CurlTalk

Every reply is wrong (Ignored and Dismissed on NC.com)

Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
Does anyone else have this problem - when your checking out a thread and you think you have something to add, you post a reply and always the same people come behind you and say your wrong? It's like nobody on here will listen to anyone else but the same 6 or 7 people's opinion. I am beginning to think why even post?! Was I naive to think this was a place without clicks and unique to everyone?
Short 4A Hair.
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Comments

  • Pacific PoppyPacific Poppy Posts: 253Registered Users
    GabbyC wrote:
    Does anyone else have this problem - when your checking out a thread and you think you have something to add, you post a reply and always the same people come behind you and say your wrong? It's like nobody on here will listen to anyone else but the same 6 or 7 people's opinion. I am beginning to think why even post?! Was I naive to think this was a place without clicks and unique to everyone?

    Hey Gabby... I haven't been hanging around here much lately, I just thought I would say hi. Don't let it bug you... some people are like that in IRL, and act the same here. I've always heard tales of clicks around here, but I'm too clueless to notice :wink: :wink: .
    3c, CG Fine hairs, med growth.
    Formerly "Rainyday"
  • the doctorthe doctor Posts: 393Registered Users
    I've had that problem but not so much in this board except when I get into political arguments. That's when I reach for my "ignore user" button and poof, problem solved.

    :twisted:
    spring1onu wrote:
    I like having something "down below"
    smurfette wrote:
    What would you call it, sci-fi guru?
    don't click this. seriously.
  • Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
    Pacific Poppy wrote:
    Hey Gabby... I haven't been hanging around here much lately, I just thought I would say hi. Don't let it bug you... some people are like that in IRL, and act the same here. I've always heard tales of clicks around here, but I'm too clueless to notice .


    Thanks for the reply. I am trying not to let it bug me, but it does. This is supposed to be a place where people who have felt different all their life or just want to find a way to accept and manage their hair can come for advice and support. But what happens? If you don't have long, perfectly defined frizz free curls, you don't have anything to offer or your just totally ignored. Sorry I'm going off, but it gets irritating because I know I'm not alone.

    Perfect example - even now this thread is being ignored :) Oh well, I was never big on fitting in anyway.
    Short 4A Hair.
  • jazzijenni81jazzijenni81 Posts: 529Registered Users
    gabby,
    your post isnt being ignored sweetie, i hear you loud and clearly! I TOTALLY AGREE W THE LONG PERFECTLY FRIZZ FREE HAIR MONOPOLY! but hey, thats the way the cookie crumbles. get the info you need, give the info you have...and dont sweat it! 8)

    ETA: i loved your long hair obsession post!
    loose 4a, silky meets cottony
    routine: co-wash, add leave in or plain water, shake & go
    staples: elucence poo & conditioners, V05 & suave naturals, jessicurl too shea, AO.
  • curlycovrgirlcurlycovrgirl Posts: 153Registered Users
    GabbyC, I know what you mean. There are alot of very vocal posters who seem to dominate the board, but that doesn't mean that what you say is overlooked by the not-so-vocal posters. :D

    Just know that the things you say are helpful to others, even though you may be drowned out by more vocal posters. I often find certain posts helpful, but I may not take the time to write anything or respond to it. Alot of times I post and there aren't really any responses, but I know that people have read it and maybe it helped them.

    HTH!
    3c/4a - Relaxer Free since Feburary 2004 and Obsessed with my hair.

    I have pictures now! password: curlygirl
  • Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
    Jazzijenni81

    I know your not ignoring me and know exactly what I'm saying. Your right, I don't need to sweat it.
    Short 4A Hair.
  • Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
    curlycovrgirl

    Thanks for the response. Just because we don't always get responses doesn't mean we didn't help. Gotcha - but I can't help but to feel irritated when you see a thread and you know you have a good suggestion that may help the person, then someone (same 6 or 7 people) comes behind and says no, that won't work or that's a bad idea. It's like why don't we all just leave and let those dominating posters have this forum.
    Short 4A Hair.
  • curlyjenncurlyjenn Posts: 585Registered Users
    Speaking as an every-day lurker and some-time poster, I can tell you that every post that I read shapes my opinions and influences what I try. I don't always post thanks, but I suppose I should. Even if I try something that's totally not right for my hair, it helps to know what doesn't work. I don't think anybody's posts here are wrong!
    I'm a 3b, with 3c underneath.

