Potty Resistance

SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
Anyone had/have a potty-resistant kid? If so, please, please, please tell me it IS eventually going to resolve itself. That something is finally going to *click* and my toddler will actually not want to go in her diapers anymore. We have been at this for over a year and not a single thing is working. I am worried that I have some freak child who is never, ever going to get it. And in the meantime, I am going straight out of my head.
Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)

Comments

  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I had one, it was a nightmare, though didn't go on as long as yours has. He's 14 now so I can't remember how or when he got past it but he did. It will get better, so hang on in there.

    Mind you, he is still a bit weird about using toilets away from home!
    3b in South Australia.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    Yes, it will get better! :)
    I know it doesn't seem so right now, but it will & there will come a time when you can't remember how bad it was...
  • cymprenicympreni Registered Users Posts: 9,609 Curl Neophyte
    Yes. It took 2 years to get Kade to use the potty without being told to do so. Before then, I had to watch the clock and hope I didn't lose track of time. He learned to be very good at keeping track of time, and would purposely go literally minutes before it was potty time. If I'd try and trick him and make him go earlier, he would hold it and go after.

    If it gets too frustrating, just give it a break for a while. Don't turn it into a power struggle. When it comes down to it, you can only show them how to do it, the rest is up to them. They have to want it.
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
    cympreni wrote: »
    When it comes down to it, you can only show them how to do it, the rest is up to them. They have to want it.
    See that's the thing, she clearly just doesn't want it yet. But the kid is almost 3, and I'm starting to worry that she never will!
    Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
    Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)
  • CGNYCCGNYC Registered Users Posts: 4,938 Curl Connoisseur
    I would give it a rest for a while. We're on a potty break but every time I change her diaper I remind her that she will be in January and three year olds use the potty (her daddy adds that three year olds get three dollars for using the potty. We'll see. I say three year olds get Dora panties - damn you, Dora!). She gets alllllmost there and then nope, not interested. She's not in daycare or anything so I'm not forcing it.

    Having talked it over with a lot of my friends, it seems like it doesn't matter if they started at 18 months or 36, most of their kids were reliably trained at three and a half, either way, so I'm not looking to drag it out. I really think they get it when they get it and all the rest is just you (the parent) making yourself miserable.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    lol @ cgnyc...bribery can be good at times :happy8:
    SP...it'll happen, just remember to try to not get into a battle of the wills about it...I know it's hard to be patient...boy, do I know that! ugh
  • cymprenicympreni Registered Users Posts: 9,609 Curl Neophyte
    cympreni wrote: »
    When it comes down to it, you can only show them how to do it, the rest is up to them. They have to want it.
    See that's the thing, she clearly just doesn't want it yet. But the kid is almost 3, and I'm starting to worry that she never will!

    Kade was nearing his 4th birthday. I struggled with my youngest too, he was closing in on his 3 b-day as well. But one day they both just decided they wanted to do it, and they never looked back. I wouldn't worry too much about the age. From what I've read any time between 2-4 is considered to be perfectly normal.

    What helped my boys was a potty chart. Just a piece of paper that every time they went potty they got to choose a sticker to put on their chart. They are sticker fanatics, so that was reward enough. And at the end of the week, they got a little extra reward just for trying.
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
    Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I should clarify that we're very much not forcing the potty or making it any kind of a big deal; Zora is all about the control these days and is very spirited too. We don't have a regular potty schedule (i.e. every hour or whenever) and we just ask periodically throughout the day if she wants to go, and it's just become another part of the bedtime ritual. We've tried bribery of all sorts and we had a brief success with a sticker chart, but she lost interest (she loses interest in most things pretty quickly). The only things we've not tried are big girl underwear exclusively or the no-pants thing. We've been waiting for her to take the lead, and she just still doesn't seem to care. It's just weird that after a year she's not even close. I feel like we should be doing more, but I guess from what you all have said, we just have to wait her out.
    Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
    Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    Pottytraining takes one day, maybe two. Definitely not a year. Sounds like it's time to (pardon the pun) sh1t or get off the pot. I'd try the no-diapers-at-all thing. She might surprise you and show you just how ready she is. I'd buy the big-girl underwear anyway (whatever she wants...let her pick them out) and on a weekend when you'll be home for a day or two, just put them on her and tell her diapers are for babies and just see how it goes. If she pees in them once, I'd just get a fresh pair. If she pees twice, I'd go back to diapers, forget about the potty for a while, wait a couple weeks and try again. This going back-and-forth with diapers and trying to pottytrain with diapers or pull-ups is a waste of time...and frustrating for both of you.

