I didn't think of it that way until you said something. Maybe he was frustrated with them and it came out directed at me.

    Thanks again!
  • ruralcurlsruralcurls Posts: 2,574Registered Users
    Do the teachers know? It was in my records that I had to sit up front. Kind of, okay, really mortifying, :eek:, but it helped to be able to hear.
  • pinksugarpinksugar Posts: 2,346Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    ruralcurls wrote: »
    Do the teachers know? It was in my records that I had to sit up front. Kind of, okay, really mortifying, :eek:, but it helped to be able to hear.

    We had a meeting with all of his teachers in October. A few mentioned how it explained a lot. A couple thought he just wasn't listening to them. They thought he was being rude (I was afraid of that). One of the teachers asked why he never came and told them. (1) He's 14, he doesn't want to draw any attention to himself. (2) He didn't want his friends to think he is getting special treatment. (3) He doesn't know when he isn't hearing. He now sits in the front of every class.

    I also put it in his file at the beginning of the school year. Apparently, the teachers don't see those files. I thought that might be the case and scheduled the meeting. They were very receptive.

    He has become very good at reading lips. I let the teachers know this in hopes they will try to look in his direction when they are talking. I know that isn't always possible and my son isn't the only one in class, but maybe they will try.
  • DarkAngelDarkAngel Posts: 2,671Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I am so sorry the ENT treated you that way. As the others said, it was inappropriate and uncalled for. I hope that you are able to find a new ENT. I fired my son's ENT about two weeks ago because he had blood coming out of his ear and they wouldn't see him for two weeks and wouldn't return my hysterical phone calls. I called around to every ENT in town and got really lucky with a receptionist who made it her priority to get him worked in the very next day. Maybe you could try a similar approach.

    Good luck. You are doing a great job. Poo on that ENT for not seeing that. Actually, have you thought about telling him how inappropriate his conduct and his comments were? You should not be expected to put up with rude behavior. Big hugs to you.

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
  • shellibeanshellibean Posts: 4,500Registered Users
    What a jerk. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be at the doctor all the time! HELLO! YOU were trying your hardest to help your son!
    A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

    "...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

    "I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
  • curlygirlymecurlygirlyme Posts: 1,340Registered Users
    All I can say to you is don't dare blame yourself. I feel terrible for you that both doctors treated you so badly. I had a ton of bad OBGYN's in the past and it has ruined my health. Even though I was pushing and asking for help. If you can... find another doctor. No one should treat you the way you've been treated. IMO you're obviously a mom who knows her son very well it's the doctors you should be disappointed in.
  • hockeymomof3hockeymomof3 Posts: 2,159Registered Users
    Don't beat yourself up! You are a wonderful mom.
    Cowash - No Poo
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    Looking to try Devacurl Decadence line next! Can't wait to try it.
  • pinksugarpinksugar Posts: 2,346Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I'm feeling better about it now. We still haven't received the referral for the "real" hearing test. I have to make a call into the insurance to see where it is.

    Our son is hearing much better. It must be due to the ENT getting all of the wax out of his ears.

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