I've been crying all day

chicagocurly78chicagocurly78 Posts: 463Registered Users
I know my folks are really worried about me b/c when I talked to them on the phone today, I couldn't hold it in. It is a mix of things:

Being alone today.

My Ex

And the fact that yesterday, one of my 30 YO patient was told by her Oncologist that she he expects her to pass within 4 weeks. It is SO sad. This girl went to the ER with abdominal pain 7 weeks ago. They ran some diagnostics and did a pap smear and found that she has cervical cancer. Her last pap was only 8 months prior to this and it was negative. The ONC says her tumor is so aggressive, the chemo/radiation isn't helping at all. Last week she developed a fistula between her rectum and vagina, so she is incontinent of stool mainly through her vagina. She has only been married a year, no kids. Her husband is awesome - changes her "messes", cleans her, bathes her, etc.

I am a hot mess today. Being alone and sitting here thinking about stuff doesn't help, but since every place is closed, I don't have anything else to do.


  • luvmylocsluvmylocs Posts: 7,578Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    hold on...things will get better. the holidays are hard. prepare and plan for christmas and new years so you won't be alone then
    a dreamy pisces :fish:
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  • BefrizzledBefrizzled Posts: 3,854Registered Users
    I'm so sorry you're going through all this, and I know the holidays don't make it any easier. ((hugs)) :(
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  • The New BlackThe New Black Posts: 16,754Registered Users Curl Connoisseur
    4 weeks. heavens. kinda puts things into perspective. I'm sorry....
    montage-3.gif No MAS.

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  • curlinicatorcurlinicator Posts: 911Registered Users
  • chicagocurly78chicagocurly78 Posts: 463Registered Users
    The patient, I only worked with her yesterday for my shift (12 hours). Other than that, I don't know her. She is my age and she is just your average girl-next-door. Before her diagnosis, her husband said she was trying to get preggo. When she started to have the abdominal pain, she and her hubby thought she was preggo (ectopic). She teaches 3rd grade.

    When she heard the news about her prognosis, she didn't seem too depressed, but her husband and mom had to leave the room. She made herself a DNR and told the Onc that she doesn't want to die in pain. She is already on SO many pain meds.

    Working Onc can just suck. I could never work Peds or Mother-Baby, because I don't think I could handle seeing a child die. And I hope and pray that I am not her nurse when she passes. Uggh.
  • SarcasmIsBeautySarcasmIsBeauty Posts: 5,640Registered Users

    Sorry you have to go through this but things will get better eventually!
    Turtles: omg please don't put that in your moo moo

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  • LotsawavesLotsawaves Posts: 9,777Registered Users Curl Virtuoso
    From Michael Berg:

    Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Posts: 24,963Banned Users Curl Neophyte

    Ever since the sports thread wars I have sensed a special connection between [edit] & Wile. Like the connection oil has to water. I almost can't speak of it. Wait....my eyes are misting. ~asq
    Let’s just stay together and tell the world to kiss our ass. ~P

  • Koukla72Koukla72 Posts: 1,680Registered Users
    Edited due to a cyberstalker. Sorry, guys. :(
  • KrazyblondegurlKrazyblondegurl Posts: 1,008Registered Users
    I'm a peds nurse, and could NEVER do oncology. Never. So props to you.

    Hugs. I know how hard the job can be.

    Defn gonna go get that pap smear I've been putting off!
  • JillH410JillH410 Posts: 594Registered Users Curl Neophyte

    Unfortunately, I can't relate to your patient other than to say that I am sympathetic and can't imagine having to deal with that sort of prognosis. :sad1:

    I, too, was alone all day today. My ex-bf and I still live together (can't afford to move out just yet) and he told me today before leaving for his aunt's that he "felt bad" that I had nowhere to go today. Well, dipsh*t, if you really felt that bad, you could have invited me to go with you. (Ours wasn't a bad breakup, just didn't work out). Then he tells me he'll bring me back a plate of food. Don't bother.
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  • yogawavesyogawaves Posts: 368Registered Users
    Really sorry that you are going through a bad time. Try to get out and about, it may help to keep your mind occupied. I hope you get to feeling better soon!
    yogawaves, formerly known as yogagirl
  • MagooMagoo Posts: 2,173Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    Hugs to you! I'm a PT in a hospital and always feel so bad for the patients during this time of the year.
    I have a lot of respect for the nurses that work in oncology. You see so, so many sad cases. I dread going into that unit at times. It especially hits home when the patient is your age.
    Even though, I may not be able to reverse what's going on, I find that going the extra step to make that patient just a little more comfortable helps me to cope with it better.
    3b/c fine, thick, porous, protein sensitive
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  • SystemSystem Posts: 39,060 Administrator
    Post here and we'll cry with you. :pale: You are not as alone in this as you think.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users