    It will work eventually. Most kids train by 3.5, a few stubborn types hold out til age 4. You won't have to pack a diaper in her backpack for Kindergarten, I promise.

    Day training is very different from night training. I consider a kid who wears diapers only at night (or naptime) to be pottytrained. Night training usually comes later. She will let you know when she's ready to fly diaper-free at night. One of my kids wore a nighttime diaper til age 6, even though she was completely trained for daytime for several years. She just needed the security of a diaper at night. I had no problem with it as long as the sheets stayed dry.
  • cymprenicympreni Registered Users Posts: 9,609 Curl Neophyte
    I would switch to the big girl panties. Having to stop playing and change with every accident, they start using the potty quick.
  • Jenny CJenny C Registered Users Posts: 1,195
    Lucy has gotten much better, and I stay on top of it more too when we switched to regular underwear.

    I still remind her and sometimes bribe her to go, but she stays dry all day.

    Now if we can get the poop thing down we'll be all set. She poops when she naps.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    Jenny C wrote: »
    Now if we can get the poop thing down we'll be all set. She poops when she naps.


    One day nature will hit her when she's not napping, and she'll have to choose...either go in her pants, or use the potty. She'll eventually choose the right one, and you'll jump around clapping like a lunatic, and she'll see pooping is not so horrible, and life will be good.
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
    I think you've all convinced me to try regular underwear (which we've been considering for a while anyway). I think that's a huge part of the problem, that she's not *uncomfortable* really in diapers or pull-ups and therefore not all that motivated.

    I should add that I do have a sense of humor about all this, despite my frustration. It still cracks me up when she loves to tell me she's "potty trained" or when she poops in her diaper and says, "I pooped. It's too late. No stickers today!"
    Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
    Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)
  • Jenny CJenny C Registered Users Posts: 1,195
    I should add that I do have a sense of humor about all this, despite my frustration. It still cracks me up when she loves to tell me she's "potty trained" or when she poops in her diaper and says, "I pooped. It's too late. No stickers today!"

    Yeah it is kind of funny. My favorite is when I hear Lucy through the monitor say, "Oh No! I poo pooed in my pull up".

    We've started having her try to poop right before she naps, and she's into sitting on the potty while I read her stories, but so far no poop.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I forgot about the regular underwear thing. My Mum was here looking after DS1 while I was in hospital having DS2, she thought pull-ups were the devils work and completely pointless so didn't use them. It was then that he became potty trained. Definitely give it a go.
    3b in South Australia.
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    Starmie wrote: »
    I forgot about the regular underwear thing. My Mum was here looking after DS1 while I was in hospital having DS2, she thought pull-ups were the devils work and completely pointless so didn't use them. It was then that he became potty trained. Definitely give it a go.



    I think pull-ups were invented by the smartest guy in the world. Unfortunately, he used his powers for evil and sold the idea to the diaper manufacturers. Pull-ups will retard the pottytraining process like nothing else. If you want your kid to be in diapers til college, then use pull-ups.
  • Jenny CJenny C Registered Users Posts: 1,195
    Starmie wrote: »
    I forgot about the regular underwear thing. My Mum was here looking after DS1 while I was in hospital having DS2, she thought pull-ups were the devils work and completely pointless so didn't use them. It was then that he became potty trained. Definitely give it a go.



    I think pull-ups were invented by the smartest guy in the world. Unfortunately, he used his powers for evil and sold the idea to the diaper manufacturers. Pull-ups will retard the pottytraining process like nothing else. If you want your kid to be in diapers til college, then use pull-ups.

    I agree, pull-ups delay the process.

    I think they're great for going out, but for in the house, regular underwear is the way to go.
    If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
  • StarmieStarmie Registered Users Posts: 7,169 Curl Virtuoso
    I didn't use them with DS2, he was older when he was trained but it was a much quicker process.
    3b in South Australia.
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
    So, in the four months since I started this thread, we totally backed off and now things not only haven't progressed, they've actually regressed (i.e. almost no pottying ever).