    Used to be CG, now I'm not. Using Suave Aloe & Waterlily shampoo & condish, JoiWhip, BRHG, Suave Aloe gel, Aussie Tizz No Frizz, and anything else that looks good!
    My Myspace!
  • Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
    Thanks Curlyjenn.

    I think what I will just do is start hanging out in the 3b forum when I'm on here. I have mostly 3c hair, but some 3b is in there. I will follow my own suggestion - let them have this forum. Wow, I didn't realize I was this disgusted. Thanks everyone for the replies.
    Short 4A Hair.
  • curlycovrgirlcurlycovrgirl Posts: 153Registered Users
    I understand your frustration GabbyC. But remember, you don't always have to be aggressive and loud to make a point. Just b/c some agressive posters dismissed what you said, doesn't mean that the majority of the board did. There's only 6 or 7 of them right? They aren't the majority. :D
    3c/4a - Relaxer Free since Feburary 2004 and Obsessed with my hair.

    I have pictures now! password: curlygirl
  • Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
    Your right curlycovrgirl - I'm glad I started this thread. I'm not alone and maybe some other poster's who get ignored and dismissed can post here and chat.
    Short 4A Hair.
  • BraziliancurlsBraziliancurls Posts: 231Registered Users
    Gabby, I am sorry you feel that way. Is it one particular post or just a bunch of posts? One or two people or a lot of people?

    I haven't noticed this, yet, but then again - I really don't care unless someone is rude towards me.

    You know what? If someone offends you again, just call them on it right then and there. Trust me, you will feel a lot better!

    You don't have to do so in a rude way, just address it and speak your mind.

    I know, this is easier said then done, for some - but you should give it a try. :)
    /home/leaving?target=http%3A%2F%2Fpublic.fotki.com%2Fbraziliancurls%2F" class="Popup
    pw:wondercurls
    HG: CURLS Pure Essentials, Naturally Enhanced curl lotion, and Curl Ecstasy conditioner, DevaCurl OneC, Cream of Nature Shampoo
  • babyphat21babyphat21 Posts: 124Registered Users
    GabbyC wrote:
    Pacific Poppy wrote:
    Hey Gabby... I haven't been hanging around here much lately, I just thought I would say hi. Don't let it bug you... some people are like that in IRL, and act the same here. I've always heard tales of clicks around here, but I'm too clueless to notice .


    Thanks for the reply. I am trying not to let it bug me, but it does. This is supposed to be a place where people who have felt different all their life or just want to find a way to accept and manage their hair can come for advice and support. But what happens? If you don't have long, perfectly defined frizz free curls, you don't have anything to offer or your just totally ignored. Sorry I'm going off, but it gets irritating because I know I'm not alone.

    Perfect example - even now this thread is being ignored :) Oh well, I was never big on fitting in anyway.

    I know exactly what you mean. EVERY single time I start a thread I only get about 4 responses, but if I were someone else on this board with perfect hair - one of the "cool kids" lol i would have thousands and thousands of responses. I mean, do people screen the name of the person who began the post? "Oh, it's not xxx, so I'm not going to reply."
    By the way, look at my post for fuzzy hair, i need help... :lol: :lol:
    SUPER THICK 3C zig-zags, blackish with random natural brown/red highlights. Searching for my exact heritage, 'cause I don't have a clue...
  • babyphat21babyphat21 Posts: 124Registered Users
    GabbyC wrote:
    Pacific Poppy wrote:
    Hey Gabby... I haven't been hanging around here much lately, I just thought I would say hi. Don't let it bug you... some people are like that in IRL, and act the same here. I've always heard tales of clicks around here, but I'm too clueless to notice .


