how do i keep my boyfriend (literally) out of my hair?

smiley88smiley88 Registered Users Posts: 27
I wasn't sure where to post this....

ok, so I love my boyfriend. i'm 20 and I've been with him almost 2 years. But he just hasn't gotten the hint yet.

Every time I wear my hair down and curly he starts running his fingers through it. Which means my hair goes from nice curls to a fluffy bush after 10 minutes of "loving" strokes.
I tried to get him to stop "petting" me. that didn't work. he just tussles my hair until its fluffy so a have to jam it into a ponytail, and then tickles me until im not mad at him. (i'm really bad at staying mad at people - especially him)

how do i get him to understand that when we're, say, with his family on a holiday, he can't keep pawing my hair?
formal occasions just don't mix well with bushy ponytails.

hes a curly himself, so you'd think he would understand, but he keeps his hair to 1/2" or less. i'm not even sure he's ever combed it.
type: 3b hair with some 3a on the top layers.
length: a little past the shoulders
Wash process: silicone free, with a weekly sulfate wash (give or take, depending on the season)

Comments

  • LikeAustraliaLikeAustralia Registered Users Posts: 2,812
    smiley88 wrote: »
    I wasn't sure where to post this....

    ok, so I love my boyfriend. i'm 20 and I've been with him almost 2 years. But he just hasn't gotten the hint yet.

    Every time I wear my hair down and curly he starts running his fingers through it. Which means my hair goes from nice curls to a fluffy bush after 10 minutes of "loving" strokes.
    I tried to get him to stop "petting" me. that didn't work. he just tussles my hair until its fluffy so a have to jam it into a ponytail, and then tickles me until im not mad at him. (i'm really bad at staying mad at people - especially him)

    how do i get him to understand that when we're, say, with his family on a holiday, he can't keep pawing my hair?
    formal occasions just don't mix well with bushy ponytails.

    hes a curly himself, so you'd think he would understand, but he keeps his hair to 1/2" or less. i'm not even sure he's ever combed it.

    Tell him not to run his fingers through it, but gently touch the top of it without disturbing clumps of curls. My SO has gotten pretty good about it.
    Not Cindy or Sindy or Syndey or any other such abomination.
    It's Sydney, like Australia.
    Formerly known as SydneyCurl.

  • ReddishRocksReddishRocks Registered Users Posts: 779 Curl Neophyte
    You've got to just tell him in a calm moment. "Honey, I'm glad you like my hair, but when you put your hands in it, you mess it up. I don't like that, and I want you to stop." You have to name exactly what he's doing, then tell him specifically to stop that behavior.

    You have to deliver the message with a straight face and a deep voice (I'm a school teacher, we're taught these things, LOL!). He won't take you seriously unless you command his attention and respect. Sounds like he does it to get your attention, and if he can just tickle you into submission after doing something you've specifically told him NOT to do, he's manipulating you and you're allowing it.

    If he doesn't respect your request, then you've got a bigger relationship issue. :( If you tell him to stop and he keeps doing it, he's bullying you. I dated a guy for over a year who would think I was "so cute when I got upset." Turned into control issues, and I ended up seriously disrespected in the end. I hope your issue is just a simple case of, "OMG my girl has awesome hair!" :D

    I would bet he just hasn't gotten the message straight and clear. My husband has also learned how to "appropriately" pet my hair. ;) We make it so appealing, it must be hard to resist. :D

    17May09GlenEyriecrop-1.jpg

    Hair is best when wabi-sabi.
    2b/2c at this length, more 3a when shorter
    M/C ii

    Mod CG: Sept 08
    Using: Suave co-wash, GVP Conditioning Balm, Lustrasilk OOC, MGA, BRHG
    Humectants: @ dew point 40+
    My blog for dry climate curlies and growing out a pixie: Colorado Curly
  • wavycurly40+wavycurly40+ Registered Users Posts: 2,017 Curl Neophyte
    You could also set up compromise-type ground rules.

    As in: if you need to presentable anywhere else, later that same day, no touch.

    If you are alone, at night, for example, and aren't going out afterwards (hint, hint), THEN he can touch all he wants.

    I mean, c'mon. Some things are worth messing your hair up for! :love3:

    Wurly and proud!
    Modified CG since 2008.
  • ReddishRocksReddishRocks Registered Users Posts: 779 Curl Neophyte
    You could also set up compromise-type ground rules.

    As in: if you need to presentable anywhere else, later that same day, no touch.

    If you are alone, at night, for example, and aren't going out afterwards (hint, hint), THEN he can touch all he wants.

    I mean, c'mon. Some things are worth messing your hair up for! :love3:

    LOL! Excellent point. :D I've been known to pineapple if we have somewhere to go, um, after. ;)

    17May09GlenEyriecrop-1.jpg

    Hair is best when wabi-sabi.
    2b/2c at this length, more 3a when shorter
    M/C ii

    Mod CG: Sept 08
    Using: Suave co-wash, GVP Conditioning Balm, Lustrasilk OOC, MGA, BRHG
    Humectants: @ dew point 40+
    My blog for dry climate curlies and growing out a pixie: Colorado Curly
  • smiley88smiley88 Registered Users Posts: 27
    I mean, c'mon. Some things are worth messing your hair up for! :love3:

    haha! that is 100% true.
    after all, i like him playing with my curls when it's just us
    but just because he always thinks they're beautiful, no matter what degree of frizz, doesn't mean I agree.

    thank you ladies! I'm thinking I like the whole making an occasion-by-occasion "no touch" rule.... hmmmm....this just might work! :D
    type: 3b hair with some 3a on the top layers.
    length: a little past the shoulders
    Wash process: silicone free, with a weekly sulfate wash (give or take, depending on the season)

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