    Sending you hugs.
  • TwoMoonsTwoMoons Posts: 754Registered Users

    I am so sorry that you, the woman, and her loved ones are going through this. I wish I could do more but all I can do is send my prayers out to you guys. I wish all of you happiness and peace!
    :coffee::bunny::cat::headbang:OTAKU 4 LIFE!!!!

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  • Aphro-DeeziacAphro-Deeziac Posts: 983Registered Users
    Nurses are angels in crocs and funny looking frocks. The nurses that worked with my mom and family when she had cancer were amazing. I truely feel our hospice nurse was handpicked by my spirits to help me thru.

    I know you are having a hard time, but i just wanted to say what a huge impact you have in peoples lives and the lives of their families. Im a therapist and most say they could never do my job, but I truely could never do your job. Many blessings to you and thanks for what you do.
  • bushyheadbushyhead Posts: 1,676Registered Users
    That is such a heartbreaking story about your patient. :pale: I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time. (((Hugs)))

    "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift . . . that's why it's called the present." - Unknown
  • ajaneajane Posts: 323Registered Users
    Oncology nurses are extra special.

    I am a Home Health nurse and gone through a few deaths myself. One of the hardest was a woman who died within the week of her diagnosis and her physician said make an appointment to see me in three weeks. But she died outside in her Zen/Buddhist garden with her friends and a smile on her face. Beautiful.

    I'll be thinking about you! Take care of yourself!
  • luvmylocsluvmylocs Posts: 7,578Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    JillH410 wrote: »
    I, too, was alone all day today. My ex-bf and I still live together (can't afford to move out just yet) and he told me today before leaving for his aunt's that he "felt bad" that I had nowhere to go today. Well, dipsh*t, if you really felt that bad, you could have invited me to go with you. (Ours wasn't a bad breakup, just didn't work out). Then he tells me he'll bring me back a plate of food. Don't bother.


    re: nurses...yes those of you that are nurses are angels. i had 3 very good nurses when i was in the hospital in august and they definitely made my experience bearable and i didn't feel so hopeless.

    re: people that get a diagnosis of cancer and die soon...that is just so tough, when i hear stories like that i just think of how brave they are....

    we should all appreciate life...

    chicagocurly78 i know this is a super tough time for you. i highly recommend you start journaling if you haven't already started. again, plan during christmas so you won't have to be alone. BIG HUGS
    a dreamy pisces :fish:
    please recycle, it matters...
    i change lives...through fitness
    i'm more relaxed being natural
  • starinastarina Posts: 665Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    You are an angel doing a very difficult job. I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. Hugs to you!

    I've been feeling sad myself since hearing that a woman I used to work with lost her 20-year old daughter, her only child, to illness the day before Thanksgiving. My heart is just breaking for her. Life can be so harsh sometimes.
    I have 3A hair. I've discovered Jessicurl shampoo and Too Shea conditioner and I'm thrilled! Long-time LA Looks sport gel user.
  • CanItBeChristineCanItBeChristine Posts: 6,343Registered Users
    I lost my dad to cancer when I was 17, and all of the doctors and nurses that took care of him were amazing...whether it be at the hospital or when he was on hospice. Very very special people.
  • MintMint Posts: 1,143Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    :cry: *Hugs* I'm so sorry you're going through so much.
    2a/M-C/ii hair. Super long.
  • fraufrau Posts: 6,130Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    this thread has me quite somber...
  • CaleilaniCaleilani Posts: 728Registered Users
    Hugs to you!
    3B-3C, alittle past tailbone length,age:41 years
  • rnconniesfrnconniesf Posts: 256Registered Users Curl Neophyte
    I'm a critical care nurse and my daughter is an oncology nurse. Patient deaths are so hard sometimes. Does your hospice team do any staff counseling? Ours does and it really helps. The holidays are hard for lots of people. Keep in close contact with your friends here and in the real world. Hugs to you.
    Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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