    Seriously curlies, I just keep cultivating patience and this is all just going to happen? Promise?
    Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
    Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)
  • nynaeve77nynaeve77 Registered Users Posts: 7,135 Curl Novice
    *hugs* No advice, but I know how frustrating potty training is. Good luck!
    "Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas


    My fotki: http://public.fotki.com/nynaeve77/
    Password: orphanannie
  • RedCatWavesRedCatWaves Registered Users Posts: 31,259 Curl Connoisseur
    So, in the four months since I started this thread, we totally backed off and now things not only haven't progressed, they've actually regressed (i.e. almost no pottying ever).

    Seriously curlies, I just keep cultivating patience and this is all just going to happen? Promise?


    How old is she?
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
    She's a month past her 3rd birthday. We haven't tried the no-diapers or underwear thing yet, because she just still doesn't care one bit about being wet or dirty. Her sensitive skin gets really irritated, which she does complain about, but even that doesn't motivate her.
    Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
    Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)
  • CGNYCCGNYC Registered Users Posts: 4,938 Curl Connoisseur
    Same here. I put her in panties, remind her, ask her, there are rewards for going, she is not interested at all. Usually by noon she's crying and asking for diapers.

    It's nearly impossible to get her to pee in the toilet unless I catch her mid-pee and take her in there before she finishes. And while she will open a cabinet door and hide behind the sofa to poop (diaper only, will just flat hold it in panties which is better than nothing, I guess) she will not go in the toilet, will swear she doesn't need to if I ask, and flat out lie when I point out that yes she does need to, in fact she IS going right this second.

    I don't know what her problem is and because she looks older than three and speaks really clearly, it's just getting weird to have this KID in a diaper.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    What might do the trick is having her around her peers more... :dontknow:
  • SweetPicklesSweetPickles Registered Users Posts: 850
    CGNYC wrote: »
    I don't know what her problem is and because she looks older than three and speaks really clearly, it's just getting weird to have this KID in a diaper.
    I KNOW! Z is really big for her age too and we're already in the biggest size of everything right now. Zora will occasionally pee in the potty - but it's really only if we take her there and she just kind of *happens* to have to go at that moment. Pooping, forget it. Even if I know she has to go and ask her, she'll say no and about a nanosecond later, she'll go in her diaper.

    WileE, she is in full-time preschool/daycare, so she's around potty-trained kids all day long. It probably doesn't help that her BFF is potty resistant too!
    Hair type: Completely confused: mostly 3a, some 3b parts, and even 2 in places; very fine and thin.
    Products: Elucence clarifying & MBC; CK, F/X Curl Booster Fixative Gel (when I can find it)
  • PhDCowPhDCow Registered Users Posts: 1,621 Curl Connoisseur
    I feel your frustration, M. I had such a struggle with both E & C. They both trained late and started using the toilet full-time shortly after their 4th birthdays. I don't know. I just think that it's something they've got to want to do on their own. Eventually, it will click with her. {{{hugs}}}
    God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

  • CGNYCCGNYC Registered Users Posts: 4,938 Curl Connoisseur
    I have said it before, but I should have just pointed at the toilet and said, "THIS is the potty. You must never ever pee there and certainly don't poop in it!" and she would have toilet trained herself on the spot.

    We have even tried really stupid fake outs like, my husband will come out of the bathroom and I'll say, "Hey, you put your sticker on the chart right?" and he'll say, "Oh yeah, got my lolly pop, too." Then later I'll come out and he'll ask me about my sticker and I'll tell him I also got a chocolate. We can do this for days, she just refuses to acknowledge it. Her three favorite things IN THIS WORLD are stickers, lollies, and chocolate. She just is NOT going to do anything if it's not her idea.
  • WileE-DeadWileE-Dead Banned Banned Users Posts: 24,963 Curl Neophyte
    Yes, that reverse psych does work for a while..lol
  • cymprenicympreni Registered Users Posts: 9,609 Curl Neophyte
    My son did that too. On and off for 2 years.

    My main problem at the end. He would go when I told him to, but only then. And it was guess work as to when he actually had to go. I just made up a schedule. At first I would reward him for just sitting on the potty, until the fits stopped. Then rewards came only when he did something. Then he started preschool. One day they suggested sending him to school with underpants on, and it just worked. I didn't think it would work. He didn't seem to mind being wet and soiled either. But also he didn't like having to stop what he was doing to clean up afterwards either. So in the end it worked for us.

    If they already know how to do it, but just don't want to. The only thing you can do is just encourage them by asking them, or switch to underpants.

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