    Thanks for the reply. I am trying not to let it bug me, but it does. This is supposed to be a place where people who have felt different all their life or just want to find a way to accept and manage their hair can come for advice and support. But what happens? If you don't have long, perfectly defined frizz free curls, you don't have anything to offer or your just totally ignored. Sorry I'm going off, but it gets irritating because I know I'm not alone.

    Perfect example - even now this thread is being ignored :) Oh well, I was never big on fitting in anyway.

    I know exactly what you mean. EVERY single time I start a thread I only get about 4 responses, but if I were someone else on this board with perfect hair - one of the "cool kids" lol i would have thousands and thousands of responses. I mean, do people screen the name of the person who began the post? "Oh, it's not xxx, so I'm not going to reply."
    By the way, look at my post for fuzzy hair, i need help... :lol: :lol:
    SUPER THICK 3C zig-zags, blackish with random natural brown/red highlights. Searching for my exact heritage, 'cause I don't have a clue...
  • wild~hairwild~hair Posts: 9,890Registered Users
    I honestly haven't seen this cool kids trend some of you are talking about. Some posters are more vocal, and maybe that affects whether people respond. It makes sense, because you tend to gravitate towards stuff you're familiar with. [It can have the opposite effect though!]

    I've noticed that my threads sometimes get zero attention, sometimes get tons of attention. The difference between the two seems to be totally random. I'm guessing it has to do with time of day, other threads active at the time, etc.

    If I want to make sure to get responses, I bump the thread and say "pretty please" or something. But I wait a day or two before I do this, since these things seem to take time.

    ETA: When I first joined the boards, I didn't do a whole lot of posting saying "Help me please, my hair's a mess!" Even though it was. What I *did* do was read a lot, did a lot of searches, since most of this stuff's been covered before. Then, if I had a specific question about something current [new product, technique, whatever], I would post. I think if your post asking for help isn't really specific, people aren't as likely to respond because it's overwhelming.
    I'm not singling anyone out on this thread in saying this -- just some general observations I've made in my time here.
  • Velvetmug22Velvetmug22 Posts: 409Registered Users
    Thanks for all the responses.

    Babyphat21,

    LMAO! I like that, "one of the cool kids". I feel ya! I'll get over to your thread right away.

    BrazilianCurls,

    It's just in general. I can't really pinpoint without naming names and I don't want to do that.
    Short 4A Hair.
  • mafaldamafalda Posts: 510Registered Users
    I'm sorry you feel that way, but please don't leave to go to 3B, we need you here. :D I am also mostly 3c with tiny bit o' 3b for good luck

    I guess you are seeing this mostly on the 3c thread, not in other threads? I know what you mean,though. I rarely start a brand new thread in the hair boards anymore because I know a lot of people won't reply, but I a attribute that to maybe such a thread has already been done to death in the past and nobody wants to bother. A lot of the issues I still have regarding my hair are still ones that I've had all my life. Also, I think a lot of curlies have finally found what will work for their hair and don't really feel a need to post or reply as much on the hair boards as they used to and are more active in the "non-hair discussion board"

    Anyway, so I just try to read and read as much as I can on these hair boards to try to see what will work for my hair and do a lot of Searches. (I know, searches can get frustrating though.) I do reply to hair threads and if I have questions on already existing threads and no one has replied, I bump them up. I haven't been able to get perfect curls yet, but I am certainly trying.
    "It's a matter of taking the side of the weak against the strong, something the best people have always done."- Harriet Beecher Stowe
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    I'm sorry you feel this way, Gabby. :(

    I haven't noticed this but I also don't spend too much time here on 3C.
  • niaoliniaoli Posts: 79Registered Users
    i've noticed this too like

    the cliques/cool kids posts get tons of replies when non cool kids posts hardly get any attention.

    the cliques/cool kids have tons of sway when it comes to product recs. like if 2 or 3 cool kids say a product works, everyone will jump on the bandwagon but if a non cool kid says a product works, the recs will be practically ignored.

    i guess certain people have more leadership qualities/charisma than others which comes out in their posts and since there are more followers than leaders in this world, i guess it makes sense that some people will hang onto and follow behind everything they say or do.

    there are a few independent spirits here so there's still hope! :D
    currently use Redken butter treat and allsoft conditioner, looking for my HG!
  • AfroCurlsAfroCurls Posts: 117Registered Users
    So then my question is this.

    If this is only going on in the 3C forum, why is that? Are people so concerned about long, perfectly defined frizz free curls because *gasp* if the frizz shows, people might just consider it nappy? Since 3C is a made up category anyway and is right ON the border.

    Hmm. Now I see why people say that 3C people made up the category just so their hair wouldn't be considered nappy. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't see how they could logically conclude that.
    Fotki PW: PM me for it!
    Big Chopped: April 1, 2005
    My Hair: Tight, thick springy curls with up to 90% shrinkage.
  • CherishCherish Posts: 1,847Registered Users
    AfroCurls wrote:
    So then my question is this.

    If this is only going on in the 3C forum, why is that? Are people so concerned about long, perfectly defined frizz free curls because *gasp* if the frizz shows, people might just consider it nappy? Since 3C is a made up category anyway and is right ON the border.

    Hmm. Now I see why people say that 3C people made up the category just so their hair wouldn't be considered nappy. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't see how they could logically conclude that.

    Damn! :lol: :lol:
  • dia99dia99 Posts: 1,998Registered Users
    Everyone might be tired from the 50-page Vin thread. Do you think he's a 3c? :wink:
    People rise to the standard expected of them. GC
  • dia99dia99 Posts: 1,998Registered Users
    Gabby, lots of posters will probably be paying attention to this thread, don't worry. :lol: :lol:
    People rise to the standard expected of them. GC
  • ZinniaZinnia Posts: 7,339Registered Users
    I really don’t see this either. Many of my posts go unanswered on many of the boards. So either the topic is not broad enough or it was a busy/slow day and it was passed by.

    For me, especially regarding new products, I look to see if the person posting has similar hair to me. Also, I look to see if the product is available locally and if the local product is very similar to a popular product that I have been longing to try, but is only available through mail order, I am all about trying the local similar product.

    And sometimes, I just don’t post, but read a lot of the posts.
    Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
  • the doctorthe doctor Posts: 393Registered Users
    What I notice:

    When someone posts to say that they feel excluded by cliquishness, it's always the clique members who respond first to say 'Oh no, I don't see any of THAT kind of behavior around here! You must be mistaken.'

    News flash! You're not seeing the exclusionary behavior because YOU ARE IN THE GROUP DOING IT. You CAN'T see it from the inside.

    Duh.

    :twisted:
    spring1onu wrote:
    I like having something "down below"
    smurfette wrote:
    What would you call it, sci-fi guru?
    don't click this. seriously.
  • medussamedussa Posts: 12,993Registered Users
    What I notice:

    When someone posts to say that they feel excluded by cliquishness, it's always the clique members who respond first to say 'Oh no, I don't see any of THAT kind of behavior around here! You must be mistaken.'

    News flash! You're not seeing the exclusionary behavior because YOU ARE IN THE GROUP DOING IT. You CAN'T see it from the inside.

    Duh.

    :twisted:

    Silly girl! I said the same thing as Curlybound and we're not in a clique. As a matter of fact, I just really "met" her yesterday, when she posted her pictures. And come to think of it, I realize she was the one who started that TAR thread on Wednesday (which I just watched yesterday--but I didn't want to bump the thread 'cause it's old news now :lol:).

    But anyway, I really haven't seen it because I just started hanging here last week, with a renewed interest in my hair. I feel bad that anyone feels excluded. Gabby should just spend most of her time on the non-hair board. It moves very fast and people are always "conversating" over there. :lol:
  • AfroCurlsAfroCurls Posts: 117Registered Users
    I don't really post here a whole LOT, but even still, I don't think I really see CLIQUES, yanno? That makes me think of a group of people excluding someone else and I don't see anybody being EXCLUDED, per se.

    But I do see people whose product recommendations are damn near law around these parts (i.e. Shyygirl) and these people should be on somebody's payroll! Usually, though, I think it's deserved: their product recs are the bomb! Shyygirl, at least, hasn't led me astray thus far. I can understand why people hop all over the stuff she recommends because her hair is beautiful and she's taking the time and money to try stuff. I'm not. :lol:

    But like I said before, that's also indicative of people whose hair is right on the border line of "curly" and "nappy" and they want the best products to not make their hair look like what it really is. Experimentation is fine cause everybody does it and wants to know what their hair can look like. But after awhile...come on. Some people Ive seen around here need to give up the dream.
    Fotki PW: PM me for it!
    Big Chopped: April 1, 2005
    My Hair: Tight, thick springy curls with up to 90% shrinkage.
  • BiancaBianca Posts: 2,492Registered Users
    AfroCurls wrote:
    But I do see people whose product recommendations are damn near law around these parts (i.e. Shyygirl) and these people should be on somebody's payroll! Usually, though, I think it's deserved: their product recs are the bomb! Shyygirl, at least, hasn't led me astray thus far.

    That's what I was thinking. If people are upset because she gets alot of posts, they really should get over it. It's because the girl knows what she's talking about.

    My question is, are yalls post out and out ignored or do you not get as many replies as you want? Because if you ask "Where can I buy Elucence?" and someone replies "Curlmart." or "BlahBlah BeautyStore.", I don't see the problem. You asked a question and it got answered.

    I've never understood the "clique" thing either. (Maybe it's cause I'm one of the cool people :P ) When you're on the non-hair board, you get to "know" other posters because of all the topics that go on over there. So of course, you have "friends" that you "know" better than others. Is that what's meant?

    My point is, if you're here to learn about your hair, then post whatever questions you have. If it gets answered within the first or second post, than that's okay; you learned what you needed to know. If your posts are being totally ignored, than that's a problem. I understand why you would be frustrated.

    If you want 150 responses to "What are the ingredients of Shea butter?" just to feel special, that's a whole different issue.
    Shampoo: Herbal Essences-NOYF

    Conditioner: Herbal Essences NOYF Conditioner mixed w/ Coppola Keratin Complex Conditioner

    + TJ Nourish and Olive oil combo.
  • =~ohura~==~ohura~= Posts: 255Registered Users
    Gabby, I understand your post and I am sorry that makes you feel bad. There are cliques but that is a part of life and you should also realize that sometimes it is not what it seems. Some people post with aliases so what is really one person could appear as more. Try not to let it get to you. Other posters have acknowledged that they generally read your posts and witness what you described in the OP.

    I was recently making a point about starting threads and making posts. Nothing should be done on the internet for attention whorism (AW), in my opinion. So until a couple of days ago, I didn't realize how important it is to some people that threads get lots of post. When I start a thread or make a post, it is because I wanted to say whatever it was. Many people read and appreciate comments and just don't post because they prefer to lurk and laugh at the rest of us who do post. :wink: Remember that the best audience is the one who appreciates/reads/learns and that is not necessarily synonymous with the audience who responds. :)
    .jpg
    Do a better job of covering your stinky aliass.
  • butterfly22butterfly22 Posts: 103Registered Users
    What I notice:

    When someone posts to say that they feel excluded by cliquishness, it's always the clique members who respond first to say 'Oh no, I don't see any of THAT kind of behavior around here! You must be mistaken.'

    News flash! You're not seeing the exclusionary behavior because YOU ARE IN THE GROUP DOING IT. You CAN'T see it from the inside.

    Duh.

    :twisted:

    You are funny :lol:
    4a/4b little 3c
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